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Harper is, like most people, not a fan of being ill.
It doesn't surprise her that she's managed to catch something. Most of the school is either suffering or recovering from colds, one of the downsides to the winter season at a boarding school.
Sniffling, she groans as she pulls herself out of bed. She was lucky enough to get a single room this year, and whilst she does miss the company of a roommate, the privacy is welcomed. Especially when she's ill and would rather a quiet, peaceful dorm to rest in.
She pulls on a cardigan, running a hand through her hair and grimacing. She could really do with a shower, she thinks, but her head has been pounding too hard for her to move too much. Mentally preparing herself for the noise of the mess hall, she opens the door to her dormitory and heads out into the corridor.
She's greeted by Raven, who appears to be also leaving her room to head somewhere - it's Saturday, so not class. More likely the Physics rooms to work on her experiments.
"Hey Harper," she smiles softly. She's been in a better place regarding her leg recently. Whilst Harper doesn't understand the specifics, she knows the operation a few weeks back was successful, and Raven seems to be in a lot less pain. "How's the cold?"
"Brutal," Harper rasps, pulling her cardigan around herself. "I'm headed downstairs for a cup of tea and to get an extra blanket from the medical centre."
"You sound awful," Raven says, concerned. "Have you been to see Nurse Griffin?"
"Yeah," Harper replies, falling into a slow step beside her. "She just said a lot of rest and I'd be fine. I feel better than yesterday, but everything still hurts my eyes."
She pads down the hall with Raven, feeling a little bit crappier with every step. Her immune system is ridiculously weak- she knows this, and yet she still insists on hugging people with colds. Damn her adorable nature. Now even her damn braid is giving her a headache, and she just wants to lie down in the dark in her room and not speak to anyone.
But first, tea.
Harper had severely mistimed this recon mission, because bloody everyone is in the mess hall, and they’re all awake enough to be shouting. As much as she wants to see whatever Bellamy and Clarke are debating about now (the sexual tension, Jesus Christ) her head feels like there’s an entire marching band practicing inside it and she just doesn’t have the energy to pretend she cares about whoever wins a pointless argument about whatever bullshit it is now.
It’s too late, they’ve spotted her and are all waving like they’re worried she won’t see them from 10ft away.
“Harper!” Bellamy grabs her arm. “Could whales evolve legs one day?” He looks so damn earnest that she’s torn between ruffling his hair and roundhouse-kicking him in the face. Both options sound like too much effort, so she just stares at him gormlessly.
“He’s being ridiculous, Harper!” Clarke joins in now. “Listen, you like biology, so-”
“Guys, look at her. Leave her alone.” Monty interjects calmly. She could have platonically kissed him. “She doesn’t care about the whales with legs.”
“You look like a corpse they just pulled out of the river,” Murphy tells her. She nods her thanks. Such charming friends she has.
Monty gets up from the table, putting an arm around her and guiding her to the breakfast table.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, brow furrowed in concern.
"Shitty," she mumbles, grabbing a teabag and putting it in one of the mugs laid out on the surface. "You shouldn't stand too close, I know you have an important test next week and I don't want you to get ill."
"I caught it a couple of weeks ago," he shrugs. "Jasper decided he still wanted a kiss goodbye even though he was all stuffed up and gross and I thought I might escape it. I didn't."
Harper laughs, which sends her into a coughing fit that has Monty grimacing.
"Go back upstairs," he pats her shoulder gently. "I'll bring you a mug of tea and some extra blankets from the medical centre."
She nods, taking out her handkerchief and rubbing her nose.
"Thank you," she manages.
"Of course," Monty smiles, before heading back over to the table and saying something to Jasper, Bellamy and Lincoln.
Harper moves to go back upstairs, but before she can take more than ten steps, Lincoln is sweeping her up bridal-style and heading towards the stairs.
"Lincoln, what the hell?" she mumbles.
"We don't want you collapsing on the stairs," he says, smiling down at her. "I'm just giving your own personal lift."
She chuckles, letting him carry her back up to her room. He helps her into bed, pulling the covers over her and pulling the curtains so the light doesn't hurt her eyes.
"Get some rest," he says kindly. "You need it."
"You guys are the best," Harper says, burying her head into the pillow. Lincoln doesn't respond, just flashes another grin at her and heads out the door.
