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Todomatsu only just glances up when Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu enter the room before his eyes are already back on his phone. He continues to scroll through the posts with a vague interest, but nothing truly catches his eye. He considers maybe hanging out at Sutabaa to chat with his old co-workers, but just like every time before, he remembers the mixer incident, and sadly assumes those girls probably want nothing to do with him. He internally curses his jerkass brothers for what’s probably the millionth time. Maybe he should celebrate reaching this milestone.
Something foul assaults his sinuses and Todomatsu almost coughs. Instead, his hand flies up to cover his mouth and nose, gaze finding his painful big brother leaning on the windowsill. He can’t see it, but judging from the smoke waterfalling from Karamatsu’s nostrils, there’s probably a cigarette in his hand. His two eldest brothers smoke every once in a while, but Karamatsu’s been smoking much more frequently as of late, and Todomatsu hates it. He hates the smell of it. He hates what he knows it’s doing to his lungs. He hates that this particular brother is probably only doing it to look edgy.
The youngest Matsuno scowls, letting his hand-shield fall to his side. “You and Osomatsu-niisan should really quit that gross habit. When did you two even start?”
Karamatsu’s head tilts only slightly in his direction, but it’s hard to tell where he’s looking with those cheap sunglasses. “I must lament that I really can’t recall. One day, we must’ve fallen to the temptation of artificial relief. Alas, your big brothers have been bewitched.”
Sweet lord almighty, it’s too early for this pain.
“You just wanted to look cool, didn’t you?” he accuses while his nose wrinkles from the smell again. He finds it nearly impossible to understand his airhead of an older brother sometimes. “Smoking doesn’t make you look cool, Nii-san. It makes you look like a tool.”
Karamatsu chuckles and says, “Perhaps you’re right.” Then he puts the cig to his lips and sucks on the butt like he’s trying to draw out its soul.
If Todomatsu didn’t know any better, he’d think his brother was being a sassy piece of shit.
He’d never admit it aloud, but he is a bit worried about Karamatsu’s health. Even from here, the youngest can see the pack is almost empty. He’s pretty sure it’s the same one his brother bought yesterday morning. He’s no doctor, but smoking that much over the course of twenty-four hours is probably—
“Nii-san!”
Todomatsu jumps, whips around to stare at a brother he forgot was even in the room. Jyushimatsu is standing near the closet, looking more spacey than usual, but he’s smiling. For a split second, he’s convinced it couldn’t have been Jyushimatsu who’d just yelled.
But then he shouts, “Let’s play Pachinko!”
Osomatsu?! Was this Osomatsu-niisan?! Todomatsu is pretty certain it’s Jyushimatsu he’s staring at right now, but he also gets the feeling that he’s now obligated to remind his elder brother which Matsuno he is. “But…” he starts slowly. “You don’t really like Pachinko, Jyushimatsu-niisan.”
“And unfortunately, my funds have been weighed, measured, and found wanting,” Karamatsu sounds from his place near the window. Todomatsu feels his expression contort into… well, more than likely something unattractive, when he squints at the second-born and mutters, “Why can’t you just say ‘I have no money’ like a normal disappointment to society?”
There’s a light laugh that sounds very much not like Karamatsu. “Where’s the fun in that?”
Todomatsu’s mind blanks.
…Huh? Was that… self-awareness?
“I have money, Nii-san!” Jyushimatsu informs somewhere to the side, but the youngest brother’s attention is quickly falling away. Something had clicked in his head just then. He knows it did. He felt it.
It sounds ridiculous, even in his mind, but he can’t help but think that last response had been too… normal. Almost as if his brother had just given up on his own romanticism and taken a shortcut. Not painful at all, but witty.
What? Karamatsu doesn’t do witty.
He must be thinking too hard. Sure, the idiot embellishes every basic sentence to the point that three words become twenty, but even Karamatsu is capable of giving a straight response now and then. Hell, wasn’t Todomatsu berating him just now for not doing so? It just so happened that his brother is finally taking it to heart. He’s seeing the light at last! His little brother should be ecstatic! Proud, even!
“It’s okay, Jyushimatsu. Let’s just go for a walk and figure out what we might wanna do in the meantime.”
But he’s not. Right now, he’s just worried.
“Join us?”
It takes Todomatsu a second to realize Karamatsu is aiming this invitation at him. That only makes too much sense with only the three of them present.
“Oh. Uh.” He finds himself unable to meet his brother’s eye. Why does he suddenly feel so awkward? As if he’s just noticed something he was never supposed to notice? He scrambles for some bullshit excuse. He’s good at those. “You guys go ahead. I was going to meet up with a few friends in a bit,” he lies with a wave, trying to appear disinterested when all he feels is flustered.
He sees Karamatsu smile out of the corner of his eye, not at all surprised. “Of course, I was silly to ask. Have fun, brother,” he says.
“Yeah… I will.”
Once he and Jyushimatsu are out the door, Todomatsu can breathe again. He doesn’t know when he’d started to feel suffocated. The atmosphere had shifted so dramatically somehow. He makes a half-hearted attempt to shake it off. Of course, it doesn’t work.
The sextuplet pads up to the window and spots his two brothers making their way down the road toward the park, sensing a familiar twinge he’d rather ignore. He can hear Jyushimatsu speaking a mile a minute from here, and it makes him want to smile, but he doesn’t. The twinge rapidly grows as he watches them. Rather than a smile, he feels another scowl, so he retreats back to the couch where he sits, huffs, and tries to squash the jealousy writhing in the pit of his empty stomach (he’d decided to skip breakfast that morning in favor of going on a 'diet').
He’s always been like this: quick to get green-eyed when he knows Karamatsu is off with another brother. It’s stupid, he’s well aware, but he also doesn’t care. Since they were children, Todomatsu’s felt possessive of his second eldest brother, his partner. That’s what they were—are. All of them have one; Osomatsu has Choromatsu, and Ichimatsu has Jyushimatsu. But Todomatsu reflects that it was actually Ichimatsu and Karamatsu who used to be extremely close, possibly the closest amongst any of the brothers (which he’d hated), while Osomatsu was the hardest on the latter. Hell, Osomatsu was the one that started the whole ‘act like he doesn’t exist’ thing! But at some point in late high school, it’s like they had swapped. Osomatsu and Karamatsu grew much closer, while a rift formed between Karamatsu and Ichimatsu. Todomatsu has no idea what the hell happened there.
