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The Hale fire never happens. Kate flirts with Derek, seduces him, tries to blind him with her touch and her smile but Derek’s family realizes what she’s trying to do sooner than later and Derek’s mother chases Kate away, mercifully not slicing her open for what she did to her son. So Derek grows up relatively normal after that and when he finally gets to college, he makes a decision to never let anyone get hurt because of him and to never let anyone hurt him.
He goes back to his cocky, carefree self. He plays sports and he’s good at it. He’s handsome and people flock around him so he’s never alone. He’s smart enough to get decent grades and his professors like him. He graduates with honors, mostly thanks to his sports career and moves on to his Masters and he feels like he’s ready to eat the world whole. But it all changes in the span of three seconds: the time needed for someone to barrel into him, sudden enough that his werewolf reflexes can’t prevent the collision.
Derek doesn’t fall in love at first sight. These sort of clichés are bullshit. Derek hasn’t fallen in love in a long, long time, not since Paige; Paige with her black hair and her soft voice and her sweet smile; Paige with her red, red blood, thick and sweet-smelling as it sipped into his clothes.
He’s had girlfriends since then (not counting Kate, never counting Kate), two of them, lasting a couple of weeks each. And he’s had a long line of hook ups, guys and girls just falling at his feet, easily and beautifully. So yeah, Derek doesn’t fall in love at first sight because Derek knows better.
But he’s undeniably hooked at the weirdness that is Stiles’ charm. He’s a freshman and the most awkward person Derek has ever met. He watches him trip over his own feet, laughing so hard he almost topples his chair backwards, eating and talking at the same time with such ferocity that his friends don’t seem to be able to follow what he’s saying.
Asking him out is not a stupid bet, it’s not a lousy joke and it’s definitely not a challenge of some sort. Derek just wants it.
He waits a couple of weeks, enough time to bump into Stiles a few times, say hi to him, alert him to his presence and identity and it works well enough; especially considering that the second time Stiles sees him blurts out, ‘holy crap, you’re a Hale from Beacon Hills, that’s why you look familiar’.
But it seems that his reputation around campus precedes him and when he first asks Stiles to have coffee with him, all with a charming smile and an easy tilt of his hips, Stiles just eyes him suspiciously before saying a resolute no and turning away.
Derek scowls but doesn’t quit. He’s charming and good-looking and funny when he wants to be and Stiles can’t possibly have already found someone more interesting than Derek.
So he tries again at a frat party, straight up hits on Stiles, asks him to dance, gets him a beer, the good kind too, but it seems like Stiles has a personal grudge against him and keeps saying no.
Winter break comes and goes and while they’re both back at Beacon Hills, Derek catches Stiles’ scent a few times at the grocery store and a couple of times at the local diner. He’s not sure why he always follows the trail and he’s not disappointed when it leads him to nothing, not really, because it’s not like he’s in love with the kid or misses him, they don’t know each other well enough for that. But it still makes something in his stomach flutter away nervously every time it happens.
On New Year’s he ends up hooking up with Erica’s best girl friend of the month (she changes girl friends every now and then as she only seems to be able to keep guy friends) and they have fabulous sex, but she’s just one more person he can’t make himself care about enough to call again.
Sometimes Derek thinks he must have broke at some point inside and been rearranged the wrong way, but then he reminds himself that he’s strong, young, handsome, alive, not alone and he doesn’t do self-doubt, not anymore.
So he goes back to college and asks Stiles out again and again, and he keeps getting rejected without any explanation.
When he finally dares to ask why, the answer surprises him even though in retrospect it shouldn’t really.
“Because I have self-respect, asshole. You parade around, asking me out like it’s a joke to you, like all the people you have asked out and fucked are jokes and I don’t want to be another name you cross off your list. You assume everyone will fall at your feet and I have no intention proving you right.”
Derek is left speechless and thankfully only Stiles’ roommate is there to witness his burning cheeks.
So someone has been talking to Stiles, spewing gossips and half truths about Derek. It’s not the worst thing that could happen but Derek is getting pissed off. Yes, he’s had a lot of hook ups. No, he doesn’t care about relationships; hasn’t been able to since she died. But he doesn’t treat all these people like it’s all some joke to him. He’s never led anyone on and he has never lied about what he could and couldn’t give.
Clearly Stiles needs to find a better source.
Still, Derek isn’t angry at Stiles. A little annoyed at him for trusting the gossiping mill, sure, but he can forgive him that. It all changes though on a stuffy afternoon in the library when he catches Stiles’ scent and follows it out of habit.
He finds him studying with Eli, a senior and Stiles’ TA at algebra.
Derek plays it casual like a pro, smiling at Stiles and nodding at Eli and he even gets a small, if stiff, wave from Stiles.
As he’s leaving he hears Stiles saying, “wow, he actually managed to hold back”.
Stiles is obviously talking about him, so despite his mother’s voice in his head telling him that using his enhanced hearing to eavesdrop is a horrible abuse of his gift, Derek can’t help but lean against the nearest bookshelf and concentrate.
Afterwards, he doesn’t know if it would have been better if he’d never heard anything or if he should have emerged from his hiding spot and put his claws through Eli’s ribcage.
