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She changed her name as soon as she could, no one was surprised. No one could blame her. Ellie Miller had slept next to a child killer for months. Ellie Miller hadn’t a clue what was going on inside her house or her husband’s head. Ellie Cooper, on the other hand, had none of these problems. It was just another box to check on the endless divorce paperwork. Tom Miller and Fred Miller were the killer’s sons, the paedo’s sons. Tom Cooper and Fred Cooper had a chance to grow up and live normal lives. She changed their names too, no one was surprised.
When she left Broadchurch with the boys, no one was surprised. The town was too small. After a month the staring hadn’t died down at all. And Tom was miserable at school. So one day she packed them all into the car and left, not even stopping to look back. No one was surprised.
They moved half an hour away to Bridgewater. It wasn’t far, but it felt like the other side of the world. She got work with the local police force, DS Cooper had baggage but only the local DI knew the details and he gave sympathetic smiles and promised discretion. Fred went to daycare and Tom went to a new school. With the new names at least Google couldn’t hurt him anymore. He was still a shadow of the boy she loved and missed, but she knew that time could heal many wounds and children were more resilient than most people think. It would take time, she wasn’t surprised.
Life went on.
Three months after they moved, Ellie read in the newspaper that Joe had been sentenced to 30 years in prison. She wasn’t surprised. No one had expected leniency. She found herself rather numb at the news. She threw the paper in the garbage before Tom could see it. If he asked, she wouldn’t lie.
Bridgewater was bigger than Broadchurch, that was one of the reasons Ellie had chosen it. As she walked down the streets, no one stared. Her orange jacket blended into the crowds and scenery. There was still water, the river flowed gently through the town like an artery. But there were no crashing waves, no beaches, no cliffs. The stark contrast made the transition easier. Made it easier to convince herself that they could all get past everything. And it seemed to be slowly working. She wasn’t surprised.
Then one day, eight months after leaving Broadchurch and more than a year since Danny’s death, Ellie was wandering through the market aisles trying to decide what to buy for supper that night. She had a strange, yet somewhat familiar feeling. It was the feeling of being stared at. The one she’d had that last month after Joe’s confession. She felt the hair on the back of her neck twitch. She looked up and across a display of Oreo cookies and found herself staring into familiar brown eyes. There he was. The suit, the unkempt hair, the stubbly beard. Alec Hardy was staring at her from across the store.
For the first time since finding out what Joe had done, Ellie felt surprise.
XXXXXXXXXX
“How’d you know where I was?” she asked him. No hello, no preamble of any kind.
“I’m a trained detective M…” he trailed off, stopping himself before the habit of using her former surname kicked in. “How’ve you been?”
“Alright,” Ellie said. “Things are…things are better here.” She took a moment to really take in his appearance. He was wearing a suit, no surprise there, but no tie. Unconsciously she reached out towards his neck but stopped herself before she touched him. At his quizzical expression she blushed slightly. “Strange to see you without a tie is all.”
Alec’s eyes widened in apparent understanding. “Got out of the habit I guess. Didn’t know the Former Detectives Club had a dress code.”
She smiled a little ruefully. “I’m afraid you’re gonna have to be in that club alone, Sir.”
Alec tried to hide the wince at her formal address. “You went back then? Good. Too much talent to waste doing…doing something else.”
She nodded and then they stood there in silence for a while. Eventually Ellie couldn’t hold the question in anymore. “What are you doing here, Sir?”
Again, he winced. This time she saw but she made no comment, silently berating herself as he was no longer a detective, let alone her superior.
“Well, I guess I just wanted to…to make sure…to see how you were all doing,” he finished lamely.
Ellie nodded and shrugged at the same time. “We’re alright I suppose, all things considered. Tom likes his school here. Fred…well Fred’s too young to remember anything different. I doubt he’ll even remember J…” They both looked away from each other. Even after a year, the mention (or almost mention) of her ex-husband was a wound that had yet to heal between them.