She manages to doze off for ten minutes before there's a knock at her door.
"Come in!" she calls, as loudly as she can with a sore throat and a wrecked voice. Monty opens the door as quietly as he can.
"It's Jasper, Bellamy and I," he says. "We brought you some stuff."
He's holding a cup of tea, and Harper inwardly jumps for joy because Monty makes the best tea she thinks she's ever tasted. She makes grabby hands, and he laughs and brings it over to her.
"Here you go," he says. "Careful, it's hot."
Bellamy follows him in with a couple of extra blankets and some pillows.
"Here, sit up," he says, and she does. He props the extra pillows up behind her head and tucks the extra blankets in over her.
Jasper waits until Bellamy's done, then moves forward. "Monty and I searched through our DVD collection. We brought Kick Ass - the first one, the second one sucks real bad - a couple of Harry Potter films and Princess Protection Program, which I'm not entirely sure why we own."
"It might be Octavia's," Monty picks up the disk. "Oh wait, no, this is mine."
"I'm not going to ask," Bellamy raises an eyebrow, picking up Harper's laptop from her desk and putting it on her lap. She smiles softly in thanks.
"Now," says Jasper. "Pike caught us in the corridor, the dick. He was asking where you were - claimed you were supposed to be in the extra class he was running today? The one I'm going to? We told him you were sick but he was like 'she's just being dramatic'. Don't worry, we let Abby know and she's sending him an email."
Harper nods. "Thanks for telling me. Ugh, I hate him so much."
"You and me both," Jasper replies. "Anyway, we'll leave you to rest."
The three of them head out the door, bidding her goodbye and get well soon. Once they're gone, she burrows herself as much under the covers as she can, putting the laptop and DVDs on the floor next to her. All she wants to do is sleep.
Apparently there is no rest in the near future, because her phone starts buzzing. Groaning, she checks it. Really, she should just turn it off, but going five minutes without checking the groupchat can result in missing three relationships developing, a fight, and sometimes an explosion.
Chat: octavia blake and the criminals
murphy: harper are you up there with the idiots
murphy: text codeword POLARIS if you need me to come and mercy kill you
clarke: do not mercy kill harper
murphy: i’ll make it real quick
harper: POLARIS
miller: is this a group offer bc POLARIS
murphy: harper only fuck off miller
bellamy: she doesn’t want this
murphy: i’ll just shoot her
jasper: DICKS OUT FOR HARPER
jasper: 30 MEME POINTS
octavia: no?
harper: the others left i’m going to sleep don’t have too much fun
monroe: sweet dreams gorilla princess
harper: that meme better be as dead as the fucking gorilla when i wake up
raven: she’s angry when she’s ill
Harper rolls her eyes and turns off the phone. Sleep doesn’t come easy, but when she wakes up she feels marginally better and kind of hungry. If she heads downstairs now, she can catch the end of lunch.
Kicking her slippers back on and throwing on an old grey hoodie, she makes her way to the mess hall. Most of her friends must have gone to do their homework or left the school for the day, because only Monroe is at their usual table. They look up and smile at Harper. “Nap do you any good?”
“More like coma. I’ve never crashed out like that in my life.” Monroe laughs. “But, yeah. Woke up craving a panini.”
Monroe winks. “Go get your panini, girl.”
Harper returns 2 minutes later and takes a seat next to Monroe. She’d forgotten how nice it was to be able to taste her food. “So, what’s up? I feel like it’s been awhile since it was just us.”
“Yeah, things have been crazy.” Monroe takes a noisy sip from the juice carton. “I miss your dumb face.”
She smiles at that. Monroe’s always been one of her favourite people, but their schedules are wildly conflicting and they like very different things so they never end up at the same events. It’s a shame really. But they have now, and Harper supposes she should try and make amends for their time apart.
"How's school?" Harper asks, picking at her panini.
"Okay. I managed to escape Geography with Pike this year, so at least there's that, and Clarke's drafted me to help with some of the fundraising for the club." Monroe replies. "The work this year is kicking my butt though."
"Oh god, same," Harper says. "And I have Pike. It's literally the worst. What team are you on for the fundraising?"
"I'm helping plan the logistics of the dance with Octavia, and sometimes I bake for the sales we've been having."