Hearing Eli tell Stiles that Derek probably has a lot of issues and that’s why he’s fucking everyone that looks at him the right way made him scowl and think of a few things he’d heard about Eli that would interest his current girlfriend. However, hearing him inform Stiles that these issues exist because Derek’s first girlfriend died when they were fifteen, put a test to his self control, the likes of which he hasn’t felt since Kate.
That night he shifts and runs and runs and runs until he’s deep in the forest a few miles out of town and something cracks inside him and a deep roar is let loose. He howls to the waning moon for what feels like hours.
When he finally gets back home, he calls Laura and even though she’s cranky for being woken before 7 am, she talks to him, lets him fall asleep listening to her breathing.
Later, he doesn’t know what is worse, the pity in Stiles’ eyes every time they cross paths or the indignant look he gives him as if daring Derek to make another move.
Two weeks later he asks Stiles for coffee one more time, partly out of habit but mostly out of a deeply imbedded curiosity to see how far the pity will extend.
Stiles says no. It sort of feels liberating.
Spring comes and goes and with it the finals and all the studying required, and on one early June evening, Derek finds himself at the beach during a big goodbye bonfire.
Stiles is there too, flushed and slightly drunk, shaking his hips off beat with his arm looped around a guy Derek doesn’t know. He hears Stiles introduce him as ‘Scotty, my BFF’ and just as he’s about to admonish himself for feeling relieved that this Scott guy is nothing but a friend, the wind blows just right and his eyes, bright blue and electrifying, snap up and are met with a pair of golden ones.
Derek would laugh if he were the kind of person who does that sort of thing out of habit, but being who he is, he just reins in his instincts and stares intently at the boy.
Of course Stiles’ best friend is a werewolf, of course.
He watches as Scott leans in and whispers something to Stiles’s ear and then Stiles turns and looks at him. Derek doesn’t need werewolf hearing to catch Stiles’ ‘no fucking way, dude’ aimed at Scott, seeing as Stiles pretty much shouts it loud enough for everyone to turn and look at him.
There’s a guy (Liam, Leo, Derek doesn’t remember) who’s been eyeing him all evening and Derek had been thinking about taking him back home, or just back to his car more probably, if Stiles turned him down yet again, but suddenly he doesn’t feel like letting anyone touch him or even being here anymore.
He leaves that night without looking back and early the next morning, he packs his things and goes back to Beacon Hills (back to family and pack) two days earlier than he had been expected.
It’s not like Beacon Hills is exactly a getaway, though. Stiles’ scent seems to be everywhere, as if Stiles has been running around town rubbing himself on random benches, cars and buildings and hugging half the population of the town.
He’s gloomier than he has been in a long while and after he growls at Cora during dinner, his family starts getting worried. He says he’s fine, that nothing particular has happened and it’s not even a complete lie.
Derek can’t figure out what triggered this dark cloud to generate above his head and rain all over his everything, but he can’t do anything about it, hopes that by pretending it’s not there it will soon pass.
It’s a month after the bonfire that he sees Stiles again. Erica and Boyd have dragged him along to one of Isaac’s ‘little get togethers’, an apparent euphemism for a party involving people having carelessly sex out in the open, but Boyd produced something strong early on, laced with the right kind of distilled wolfsbane and that was temptation enough for Derek to stay.
First there was Ann, blond and curvy and petite and Derek made out with her for a whole of three minutes before excusing himself and leaving. Then there was Jake who wanted to be pushed against a tree and scratched and get bitten a lot and Derek got bored even faster. Then there was Lea draping herself all over him, trying casually to suggest a threesome with her boyfriend.
Not long after, Derek finds himself in his car driving into town disgusted for the first time by all the people he let touch him. He isn’t drunk enough to be a danger behind the wheel, but he isn’t sober enough to deal with anything other than a burger and some coffee, so he heads to the diner.
And there, among empty chairs and tables and next to a steaming cup of coffee that smells more like vanilla than anything else, Stiles is slouched low in his chair blinking sleepily at him.
Derek sighs, places his order with the poor girl pulling the graveyard shift and looks over to where Stiles is calling his name and beaconing him over.
He sits down heavily across from Stiles and he feels so very tired. “What do you want, Stiles?” he asks.
“I just realized the other day,” Stiles begins in a way that would suggest to an outsider that they do this often, sit together and talk over coffee. Too bad, because Stiles never gave him the chance. “That,” Stiles goes on, “you must have heard Eli, that day in the library…I mean, what with the werewolf super hearing and whatnot, if you were close then you must have heard him say- um. Anyway, I started thinking about it the other day and I’ve sort of maybe been obsessing over it?” Here he pauses enough to wince at himself and take a breath and then barrels on, “I don’t really do the whole gossip thing and I don’t know how or why Eli knew about- about- well. I just. I wish he hadn’t said anything. That’s some personal shit that I shouldn’t have heard. Probably. I mean, I’m the first person to admit to being nosy, but that just didn’t seem right, you know?”
