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Nicky would like to say that he didn't know when it had started, but that'd just be a big lie. He knew exactly when it first hit him, and it'd been over a year ago.
Maybe he'd been trying to kid himself that it wasn't happening, but that hadn't helped at all, it'd just meant everything overwhelmed him at once. Which wasn't really helpful, as it'd left him with this unavoidable revelation while he was stuck in the museum for another few hours. Well, he wasn't stuck or trapped, but he'd followed in his dad's footsteps by visiting every day without fail, and it'd just look suspicious if he left without a fully formed excuse.
No, he'd stay and he'd think things through, and he'd be fine. Of course he would, it wasn't the end of the world, it wasn't as if Trixie had gone on a rampage and broken half the exhibits. He'd just gone and annoyed himself by doing something that sounded ridiculously like it was from a tv show or movie. He'd gone and fallen for his best friend, and he needed to fucking get over it and chill out.
But instead he found himself looking at the tv screen of the staff lounge but not really processing the episode of Kitchen Nightmares that was playing. That was concerning; watching G-Rams had become a nightly tradition, one which he enjoyed. Now he’d allowed himself to think about this not-so-shocking revelation... he couldn’t stop.
This had been happening since he first ever set foot in this museum, hadn't it? Man, that was a rhetorical question, because he knew the answer was yes.
It wasn't his fault; the knight had made one of the best entrances he'd ever seen and heroically saved them all, done a backflip and fought a dinosaur. Not every day that you see that. Then they’d taken off their helmet and shook out their hair like some honest to G-d fairytale hero, and Nicky had been gone ever since that moment. Had he really had any choice, though? Thinking about that Oscar worthy performance, topped off by the fact that they were handsome under all that armour... he'd not stood a chance.
He'd been amazed that he'd just witnessed something so cool, and then the knight had looked over at him and complimented him and had started talking to him and Nicky remembers just staring between them and his dad and sort of nodding along and smiling. He hadn't even registered their hero’s name, but a glance at a sign on the wall of the exhibit and a look at his surroundings easily helped him figure out that this was Lancelot. Blond hair, handsome face and smooth fighting moves like that, of course it was.
Then it turned out they were, sorry dude, a bit of an idiot.
It was understandable that they had no idea what was going on, but they still had so much machismo and pretended that they had everything figured out. That kind of overzealous show of masculinity had been kinda irritating, and thinking back to how different Lance used to be made Nicky feel proud of how far they’d come in being themself.
“Hey, Nick?”
“You sound serious. Are you alright?”
“I was just thinking about when we first met…”
“Okay…”
“I’ve changed a lot since that day.”
“Bit of an understatement, Lance. Back then you were stuck in the past, with all these old fashioned ideas. Now, well, you’re wearing knockoff Ugg boots and eating a happy meal.”
“Exactly! Do you think I’ve changed too much?”
“You’ve changed for the better, for real.”
“Are you sure? You still like me even though I’m not that version of me?”
“Lance, dude… you’re being super ridiculous right now. Of course I do!”
“It’s not ridiculous! I wanted to be your saviour that day... I worked hard to be everything I was supposed to be. That impressive knight is a bit different from the reality...”
“The real you is always gonna be tonnes better than anything else. You’re way happier now, more comfy, you know how to watch things on YouTube and stuff, you’re much more fun to hang out with.”
“That’s true. I showed you that video of the dog trying to touch those fish in that pond the other day.”
“You’re not going around trying to be some macho hero who has to do everything for everyone else. Much cooler person, if you ask me. Which you are. So there’s my answer.”
“...”
“Oh, we’re doing the hugging thing. That’s nice.”
“Thank you, Nicky. I’m really glad.”
“I like you, Lance, and nothing’s gonna change that.”
They had tried to act as though they were doing fine, though Nicky caught them glancing around wide eyed when they probably thought nobody was looking. But of course Nicky was looking, curse his feeble bi heart. He'd dare anyone to expect him to resist the charm of a heroic, good looking person who was literally a knight in shining armour.
Man, it was ridiculous.
Nicky hoped he'd not looked as crestfallen as he'd felt when Lancelot started waxing poetic about Guinevere. He'd been pushing those kinds of thoughts aside a lot at the time; back then it had just been a bit of a crush, he’d never have thought he’d really see Lancelot again, let alone become such good friends with him. He thought back and saw just how embarrassing he'd been; hanging onto Lance's every word and just doing whatever he said. At least he could play it off as some hero worship thing and being nervous in front of a famous figure.