They stay at the table for a while longer, chatting about this and that and generally catching up. It's nice, Harper thinks. She misses this.
Eventually, she feels a wave of tiredness come over her and she feels herself yawning.
"Am I boring you?" Monroe teases.
"Oh, god, no, of course not," Harper shakes her head. "This illness has just got me exhausted."
Monroe nods in understanding. "I'll head up to the dorms with you. Are you coming to the extra meeting tonight?"
Oh, shit. "I totally forgot!"
"It's fine, Harper, I'm not sure anyone is expecting you to considering how crap you looked this morning. You just seemed a little better so I thought I'd ask."
"What time does it start?"
"7:30 I think."
Harper looks at her watch. 3:30. If she heads upstairs, she can get a couple hours sleep and then go to the meeting. She missed the one on Tuesday because she'd started coming down with the Cold From Hell and she was hoping to beat it before it consumed her - not that the 40 minute nap at lunch helped much.
"I'll go nap, then join everyone," she says. "I think if I get a bit more sleep I'll feel well enough to sit in to deal with Murphy's snark and Jasper's excitement."
"Great!" Monroe grins, getting up to follow her upstairs. "We missed you on Tuesday."
Harper is the kind of person who stands by her word, and 3 hours later, she’s sat in the comfy desk chair that Bellamy had reluctantly given up for her at Clarke’s demand. Clarke is currently running them through a meticulous powerpoint (she’s colour-coordinated each slide to different pride flags) on exactly how they’re going to run this dance. Harper is fairly sure that the school don’t plan most of their events down to the last minute like this, but it’s Clarke Griffin so she’s willing to roll with it.
When her phone buzzes in her pocket and she checks her texts, her heart sinks. She must be making a face because Jasper looks a little concerned. “You okay, Harper? Feeling ill again?”
She shakes her head. “Just my dad asking if I have a date for his dinner party thing next week. He’s so desperate for me to have a girlfriend, it’s not even funny anymore.”
“Wait, is your dad the one that sends those cakes every few weeks?” Raven throws herself towards Harper. “Harper McIntyre, will you do me the honour-”
“You like his cooking that much?”
“Harper.” Monty says seriously. “Your dad is a genius. Could he be made to believe you liked guys? I’ll totally be your fake boyfriend!”
She groans. “Monty, he will never believe that. Raven, frankly I think you’d hate it. It’s a bunch of boring old people and me sitting around a table discussing the economy. Is my dad’s cooking really worth it?”
“They’re not that boring!” Monroe chimes in. “They’re pretty cool for old people, plus I love your dad.”
“Yeah, he loves you too.” Harper pauses. “Wait.”
Monroe has never really had to ask Harper what she’s thinking. They might be psychic, actually. “I’m up for it,” they say. “It’ll blow his mind.”
“I’ve read enough fanfiction to see where this is going,” Jasper whispers to Monty in what he probably thinks is his quiet voice. Monty pats him on the head.
"I'm glad we got that sorted," Clarke says from the front, amused. "So is everyone okay with their roles for the next few weeks?"
There's a chorus of 'yep' and 'yeah' and a 'ugh' that Harper assumes comes from Murphy, but she knows he's actually very excited and busy coordinating his suit to Emori's dress. Whilst Monty is distracted by something Miller is saying, she turns to Jasper to ask him about his plans for the dance. She's quick enough to catch a look on his face she doesn't recognise. It's unfamiliar, vulnerable, and very unlike the Jasper she knows.
"What's up, Harper?" he says, when he notices her.
She's become an expert on Jasper Jordan throughout the time they've been friends, and she knows something is wrong. She decides to change the subject.
"I was just gonna ask if you went to Pike's study session," she lies. "I'd rather not have nightmares about him in my sleep."
Jasper laughs a little. "I've got the notes upstairs - can I give them to you after dinner?"
"Of course." She sits back, watching him turn back to Monty and immediately brighten. She makes a mental note to keep an eye on her friend. Her gaze falls upon Monroe, who looks back at her and smiles. At least with them by her side, the dinner party might not be so unbelievably boring.
She's at lunch a couple of days later, mostly recovered, shovelling pasta into her mouth at an alarming rate. Her Geometry lesson had been far, far too long and she hadn't eaten since 7:30 that morning.