He just knows they can both fuck right off.
The second-born has always been more than willing to feed the constant hunger for positive attention that forms the baseline of the youngest’s personality, and he never fails to deliver. In return, Todomatsu keeps him grounded when he reaches too high (which is all the time). The pair of them just… work. So, as the baby, Todomatsu thinks his jealousy is rather reasonable, even if Karamatsu’s one-on-one time with his brothers is rare nowadays. It’s better when they ignore him, in his humble opinion. He can’t help that he prefers for his brother to hang out alone if it’s not with him.
Holy shit, that all sounds messed up.
Todomatsu stiffens when Ichimatsu somehow manages to slam open the shoji in his not-so-grand entrance to the room. He doesn’t bother shutting it behind him, doesn’t bother sparing his little brother the smallest of glances, before he drops the bag he’s carrying (probably cat food) in the corner, slides to the floor with his back against the wall, and draws his knees up to his face. He proceeds to glower at nothing and Todomatsu is once again reminded that he may be the only normal one of the six. It doesn’t help that Ichimatsu might be the brother Todomatsu gets along with the least, and like the piss-icing on a shit-cake, he looks to be in a shittier mood than what’s standard for him.
“Welcome home, Ichimatsu-niisan,” he greets in a meager attempt to lighten the ever-thickening atmosphere.
The other shoots him a withering glare as his only response.
Fuck it. He tried. If the fourth son is content with that ever-thickening stick up his ass, it isn’t Todomatsu’s place to deprive him of it.
About an hour later, Choromatsu comes home. Todomatsu doesn’t look up to greet him, but he recognizes those staunch footfalls of purpose when his brother approaches the bedroom. “Welcome home, Choromatsu-niisan,” he acknowledges, feigning interest in his phone where his home screen stares blankly back at him. At least the third-born will have enough sense to appreciate his cute brother’s greetings.
There’s a short pause.
“Where’s Karamatsu-niisan?” Huh. Since when does Choromatsu call him ‘Nii-san’?
This makes Todomatsu look up. Out of all the brothers he could be asking for…
There’s a barely audible “tch” from Ichimatsu’s direction that Todomatsu ignores because there are way more important things to capture his attention, like the fact that his other brother is acting hella weird. Their newest arrival’s expression is unreadable; strange, because Choromatsu is the epitome of an open book, but it’s more like he’s not entirely sure himself what expression to make. He’s scoping the room like he might’ve missed their elder brother hidden in a corner somewhere, until he comes to the conclusion that said brother is very much not present and his eyes settle for glancing between Todomatsu and Ichimatsu. The youngest’s gaze traces down to the book Choromatsu’s clutching as though it’ll rip away from him if he isn’t practically strangling it.
“He just left to hang out with Jyushimatsu not too long ago. They didn’t say they were going anywhere in particular,” Todomatsu replies momentarily.
Choromatsu seems neither bothered nor relieved with this piece of information, but he nods. Before his little brother can get out the ‘Is something wrong?’, he turns and mutters an “I’m going to the roof”, then quickly makes his departure.
Following a brief moment of silence, Todomatsu and Ichimatsu exchange glances of bewilderment because Choromatsu never goes to the roof.
Why? Because Choromatsu is afraid of heights.
What the hell? Is this real life?! Is Todomatsu seriously the only one not going through some weird personality metamorphosis right now?! He knows he’s the youngest but god, it was only by like a few minutes! Is he about to get one too?! Oh no, what if Osomatsu comes home dressed in drag? What if—
Todomatsu’s completely asinine internal hysterics last a good portion of the rest of the day until Osomatsu comes home that evening and he is very much the same idiot jerkass Todomatsu knows and (never admittedly) loves. He’s honestly so happy to see him (unchanged) at that point that he goes in for a hug to welcome him home, catching the eldest off guard. Of course, rather than accept his baby brother’s priceless affections, Osomatsu accuses him of somehow finding out he’d won big at the horse races and wrestles him away from his “hard earnings”. Yep. Same idiot jerkass. Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu return not too long later and they’re… oddly damp. All confusion is cleared when Jyushimatsu excitedly announces the pair of them had fallen off the bridge at the park earlier, which how do you even manage that when the railing nearly reaches your sternum? Whatever, idiots like them have no need of obeying probable context, Todomatsu concedes.
The next day passes quickly because the youngest Matsuno actually does hang out with a few friends this time, and that late afternoon sees the sextuplets off to eat dinner at one of the bars they frequent. Osomatsu proudly proclaimed earlier that he would be treating them using his winnings, much to everyone’s glee. Or… mostly everyone’s.
To their surprise, Karamatsu had politely declined at first, but Osomatsu was quick to (forcibly) change his mind. After that, Karamatsu briefly disappeared to do… something, that no one really cared to ask about. Now he trails behind the pack as he normally does, quiet and undoubtedly off in his own world. Todomatsu wouldn’t have thought twice about it had Choromatsu not been glancing back at him like a faulty sprinkler. Osomatsu leads the sextuplets with Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu following closely behind, leaving Todomatsu and Choromatsu side-by-side, so it’s difficult to ignore his brother spazzing out.
Halfway to their destination, Todomatsu finally says something. “What’s your problem? Is he going to ascend?”
His brother’s eyes snap away from the second son and onto the last, face like Todomatsu had pulled a gun on him.
“Huh?” he supplies intelligently.
“You’ve been glancing back at Karamatsu-niisan like he’s stalking us,” the other points out with narrow eyes. “He’s one of us, I assure you.”
He expects his brother’s signature temper to flare up against his sass, but instead, Choromatsu sweats buckets and fixes his gaze ahead like he just got in trouble. “R-Right. Sorry,” he apologizes. Apologizes!
“Seriously, what’s up?” Todomatsu isn’t going to let this go while his brother looks so pathetically guilty. They’re Matsunos for fuck’s sake! The only one of them that apologizes to their brothers that easily is Karamatsu (and sometimes Jyushimatsu).
“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” the third-born attempts to dismiss it quickly, but it’s way too late for that now, Todomatsu thinks. Suspicion piqued, he opens his mouth and gets his claws ready to sink in—
“We’re here!”
Damn.
