Work Text:
I.
Winning artist of the year was a big deal.
It was their first grand daesang win, and everyone felt the adrenaline pumping through their blood, so happy they were practically bursting. They made a v live to flaunt their victory, cheering while hugging their trophy, voices overlapping as they all scrambled to express their pride and gratitude. Even after they switched off the camera and crowded into the dressing room, they still felt the hype within their veins, laughter filling the air as the members joked and sprang around, burning off their excess energy. The staff were also there, proudly regarding the fruit of everyone's efforts. Hoseok was dancing somewhere to the the side, doing exaggerated girl group moves while Jimin giggled at him, throwing his entire body to the side, eyes crinkling up until they could hardly be seen.
They were all filled with a pleasant buzz, from the alcohol and the way the room was noisy in a way that was comforting and filled with energy still not burned from that night's show. It was comforting to Jungkook, being surrounded by people he thought of as brothers, all chanting excitedly as they passed the award between them.
“To our win!” Namjoon exclaimed, and they toasted to the successful day with a cheer. Jungkook tipped the glass back, scrunching his nose at the sharp tang of champagne and then started laughing with the other members.
They were all high on their victory, high on the feeling of pride and contentment. They were dancing to their own beat, jumping with the trophy hoisted high.
He felt warm, whether it was from the drinks he inhaled or the feeling of belonging, and he grinned back when Taehyung leapt to his side, slinging an arm around his shoulder.
“Kook-ah!” His smile was childlike and wide, filled with giddiness. His hair was mussed but there were traces of eyeshadow and liner at the corner of his eyes and pink on his lips and cheeks, whether it be from makeup or their expensive alcohol.
It happened quickly. Taehyung appearing then pressing his lips against his cheek. It was over just as fast as it started and Taehyung was already moving away, commenting loudly on Hoseok’s dance and joining in.
Someone was cheering. There were whoops and applause but it all felt detached and far off, as if they were all outside an imaginary bubble with only Jungkook and Taehyung in it. His fingertips grazed the side of his cheek, which burned with a foreign fire, his face flushed for a completely different reason than the champagne now.
‘It probably didn't mean anything,’ he told himself, shaking himself out of his daze. ‘Taehyung is a really good friend. He's close with everyone.’
That made sense. Taehyung was platonically in love with everyone, filled with an overwhelming cheerfulness and willingness to face the world.
What wouldn't make sense is if the kiss was more than platonic, which gave a Jungkook a strange fluttering feeling that he quickly smothered. He lifted his glass in acknowledgment to the toast, and soon the small kiss wasn't at the forefront of his mind anymore, filed away but not forgotten.
II.
It's not that he was blind; he had noticed Taehyung getting a lot closer, until skinship was a regular occurrence; the thing was, he just didn't know why.
Usually, the constant touching between each member didn't bother him, but the small brush of fingers he shared with Taehyung felt more intimate. They bordered on the edge of friendship and something more, Taehyung constantly showering him with attention that seemed to fluctuate between platonic and romantic.
He didn't know, and it honestly confused him, like when Taehyung unconsciously brushed his fingers down Jungkook’s arm on the cramped couch they sat on while watching a movie.
It could be because they sat close, could be because of the crowded seats. But Taehyung didn't move his hand after placing it on Jungkook’s wrist, so gently that he might've not felt it if it wasn't for the heat he seemed to feel where Taehyung’s fingers ran over his bare skin. It felt as if it was different somehow. He wondered if Taehyung could feel his erratic pulse, see his flushed cheeks, see what he was doing to Jungkook.
Taehyung always treated him like a little kid, always messing up his hair and calling him cute, and it got more frequent the more flustered he got.
The most recent occurrence happened after a long day of practice. Music video shooting was always tiresome, often bleeding into the late hours of the night. The members massaged sore muscles on the car ride home while groaning in displeasure. Jungkook was tired and his eyes were so heavy that he practically collapsed into his bed after cleaning himself up.
Just as he was beginning to fall asleep, he felt a warm body slip under the sheets with him.
He mumbled something unintelligible, half-asleep, then cracked one eye open sleepily at the intruder.