"Do you think I'd look hotter in a suit or a dress? Or a skirt and shirt maybe?"
Harper chokes on her pasta. Monroe flops down onto a seat next to her.
"Dude, you okay?"
"Yeah," Harper manages, after she's taken three big gulps of water and found her breath. "What was the question?"
“Harper. Suit, dress, or skirt?”
“Suit! You’d look dapper.” Harper gives them a bright smile, and Monroe returns it, apparently forgetting Harper’s brush with the God of Gay Death mere seconds earlier. “Damn right I would. I’ll start looking into it. Now, important question. Exactly how affectionate do we need to be?”
Harper shrugs, because she’s worried she’s going to choke again. “Not very? A little bit- I mean, he’s met you before, so we need to act a bit more couple-y. Is that okay?”
Monroe steals some pasta from the side of her plate with their fork. “Sure thing. I’ll just touch your elbow and call you honey bunny.”
“Call me honey bunny and our fake breakup will be public and violent.” Harper warns, pretending to turn away so Monroe can’t see her cheeks flushing pink. “Feel up my elbow all you like, though. It’s totally romantic.”
“We need a story, Harper! How long have we been together? Who asked who? What kind of dates have we been on?”
Harper frowns. This is getting a lot more complex than she had anticipated, and she’s certain something is going to catch her out. She doesn’t want to put Monroe (or herself, to be honest) through the awkward experience of explaining her fake relationship to her dad and all his friends.
"Maybe we should keep it simple," Harper suggests. "We just slowly realised we felt like we were more than friends."
Monroe considers this for a minute before nodding. "That works."
"It'll be fine. We know each other well enough to get by without making any mistakes," she nudges Monroe with her arm. "Besides. My dad totally loves you. He's not gonna ask any weird questions."
Monroe smiles, and Harper has to avoid direct eye contact with her in order to remain a Sane Human Being. She didn't realise how much she craved Monroe's company until now, and it's really fucking her over.
Conveniently, Miller and Murphy choose this moment to dramatically fall into the seats opposite them.
"Did you do the homework for Sinclair, Harper?" Miller asks. Murphy takes out a pair of knitting needles and Harper is too busy trying to figure out why why he needs them to answer.
"What?" Murphy says when he looks up to see them all looking at him. "It's cathartic."
"Oh my God, you're actually knitting. Incredible."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Miller sighs, turning away from him and focusing on Harper. "So? Harper?"
"Yeah, it's upstairs, I can go grab it for you. It's really bad though," she responds.
"Really bad is better than incomplete."
"Touché," she turns to Monroe, shooting them a grin before getting up to leave. "Definitely the suit. You'll look hot."
She thinks she sees a blush forming on Monroe's face, but it could just be wishful thinking.
When the night of the Dinner Party of Lies rolls around, Harper is fully recovered and finally able to think straight. Which means she’s now wondering what the hell made her think this was a good idea. Why couldn’t she have just told her dad she was single, or that her date couldn’t come? No, she always has to make her damn life more difficult.
At least the dress is nice. It’s a pretty blue thing with a swishy skirt. She’s not usually one for dressing up, but she’d be lying if she said he hated it. As she checks her bag for everything (it’s a weekend so she and Monroe are staying overnight) there’s a knock at the door.
Monroe looks good in a suit. Like, really good. Harper’s never seen them in formal dress before- they usually opt out of the school’s formal events. Her mouth feels a little dry and Monroe is smiling. “You look good, Harper. Shouldn’t be too hard to fake this!”
Harper nudges them as she steps out into the corridor. “Try not to fall in love with me. It’ll make anniversaries super complicated.”
They set off together towards the station. It’s a 5 minute walk from the school, but it feels like it passes in an instant as she chats to Monroe. They don’t discuss their fake relationship- they just talk as they always have. It’s nice.
Whilst they wait for their train to arrive, Harper checks her phone.