He’d taken off a few days after that night on the beach. She’d gone round to the hotel to see him only to be told he’d checked out. She’d been hurt at first. Then she realized that he didn’t seem like the type for goodbyes. And with the article and all the press it had been given, she assumed he’d gone to see his daughter, gone to reclaim his old life. He’d never made it a secret how much he detested Broadchurch, it made sense that he would leave.
What made less sense was his reappearance now. After several awkward moments Ellie shook her head slightly and sighed. There was really only one way to get to the bottom of it. “You want to come round for tea then?” she asked.
Alec looked up and Ellie could swear a smile ghosted across his face for a moment. “Alright,” he agreed.
Ellie took a pen and paper out of her bag and wrote down her address. “You can skip the flowers etc. this time I think,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek at the memory.
He looked down a little sheepishly. “Are you sure it’s alright?” he asked, his eyes worried. “I don’t want to upset Tom or anything.”
Ellie shook her head. “It’s fine. He actually told me once he was glad you figured it all out.”
Alec nodded, he couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Well,” said Ellie, shrugging her shoulders and picking up her shopping. She started to walk away, saying over her shoulder, “See you tonight then. Round 6?”
“See you tonight…Ellie.”
At the use of her first name, Ellie whipped back around but Alec had already turned and was walking out of the shop. She realized for the first time that he hadn’t bought anything. He hadn’t even been carrying a basket.
XXXXXXXXXX
He showed up exactly at 6, she should have been surprised but she wasn’t. When she heard the knock she found herself smiling in spite of herself. She wiped her hands on a kitchen towel, made sure the spaghetti sauce wasn’t going to burn, and went to answer the door.
Tom had beaten her to it.
From the archway that separated the living room from the kitchen, Ellie watched as man and boy--well, man and young man really--greeted each other while both surreptitiously sizing the other up. Ellie had spoken with Tom as soon as he’d come home from school that day. Tom had assured her he was fine with Alec coming ‘round.
“It’s fine Mum, really.”
Ellie had frowned at his voice, the tone still more sullen than she’d like. But then he’d looked up at her and all traces of his boyhood face and demeanor had seemed to vanish.
“I know how much he helped, those first couple days after...after Dad. I know he’s a good guy.”
Now as she watched Alec place a hand on Tom’s shoulder, watched as Tom didn’t move to shrug it off, she wondered if it hadn’t been a mistake not to look for her former boss much sooner. Maybe someone like Alec was just what Tom needed.
At that moment, Fred decided that this new face in the house was more interesting than the telly and jumped down from the couch to investigate. Ellie moved to intercept the toddler and sweep him up to rest on her hip.
“Hi there,” she said. Alec looked up and this time she knew a smile had momentarily crossed his features. “You remember Fred then?”
“Course,” said Alec. “Though he’s about doubled in size I’d say.”
“Don’t remind me,” Ellie said, hugging the little boy a little closer. “Can you say hello to Mr. Hardy?”
Fred studied the new man for a moment before smiling and waving. Both adults smiled in return and Tom rolled his eyes at how easily adults were won over by cute.
All four of them moved further into the house. Ellie put Fred back on the couch, the little boy’s curiosity satisfied he was once again enthralled by the exploits of Peppa Pig. Tom went back to the dining room table where some school books were spread out. Ellie and Alec looked at each other a little awkwardly for a moment.
“Nice place,” Alec said at last, looking around at what he could see of the house. It was small, but the open layout made it seem much bigger. It was very different from the home he had been to dinner at in Broadchurch. But, he supposed, that was probably the point. Still, it felt somehow...like Ellie.
“Yeah it’s alright,” Ellie replied. Then she lowered her voice so neither child could hear, “It’s starting to feel like home at last.”
Alec nodded and was about to speak again when they both heard the tell-tale signs of water boiling over and Ellie rushed back to the kitchen. “You need any help?” he called after her.
“M’fine,” came the reply.