When Lancelot had used words such as destiny and lady love about Nicky’s crush at the time, Andrea, it had seemed laughable. He had mainly just wanted to be better friends with her; though she was cute and had great taste in music, but she was also kinda out of his league, and he’d been quite sure she had a crush on her best friend. (He’d been right - they later dated and made a really cute couple.)
Lancelot had been stood before him, so noble and handsome and, yet, a bit ridiculous, but damn, Nicky had an even bigger crush staring him right in the face. He’d been in a room full of beautiful art from Asia, yet there he’d been, hanging back to stare at Lancelot; he really should've gotten a hold of himself.
It had been a fast paced whirlwind of a time after that. Lancelot had been telling him all these inspirational things about fate that they were probably pulling out of their ass, and then suddenly they were battling together. Nicky really had no idea what he was doing, but Lancelot handed him a blade and seemed to think he was capable, and then he was hitting this giant snake demon while the knight yelled in success beside him.
He somehow didn't die during all of this, and he remembered wondering if he should look into the fact that Lance was hanging around with him so much... but Nicky had been the only one of the group entertaining their thoughts and spending time with them, and they were the nearest in age and, he’d had to face it, Lancelot had just wanted to be friends. Nicky was fine with that, hey, friends with a famous fictional knight? Pretty cool.
“Remember how you used to call me “sire”?”
“I will warily answer yes to that…”
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not teasing! I liked it, you know? Made me feel important. Although, it was a bit weird, it’s not everyday you get called a title like that.”
“Ah, do you prefer it to Nicholas, though?”
“Dude, yeah. It’s just so weird hearing my full name, like, it’s only ever used by my parents when I’m in trouble, so I think I’m about to get told off for something, hah.”
“Is that true... Nicholas?”
“It’s alright with you, everything sounds all proper in your voice anyway.”
“Damn.”
“Nice try.”
“At least I don’t sound as foolish as I used to. Do you remember how I invited you to drink dragon’s blood from the victor’s cup with me?”
“Yeah! I forgot to ask about if you would ever make good on that promise.”
“Ah, well, I sort of made that up on the spot to sound impressive.”
“Oh man, really? That’s hilarious. I thought it was some famous ritual or something.”
“No. Just some more nonsense from when I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“Well, I’m glad, I like dragons too much to do any of that. Plus, it wasn’t all BS, Lance. That stuff you said to me about choosing my own path and everything. That helped me decide to come back here again, actually.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. So, one in however many things you said was actually inspirational. I’d say that’s not bad.”
“I’m glad I didn’t totally come across as a buffoon.”
“Not at all, Lance.”
He had to admit he'd been let down with the whole being-taken-hostage thing. He had internally been hoping to be that close to Lance's body in a situation that didn't involve having a knife put to his throat, but of course luck was against him.
His mind had then been focused on trying to, you know, save everyone and the tablet... and then he'd rushed in and seen Lancelot on stage and it really hit him that they were kind of a fictional character and, oh man, what would happen when they found out? He'd felt so anxious about the fate of his friends, but underneath it, he knew Lance was scared and he had also been worried about what it must be like to feel as though you're not a real part of the world you are in. Just playing a character like the actors in a play.
Everyone had ended up safe and as alive as they could be. Nicky just couldn't stop hugging them and patting them on the back to remind himself that they were okay, and they were real, and things would be okay. Then he'd seen how Lancelot put on a smile in the face of a terrifying, confusing realisation and a new life and a new world to live in… he’d felt like comforting them too, but he hadn’t been able to talk to them because then they were leaving. Things hadn’t been secure and safe at all, everything had been changing and he didn't feel like he'd said goodbye to anyone properly. Before he’d been able to register it... everything had been over.
“Hey, Lance? After we all left the museum… were you guys okay? We never talk about it much.”
“I… don’t remember it well, to be honest, it was all very confusing. We mostly spent time getting used to ourselves, and our surroundings, and exploring the museum and figuring out what new, strange objects were.”
“I feel bad about it, you know.”
“Feel bad about what? I’m confused.”
“How we just left you. Sure, Tilly could handle it, and Ahk was here, but… at the time it was just supposed to be a short trip and adventure, then I’d go back to school and everything would be as normal as it could be. We hadn’t planned on coming back and the New York museum being, like, dormant. We hadn’t planned what would happen with you guys here. I still had to act like it was all normal and go back to school and hang out with friends, but I couldn’t focus well for a while. It’d been way more than we’d banked on happening. Well, more than I’d thought was gonna happen, at least.”