Todomatsu looks up, dissatisfied with Osomatsu’s impeccable timing for ruining everything, when he parenthetically meets eyes with Ichimatsu. He’s looking back at them, and actually might have been doing so for a while now judging by how intensely he’s watching. His gaze shifts past them, possibly to Karamatsu, then he turns back to the front.
Now what’s his deal?
And why does Todomatsu feel like he’s desperately reaching for a loop he can’t quite get his foot in?
Once inside, the brothers make a beeline for their favorite table off in the corner. Osomatsu claims the head of it, practically dragging Karamatsu to the seat next to him (probably so that he can’t sneak away). Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu settle to Karamatsu’s right while Choromatsu and Todomatsu sit opposite. It’s a seating arrangement Todomatsu is happy with because here at the end, he can pester his older brother as much as he wants without the others noticing.
The usual shenanigans and topics of conversation fly across the table before and after they all order and receive their food and, of course, their alcohol. And instead of squeezing some of the truth out of Choromatsu as he had originally planned, Todomatsu gets sucked into a conversation with Jyushimatsu and (kinda) Ichimatsu about the Yellow Matsu finally being interested in joining the community baseball team. Osomatsu joins in too, slurring something about dinner being in Jyushimatsu’s honor if that’s the case (he’s on his fifth beer already), and eventually, loosened up by his own inebriation, so does Choromatsu.
It’s been about two hours since they’d arrived, Todomatsu guesses after he and Osomatsu tease Choromatsu for a solid fifteen minutes. They always get along best when there’s someone to tease. The youngest just barely pays enough attention to notice the waitress picking up an empty plate and cup next to Osomatsu, and finally realizes Karamatsu is gone. His buzz falters a bit, though not completely, just enough for worry to get his mind focusing again. He glances around at his brothers, who show no sign of sharing in his recent discovery, too lost in their drunkenness to care about anything that’s not in their immediate sight.
‘You had one job, useless Nii-san,’ Todomatsu thinks, quick to place the blame.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” he announces as evenly as he can manage. All he gets is what he thinks might be a nod from Osomatsu, and confirms that none of them care enough to notice the inconsistency between his broadcast and his direction toward the restaurant entrance. On his way out, he doesn’t miss the small pile of bills and coins placed neatly by Osomatsu’s elbow.
He’s not sure what to do when he’s outside; he’s not capable of thinking that far ahead in his current condition, he reasons internally. Karamatsu could’ve left an hour ago and Todomatsu doubts any of them would’ve noticed. Despite his comfortable lightheadedness, he feels a weight in the pit of his stomach, which may or may not just be him feeling full on food and alcohol.
“Todomatsu?”
Ah. Karamatsu graciously makes it easy for him, as he tries to do for all his brothers in most cases.
His younger brother turns (but not too quickly, because he feels like it would be embarrassingly easy for him to get dizzy and fall; he hates that he drank so much) to see him leaning back against a picket fence left of the restaurant, cigarette in hand near his hip. He’s wearing his shades even though the sun is nearly set, but Todomatsu grudgingly admits that his blue jumpsuit and gaudy gold chain really work for that dumb image he constantly strives for. He has to hand it to him. Right now, he’d look right at home in film noir.
He honestly looks pretty cool when he’s not trying so goddamn hard, not that Todomatsu will ever let him know that.
“Heh, come to bask in the starlight, brother?” he asks with a small smirk, simultaneously ruining Todomatsu’s short-lived admiration. He tilts his head back to gaze at the sky. “They’re not quite ready to take the stage yet.”
If Todomatsu hadn’t been so drunk, he’d probably cringe. Instead, he takes careful steps to join his sibling in leaning against the fence. He ignores the other’s question and opts to present one of his own. “How long have you been out here?” He knows if he asks “why”, Karamatsu will somehow avoid answering it. He’s surprisingly evasive when he wants to be, and with a mostly drunk Todomatsu versus a mostly sober Karamatsu, he knows he’ll lose that battle.
He shrugs. “Mm, half an hour? Possibly a little longer. It’s a shame, but I don’t pay Father Time as much attention as I should.”
Todomatsu wants to argue that none of them are good with keeping track of time. They’re NEETs.
“You said you weren’t hungry, but you finished faster than any of us,” he accuses.
“I always finish before all of you,” the other states matter-of-factly. “You’d be astounded how swiftly you can eat when you’re not active in conversation.”
Again with the sass that Todomatsu isn’t quite sure is sass. Damn him! He doesn’t care if it might be unintentional; he’s supposed to be the sassy one! He’d be annoyed if he weren’t busy thinking back to all the times they’ve eaten together. And realizing his brother isn’t lying.
All his memories of their meals as six have Karamatsu speaking maybe once or twice, but rarely more than that. And they’re all cheesy one-liners just short enough to drop into the conversation without somebody cutting him off. Yet Karamatsu’s plates are often empty and he continues to sit in his brothers’ company even though he could’ve left at any time. Broadening those conditions to when it’s all sextuplets just hanging out together, Todomatsu swears that Karamatsu generally speaks even less than Ichimatsu. Is that how it’s always been?
His head hurts.
Desperate to stop thinking about it, Todomatsu fumbles to take back the reins of the conversation, even though he never had them to begin with. “Why’d you leave money on the table? Osomatsu-niisan said he’d take care of it.”
“I’m nothing but grateful for our brother’s generosity, but I felt I should still contribute, if only just a bit, so I took care of the tip1. I know Osomatsu sometimes forgets about it and that’s fine, but the diligence of that lovely waitress ensured everything we received was accurate. I wanted to make sure she got sufficient compensation for her trouble,” he explains airily. “Everyone should be acknowledged for their efforts, don’t you think?” The inquiry is light, so why does Todomatsu feel like it’s so, so heavy?
“Of course,” he replies, attempting to sound confident. “Otherwise, there’s no point in trying.” That felt dangerous to say. He’s not sure what he intended it to mean.
Karamatsu hums, then nods in agreement. “I suppose that’s only logical.” He pauses. His brother watches him bring the cigarette back up to take a drag. “But sometimes it can’t be helped,” he adds wistfully. Something snaps inside Todomatsu.
“It can always be helped!” he shouts. What—who—their conversation is truly referencing is way too clear for him and he doesn’t know what to do about it. He just knows it’s making him uncomfortable.
His older brother regards him behind that damnable shield on his face. Todomatsu wants to smack it off, but in a moment of self-control, he instead snatches the cigarette from where it hangs from the other’s mouth and throws it to the ground. Only after he stomps on it does he wonder how angry he must look.