Stiles looks expectantly at him as if Derek should agree and make him feel better about knowing what he wasn’t supposed to know in the first place and all throughout Stiles’ rumbling Derek has been getting more and more upset.
“So,” he fixates Stiles with his deepest scowl and after making sure he has one hundred percent of his attention he goes on, “you don’t do the whole gossip thing yet you based your whole perception of me on what you have heard from others. How do these two compute?”
Stiles’ cheeks color and Derek still can’t help but find it adorable. It’s shattered though when Stiles has the audacity to mumble, “well, it’s not like they were lies.”
Derek has to pause and take a deep breath before he does something stupid like punch Stiles across the table right in front of the girl who just brought him his burger and coffee.
“You,” he hisses as soon as the waitress has left, “I can’t believe you. So anything you ever heard about me came from a friend of mine, an undisputable and reliable source? Is that it?”
Derek is seething and he doesn’t know why he’s still sitting here. He can hear Stiles’ heart beating overtime, can practically feel the heat of his blood as it rushes to his face and can smell the sweat that’s gathering at his hairline. He should get up, never bother again. Yet he stays seated watching Stiles swallow and it’s in that moment that he realizes that the time he could have walked away has long passed.
“Th-there was this girl in school,” Stiles finally stutters seemingly out of nowhere, looking at his coffee. “Lydia Martin. Prettiest girl you have ever seen, most popular girl in school. Genius too, got into MIT. Anyway. She was like, perfect, you know? And she never even looked at me. Every time I tried to talk to her it was like I wasn’t even there.” Derek isn’t sure where Stiles is going with this, but he sits and listens regardless. “She was with Jackson, Lacrosse captain, biggest douche this side of the univesre. And they break up right before Winter Formal and I think wow Stiles, this is your chance. And before I could even think of what to say, she’s asking me to the dance.” Here Stiles pauses and shoots a look at him and Derek is startled at the sadness in his eyes. “Turns out she only wanted to make Jackson jealous. It worked, or- well, it didn’t really, I mean Jackson got jealous alright, but not because of me. He saw her making out with Scott who was blindingly drunk.”
Derek doesn’t have anything to say, it’s not the worst sob story he has ever heard, but it’s not his place to judge what people go through and how they deal. As far as excuses go, though…Before he can come up with anything, Stiles takes a breath and goes on.
“Anywho, tough luck, huh? The girl you like used you to get back with her boyfriend, not the worst thing that could happen. So I decide to move on and we go with Scott to Heather’s party, childhood friend of mine, and she’s flirting with me all night and the next day her brother asks me out. Like, what the fuck, right? I just thought let’s see where this goes and long story short he knew Heather liked me so he dated me out of spite because of some sibling rivalry I will never understand.”
“Stiles,” Derek is starting to realize where this is going and he kind of hates that Stiles hasn’t looked at him in a long while. “Stiles, that’s-”
“My point is,” Stiles interrupts him, “that I know I can be an easy target, okay? I’m clumsy and talk too loud and I’m nosy as hell and yeah, why would anyone date me? I get the appeal for people like you, beautiful and popular people with a million plus one talents, in your case plus two, you freaking unfair werewolf. I’m easy to use for your purposes because why would I ever say no, right? But-”
“Stiles, just shut up for a minute!” Derek whispers loudly, conscious of the bored girl at the register trying to listen in. “Yes, you were right, I don’t do relationships, I’ve been with maybe more people than the average guy in the past couple of years, but I’m nothing like what you’re describing. I’d never do that.”
There’s an ugly curl at Stiles’ lips and Derek has but a second to realize that Stiles’ defense mechanism is probably vitriolic before Stiles says, “why because you have a sob story, too? Your girlfriend who died?”
There’s a number of appropriate responses to that and Derek has to remind himself that involving claws and fangs isn’t one of them.
“Fuck you,” he says simply, brokenly.
Stiles lifts a hand and grabs Derek’s wrist tightly, horror filling his eyes. “Fuck, Derek, I didn’t- I didn’t actually mean that. I’m so fucking sorry.” His heartbeat is elevated but stays steady and Derek looks down at where they’re touching and for the first time in nearly nine years he says the words.
“She didn’t just die. I killed her.”
Stiles’ mouth drops open, his eyes widen and Derek, letting go of a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding so many years, tells the whole story.
Afterwards, it’s Stiles who sheds a tear for Paige and Derek’s innocence, since Derek’s ran dry nine years ago.
It doesn’t fix everything, but at least there are no preconceived notions between them anymore. Derek wants to stay there and look at Stiles, at his pretty, complex eyes, at his rosy cheeks and his nearly bitten through lips. He wants to take his hand and ask him what his favorite movie is and what he prefers to eat when he gets take out.
But it’s been months since he made the first move and he realizes it now, he's gotten attached without even being aware of it and he doesn’t know how to handle another rejection. Not after what he just told Stiles.
“So,” Stiles says and his hand is back to gripping Derek’s wrist, hesitant and gently. “How about coffee tomorrow, after lunch?”
Derek searches his face for any evidence of pity, but all he finds is a tentative smile and a hope he can feel reflected in his own eyes.
“Yeah, sure. Sounds great.”
It is only the beginning.