Chat: octavia blake and the criminals
raven: YOOO WE SAW YOU ON THE GROUNDS
raven: SUPER HOT
octavia: that dress was magical
octavia: monroe looked like they belonged in a 50s black and white french film i’m crying
clarke: meanwhile we are all lying abt like lazy slobs
clarke: [look-what-you’re-missing.jpeg]
harper: bellamy looks like he’s been shot
monroe: HAS bellamy been shot??
murphy: not yet
miller: it’s cranberry juice
miller: he tried to scare murphy in the mess hall and murphy dumped it on him
“Well, I don’t think we’re missing all that much.” Harper turns to Monroe. “Ready?” She gestures at the train pulling into the station. “It’s nearly time to meet the family.”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Monroe heaves themself off the seat. “Is your dad making cheesecake? I may never leave.”
“He’s making it especially for you, you better eat a lot of it!” Harper hops onboard. “I think he’s been hoping I’d bring you home as my date for a little while.”
The train journey isn't long, only about 45 minutes. Unlike some of the others, she doesn't live that far, she just chooses to board because of the amount her parents have to work. She and Monroe pass the time by listening to music and dancing along. She isn't surprised to learn Monroe knows all the words to 'Wannabe'. By the time they arrive at the station near her home, the sun is setting, and the sky is a hazy mix of blues and pinks and oranges.
"Clarke would love this," Monroe murmurs as they stand in front of the station, taking it all in.
"She would," Harper agrees quietly.
They lapse into silence again, enjoying the moment, before Harper spots her dad's car parked just across the road.
"Come on," she says to Monroe. "My dad is parked over there."
They shove all their stuff in the trunk before getting into the backseat. Harper leans over to kiss her dad on the cheek in greeting.
"Hello, you two!" he smiles. "Journey okay?"
"Not bad," Harper responds as the car pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road. "I've certainly had worse."
"Definitely not as bad as the 3 hour journey I have to make to get home," Monroe adds, making the three of them laugh.
The drive passes in comfortable quiet. Harper's dad has the radio turned on low, listening to the news, and Monroe is reading some article on their phone.
Once they reach the house, Harper's dad parks and they get out, grabbing their bags from the back and heading inside. Harper's mom greets them at the door, giving them both hugs and a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll show you upstairs," Harper says, tugging on Monroe's arm.
"Lead the way."
Her house hasn't changed in the short time she's been away - not that she expected it to. Her room is exactly the same, except it's much tidier and her bed is made.
"Welcome to my humble abode," she sighs. "It's not that much - considering I spend all year at school most of my stuff is there."
"It's the same with me, don't worry," Monroe replies, putting down their bag and flinging themselves onto the bed. "So. What time is dinner?"
"Careful, you'll wrinkle your suit," Harper chides, and Monroe sits up. "Probably in an hour or so. I think I heard guests in the dining room, so soonish."
‘Soonish’ is not soon enough. Harper and Monroe head downstairs after about an hour and start conversation with the guests. They’re nice enough people, of course, which is why she feels so bad for being snappy with them. She’s absolutely awful when she’s hungry. Monroe is maintaining their usual quiet demeanour, but being polite enough. Occasionally, they are asked how long they’ve been together. There’s a brief blip when they answer 4 months and 7 months at the exact same time, before awkwardly recovering it with some nonsense.
After what feels like forever, but Monroe tells her later is actually about 20 minutes, the food is served. Her dad has outdone himself as usual, and his friends all do their weird muttery compliment thing. A guy Harper thinks is called Tor Lemkin even asks for some to take home for his daughter. Monroe says very little throughout the dinner, eating the food at an alarming rate and occasionally stopping to laugh at a joke or make a show of smiling at Harper. Everything’s actually going quite smoothly. Her dad asks after her friends, particularly the Blakes and Monty. He’d met them last summer when they had shown up at Harper’s unannounced after Bellamy’s car had broken down as he drove them home. He’d practically adopted them. She’s lucky to have a dad who likes her friends so much, but sometimes she feels like she’ll always be a bit boring compared to their weird and wonderful attitudes.
Luckily, he clearly still thinks of them as young children because he lets them take their cake away to sit in Harper’s room. Monroe, half vanished into a beanbag, holds the plate up in one hand.
“I’m dying,” they announce. “I ate so many potatoes. At least now we don’t have to fake break up?”
“Don’t you dare die in my house.” Harper shuffles over to pat Monroe’s knee. “I won’t have it.”
Monroe laughs, a sunny sound that has Harper joining in. They're suddenly in peals of laughter, neither of them sure what exactly is funny but both with tears in their eyes.
It takes a few minutes for them to calm down, and when Harper finally recovers she looks up to see Monroe looking at her.