“Your smoking!” he covers suddenly. When Karamatsu doesn’t immediately respond, Todomatsu continues with, “You can help it. These things will kill you, Nii-san!”
To his shock, the elder grins like what he’d just said was funny. “C’est la vie,” he hums.
“…What?” What does that mean again? Something about life? Todomatsu’s trying to have a serious conversation! The least his idiot brother can do is leave out his foreign bullshit!
“Ah.” Karamatsu’s mouth falls into a thin line. He looks like he might be seeing past his brother, but it’s too hard to tell. He speaks more to himself when he turns away and mutters, “It broke again.”
What the hell is he talking about? Why is his brother so incoherent?!
“There you are!”
One of these days, he swears… Osomatsu’s timing is going to earn him a big black eye.
“Evening, brother!” Karamatsu greets cheerfully, pushing off the fence. If Todomatsu had turned, he would’ve seen the oldest Matsuno stumbling toward them, hands in his pockets, looking very much like a delinquent. But he doesn’t. He feels the second-born’s warm hand touch his shoulder when he strides past to meet him, and absentmindedly, he listens to their exchange.
“When’d you get out ‘ere?!” The slur is upset, reproachful. “Embarrassed to be seen with your—“ He hiccups. “Y-your drunk Onii-chan!?”
“You know I would never—“
“Huh?! Think you’re too good for ‘s now?!” Another hiccup. “With your flancy shunglasses and your dumb… Your dumb… Face…” He trails off dumbly.
There’s the soft sound of patting—probably Karamatsu rubbing their brother’s back.
“That’s not possible,” the other answers sincerely.
“Don’ let Totty poison your mind,” Osomatsu mumbles. “Little shit thinks he’s sooo great with his cellphone and his social life—“
Todomatsu whips around.
“Oh, Totty! You’re here!” Osomatsu’s chin is resting on Karamatsu’s shoulder while he’s practically draped across his body. How much did he drink for his blush to be that bad?
“You’re not blind! You knew I was here!” the youngest argues irritably. The grin on the oldest’s face falls.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes! You did!”
“Pfft. What d’you know?”
“Where are the others?” Karamatsu interrupts, arms still full of their idiot man-child of an older brother.
“They all went looking for Totty in the bathroom,” Osomatsu answers sleepily. His eyes drift shut. “He’s been in there for so long…”
“I’m. Right. Here.”
“Pfft.”
“Allow me to fetch them so we can start heading home.”
“It’s like eight o’clock…!” Osomatsu whines. Todomatsu is honestly surprised to see the idiot is right when he glances at his cellphone to check. He supposes one of them can keep track of time, at least.
“And you’re already completely smashed.”
Even while stupid drunk apparently.
“Am not,” he disagrees. Under a shaky breath, he adds, “Painfulmatsu…” probably due to that last comment being in English.
Karamatsu pushes away from him, steadies him by the shoulders, and slowly releases him as if he’s just finished constructing a palace of cards. He glances back at Todomatsu. “Look after him, please.” Then hurries inside. Osomatsu sidles up to his youngest brother unsteadily, mischievously. “Look after me, Totty,” he drawls.
Todomatsu pushes him over.
Then he loses his balance and falls in the opposite direction.
Two drunk Matsuno idiots fall flat on their backs.
“What the hell, Totty!” Osomatsu half growls, half gargles, though he doesn’t move to sit back up. Neither does Todomatsu. “You’re where you belong, Osomatsu-niisan,” he sneers. At this point, he’s convinced it’s where he belongs too. What had just transpired between him and Karamatsu replays over and over in his head. What had he meant? What the hell broke?!
Osomatsu speaks up with a comfortable hum. “Heh, you might be right. I always knew it’d be comfortable down here.”
They lay like that, like the pathetic drunkards they are, until Karamatsu returns with three other plastered brothers in tow. He stands over them with a sleeping Ichimatsu on his back and a frown on his lips.
“What are you doing?” he asks, perplexed.
“It’s where we belong,” replies Osomatsu simply.
“That’s not what I said,” Todomatsu retorts.
“It’s what you meant.”
“Fuck off.”
The eldest laughs victoriously.
“Come, brothers. We should get moving before the Lady of the Night makes her rounds.”
Todomatsu swings an arm over his eyes with a scowl. “What does that even mean?”
“I think he’s talking about a prostitute,” Osomatsu suggests, grinning cheekily. “It’s too bad they’re so expensive.”
“Osomatsu-niisan, that’s disgusting.”
“The prostitute or paying for sex? Because to one o’ those, that’s very insulting.”
“Up, up!” Karamatsu ushers, ignoring the strange turn of conversation. “Before Choromatsu throws up in the street again.”
“Hey! I can hold my—“ Choromatsu’s drunken debate ends before it starts when he retches.
Osomatsu raises his arms out to his brother. “Carry me, Karamachu~!”
Todomatsu almost laughs at the conflicted look the second eldest gives him. It’s the one he uses when he’s trying to please all his brothers but conditions force him to choose one over the other.
“Dear brother, you know I’d carry you in a heartbeat, but—“
“I can do it!” Jyushimatsu materializes near the four of them, ever gaping smile in place. He’s the best at appearing sober even when he’s as drunk as the rest of them.
Osomatsu violently shakes his head. “No, no! I want Kara!”
“Brother…” Said boy looks absolutely torn. Todomatsu deduces it’s because none of his brothers have asked for him like that in years. He also deduces Osomatsu’s preference is because Karamatsu will be exponentially gentler with him. Leave it to their eldest sibling to be a complete piece of shit when Karamatsu is already having difficulty shepherding the five of them home.
“That’s okay! I can carry Ichimatsu-niisan!” Jyushimatsu revises merrily. The Blue Matsu’s sparkling gaze finds him through tears of adoration. “My little Jyushimatsu…!” he sniffles. Todomatsu scoffs. God, all his brothers are so embarrassing.
He gets up in time to see a sleeping Ichimatsu looking rather disgruntled from being passed over to another brother. It even takes a minute to remove his hand from where it’s clinging to Karamatsu’s jumpsuit. But soon enough, Jyushimatsu has him safely on his back and Karamatsu is free to pick Osomatsu up like the baby he is (literally, he’s forced to carry this grown-ass man, their “oldest” brother, against his chest with arms cradling his butt so Osomatsu can pretzel himself around his waist and shoulders because he refuses to be carried any other way). Todomatsu on the other hand, like the good Samaritan he is, grabs Choromatsu and puts one of his arms around his shoulders so he can steady him home, ignoring his brother’s frail protests of independence.
