Chapter Text
Quietly, Aria poured burning hot water from the kettle into their teacups, the flowery scent of her favourite herbal tea filling the air.
“Thank you for staying, Spence,” Aria said, flashing a small, meek smile.
“Sure,” Spencer replied with the same kind of smile, slowly stirring her teabag with a spoon, the clink of the spoon against the sides of the cup the only sound that could be heard in what was now Ezra’s loft apartment.
It was always odd for Spencer to be in the apartment when it used to be Toby’s. It used to be a place she enjoyed being, a place with so many memories — good and bad. Now it was the place Aria lived with the boyfriend that none of the girls actually liked. They all knew Aria could do better, that she had done better. Ali was always especially vocal about it, but Aria never knew. It seems that the time has come, though, for Aria to hear some truths about her relationship. Spencer kept mindlessly stirring her teabag, not sure how to break the silence between them.
“I’m —,” Aria started.
“So —,” Spencer had said at the same time.
They both chuckled awkwardly and Spencer wished things weren’t so broken.
“You go first,” Spencer said.
Aria nodded and smiled sadly again. She cleared her throat and stared down at the countertop, avoiding eye contact.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I know that doesn’t make anything better or change what I did. I messed up. I messed up so bad, Spence.”
“Why’d you do it, Aria?”
“I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You could have come to us!” Spencer exclaimed, a bit of anger entangled in her words.
“Could I have, though?” Aria shot back.
Spencer moved her head back, confused. It was like she had been slapped. It made her so beyond heartbroken to think that Aria didn’t feel like she could come clean to the girls. To Spencer.
“I’m not stupid, Spencer. Ali made it pretty clear in the woods that she wouldn’t care if Ezra went to jail.”
Spencer took her spoon out of her teacup and let it clatter to the countertop, drops of tea dripping carelessly.
“That wasn’t what she meant!”
Aria tilted her head and put on that stubborn face that only Aria had perfected. It was like she was challenging Spencer to tell her she was wrong. Spencer closed her eyes for a moment and took a sip of her tea, savouring the lavender taste in her throat.
“Okay,” Spencer conceded. “Maybe it was. But…. Aria. Can you blame her?”
“Uh. Yeah, yeah I can.”
Spencer readjusted in her seat and turned to face Aria more head-on. She took another sip of her tea and then folded her hands in front of her. It was the natural position her body took when she was ready to explain something to someone.
“Ali has spent her whole life being taken advantage by men. Look at her history, Aria,” Spencer said. “Ian, Cyrus, Rollins, Lorenzo, and I’m sorry, Aria, but Ezra is included in that.”
“Not the way Ali tells it,” Aria replied, defending Ezra as per usual.
“Yeah, maybe she lied about her age at that bar or whatever, but she didn’t make him write that book. She didn’t make him spy on us and stalk us for years.”
“But…”
“No, let me finish, this is important.”
Aria nodded solemnly.
“She didn’t make him find you in a bar and seduce you, knowing full well that you were in high school. That isn’t Ali’s fault and you know it. I know you know it,” Spencer said firmly, but with love in her voice. “But this isn’t about Ali, ok? It’s about you and what you did. And why you did it.”
Shaking her head, Aria pushed back her bar stool and backed away from Spencer, tears filling her eyes and her lip wobbling, her jaw clenched from trying to keep the tears in her eyes instead of down her cheeks.
“I don’t think I want to talk about this anymore.”
“We either talk about it, or I have to walk away. And I don’t want to walk away, Aria. I really don’t.”
Aria was silent, her jaw still clenched, and she kept shaking her head and fighting off the tears that threatened to fall.
Spencer let two minutes of silence go by before she sighed and pushed back her own bar stool. She looked at Aria, her own eyes filling with tears, her heart shattering at the realization that maybe she’d have to walk away from her best friend. As she walked past, she placed her hand on Aria’s shoulder and squeezed it gently, a gesture of a goodbye she didn’t want to say.
Before Spencer could move her hand, Aria had covered Spencer’s hand with her own, a silent pleading.
“P-please,” Aria choked out. “Don’t go.”
Spencer pulled Aria in for a bone crushing hug as they crumpled to the floor, Aria sobbing into Spencer’s chest. Tears rolled idly down Spencer’s own cheek as she held her friend, her friend who had become a shell of who she used to be.
“I won’t,” Spencer promised, using her sleeve to wipe Aria’s tear stained cheeks clean.
“I’m so sorry I ruined everything,” Aria sniffled.
“Hey, hey, you didn’t, alright?”
“I broke up your family and my friends hate me!”
Spencer held Aria’s face steady, looking her straight in the eye.