It was Taehyung, wide eyes and tousled hair not fully dried after his shower with disheveled pajamas.
“I'm going to sleep here, ok Jungkookie?” His voice was soft, slightly hoarse from fatigue.
Jungkook made a noise of affirmation, then rolled back around and drifted back to sleep.
Taehyung wrapped his arm around Jungkook’s waist, burying his head in the space between his neck and shoulders. Jungkook settled closer, soothed by the comforting presence of the other. He smelled like shampoo and the lotion he used before he went to bed.
Jungkook fell asleep feeling at home.
~~
Somehow, cuddling became a recurrent activity between the two, and Jungkook began to expect the comforting presence under the covers with him every night. None of them said anything about it, and the other members didn't either, although some of them did stare suspiciously.
They were watching another movie, this time an action film and the two were alone this time, curled up together on the couch. Jungkook’s eyes were raptly glued to the screen, mouth slightly open as he watched his favorite superhero discover the true villain. Taehyung was running his fingers through Jungkook's hair absentmindedly, also focused on the movie, but not as invested as Jungkook. He hummed, thin fingers catching silky strands of black hair. Jungkook jerked slightly when the hero was captured and Taehyung tightened his hold on the other. He watched Jungkook, whose eyes were shining as he muttered encouragements to the fictional character and curses at the villain.
Taehyung grinned at how cute Jungkook was, at his quiet amazement when the hero escapes from the clutches of the despicable supervillain.
“Kookie, you're so adorable,” he mused when Jungkook was grinning triumphantly at the final victory. The younger whipped his head around so fast that Taehyung worried about his neck.
“W-what?” Jungkook stuttered, hoping the meager light from the computer screen wasn't enough to reveal his prominent blush to Taehyung. Taehyung cooed, patting his cheek. He laughed when Jungkook pouted in embarrassment before leaning over and kissing his cheek.
“You really are.”
And then he was watching the movie again, as if nothing happened, as if he didn't just start a raging internal battle within Jungkook. Was it really nothing?
Everyone doted on their maknae, somewhat of a parental instinct incited by his youthful appearance. So why did he react so strongly to Taehyung? How was he different? When did playful touches suddenly mean so much to him?
He had a hard time focusing on the remainder of the movie, with Taehyung right within his reach, a constant presence by his side.
III.
It wasn't a secret that Jimin loved coddling the maknae, always annoying Jungkook with his constant prodding and teasing.
They were eating barbecue as a way to celebrate the successful release of their new music video. Jimin sat besides him, stuffing him with plate after plate of meat.
“Kook-ah, you should eat some more! Here, hyung can feed you!”
Jungkook opened his mouth as Jimin placed a piece of meat in his mouth.
“Is it good?” Jimin asked, smiling his signature eye-crinkling grin when Jungkook nodded in affirmation. The meat was really savory, marinated and practically melting in his mouth. He smiled at Jimin or better he tried to smile at Jimin while his mouth was full of meat.
“Thank you!” he mumbled, trying his best to chew carefully.
The other members snickered, teasing them.
“Jiminie really seems like your mother.”
“Or your girlfriend!” someone called from the back. Jungkook choked, a blush coloring his cheeks. Jimin was laughing, waving off the comments. The members started laughing at them again but there was one person Jungkook noticed that wasn't laughing as hard as the others.
In fact, Taehyung looked a little dejected. He wasn't smiling as wide, wasn't poking fun at him along with the other members.
There was something off but Jungkook didn't get a chance to ask, dinner ending quickly and otherwise uneventfully, everyone bidding each other good night before retreating to their respective rooms.
Something was definitely off.
Taehyung usually would've been with him by now, a new reliable presence in his life, but not tonight.
The other half of his bed lay empty, cold and bare of the other boy.
Jungkook was surprised by how much it bothered him. After a lot of uncomfortable shifting in his bed he still couldn't sleep and decided to make his way into Taehyung’s room. It just didn't feel right to not have the older boy beside him
Taehyung was in his own bed, wide awake, similar to Jungkook before. He turned to face the door when Jungkook slipped inside, padding softly to him. Taehyung watched him carefully as he nervously glanced at the floor while his hand was absentmindedly rubbing the sleeve of his pajamas.