On the way, Jyushimatsu trips and falls flat on his face (he’s drunk too after all), causing Karamatsu to fly into a panic. But his little brother is unfazed when he pops right back up with a bloody nose. He ignores Karamatsu’s cries of concern and scoops Ichimatsu (who’s out cold) back onto his back and continues on their merry trek. By the time they get there, Osomatsu and Choromatsu are practically asleep (much to Todomatsu’s distaste since his stupid brother only got heavier and heavier, and by the time they’d reach the house, he was practically dragging him). The youngest is more than happy to dump the latter onto the couch in order to roll out the futon. Jyushimatsu practically chucks Ichimatsu onto it from across the room, the fourth brother seemingly too far gone to be bothered by the impact. Then he has to help Karamatsu pry the oldest off his body while Todomatsu drags Choromatsu to his pillow.
It takes forever, but eventually, three of the brothers are properly put to bed. Jyushimatsu is next after Karamatsu pulls him to the bathroom to clean off his face. When that’s done, the second son plops onto the sofa next to the youngest with a sigh.
Todomatsu can’t help but giggle a bit at the sight of his brother being so worn out. His drunkenness has finally subsided to the slightest buzz. “You should join them, Karamatsu-niisan. I know I’d be dying after carrying those two like that.”
“They only cling to me when they’re on or past the precipice of sobriety,” Karamatsu laments wearily. His head falls back onto the top of the couch where his arms are already draped and he stills. In a more hushed tone, Todomatsu just barely catches him somberly adding, “The days your affections are offered whilst sober are the ones I yearn for.”
“Don’t be gross,” Todomatsu laughs awkwardly. A sentence like that would normally make him wince, but right now it just sounds sad. He has the fleeting feeling that he wasn’t even supposed to hear it. “We all show our affections in our own way,” he tries to reason. He ignores the way it sounds like a lie.
“Evidently.”
Lately, he feels like every vain attempt he’s made to stand on even ground with his brother has resulted in a crash and burn. When had their roles reversed so drastically? He gives another awkward laugh to try and lighten the strangely heavy mood. “To tell you the truth, sometimes you don’t feel like a brother,” he starts.
“You and I feel the same then.”
“Sometimes you feel more like—“ He stops. Stares.
No, no, no! He wasn’t done! He has no idea what to say to that! What do you say to that? Is that… really how his brother feels?
Cue another crash and burn.
“Ah.” Karamatsu lifts his head off the couch, expression blank. He doesn’t look at Todomatsu. Instead, he stands up and blatantly announces, “I’m going to the roof,” before heading out to the balcony. He doesn’t take his guitar with him.
Todomatsu ends up going to bed before he comes back.
The following day, Karamatsu is gone, and for a moment, Todomatsu is worried he never came back last night. But Ichimatsu says he did, and the other guesses that’s as much comfort as he’s going to get. He sits on the couch and taps away on his cellphone while Osomatsu reads comics on the floor. The rest of their brothers are lord knows where. Todomatsu doesn’t see much of any of them for the majority of the day. Ichimatsu comes home first, doesn’t say much, and goes straight to curling up on the other end of the sofa. Choromatsu and Jyushimatsu come home in time for dinner, and the latter is wearing Karamatsu’s sunglasses, for whatever reason. But they don’t say much either. Todomatsu hates the unusually quiet atmosphere.
It’s around nine o’clock when Karamatsu finally comes home. His face is still hosting that perpetual smirk, but Todomatsu can tell he’s completely drained. And from the looks everyone else is shooting the second eldest, they can tell too.
“What’ve you been doing, Karamatsu? You look like shit,” Osomatsu publicizes so, so tactfully.
Karamatsu responds with a casual shrug. “I sought the Karamatsu Girls awaiting me in the city while soliciting Free Hugs™, then I worked out for a bit. I didn’t get much sleep last night though, so I wasn’t at the top of my game.”
Ha! What game?
“Why didn’t you sleep well?” Todomatsu is surprised to hear Osomatsu actually ask. Normally, they all would’ve commenced ignoring him by now.
In fact… everyone seems oddly attentive. Where is this loop and why was he not invited?
“Too hot,” he answers simply. Too simply, Todomatsu mentally amends. “Do you mind if I go ahead and roll out the futon? I know it’s early but the Sirens of sleep are beckoning me.”
Choromatsu stands up before anyone else can reply. “I’ll help you,” he says, ultimately granting him that permission. The second son gives the vaguest appearance of disbelief (especially compared to everyone else in the room at the third-born’s inexplicable readiness to help), but his exhaustion keeps him from being too expressive. He grins appreciatively. “You’re a godsend, brother. But you needn’t bother yourself with a task so trivial.”
“If you overexert yourself, you’ll get sick. And I can assure you that none of us will want to take care of you when that happens,” Choromatsu counters when he goes to grab the futon.
Todomatsu winces because ouch. That’s a bit harsh, even for his standards. Unfortunately, it’s also true. And since no one else comments on it, he can safely assume that they feel the same way. He’s not quite sure what he should make of that reality.
When he glances at Karamatsu, he doesn’t see hurt. Instead, his face is that of recognition, as if he’s thinking, ‘Oh, that makes more sense now.’ Then he nods and allows Choromatsu to continue helping him.
He isn’t sure what to make of that either.
The morning after that, Karamatsu is gone again. Jyushimatsu has somehow convinced Osomatsu to go play baseball with him. Choromatsu mentions Ichimatsu is out feeding the cats, then he goes back to reading that book Todomatsu remembers him holding two days ago. Feeling troubled, the youngest trots downstairs to eat a late breakfast, finally deciding to just give up on his diet for now while he’s so stressed out. In the kitchen, his mom is cleaning up. His father must be at work.
“Good morning!” he chirps on his way to the fridge to grab something light. She echoes him over her shoulder, seeming distracted. He scans their stock of food for all of two seconds before finding some yogurt and snatching it up. Then he hops up on one of the counters, plucks a spoon from the neighboring drawer, and proceeds to feast.