Alec had to look down to keep the grin off his face. Wouldn’t do to look like a fool this soon in the evening. He glanced over and made sure that Fred was still happily ensconced on the couch. Convinced the little boy wasn’t about to take a flying leap into the coffee table any time soon, he wandered over to the table where Tom was sitting. “Maths?” he said, glancing at the books on the table.
Tom nodded, staring at the textbook pages as though they were written in Chinese.
“Need any help?” Alec asked a little tentatively. So far the two of them had done alright and he was loath to push.
Tom looked up and studied him for a moment. “Are you any good?”
Alec shrugged. “I had to help my daughter when she was your age, I’m sure I remember some of it.”
“Mum’s rubbish at it,” Tom said in a low voice. “She’s alright with history and such but...” he trailed off. He didn’t have to finish the sentence for them to both know that Joe had been the maths help in the past.
“Well, let’s have a go then,” said Alec, turning the book so he could see what the problems were.
In the kitchen, Ellie stood at the service window that looked out into the dining room. Quickly, she wiped a few errant tears from her face. But she must have inhaled a little too deeply because Alec turned his head and noticed her standing there. Tom was still bent over his paper, writing furiously now that Alec had explained how the particular equation worked. Alec caught her eye and she knew he could see the redness and moisture there. But instead of turning away in embarrassment, as she had expected him to do, he met her gaze and nodded gently. Then he turned back and met Tom’s triumphant smile with a small one of his own.
Taking a breath, Ellie quickly finished draining the pasta and taking plates out of the cabinets. “Tom,” she called, “can you set the table please?” She heard papers rustling and chairs being pushed back. Looking over her shoulder she smiled when Alec and Tom both appeared in the kitchen. “I’ve got to get Fred,” she said to Alec, “can you put this stuff out on the table?”
Alec reached over and squeezed her shoulder briefly. “Sure.”
XXXXXXXXXX
Dinner went fairly well. Fred kept them all reasonably distracted and entertained. Tom and Alec talked about football and the upcoming World Cup. Every once in a while Alec and Ellie would catch eyes. Ellie was always the first to look away. Seeing him again, having him here was both good and incredibly strange. And when he looked at her with such intensity, the way she remembered he would look at evidence, or at a suspect, it almost stopped her breath in her chest.
After the spaghetti was eaten Ellie brought out some ice cream and a container of blueberries. At Alec’s raised eyebrow she shrugged, “Fred’s mad about blueberries right now. Tom and I like the ice cream better.” She looked over at her oldest son and was a little shocked to find him grinning back at her. She handed him a bowl of ice cream and then reached out to brush the hair out of his eyes. She couldn’t help the laugh when he rolled his eyes and gave a muttered, “Mum,” as though she had just spit on a napkin and used it to wipe his face.
Alec watched the exchange with some interest, but his attention was soon pulled away by Fred holding out a handful of blueberries to him. “Are these for me?” he asked.
“Al!” said Fred, it was the closest he’d gotten to Alec’s name.
Alec leaned forward to grab them when Fred’s eyes widened and the berries fell from his hand. “What?” said Alec. “What’s wrong?”
Fred’s brow furrowed and he pointed his berry-stained hand at Alec’s neck. Alec realized that when he’d leaned forward the button down shirt he was wearing had shifted and the top of his chest was visible. “Owie?” said Fred.
Alec’s hand went to his chest, quickly buttoning the top button of the shirt to hide the scar that ran down his chest. “Nah,” he said. “It’s a very old owie, doesn’t hurt at all.” Then he gathered up the blueberries the toddler had dropped and popped them in his mouth, crossing his eyes at the little boy. Fred forgot about the scar and gave a squeal of laughter before shoving more berries into his own mouth.
He knew that both Ellie and Tom were staring but he studiously avoided their looks until the moment was over and everyone went back to their dessert. After the ice cream and berries were finished, Ellie took Fred upstairs for a bath.