“I noticed you weren't there today but I...ehm...couldn't sleep...and so I came here to...uhh...”
The awkwardness was dispelled by the small smile Taehyung had, grateful and soft, filled with more emotion than Jungkook had ever seen it. He made room for Jungkook to lay down by his side. Jungkook gladly followed the invitation, happy it didn't became more awkward for him. Their legs tangled together and they curled up with each other, Taehyung tossing an arm over Jungkook, just like usual. The maknae sighed at the comforting warmth that he missed just an hour ago. The other male chuckled and Jungkook heard him whisper something similar to “so needy’’ .
Okay, yes. He was acting a little needy but that's just because he was so used to Taehyung being with him, which reminded him of Taehyung's absence earlier.
“Hey, before I fall asleep,” Jungkook murmured, holding onto Taehyung. He continued when the other hummed in acknowledgment. “Why weren't you there?”
Jungkook felt him stiffen slightly in his arms but he held on tightly. Taehyung relaxed soon but turned his face away so Jungkook could only see a fraction of his profile.
“You and Jimin seemed close today. I wanted to give you...some space.”
Jungkook was frozen for a couple seconds, absorbing the information.
“Wait, were you jealous?” Jungkook snorted, his voice rising in volume until it was a loud exclamation.
Taehyung pulled away and hit his arm, pouting. “Stop laughing,” he whined, glaring at Jungkook who practically had tears in his eyes.
“Sorry, sorry.” Jungkook sobered up, leaning back in. “You know there's nothing between Jimin and me, right?”
“Yeah, of course I know.” Taehyung scoffed but Jungkook raised an eyebrow at him.
“...I know now.’’ The older said looking away. Jungkook began to laugh again,
“Taehyungie if someone here had something going on with Jimin-hyung it would be you"
“Huh!? Ew no Jimin is like my best friend, partner in crime, beloved brother…”
Jungkook laughed and then shyly cupped Taehyung's cheeks. Both were taken aback by Jungkook's sudden skinship when it was usually Taehyung to be so straightforward with physical contact. The older male stared wide into Jungkook’s eyes who had a little smile on his lips.
“That is the same way I feel about Hyung... despite maybe the partner in crime part, ‘'
He shifted awkwardly and put his hands away from the others cheeks. "That'd be you,” he hurriedly confessed.
Before his soulmate bandmate could say something he suddenly took Taehyung's phone from the small table next to the latter's bed and shoved it into the others face mumbling something about the time and saying they should go to sleep. “That was awkward as hell. Since when am I so sappy that sounded like I meant it romantically which I totally didn't I just-”
Jungkook’s mess of thoughts were interrupted by Taehyung saying, "Okay let's go to sleep’’ in an awfully gentle voice.
After a lot of blushing and shifting from Jungkook's side they settled down together, letting the heavy haze of sleep overcome them.
Before Jungkook fell asleep he vaguely felt Taehyung lean in and peck him on his cheek. He was relieved that everything was normal again and he didn't mess up.
IV.
Comebacks were always stressful, show after show, fansigns, and cities worlds away from home. Everyone was on edge as much as it was exciting to travel. Being on a strict schedule not to mention the hours of practice and sleepless nights spent striving for perfection.
Taehyung was good at hiding emotion, they all were. It was like a mask, a facade to show the fans that they were here, they were alright. Makeup to cover the physical marks, smiles over the rest.
It was hard for Jungkook sometimes, being young, but they all smothered their fatigue.
It was bad on the body, and it was even worse for their mental state.
Taehyung fell too hard on his ankle one day during a particularly stressful practice. Everyone gathered around worriedly, flitting around him. It was a small twist but it was enough for the trainer to restrict him from practicing for a while.