“Cheating on your diet?” Matsuyo asks without looking at him. He doesn’t question how she knows he was on a diet to begin with. Their mother pretty much knows everything that goes on in her house. She’s scary like that.
“I’m just taking a break. My good-for-nothing brothers are stressing me out lately,” Todomatsu says nonchalantly. He watches her back as she moves to fiddle with something on the other side of the kitchen. “Speaking of,” she hums, “Did you and your brothers go swimming last night?”
Her son furrows an eyebrow. Weird question. “No? What gave you that idea?”
She doesn’t respond immediately, so Todomatsu focuses on scraping out the rest of his yogurt until she continues, “When I came up to your room this morning to grab laundry, Karamatsu’s clothes were in the corner, and they were soaking wet.”
That… doesn’t make any sense. Karamatsu had put his clothes in the laundry basket like he usually did, if Todomatsu remembers correctly. And they were most definitely dry.
“But what was strange,” his mom continues slowly. She’s stopped moving entirely. “Were the rocks I found in his pockets.”
The youngest Matsuno says nothing, but it doesn’t take long for him to put two and two together. He feels his blood run cold.
“Would you know anything about that?” Her inquiry is much too soft to be innocent. Unlike her sons, their mother isn’t an idiot. He knows the pair of them are wondering the same thing, but it’s difficult to answer when his pulse has gone from zero to a hundred, when it’s suddenly so hard to think. He recalls how tired Karamatsu’s been lately, how his movements have slowed while his eyes have become darker, how his normally painful presence in the house has shrunk so drastically. He swallows.
“Sorry, Kaa-san. I have no idea what that’s about.”
It’s silent for a moment, save for Todomatsu’s heartbeat thrumming in his ears. He doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t know where to begin. When could it have happened? Did his brother sneak out last night to…? How did none of them notice? Had Karamatsu really considered…?
Had he attempted…?
He can’t even bring himself to think it.
When Matsuyo speaks again, Todomatsu thinks her tone is that of a mother who might lose the last thing she would ever want to lose. “Promise me you’ll all look after each other, okay?” She turns to him and smiles hollowly. “Sometimes even I can’t reach you when one of you boys strays too far.”
“…Yes, Kaa-san.” When he drags himself off the countertop and out the front door, all he can think about is how he never wants to see his mother make such a face again.
He wanders around town the whole day, on the lookout for his brother but not quite searching for him. He has no idea what will occur if they happen to cross paths. He has no idea what he’ll say. Hell, he has no idea what he should say, if he has the right to say anything, because a part of him is convinced that he’d already known. Perhaps not as much as… you know, that, but he’s always known about the mask Karamatsu wears.
However, he’d honestly just thought it was nothing more than some flashy persona his brother wished he was. It made sense that at least one of the Matsuno brothers would choose to make such a ridiculous effort to stand out when part of a set of six, but he never would’ve dreamed this overconfident, narcissistic front Karamatsu put up essentially hid something much more morose. And it’s funny, because Todomatsu had felt a kinship based on the masks they both wore, but whereas Todomatsu drops it around his brothers, where he feels comfortable being himself, he realizes Karamatsu never does.
But was he slipping recently?
Todomatsu reflects on the past few days, on the few conversations they’d had, and how strangely Karamatsu had sometimes responded. Uncharacteristically.
Was that what that was? Karamatsu breaking character…?
He doesn’t know how long he’s been walking, but a glimpse of purple catches his eye and he stops near a crosswalk. Standing on the other side of the road is none other than Ichimatsu. Rather than standing, he looks like he’s hiding, though that bench is doing little to cover him. Todomatsu blinks, then follows his gaze to pinpoint what he’s observing so intensely until he sees their father strolling down the sidewalk of the road perpendicular. Is Ichimatsu tailing their dad? Because that’s just plain creepy.
He’s about to look away when he notices a familiar pair of shades, and everything starts to make even less sense. Todomatsu stares, drinks it in, but there’s no mistaking the second-born son walking alongside their father, chatting idly. Is Karamatsu hanging out with their dad? Is that something he does? Every once in a blue moon, the sextuplets will maybe go out for a drink with their dad (aside from his birthday). And like once or twice a year, he’ll join Osomatsu at the horse races. But any other bonding time is nonexistent, at least that’s what Todomatsu had always believed.
Todomatsu whips out his phone and snaps a picture because, despite it all, this discovery is kind of cute. He’s forced to wonder who the real creeper is here between his stalker brother and his paparazzi self.
He watches the pair of them enter a WcDonald’s, no doubt to grab lunch, and proceeds to be thoroughly confused. When he glances back at the bench where Ichimatsu was, he’s gone. Todomatsu is left with way too many why’s.
The youngest Matsuno decides he’s had enough of not knowing, and decidedly corners Karamatsu when he gets home later that evening. He’s careful to catch him alone, lest Jyushimatsu burst in with his curiosity or Osomatsu stumble in with his impeccably unwelcome timing.
“I need to talk to you,” the youngest sextuplet declares, sounding much less self-assured than he was aiming for. Karamatsu’s eyebrows rise slightly in surprise, then he coolly brushes the fringe of his hair. He’s acting no different, but after what he’d learned this morning, Todomatsu feels even more like he’s watching a performance than usual, and it’s painful in a different way. “I’m always available to heed your deepest deliberations, Totty! Might I suggest…” He tilts his shades to give a look that’s practically bedazzled. “The roof as our setting of choice?”
“Whatever you want, Nii-san,” he responds with a sweetness that even makes himself a little nauseous. What was once practice is now habit and Todomatsu sometimes has trouble turning it off, but his brother appears to have eaten it up, stylishly spouting some lyrical nonsense that the other has already tuned out. He wants Karamatsu to be as comfortable as possible, and the roof is basically his brother’s happy place. At least… he thinks that’s the case. He’s not sure of anything anymore. “You want tea?” he offers offhandedly. Cue surprised raise of eyebrows part two. Todomatsu suppresses a snarl because come on! He might be an asshole, but he can be considerate when he wants to be! It’s not that unusual!
The older nods. “Yes, I’d like that.”
Fifteen minutes later, Todomatsu settles on the roof with his big brother. Karamatsu has laid out a blanket larger than the one he normally uses, probably to compensate for an extra body that usually isn’t up there with him.
“So!” the Blue Matsu begins enthusiastically while accepting the cup handed to him. “What pray tell is the topic of discussion this gorgeous night?”