“Do you want to stick around?” Ellie asked, as Alec finished taking dishes into the kitchen.
He looked between her and Tom, unsure if staying would quickly wear out his welcome. Tom just shrugged. “I have Call of Duty,” he said.
Alec squinted a little. “I don’t know what that means.”
Tom sighed, grabbed his sleeve, and dragged him into the living room. This time, Ellie didn’t stop the grin that spread across her face when Alec looked back at her, his eyes wide with mock-fear. Alec felt his stomach flip, it had been so long since he’d seen her smile like that. Showing all her teeth, not caring what anyone thought. As Tom began explaining what different buttons did and the massively complicated storyline of what Alec soon realized was a video game, his eyes couldn’t help but watch Ellie carry Fred up the stairs. He’d known he missed her, that wasn’t a surprise. What did surprise him, was the idea that maybe she’d missed him too.
XXXXXXXXXX
“I thought you said you’d go easy on me,” Alec said.
Tom smirked, “It’s on the easiest setting, you’re just rubbish Mr. Hardy.”
“Oi, thanks for that,” Alec said, bumping his shoulder against Tom’s. “And call me Alec alright?”
They played in silence for another few minutes, Alec dying two more times.
“So what happened?” Tom said after a while. “I mean with your neck.”
Alec took a breath. He wasn’t completely sure how to address this topic with the boy. He wasn’t sure how much Ellie had told her son. But at the same time, he was relieved to be having the conversation while they were both half distracted by the game. He wouldn’t have to look at Tom, or Ellie yet for that matter. No chance of seeing pity or fear reflected back in their eyes.
“I had surgery,” he said at last. “A little over half a year ago.” He waited to see how Tom would respond, could feel the boy thinking even as he continued to concentrate on the game.
“For your heart yeah?” Tom asked.
“Right.”
“Did you get a new one?”
Alec shook his head. “No. I had what they call a Maze procedure.”
At this, Tom paused the game and turned on the couch to face Alec. Alec took this as a sign to expand a little.
“Basically they made a bunch of little cuts in my heart.”
“How could that possibly help anything?”
Alec couldn’t help but laugh, causing Tom’s eyes to widen. It was such a foreign sound from the gruff DI, Tom wasn’t exactly sure what to do. Seeing the confusion Alec explained, “That’s almost exactly what I said to the doctor.” Tom nodded in understanding but still looked a little wary at the sudden jovial outburst. “It makes scars,” Alec continued. “You know how the heart works yeah?”
Tom nodded slowly, “I think so. Four chambers. Pumps blood and oxygen. And something about electricity.”
“Right. My heart’s electricity is pretty crap. The currents go to the wrong places at the wrong times and my heart kind of...”
“Goes to shit?” Tom finished.
Alec knew he liked this kid. “Pretty much. The little cuts turn into scars and the scars make it harder for the electricity to go the wrong places.”
“Like a maze?”
Alec smiled and reached out to ruffle Tom’s hair. “Top of the class you are.”
They went back to the game for a while. Alec both relieved that the conversation was over and apprehensive about what would come next. He wished Ellie would come back.
“Mum said you were sick,” Tom said after a few minutes. “You almost died during...during the...” he paused, unable to say the word investigation. “She said that’s why you took off.”
Alec exhaled slowly. Until this moment he hadn’t realized that Tom had even noticed his abrupt disappearance all those months ago. “Yeah. That was...that was a big part of it.”
Tom seemed to accept the answer and before he could ask anything else, Ellie came back into the room.
“How’s it going in here?”
Alec heard the tremor in her voice. He looked up from the TV and saw that her eyes were red again. She’d heard. But she didn’t want him to know that. So for now he’d pretend he didn’t.
“Alec’s terrible at this,” said Tom, hitting a few controls and turning off the game.
“Hey I only died what...?”
“38 times,” Tom finished.