“I suppose we were all finding it hard to adjust.”
“Yeah.”
“What do you feel bad about, though, Nicky? It’s okay that you left us, you had things to return to. You helped everyone stay alive… awake.”
“I never said goodbye properly. To you. I saw you freaking out on stage and struggling and then we all just packed up and went home. We had all these people with us who could’ve helped everyone in this museum to get used to things, but we didn’t really tell you anything. When we were leaving… you came over with Trixie, remember?”
“Yes! We had just settled our differences.”
“Yeah, and I wanted to go over and say goodbye, to speak to you one last time. You were… you’re different, not in a bad way at all, but you were going through more than the other guys. It always felt unfair that we’d dumped you into this confusing world then left you on your own, near enough, to deal with it.”
“Well, you returned and you helped me. A lot! I don’t think you should feel bad for leaving so fast, you all did what you had to do. You got the others back to New York. Here we are now, and you’ve helped us all very much.”
“That’s good to know. Really, thanks. I feel like I needed to make it up to you guys and come back. I wanted to come back to you, to see you. Even if it was just a few days to check on how things were going… to see if you were doing okay. I guess I related to the whole identity crisis thing.”
“I’m sorry I made you worry about me so much. I was coping okay, we were all doing our best at getting used to things, you needn't have been so concerned.”
“That’s not something to be sorry for, Lance! I get worried about things, you didn’t make me do anything or feel anything. It’s ‘cause I care. Anyway, I guess even the day after we left, I knew I’d come back to see you. I’m glad I did.”
“Me too.”
Putting that sad, anxious time behind him, though, he was back at the British museum and there were parties and challenges and new things to learn, and it was honestly great. There was Ahk, and Tilly, some new faces too... and then there was Lancelot, who he'd known he wouldn't be able to forget.
Nicky told himself after his first visit to London that it had just been awe, not a crush. He'd been so caught up in the moment and fighting beside this knight, it was just hero worship, nothing more. He had to brush it off and focus on more important things, it’d be ridiculous to have a crush on some knight in another country when he had future plans and big decisions to focus on.
It was a little harder to tell himself that when he’d returned to the museum and felt a tug of his heart whenever he saw Lancelot.
They'd often looked downtrodden and had been found wandering around the museum looking deep in thought and distant, and Nicky had just felt like giving them lots of hugs in the hopes of making them feel a bit better. They’d been as loud and brash as before, louder so to cover up their anxieties, but also, man, they had been a mess. They'd become paranoid and uncertain and it really got to Nicky seeing this brave knight just following him around instead of leading the way and proclaiming great things very loudly.
Sure, Nicky had been through his whole gender crisis and would probably never escape those annoying doubts and anxieties about his identity, but questioning your entire existence was a whole other thing. Slowly, though, he’d helped Lance get a bit more confident; they’d started to build themself up again but as a new, more self assured person. Nicky had come back to the museum because he felt he still had a job to do there, and it turned out that he’d needed to be there to help support Lance. He found that he had no problems with that whatsoever.
“Nicky… they… they wrote me… I'm not real. This is a story….everything I did was a story… nothing is real… I don’t know what to do… my hands keep shaking...”
“Hey, hey, this is real. I’m real, you’re real. Names and history aside, you’re here, and you're not going anywhere. You're still living right now, and you're still your own person with thoughts and feelings and you can touch things, they're real. Here, squeeze my hand, that helps me when I panic.”
“...Okay.”
“The things that you’ve told yourself... what you thought was your life, well, it's a bit different, but it's okay. You’re here and you’re okay. I’m here to work this all out with you. I’m here with you.”
“Can you please hug me, Nicky?”
“Sure.”
“I just… I need to feel part of everything again…”
“Lance, you're here and I've got you.”
“Don't let go.”
“I won't.”
He really shouldn't have watched Love Actually earlier in the day with Bella, because now he'd found himself thinking that he had been pulled back to this museum to be with Lance. Like a destiny sort of thing, maybe. Well, magic existed… maybe destiny and stuff did too? Okay, that was horribly soppy and bad and he never said that or thought it. Nope. No more rom-coms.
They had become kinda inseparable, though. If someone was looking for one of them, they'd just ask the other, and they always knew where to find each other. Otherwise, they were already hanging out together.
