Chapter Text
Ben found a narrow staircase off to one side of the room to safely ensconce himself. The party buzzed on without him, his absence made no difference. He felt sick to his stomach from nerves and the food he’d forced himself to eat to fake the appearance of normality. He had known attending the party would be a bad idea. After a long day on a bad night of sleep and his usual discomfort in large crowds, he’d known there wasn’t much chance he would enjoy himself. But Caleb begged him, sending twelve separate texts in the space of four hours, all of which were some variation of “please come,” until Ben gave in.
From where he sat, stretched out and shoved against the wall of the staircase, Ben commanded a good view of the basement. The music boomed off the cinder block walls, the dance floor seethed and the ring of bystanders seemed to rotate around the dancers. Ben caught sight of Caleb, sitting atop a stack of four plastic chairs not too far to the left of Ben’s staircase, laughing at something somebody said. There were five, maybe six people pressed close around him, talking and goofing around. Ben wished he was brave enough to join them, brave enough not to mind that he couldn’t think of a single thing to add to the flow of conversation, brave enough to just be with Caleb without having to interact. But he felt extraneous, obvious and bulky—like a weight for Caleb to carry with him as he mixed into the crowd with his usual ease. So he removed himself and tried his best to convince himself it was better that way.
After nearly ten minutes Ben talked himself into contentment in his little hiding place. The walls of the staircase created a barrier against the noise warding off the headache that threatened him. If he couldn’t be home this was a tolerable alternative. He was fine. But of course Caleb saw him and had to ruin it all. Ben tried to wave him off but Caleb pushed through the crowd, stopped at a cooler to pick up another bottle of beer, then made his way over to shove himself beside Ben. Ben shifted sideways to accommodate him while simultaneously protesting. Caleb handed him the beer and ignored him, settling back with his shoulder pressed to Ben's chest. Ben was suddenly and painfully aware of his arm behind Caleb. He couldn’t figure out where it would fit without touching Caleb too much and a small panic set in before he decided to prop his elbow on the next step up and turn his head to rest it on his hand. He glanced ruefully at the unopened bottle in his other hand and decided it would be too much to try to open it. He put it down on the stair by his leg. He kept his breath shallow to keep from pressing too closely to Caleb’s shoulder and tried to find the amusement in his own awkwardness. But he just felt miserable and vaguely giddy.
“What happened today?” Caleb asked suddenly.
“Hm? What do you mean?”
“When you texted me you said you had a rough day. What happened?”
“Oh, just—things. A lot of things. The kind of small things that stack up into bigger things.”
“I didn’t need all the gruesome details.”
Ben passed his hand over his eyes and laughed.
“You really don’t. It’s not a big deal now.”
“You’re okay?”
“I’m okay.”
Ben tried to stress the words significantly so that Caleb would understand that he didn’t have to stay. He didn’t seem to notice. He stayed. Ben switched tactics.
“I’m just tired now. But you looked like you were having fun. You’ve got a lot of friends here. It seems a shame to waste your time on me.”
Caleb was watching him and looked away when Ben attempted a tentative glance at him. Caleb remained quiet and his face was serious. He shook his head and lifted his bottle to his mouth, pausing long enough to say:
“You’re about the last person I’d consider a waste of time, Ben.”
Caleb swallowed a gulp of beer and Ben stared at his profile, watching his lashes hover over the brown eyes gazing into the room beyond the narrow walls. Caleb blinked and his eyes shifted down to study the label on the bottle. Ben lowered his arm to rest it on the stair, the knuckles of his fist brushed against Caleb’s opposite shoulder.
“That’s—one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten,” Ben said, trying to keep his tone lighthearted.
Caleb snorted.
“It’s amazing what you catch when you go fishing.”
“Oh, god.” Ben jumped to protest. “I wasn’t—I meant—”
Caleb was laughing now, nudging Ben’s stomach with his elbow.
“I know. I’m only teasing.”
“You need to leave me alone.”
“Not likely.”
Caleb tilted his head back and his eyes laughed at Ben. For a moment Ben felt alone again. Caleb understood so much about Ben, but he didn’t know much Ben loved the way that look made him feel. Something must have changed on Ben’s face because Caleb’s brows drew together and the laughter faded into concern.
“What’s the matter?”
Ben’s hand, in autonomous movement, unfolded from its fist and his fingers stretched to touch Caleb’s shoulder again. His arm tightened around Caleb and he watched Caleb’s lips part.
“Nothing.”
Caleb’s head tipped forward and their foreheads touched. Ben’s arm tightened more and Caleb was smiling. They both stopped breathing. All fell silent and time froze.