The thing about being an idol was the constant pressure to be excellent, to be perfect. An injury would only detain him. Taehyung seemed chill about such things to the fans, always smiling and having his head in the clouds but his bandmates knew better. He was just as hard working and passionate as the rest of them was. As a conclusion to his injury Taehyung spent his time in bed sulking and waiting until he could start again. Jungkook felt bad seeing his hyung forced to sit on the side while pouting (cutely but still sad as jungkook thought)
“Hyung, don't be too sad about it, okay? You should think of it as a chance to rest” He said one evening while they were cuddled up to each other on the couch. Jin was in the kitchen trying out a new dish while the others were in their rooms.
Taehyung had one hand in caving through Jungkook’s hair -another habit they developed- and the other was holding his phone with the lyrics for their comeback song. He looked up from ot and sighed
“I can't rest now, we have so much to do.”
“Hyung, you're really prepared already, a short break is actually good for you.”
“But I'll be behind.” Taehyung said and bit his lips. God, he looked so sad. Jungkook didn't like this at all. He had to cheer his hyung up, but doing silly faces and aegyo so cringey they would forget what they were sad about like usual wouldn't be enough
“I promise, fans love you. You're fun, smart, hardworking, talented, and diligent. You have to rest because we care about your health. You're irreplaceable and you know that. A few weeks is nothing on the years of work you put in. We all love you.”
Jungkook sucked in a sharp breath, blushing at the sudden confession. Okay, he meant to make Taehyung feel better, but this was more than he'd usually praise his hyung. Taehyung on the other hand was beaming gratefully. He laughed, then intertwined his fingers with Jungkook.
“Thank you,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against the other. “Really. You made me feel much better.”
Taehyung gave him a chaste peck on the cheek like he often did. But this time it was...more. it wasn't as playful as usually it was just that the mood made it somewhat meaningful, for both of them.
Weirdly affected by this kiss, Jungkook began to stare at his affectionate Hyung who went back to reading the lyrics on his phone. Mean.
The younger was a wreck every time they had such a moment and Taehyung would just go back to whatever he was doing like nothing happened.
“I don't deserve this misery at such a young age” He said. Jungkook knew he was being a bit extra again but to be honest; who wasn't extra in bangtan.
“What did u say kookie?”
“I said let's stop cuddling, you smell” he teased and shoved Taehyung off of him.
“What the hell. Yah ! I only smell like flowers and newborns. When someone smells here it's you;
you rude stinky creature !”
“Excuse me?’’ he retorted in his worst english.
Taehyung had to laugh but stopped and threw another insult at Jungkook.
The teasing went on and it eventually ended in an huge pillow fight which was ended by Jin, who threatened that if they didn't stop they had to clean the bathroom for the next 2 weeks.
Yeah, that always worked.
V.
Jungkook was now turning miserable for real.
He just didn't know how Taehyung did it. How he would so unabashedly display his affection towards him and others. The maknae was shy but whenever he saw Taehyung he wanted to reach out and, despite never saying anything about it, he secretly craved the intimacy.
The younger didn't know when it started, but he suddenly wanted to kiss Taehyung, to initiate contact. The urge killed him.
He didn't know if he should, if there'd be consequences, what would happen if he did it. If he..., If Taehyung…, If….
Gosh, he blamed Yoongi for teaching him over thinking.
Said boys were now alone in Taehyung's hotel room, Jungkook visiting and scrolling through his social media feed, eating dried seaweed. Taehyung was playing games on his phone, hanging off the bed. They were somewhere overseas, in separate hotel rooms that were too lonely and boring for a sole member, which was why Jungkook was currently there. Taehyung was furiously tapping on the phone while his voice was raising exponentially as he passed each level.
“Hyung,” Jungkook, who was furiously laughing, said suddenly beckoning Taehyung over. Taehyung paused the game and leapt over to Jungkook’s desk chair. “Look at this meme. It's hilarious hyung”
Taehyung leaned into Jungkook's personal space, reading the post with an amused laugh. He was now the only one laughing, Jungkook's mind drifting elsewhere.
He was practically strewn into Jungkook's lap and Jungkook suddenly remembered his recent desire to kiss Taehyung. He was really close, his joy bringing a certain light to his eyes, an expression that caused Jungkook’s heart to flutter. He was gesturing animatedly, speaking so fast Jungkook was lost.