Tilly was better at handling the museum than she thought she was, and Nicky didn't really have to do as much running around and fixing things as he'd anticipated. He actually found himself having a lot of fun introducing people to noughties pop music, and games of Cluedo, and bringing in modern clothes for people to try on. He did actually do some hard work and research the exhibits in his free time and figure out ways to help people out and learn from them, even if anyone else would say he mostly just hung around in pyjamas with Lance and watched Disney movies as though they were having a sleepover.
Sometimes he had caught himself watching Lancelot as they stared at the TV, enthralled in an action movie or looking close to tears while watching something like Titanic. Other times he knew he was outright staring at his friend as they laughed joyously or paraded around in skinny jeans or complained dramatically about something that had annoyed them. Hey, Nicky was his own person: he didn't trail after Lance like a lovesick loser or do everything they asked, but sometimes he did find himself watching them fondly. He always had time for them and was pretty much the only person who would listen to their monologuing about life, so he wasn’t short of opportunities to do so.
Maybe, sometimes, Lancelot fell asleep next to him and he found himself touching their hair very gently because it was nice and soft and looked good, even with their roots showing. Maybe he also found himself being way more touchy feely with Lance than with anyone else, but that wasn't really his fault; they patted Nicky on the back with every syllable they said and really liked giving hugs. Maybe Nicky forgot how to breathe sometimes when he was sat next to Lancelot when they chuckled and he could hear and feel the low rumble of it in their throat. But there were no maybes or ifs or buts about the fact that Nicky was in pretty deep and Lance hadn't been picking up anything he'd been dropping.
Nicky knew his friend could be painfully oblivious, but if someone just happily replies with 'me too, Nick!' every time you say 'hey man, I love you', there's not any clearer way to tell that they’re just very enthusiastic about your friendship.
He could have indulged himself in the idea that Lancelot was super into him too but just didn't know how to talk about it, but he knew the reality was that Lance was just close with him because they were good friends. They had heart to hearts about anxieties and existence and identity and Nicky was really glad to be there for them, because nobody else had the same comfort around each other that they did.
“Uh, Lance?”
“Yes?”
“...What are you doing?”
“Getting comfortable.”
“On my lap?”
“I’m too tall for this sofa, Nicky!”
“I’m in the middle of a game here!”
“Should I have asked before lying down?”
“No, don’t worry about it. Well, a little notice would’ve been nice.”
“So you have no problem with me?”
“You mean in general or right now? Because if you want me to be honest, I do have a list…”
“Nicky!”
“Kidding, dude. It’s cool. I’m gonna use you as a table for my PSP, though.”
“That’s okay. I’m using you as a pillow.”
“If you snore, I’ll push you off, I’m just warning you.”
“I never snore! ...Do I?”
“Not a lot.”
“Oh, that’s so undignified! Are there any cures for it?”
“Nope. But lucky for you, I’ll put up with it.”
“I’m glad.”
Sometimes he realised just how alone Lance was in this world full of things they couldn’t fully grasp and he had to squeeze their arm to remind them they were real - not out of a need to be close to them because they were really attractive, but genuinely because he wanted to remind them that they weren’t alone. Okay, maybe also a tiny bit because they had wicked biceps. But mainly because he cared about his friends, and Lancelot was his closest friend in the whole museum and country, and Nicky was pretty sure he was the same for Lance in return.
Damn. He really couldn’t stop sounding soppy, could he?
So, okay, this wasn’t so much of a sudden realisation, it was more him just accepting the feelings he'd kinda known had been plaguing him for ages now. They’d been there in the background, his feelings seeping into his actions around his friend, and he couldn’t have ignored them forever.
Now he’d addressed them… which was fine, because nothing needed to change; they were good friends and a good team and you know what? That was better than anything Nicky could've hoped for in the first place. Sure, he'd indulge himself in a little checking out every once in awhile, he was pretty sure nobody had noticed anyway, and Lance certainly hadn't, Nicky was pretty sure that with their honesty they’d just point it out and embarrass him about it.
Oh, speak of the devil, here came Lancelot with some strawberry milkshake (their latest favourite drink) and their hair in a ponytail. No, wait, a messy bun, with some stray hairs falling down by their cheeks. Boy, Nicky loved to suffer.
“Hey, Lance, you want some cocoa?”
“Do I want some what?”
“Hot cocoa? You know, warm drink, tastes good, served in mugs, the thing we’ve started having almost every night when we watch TV…”
“Oh! Hot chocolate! I forget it’s called cocoa ...Nicky, why are you laughing?”