“What I said about you breaking up my family — I shouldn’t have said that. You didn’t. That’s not on you, Aria, that’s on my father,” she nearly spat the words. “And your friends don’t hate you. They’re just hurt.”
“Would none of you have done the same thing?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. That’s not the point, though.”
Spencer smoothed Aria’s hair and rested her head on top of Aria’s.
“It’s — it’s hard to talk about, Aria. We just want you to be happy,” she started. “But I think we’re all at the point where we don’t want to be complicit anymore. We didn’t pick up that something was wrong with you.”
“Well, because I lied about what was going on.”
“Despite contrary belief, you’re not a great liar,” Spencer chuckled quietly. “All of your excuses — like going to Ezra’s book thing at The Brew. You’ve always prioritized him over us and we….we came to expect it so when you blew us off, we didn’t think anything of it.”
“I used it as an excuse because I knew it’d be believable,” Aria muttered.
“You’re my best friend, Aria, and I think I just need to be totally honest with you,” she gulped nervously. “He’s not a good guy. I wish you would have filed that report, or let A.D. turn it in, because Ezra deserves to be in jail. Legally and morally.”
Aria tightened her grip around Spencer like she were a life-raft, like if she were to let go, she’d drown in her emotions.
“You’ve always isolated yourself because of him — from your friends and your family,” Spencer continued carefully. “You’ve put everything into this relationship. Everything. And you’ll have nothing left for yourself and trust me when I say this, that’s no way to live. That’s not a healthy relationship.”
“It’s not like that, Spencer. I love him.”
“I know you do. But sometimes love isn’t enough. You can love someone with all of your heart — it doesn’t mean you’re right for each other,” Spencer shrugged. “And love doesn’t mean that what he did is okay. And it isn’t your fault.”
Finally, Aria untangled herself from Spencer and sat across from her, cross-legged, folded hands in her lap. Spencer’s only observation was that she looked so small. She was always tiny, but she looked small here. Like she was always making herself smaller to make other people — aka Ezra — bigger than they were. The smaller she was meant the weaker she was and men like Ezra, that’s exactly what they want. For women to be small. Because nobody cares about the small little woman who chips away at herself every day.
But Spencer cares. She’s always cared.
“I made the decision, Spence. There’s no other way to spin that.”
Spencer reached out and took Aria’s hands in hers, making sure that Aria was looking at her when she said this. She wanted to be sure her friend heard this.
“You were a teenager. A minor,” Spencer murmured. “He stole your ability to make that decision, corrupted it, and gave you that ability back knowing it had been tainted. The only person to blame is him.”
“I don’t know if I can leave. I don’t know if I even want to,” Aria sighed and looked down at their joined hands. “Tell me what to do. Please.”
“You know I can’t do that. And let’s be real, Aria, I don’t make the best life choices,” she snorted. “But this choice? This choice is up to you and only you.”
Aria continued to stare at their hands.
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Aria said quietly, almost so quiet that Spencer didn’t hear.
“We love you, Aria. I hope you know that. We’re going to support you no matter what, but you needed to hear this. You need to think about it, how this relationship has affected your life.”
“Yeah.”
“Something I learned in rehab, they don’t define an addiction by how much of something you consume. It becomes an addiction when it starts to affect your life.”
Aria bit her bottom lip so hard that Spencer could see a divot.
Spencer checked the time on her phone and cursed — only a couple of hours until the countdown was over.
“Shit, I gotta go!”
“W-where?”
Spencer tenderly let go of Aria’s hands and pushed herself up off of the ground, smoothing out her jeans.
“I promised I’d meet the others at the barn. Em texted and said she and Ali’s date was over and they’re headed over.”
“Oh,” Aria nodded sadly. “Wait. What? Date?”
“Finally, right?” Spencer wiggled her eyebrows.
“No kidding!”
“I’d invite you to come meet us but I think they still need a bit of time and… well, I think you need to talk to Ezra.”
“It’s fine, Spence. Really. I get it.”
Spencer threw her purse over her shoulder and headed to the door, Aria trailing her to show her out. Turning around, Spencer hugged Aria tightly again, whispering in her ear, “Remember. You’re little, but you’re big.”
Aria wiped away a stray tear as she hugged Spencer back.
“I’ll text you later, if….well. You know. If we’re not….,” Spencer trailed off, smiling to hide her fear. “Love you.”
“Love you, too,” Aria whispered, releasing Spencer.
Spencer smiled briefly before leaving, Aria shutting the door behind her. When she turned around to go clean up their tea, she gasped and jumped, seeing Ezra’s silhouette at the front door. She gulped, hoping he hadn’t been there long.
But somehow, she had the feeling that he’d been there the whole time.