“Taehyung, stop moving.”
He froze and stared at him with a questioning look in his eyes, arms still poised midair,
“I'm going to do something, just… just don't move, alright?” he merely whispered. God, he was just so near Taehyung.
The other nodded, confused.
It was a mere peck, a chaste brushing of his lips against Taehyung’s, brief yet feeling for all the world like forever, as if the boy was his forever. He eventually woke up from his daze. His hand cupped Taehyung's jaw and the eyes of the elder boy were closed.
'I kissed him. I just kissed him.’' Played in Jungkook’s mind on loop. Then the mantra turned into anxiety. 'Holy fucking shit I just kissed him. Oh my god. Oh my god, Ohh my god I just-'
He darted out of the room, leaving a flushed Taehyung behind, wide eyed and still frozen with his arms still awkwardly raised.
He looked at the door Jungkook just escaped from, which had been slammed shut tightly. His fingers trailed over his lips, which still could feel the shadow of the younger’s lips, a heat that burned like fire where Jungkook touched him. A smile ghosted his lips. Maybe it wasn't hopeless.
+I.
A loud crash in the hallway jolted Jungkook out of his dozing on his bed, IU’s gentle singing in his ears contrasting sharply with the ruckus outside. He heard muffled voices, then loud giggling, sounding suspiciously like Jimin. There was the sound of a door slamming closed and Jungkook waited for several seconds before relaxing again uneasily.
Suddenly, Taehyung was at his door, his jacket hanging precariously off one shoulder.
“Hyung?” Jungkook questioned, pulling his earphones out of his ears. Taehyung stumbled in, closing the door on his way.
Before the door shut completely he heard Jimin loudly yelling, “Go get it Taehyungie! woohooo!”
What the hell. Were they drunk?
Jungkook was really confused. How could they get drunk when they had just wanted to watch a movie?
He began to worry; both of them, Taehyung and Jimin, were not good at holding their liquor.
Jungkook made to get up and steady his hyung but Taehyung pushed him back down so Jungkook was sitting on his bed, wide eyed in confusion while Taehyung towered before him, hand unmoving from its position on his shoulder.
“Um,” he tried, but Taehyung was shushing him, his hand trailing down as he plopped into his lap. He buried his nose into Jungkook’s neck, linking his arms around him.
“Let me do this.” Taehyung’s voice was surprisingly sober, yet deep and hoarse from alcohol, making him sound incedibly sexy.
Then Taehyung was placing kisses on Jungkook’s neck, which was flushed crimson.
Another round of “I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this-” started to play in Jungkook’s mind
“Hyung,” he groaned. “What are you doing?”
His grip on Taehyung’s waist tightened at the feeling of lips dragging over bare skin and the intimate position they were in, Taehyung straddling his hips, small noises escaping his mouth as he adjusted his position on top of Jungkook. His jacket was slipping off his shoulder fully, but he wasn't making a move to fix it.
“Kook-ah,” Taehyung whispered, drifting over to his ear. “Do you want me to stop?”
Yes, thought the part of him that was sane, the part of him that screamed that everything was going to change because of him, but it was overwhelmed by the part of him that wanted Taehyung, the part that made him reach out and grasp his disheveled jacket, tugging him closer.
He felt Taehyung’s lips curl up where it pressed into his skin, and then he shifted so he hovered over Jungkook’s mouth, so he could feel Taehyung's breath on his lips. He looked up, into Taehyung's eyes. He was smirking, hooded eyes locked on Jungkook's lips in a way that caused a shudder to run down his spine, which he was certain Taehyung felt by the way his smile widened.
Suddenly, Taehyung tilted his head forwards, and they were kissing.
They have kissed before, playful, brotherly kisses, maybe a little more, but this was different. This was deeper.
Jungkook holding on as if he would fall if he let go, closing his eyes and letting Taehyung lead sloppily.
He let himself be pushed down into the mattress. His mind was a mess. This was too much, Taehyung was too much.