“It just sounds funny in your accent,”
“Chocolate. Hot chocolate. I don't get it.”
“A lovely mug of hot choc-o-late, ha ha,”
“I don't sound like that!"
"You very much do, dude.”
“Oh, sorry, man, my dude. Bro. My non-knightly dude friend.”
“Alright, okay, that wasn't bad, actually.”
“Thank you.”
“C'mon, let's get these drinks, my knightly dude friend.”
At first glance, Lance wasn’t Nickys type. When they first met Nicky thought they were going to be this hyper masculine jock who spends every day talking about his girlfriend and punching enemies. But Lance had always broken any assumptions Nicky might’ve made, broken the rules. They’d been surprisingly understanding when Nicky explained what being trans is (granted, it was after they’d been friends for a while) and then they’d just started thinking about their relationship to gender and learnt more and more.
Lance might’ve looked tough and impressive, but when they weren’t in what Nicky called ‘fighting mode’ they were often clumsy, even though they were very gentle with delicate things, well, they tried to be at least. They loved baby animals and soft textures and got very enthusiastic about justice and equality. They could be seen in floaty tops and skirts as often as heavy armour, and they knew ballet-style moves just as much as swordfighting skills. The people in the museum had always surprised Nicky by how normal they could be for people who were in the wrong timeline, and Lance had always been even more easy to hang around, as they had kinda reinvented themself as a modern person, yet still tied to their history. Lance was caring, funny, thoughtful, unique, understanding and open minded. So… turned out they were very much Nicky’s type.
Occasionally, Nicky wondered (worried) if he was shaping Lance into someone they weren’t, but whenever they asked Lance about this, they always said: “no, I feel more real than ever thanks to all you’ve introduced me to”. No forced identities, no putting on acts, no being someone else. The reality was that Lancelot was just his dream person. Great.
If Nicky's heart started trying to punch its way up to his neck as Lance smiled at him, Nicky wasn't going to address it. Their shoulders bumped together as his friend sat down, and then Lance was talking like they couldn't get their words out fast enough. They talked about whether they were going to watch Star Wars or Star Trek first, and how they were becoming more comfortable with calling their sexuality gay, and how it'd be great if Nicky could get them some more of that nice smelling hand cream because Trixie ate their last one.
Nicky just smiled, he'd never really been one for grinning like Lance did (though he couldn't help a goofy grin at their antics sometimes), but he was definitely happy to be in their company. He honestly never got bored of listening to Lance talk; they became so enthusiastic and excited and it was kinda infectious.
It was so absurd, really. He was in a living museum and had a knight of the round table as his best friend and also had a crush on that very same knight. He’d spent the night watching Scooby Doo movies with them and helping them out when they panicked about burning toast and the fire alarm going off in the kitchen, and his life should have felt a lot weirder to him, but it didn't.
It felt good and familiar and comfortable, and maybe he’d let himself be a bit sappy and say that that's how he felt around Lance, too. It was easier than he’d thought to accept his feelings for his best friend. In all honesty, they’d been a part of who he was for quite a while.
Now all he had to do is figure out what to do about them.
“Hey, Fred reminds me of you, Lance.”
“What do you mean? His good looks?”
“I was thinking more the fact that he runs into danger with no idea of what he's doing, but yeah, sure, that too,”
“Hey! I saved you from the Xiangliu! I know that we’re all now friends, but still!”
“A success that was a little overshadowed by you putting a knife to my neck later…”
“Nick…”
“Just kidding, dude. We’re cool now, you know that.”
“Sometimes I wonder if I can ever make it up to you, and Ahkmen, and everyone, really, for what I almost did.”
“Key word there is 'almost', Lance. You chose your own path and changed your mind. That's important. I shouldn’t have brought it up, I don’t want you feeling bad. I've never held it against you.”
“Not even a little bit?”
“Well, it's fun teasing you about it, but that's because it's all cool, you were a different person then, it was in the past. I get why you acted how you acted, and there's no point holding onto bad feelings when we have such a good time hanging out every day. Well, every night.”
“You are remarkable, Nick.”
“Eh, okay.”
“No, no, really. Thank you.”
“For... introducing you to the cinematic masterpiece of Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed?”
“For helping me find myself.”
“Oh,”
“...”
“Okay, no need to hug me, dude, it's nothing, it's what friends do,”
“You're hugging me back, Nicky.”
“Shh.”
“Also, you would be Shaggy.”
“Yeah, that's fair.”