Alec stared to reply but he realized that Ellie was laughing, and he didn’t want to say anything to make that stop. Tom seemed to realize that the adults wanted to speak to each other. So he thanked Alec for playing, said goodnight to his mother, and padded upstairs to get ready for bed.
“Make sure you bag is packed for school tomorrow,” Ellie called after him. When she got a ‘yeah’ in reply she decided that was sufficient.
Alec had stood when Tom had left and was now swaying awkwardly back and forth in front of the couch. “Did you want me to go?” he asked.
“You don’t have to.”
Alec nodded and followed her as she went into the kitchen to finish clearing up. They silently fell into a dishwashing team. He washed, she dried and put away since he didn’t know where anything went. They worked without speaking. After Alec had finished the last plate, he stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the sink.
“You want coffee or something?” Ellis asked.
“Still not supposed to.”
Ellie nodded in understanding, and there it was. Acknowledgement from both of them. It was out in the open now. Unfortunately, neither of them had any clue what to say, or where to look. So they stared at the floor and said nothing.
Deciding things were getting a bit ridiculous, Alec gathered his courage. The courage that led him to tracking her down, to all but threatening her nephew with physical harm if he didn’t give up the name of the town they’d moved to. The courage that had forced him to follow her into the shop this morning when he’d seen her in the high street just after checking into his hotel. If he was honest with himself, it was the same courage that had forced him to face the reality of his heart. That had made his fingers dial his daughter’s phone number the day of Danny’s funeral.
It was the courage she gave him. She deserved to be the recipient of it now.
“You were wrong you know,” he said softly.
Ellie looked up at him but he continued to stare at the floor.
“When you told Tom I left because of my heart...because of the surgery.”
“Well I didn’t know any better did I?” she said, her temper quickly flaring.
Alec let her speak. If he was honest with himself, he was relishing the fire in her voice. It reminded him of the Ellie he’d known before everything had gone to hell.
“You were just gone one day. Thought it seemed like a better reason than, ‘he hated it here so he left.’”
“The surgery was a part of it. A big part of it. Doctor told me I had about a month window to get it done or I’d die. My daughter told me if I didn’t come back and get the damn procedure done she was gonna drag me back.”
“You talked to her then?”
Alec nodded. “After Danny’s funeral. She read the article.”
There was a pause. “So if what I told Tom wasn’t true,” Ellie said slowly, “then what is the truth?”
Alec finally looked up, met her eyes, and she knew. She could see it on his face, read it in his eyes. Everything he felt. Everything he wanted to say to her. She wondered now how she’d missed it before, some detective, she thought.
“I couldn’t stay,” he said. “And if I’d told you I was going to get the surgery you would have...you would have wanted me to stay, do it there. Not be alone.”
Ellie wanted to argue but she knew it was the truth. It was too much. She leaned against the kitchen counter, bracing herself.
“I wanted to, though,” he said, reaching out to cover her hand with his own. “I wanted to stay on that bench with you forever. I wanted that so badly that I...I left.”
Ellie squeezed his hand. “You did the right thing. If you’d stayed, we’d just have ended up doing something we’d have regretted. We’d have been more...”
“Broken,” he finished.
She nodded. The she reached her free hand up to gently undo the top two buttons of his shirt, barely grazing her fingers over the faded scar. “You’re fixed now though, yeah?”
Alec nodded. He could hardly breath. With the exception of the time he’d collapsed in front of her, this was the most she had ever touched him. He knew she could feel his heart racing, he hoped she wouldn’t think he was having another episode. “And you?” he asked softly, reaching to touch her face, the way he’d wanted to all those months ago when she’d sat in his hotel room asking him to make sense of an incomprehensible world.
Ellie smiled and leaned her head against his chest. She felt his arms come up around her, felt his lips against her hair for the briefest moment. Closing her eyes she considered his question. Was she fixed? Would she ever really be fixed? Six months ago, even six days ago, she would have said no. But now, as she listened to and felt the strong beat of his heart, she wasn’t at all surprised by her answer.
“I think I’m on my way.”
The End