Todomatsu opens his mouth to respond, only to realize he has no idea how to—how to broach any of it. Here, he finally has Karamatsu to himself, where he can poke and prod as much as he pleases, yet the lump in his throat adamantly bars him from starting the interrogation. What was exchanged between him and their mother that morning hits him a second time like a brick and he feels himself freeze up.
Now that the time has come, he… honestly doesn’t want to talk about this. But he has to. He has to.
“Totty?”
“Uh…” Todomatsu avoids his brother’s gaze, taking another cautious sip of his tea to give himself time to get his thoughts together. When the cup falls away, he revises with another grand, “Uh…”
Karamatsu nods, like Todomatsu’s just said something deep. He might’ve rolled his eyes if he weren’t preoccupied with trying to find some bullshit hypothetical to start this conversation with. It’s barely been two minutes and he’s already crashing and burning.
“N-Nii-san…” He curses at being unable to keep the stammer out of his voice, but the other only hums eagerly in reply. The younger swallows, continues. “I… I have this… friend.”
This is stupid.
Karamatsu enthusiastically nods again.
It’s the stupid nonexistent friend hypothetical and Todomatsu really hates himself for starting it this way, but there’s no going back. He has to roll with it and keep talking about this friend that absolutely doesn’t exist but is actually his possibly suicidal brother and oh god, why is he so fucking stupid? Why can he do nothing but run away? Why can’t he approach this directly? Honestly? Ask Karamatsu how he’s feeling? Why he feels the way he does? Why he might be considering ending his life? Why can’t he reassure him that he’s here? That he can be a comfort too? That Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu aren’t the only shoulders of support in this shitty, messed up household? That all his brothers love him? Need him? Why do they all call Karamatsu “Shittymatsu” when the truly shitty one is him?
“Don’t leave me in suspense, brother!” Karamatsu urges suddenly.
“R-Right, uh, this friend. He’s…” Todomatsu hopes his brother doesn’t notice him sweating in the dim light. “He’s a really great guy, even though he’s extremely pai—awkward! Awkward.” He takes a breath. “He’s supportive a-and confident… and kind. Generous and considerate… I mean, he’s also an idiot, and he doesn’t know how to say ‘no’. It’s kind of sickening to be honest, haha. But he smiles so much that… that I can’t help but smile too. And yet lately, I-I can’t get this… idea out of my head that—“ He stops when a hand falls lightly on his shoulder, forcing him to look at Karamatsu in confusion. The latter slips his glasses off, brow furrowed and eyes closed, looking so serious that Todomatsu’s breath hitches. Did Karamatsu… see through—
“Say no more, Totty,” he says lowly. “I understand.”
“…You do?”
Karamatsu’s eyes snap open and they’re shining like he might cry any second. Todomatsu isn’t sure if he’s ready for this. If his brother breaks down in front of him, he’s not sure if he won’t break down too. Correction: he most definitely will break down too.
“You should confront him. If you don’t, you’ll regret it forever.”
So, he does understand. Hypothetically, at least.
Todomatsu looks away anxiously. “I’m afraid of what he’ll say though. I’m afraid that he’ll tell me exactly what I don’t want to hear.”
“Then that just means he’s not the one for you.”
...What.
“But he’d also have to be insane to not immediately fall head over heels for you!”
What?!
“And if it’s because you lack the necessary amount of estrogen to entice him, then he’s allowed himself to fall foolishly blind. Love knows no gender, my sweet Totty!”
“Stop! Stop!”
“Huh?”
How!? How did it become like this?! What?! What?! He was talking about Karamatsu! His ‘friend’ was Karamatsu! Karamatsu! Karamatsu! Karamatsu! He was wrong! He doesn’t understand at all!
Todomatsu’s face is painfully red. “Th-Th-Th-Th-That’s not—! Th-Th-This isn’t—!”
Karamatsu smirks, completely unknowing of his brother’s true dilemma while wildly brandishing his teacup. “No need to be bashful, brother! There’s no shame in feeling an attraction you can’t control. In fact, I myself, have experienced equal parts interest in persons of the male and female variety.”
Despite all reason and sense crumbling around him, Todomatsu’s panic subsides just enough for him to look up at his brother owlishly. “Karamatsu-niisan, you’re… bisexual?”
“Heh, is it surprising to discover your big brother shares in your broadened horizons?” Karamatsu counters coolly. When he goes to take another drink, he looks flabbergasted to see most of his tea has sloshed out.
The funniest thing about all this is the fact that his twin isn’t wrong, at least not in the discussed aspect. Todomatsu had realized several years ago that the attractions he felt weren’t restricted to one sex. And as he is wont to do with any abnormal quirk he has, he smothered it and happily pretended it didn’t exist. But here he is, hearing Karamatsu flagrantly tell him that he’s the same, and to be honest, he hadn’t expected that at all. Sure, his fashion sense sometimes rated as questionable on the straight-man scale, what with those horrid jorts and sparkly skinny jeans, and he sometimes offhandedly mentioned the existence of Karamatsu Boys rather than Karamatsu Girls, though Totty believes that’s more of a ‘groupie’ thing than a genre of potential romance. All in all, he’s surprised that he finds it, well as his brother had said, surprising.
“Uhm… Yes, actually,” he admits finally. He feels a strange tension in his chest that he’s only vaguely noticed before loosen a bit. That constant thirst for genuine acceptance dulls a little. It’s a relief he never fully realized he needed brought by a reality he never would’ve considered. A small guilt tugs at him knowing how differently he probably would’ve reacted to this new piece of information up until recently.
He smothers it with curiosity instead. “When did you find out? That you swung both ways?”
Karamatsu’s foot shoots up so he can cross his legs and his free hand caresses his chin, no doubt excited to weave a tale someone finally asked for. A part of Todomatsu immediately regrets opening this can of painful, painful worms. Part two of Todomatsu insists that part one can fucking deal with it.
“I’m glad you asked! Let’s see… I’d made such a discovery in high school, our freshman year. He was the coolest guy I knew. There never existed a lake so calm cloaking a storm so passionate! From the moment we first exchanged words, the moment we laughed together, I had succumbed to a fate of boundless admiration. He’d seemed to not have the slightest care in the world. Like our beloved Jyushimatsu, the only expression that laid claim to his flawless features was one of the brightest smiles I’d ever witnessed. Not brighter than Jyushimatsu’s, mind you, but I daresay it was close!” he proclaims with a quick finger gun in his brother’s direction. Todomatsu can’t help the roll of eyes at the soft “Bang!” that follows. He cradles his empty teacup in his lap and leans forward, sincerely interested. “And when you found out you liked him?”
