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Why does he have to be such a goddamn blank slate? I mean, Dale Cooper is very expressive, but that’s just what he choses to show people. I know that deep down he holds things to himself. It scares me. I’m not too expressive about really anything myself, I mostly analyze things in my head and chose what actions to do (similar to Cooper).But I feel that my actions reflect my thinking more than Cooper does his. He choses his actions based on what people want to see and what’ll keep people from asking more about him. He presents a child in an adult’s body and people just take it as it is without question.
I was partnered with Cooper a year ago. I was new and he’d been around the ropes, so I trusted and took cues from him. And now after all this time analyzing him, I’ve figured this out, and I feel the need to ask him what's going on.
Tonight was my chance. We finished a case together in Utah with this country serial killer who used industrial machines to fake his murders as accidents. Easy case, really. Damn fool used his victim's credit cards and signed with his own name. Anyways, we were tired, but Coop insisted on driving back to base, “so we could clear our heads with the fresh mountain air”.
We listened to a reading of In Cold Blood. I popped the cassette out. “Hey, what are you doing there?”
“I need a break from this murdering stuff.” I turned to FM and started flipping through stations.
“I hate to break it to you (y/l/n), but that’s kind of your job.” He teased.
“Sure it’s my job, but we’re on break so that we can get our fill of life without murders. Don’t get me wrong, I love crime stopping but you can get too much of a good thing.”
“That may be true, but you can never have too much coffee.” He retorted with a smile.
“That’s about the only thing you can’t overdose on. Well, until you die of caffeine toxicity.”
He smiled dreamily at the horizon, “But it’d be a great way to go out.”
I laughed. “Maybe I should look up the symptoms and keep an eye out.” He let out a chuckle himself.
I landed on an 80’s synth pop station and decided to stay there. I was surprised to see Coop sing along with the lyrics but joined him nonetheless. I’ve always had a fondness for the genre, even though the songs tended to mesh together with their similar sounds and themes- like freedom, rebellion, and love.
“Hey Coop?”
“Yes, (y/l/n)?”
“I gotta ask y-”
He cut me off, pointing to a sign, “Would you look at that! A historical marker and a rest stop in the same place! Let’s take a walk outside.” He was elated, a stupidly cute grin spreading across his face.
I tried to hide my disappointment but unfortunately managed an, “Oh, alright.”
He pulled off the highway and parked next to the sign. We got out together and read it. It was about the creation of the transcontinental railroad nearby, and how the crew there laid a record amount of miles of railroad in one day.
“Really inspirational what a group of people can do together.”
Ideas came up in my head about the mistreatment of the workers and how they were probably worked to the core without any breaks, but I chose to not say anything. I figured I’d let Coop have his moment, so I just nodded.
He turned to me with his hands in his pockets with his shoulders reeled back in a laid back stance. “I can see you thinking. Let me guess, forced labor of Chinese immigrants?”
“Damn, you know me too well.”
We exchanged smiles and he placed a hand on my back as we started walking to the look out. “A couple years together does that to people.”
We walked on the wooden platform and I rested my arms on the banister, overlooking the valleys and distant mountains. “You say that, Coop, but I just can’t figure you out for the life of me.”
He lightly chuckled to himself, “Really? What’s so stumping about me that makes me more complicated than killers?”
I turned to face him and laid back on the banister. “Well, for starters, killers all have this same underlying thing about them that makes them predictably unpredictable. And you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before.” I looked down and laughed to myself embarrassed. “I know that’s a stupid and cheesy thing to say, but I’m being honest.”
“Is this about what you were going to ask me earlier?” He started to look slightly concerned.
“Yeah. Coop, I’ve noticed you hide stuff. You don’t talk about your emotions or even really let yourself accidentally show some. I mean, I get it. You’re usually on the job and emotions interfere, but you keep up with it all the time.” I sighed. “All want to know is why have you created this barrier for yourself? What’s going on up in that head of yours?” I tried to end it light heartedly, feeling that the question could be getting too personal.
He looked at the ground and shook his head. “You're wrong.”
“What?”
“I mean, you've already figured out a lot about me. If you take the clues you can piece it together yourself.”
“That's the thing- you can't expect everyone to get your ‘clues’. You need to be honest sometimes.”
Cooper looked up from the ground and into my eyes. He took my hand in his, and placed his other on my cheek. His hands were soft and warm, and his eyes were dark and glowering as they stared into mine. He leaned in and our lips met in a kiss. I held his face and deepened it. We broke apart and he laid his forehead on mine.
“(y/n), I never learned how to show my feelings...And I guess you aren't supposed to learn them, it's instinct, but I never felt that. I wasn't trying to hide anything, please know that.” His eyes were downcast and laden with sadness.
“Cooper, hey, hey,” I rubbed my thumb on his cheek and got his eyes back on mine, “that's fine, that's totally okay. I just- I'm sorry I blew up at you, I really shouldn't have.” I kissed him again.
“No, it’s my fault. I didn’t communicate like I should have.”
“Listen, people don’t need to be like anything. You’re discovering things and you’re going at your own pace.”
“(y/n), no one has ever cared about me like you have,” he kissed me again, “I love you.”
I looked at him, trying to find a hint of a lie in his eyes. “Cooper…”
“You’re right, I’m moving at my own pace, so I have the choice to accelerate it if I want, and I want to start with something that's very important to me. (y/n) I love you.”
I jumped in his arms and hugged him. I could feel his lips smile against my neck. “Cooper, I love you, too. A million times over.” He placed me on the banister and I held his face in my hands as we smiled at each other like idiots. “So, what’s next?”
“I guess we’ll just have to see, huh?” He pulled me in for a tight hug.
“Promise me you won’t let go.”
“Never, seeing as if I do you would fall, maybe, 600 feet.”
“What?” I peered behind my shoulder and stared at darkness. “How can you calculate that?”
He just looked at me, “It’s the coffee, I’m telling you. God’s gift to mankind.”
I smiled incredulously at him. “How about we get back on the road?”
“As long as we can continue this talk.”
“Of course.”
He lifted me off of the banister and we walked together, his arm around my waist and mine on his shoulder, to the car.
I was wrong. He didn’t put the barrier up himself, he just never knew it was there. All he needed was for someone to tell him, and he could finally open up and love like he’d always wanted.