"What?" she asks, confused. "Do I have cake on my face?"
"Can I kiss you?" Monroe blurts. They seem to immediately regret it, because their eyes widen and they look towards the open window as if they were looking for an escape.
Harper is so shocked that it takes her a few seconds to respond. She's not sure when she started to feel something more than just a platonic affection for her friend, but what she does know is that she would very much like to take it a few steps further.
She leans forward, cups Monroe's face and kisses them gently, curiously. Monroe makes an appreciative noise in the back of their throat, moving their hands to rest on Harper's shoulders.
When she finally pulls back, she's definitely sure that she should have done it ages ago. She takes a moment to breathe, before taking Monroe's hands in her own.
"That was nice," she says quietly.
Monroe nods. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
Harper smiles, reaching up to loosen Monroe's tie and shirt collar. "Well, we better not waste any more time."
Before she can take things any further, however, her friends decide its the right time to start having a conversation on the group chat.
"We could just ignore it," she mumbles against Monroe's mouth, fully intent on doing just that. Monroe shakes their head.
"Rule one: never ignore the chat. You'll miss too much. I'll just scroll through quickly."
Harper scowls and pulls away, getting out her phone.
Chat: octavia blake and the criminals
bellamy: guys........... monty is so great
bellamy: he Fixed My Fucking Computer
bellamy: DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG ITS BEEN BROKEN
bellamy: i've been using murphy's and there's some weird af folders on there
murphy: did you go in them
bellamy: no wtf
murphy: good
jasper: i agree monty is the BEST
bellamy: isn't he???
raven: careful, bell, jasper might challenge you to a fight
raven: remember when he thought he had a thing for maya so he mistakenly punched miller cause he thought that he made a gross comment
raven: lol now you're both gay
miller: IM STILL MAD ABOUT THAT
miller: I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING TO MAYA I SAID MAYONNAISE IS DISGUSTING BECAUSE MURPHY SAID HE WAS GONNA PUT IT ALL OVER HIS SANDWICH
jasper: LISTEN WE WERE 13 AND I MISHEARD U IM SORRY
monty: im crying
jasper: u know i love you monty
bellamy: u know i also love you monty
jasper: watch out, smellamy blake
bellamy: wow are you 12
monty: i love you both xxxxx
jasper: kiss kiss
monroe: fuck you guys i was about to get some
murphy: oh my god
miller: WHAAAT
bellamy: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
bellamy: HARPER????????????
jasper: OH YM GOS H
harper: you guys have the WORST timing
monty: harper!!! ahhhh!!
harper: i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
monroe: kbye talk later dont expect to hear from us for a while
bellamy: that would be creepy if i didnt know, like, what it really meant
murphy: bellamy cant say the word sex
bellamy: thats not true i've said it around you before
murphy: yes you have ;)
bellamy: MURPHY
“Okay, so.” Harper turns back to Monroe. “Distract me, because I really need the mental image of Murphy and Bellamy removed from my brain instantly.”
Monroe smirks and pulls Harper down by the strap of her dress. “I can take your mind off it.”
“We’re gonna have to have a fake anniversary,” Harper whispers. “My dad thinks it’s been 7 months already!”
“Can we think about that later?” Monroe whispers against her throat.
Harper thinks this is fair enough.
The dinner party guests don’t leave until nearly 2am and her dad assumes (wrongly) that they’ll both already be asleep, so luckily for them, they go undisturbed for the night. In the morning, Harper changes out of her crumpled dress and Monroe switches their fancy suit for a hoodie and jeans. There’s going to be chaos when they arrive back at school. It’s not like the group don’t already have their fair share of relationship drama to obsess over, but apparently nothing is ever enough. She just hopes Octavia knows where to draw the line with the questions. And that Monroe knows where to draw them with the answers. She already knows far too much about some of them.
The train journey back is quiet. They had said all they needed to (and quite a lot more) the previous night, so now they just sit in companionable silence, occasionally breaking it to remember something funny that had happened, or that Monroe hasn’t done their project for Kane. It’s still early morning, and as the light filters through the dirty train windows, Harper looks down at her feet, knocking against Monroe’s and thinks how lucky she is.
Fake it til you make it has taken on a whole new meaning in her mind.