“Heh.” The legs uncross, and Karamatsu rests an elbow on a propped knee and plays with his fringe before continuing. “As enlightened as I already was at the time, I must admit that it took some convincing to properly accept. No change in identity is slight, but eventually I acknowledged that my interests stretched past platonic.”
Todomatsu leans in further. “And…?” The suspense is killing him! Patience is most assuredly not one of his virtues. “Did you ever tell him?”
It’s slight, but it’s there—a break in his brother’s cool façade, a flash of pain across his face that kicks at the guilt already twisting under Todomatsu’s ribs. And then it’s gone, like an intrusive thought. But Karamatsu’s resulting hesitation is all the evidence Todomatsu needs that it was there.
“…I did,” he answers after a sigh, eyes unfocused. His brow furrows more than usual, as though he’s revisiting a memory he didn’t expect to recall, but then he smiles, turns back to his little brother. “I haven’t seen him since.”
“O-Oh…” Todomatsu doesn’t know what he was expecting, considering he’s never heard Karamatsu bring this guy up before. The story could’ve only ended in one of two ways: a lack of confession or rejection. In this case, there’s no doubt it was the latter.
“What about this one?”
Eh? There’s a sudden change in atmosphere and the look Karamatsu shoots him is so intense, he forgets the conversation for a second. He has no idea what his brother is asking about.
“This ‘saint’ that you can’t get out of your head, hmm?” It’s the other’s turn to keenly lean in, and like clockwork, Todomatsu leans away. He curses how his face heats up at the gesture because the crush Karamatsu is curious about doesn’t exist! Why the hell is he embarrassed!?
“D-D-Don’t worry about it!” he brushes off as nonchalantly as he can (he fails) prior to snapping to face another direction. He’s clutching at the teacup in his lap so hard, he thinks it might crack under his fingernails. Despite it all, Karamatsu hums in disbelief. “Are you sure, brother? Shall I speak with him? Man-to-man?”
“No!” You’re the same person!
His older brother chuckles, letting Todomatsu have his personal space back. “What am I saying? Of course, you can handle it on your own! You’ve never needed my assistance for anything like that. And that’s something I’ve always admired about you, Totty: your independence. You're truly our star of hope! If Choromatsu’s not the first one to permanently move out, then it’s without a doubt going to be you.”
Todomatsu feels the heat return to his face for completely different reasons. Karamatsu's flattery never affects him to this extent. It’s to the point where he can’t formulate a coherent response, so he just keeps his mouth shut and absorbs the praise like a sponge.
“Ah, I need to take a shower.” The second eldest is changing subjects so quickly, the other is actually having trouble keeping up. Todomatsu blinks in confusion. “You’re not coming to the bathhouse with us tonight?” One more moment spared thinking about it yields the fact that Karamatsu hasn’t joined them for more than a week. Maybe two? The revelation makes him feel like an idiot for asking. His brother stands, shakes his head, doesn’t look at him. “No, not tonight,” is all he says. It’s simple and straightforward. Todomatsu doesn’t like it.
“Let’s head in. Our brothers must be waiting for you. It’s about that time to leave,” he adds, eyes practically clinging to the night sky. His voice is the same baritone suave it usually is, but underlying it is something the younger Matsuno can’t quite place. Without a word, he gets up too, and on cue, Karamatsu turns and picks up the blanket. He’s smiling when he leads the both of them to the edge of the roof, but then he stops. Todomatsu stares at his back, waiting. Uncertain.
“I’m glad you came to me about this, Totty. Seriously.”
The youngest laughs awkwardly. He seems to be doing that a lot lately. “It’s not a big deal, Karamatsu-niisan. You don’t have to sound so—“
“It is,” Karamatsu insists. Todomatsu quiets. He still doesn’t turn to face him, but the younger brother catches a soft laugh. “Hey, do you remember that time you almost told us your brother ranking? How I couldn’t stand the suspense and asked you for my rank anyway, even though it was probably better to leave it be?”
He does, but why is he bringing this up now?
“You told me I was number one, and I was so happy, I didn’t care when you told Osomatsu the same. I didn’t care at all, because I was so happy, I could die. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t true. Just hearing I was someone’s number one was… Haha, well it felt good, you know?”
No… Don’t do this. Don’t say this.
“Just like it feels good now, to have you come talk to me about your problems. I guess I failed and talked more about myself this time, huh? The first opportunity I get to help you in years, and I probably blew it.” Another laugh. “Thank you, Todomatsu.”
Don’t thank him.
“I might not be as reliable as your other older brothers, but I hope you can lean on even someone like me.”
This is cruel.
Todomatsu says nothing. He wants to so badly, to tell his brother he’s wrong. But he can’t. For once, his silver tongue remains behind his teeth.
Karamatsu stands there for a few seconds longer, as though he has something more to add, then he slides off the roof and onto the balcony, out of sight. Todomatsu remains where he is, eyes pinned to where his brother had just disappeared. Regret shoves at the guilt in the pit of his stomach and the result is a wrestling match Todomatsu doesn’t want to accommodate. He’d forced his brother up here to give him a chance to talk about how he’s been feeling recently, only to be left with one new piece of information about the second eldest that he probably would’ve already known if he’d given him one iota of the attention he deserved. All because of some stupid hypothetical he’d been too cowardly to take back!
No. Todomatsu hates it, but he knows that’s not anywhere close to the truth. Whether he’d fumbled that shitty hypothetical or not, he never would’ve said anything needed to be said. He never would’ve gotten Karamatsu to talk. He wouldn’t have touched the truth with a ten-foot pole because hidden under the ugliness that is his heart, is this twisted fear of accepting the blame. This stubborn, self-centered thing that won’t ever let him admit he’s part of the problem because he’d much rather live in a fallacy where he’s not.
He’s awful.
Todomatsu sinks to his knees, doubles over, and cries. He clinches the teacup to his stomach like it might help relieve the knots of lies and vanity beneath his skin. It doesn’t.
“Shittymatsu…” he moans quietly. It’s not his brother he’s referring to.