“Tae, you're drunk.” he said in between kisses and then finally tried to push the other away.
Taehyung was panting, leaning towards him, but Jungkook tilted his head away.
“We should do this when you're sober.” There was a heavy, bitter feeling in his heart, and he gauged Taehyung’s reaction nervously. What if he said no? What if he said that this was a mistake? Jungkook didn't think he could take it, and as much as he craved the intimacy, he wanted Taehyung to feel the same without the influence of anything else.
After careful deliberation, his eyes never straying from Jungkook’s flushed cheeks, he nodded. Taehyung got off from Jungkook and collapsed besides him.
The latter tugged the elders jacket and jeans off, Taehyung unmoving the whole time as the maknae prepared him for bed.
He collapsed and fell asleep quickly after Jungkook finished, but he still unconsciously leaned into the other’s chest when Jungkook settled down next to him. Jungkook desperately hoped that this wouldn't be the last time they lay together, and he held on tightly.
~~
Taehyung was awake when Jungkook woke up, their limbs tangled under unkempt blankets. He was staring, eyes wide and bright under his scruffy bed head. Jungkook felt like hiding his face in embarrassment, but he held Taehyung's gaze. He seemed to be studying him, mouth slightly open as if he was thinking.
“Good morning,” Jungkook finally murmured, breaking the silence.
He felt his heart beat faster at what might happen next. Whatever they decided, he hoped they wouldn't drift apart.
“Last night-” he started, voice raspy from sleep. Taehyung stopped him, shaking his head with a wistful smile and closing his eyes.
“Let’s just lay here for a while.”
It was silent, Taehyung turning to lie on his back, eyes shut. Jungkook watched him without saying anything, a million thoughts flying through his head, emphasized by the relative quiet of the room. It wasn't uncomfortable, in fact quite the opposite, but Jungkook felt a heavy weight in his heart, an unshakable anxiety that wouldn't let him relax and just enjoy this moment with Taehyung. There was still that question, even in the beginning, that begged to be answered.
Whatever they were before, friends, lovers, none of the above, it was all going to change. The delicate balance was shifting, whether it resulted in a sorting out of feelings or a period of awkward dancing around each other.
Taehyung finally sighed, dispelling Jungkook's thoughts and breaking the silence.
“I'm glad you stopped me.”
Jungkook felt his heart still and his breath leave his body in a soft exhale. There was suddenly a million miles between them, and Jungkook tried so hard, but he couldn't reach Taehyung. What were they? There was a rift between them.
“Taehyung.”
Taehyung closed his eyes, bracing himself for the reply to his next words. “What did you mean when you kissed me?”
There was a pause, a moment where Jungkook's heart practically beat out of his chest. Taehyung sounded scared, as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to his question.
“Tae-Tae”
“Just tell me straight out. I don't know what to feel, please just-”
“I like you.”
Taehyung's eyes flew open, staring at a blushing Jungkook with shock.
“You… What?”
“Why do you think I kissed you back?”
“I don't know..i thought..I mean I didn't even know for sure if you were gay.”
“I don't know any straight guy who would cuddle and kiss with another guy for weeks then make out with him.”
He watched as a mute Taehyung moved his mouth silently, surprise and glee lighting up his face. They stared at one another, Jungkook waiting for Taehyung's response with patience.
“No matter if I'm drunk off my ass or sober, I would always feel the same,” Taehyung finally replied, his signature grin breaking out on his face. “I like you, Jungkookie. I have for a long time.”
With no more words, Jungkook leaned forwards and kissed Taehyung.
They were unmoving for several seconds before suddenly Taehyung was pressing forwards, long fingers coming to rest under Jungkook’s chin. Blood rushed through Jungkook's head, but his mind was clear.
Taehyung liked him. Their kiss wasn't a mistake, it meant something.
“So are we dating now?” Jungkook whispered later into Taehyung's lips.
Taehyung giggled. “Do you want us to?” He ruffled Jungkook’s hair teasingly. “You’re too cute, Kookie.”
And Jungkook was content, just lounging together in his bed, soft touches that now meant more, now were officially reserved for each other.