Chapter Text
“Lena, there’s something about me that you don’t know and, well, I’m not sure how to tell you.” No no that’s way too formal. I’ll freak her out before I even get to it
“Boy do I have some news for you!” Okay that’s too casual
“So you know Supergirl, right?” Oh yeah insult her intelligence
Kara sighs as she looks at herself in the bathroom mirror. She abruptly rips open her yellow blouse, revealing the House of El crest underneath.
“Surprise!” She’d never forgive me if I actually told her like that
Kara shakes her head at herself as she starts redoing the snap on buttons, courtesy of Winn. She has to hand it to him: they really are a great idea, even if Alex had laughed her ass off when he first brought it up.
Kara picks up her glasses from the counter and wears them, not bothering to wipe them off, the dirt visible no matter how carefully she cleans.
Deep breath. Hold…eighteen, nineteen, twenty, release
Her reflection still looks anxious.
She knows she has to tell Lena. Or, well, no. That’s not quite it? It’s so much more than that.
Kara wants to tell Lena. She’s wanted to introduce herself as Kara Zor-El for a while now. And that’s not something that happens a lot.
Out of all the people that know her secret, Winn was the only one she chose to tell with no strings attached. Contrary to what people think, she doesn’t go around without a care in the world if people find out about her. Kara doesn’t trust people easily. She’s friendly and she looks for the best in people and she can slip up sometimes (mistakes are universal, not just human), but her trust isn’t just blindly given out.
No alien’s is.
Lena’s different. Lena has always been different.
Kara won’t lose her. Not over this. Hell, hopefully not over anything. She trusts Lena implicitly and her multiple failed attempts at the truth these past few weeks weren’t cutting it.
And it’s just, well, it’s more than wanting to tell her the truth for the sake of it. Lena deserves to know no matter what, of course, but lately things between them have…shifted.
Like, really shifted.
Kara has a list of all the shifts she’s noticed.
- They’ve become more obviously flirty. Seriously. She can’t even fake her obliviousness at this point. Compliments and innuendos, everywhere.
- The atmosphere of the restaurants they now go to? One word: intimate. Candles, close seating, soft music, sharing dessert. Sharing multiple desserts. Eventually she’d have to tell Lena her secret just to justify the sheer amount of calories she can put away during one meal while still having no idea where her local gym is.
- She’s been Lena’s designated “plus one” to a handful of parties now. Some are thrown for admirable causes, some for just showing off how much money the party throwers have. But all fun because she was with Lena. And if Snapper gives her permission to leave a little early that day so long as she gives him an article about it, then one stone will hit both birds or however that human expression goes.
- They talk to each other. Really talk to each other. A lot. And not just in person but by phone calls, texts, emails… just whatever is closest to them when they think of something that they just have to share with the other. It’s a warmth she’s not used to, getting a text from Lena about absolutely nothing and just knowing that Lena was thinking of her.
- Lena’s blouses have been undone just a little bit lower whenever she’s with her. And yes, she’s counting this fact because she knows she isn’t subtle about this, even if she denies it. She knows she has sneaked a peek far too often and that it’s becoming a problem. But she also knows that Lena’s noticed a few times and the woman’s heart beat quickens as a smirk forms on deep red lips and Rao, she has got to control herself better before she just outright stares in public and Lena finally calls her out on it.
Kara sighs. She doesn’t know when she turned into kind of a perv.
So yeah, Lena and her have been heading down a romantic path for a while now. And it’s new and exciting and every look makes her smile and every touch a pleasant shock to her nerves and Kara’s pretty sure that Lena returns her feelings (though the possibility of I’m so sorry Kara but I just…I don’t feel like that is mildly killing her).
Lena deserves to know the truth before anything progresses between them, if it does. She has to know what she’s getting into. Not that Kara doesn’t have to cancel plans or run out unexpectedly or have Alex respond to texts when she’s out on a lengthy mission now but…you just can’t do that to your girlfriend? Kara can barely stand doing that to Lena as her best friend. Regardless of how it plays out, at least Lena will know that Kara isn’t intentionally ditching her and instead has to leave for superhero emergencies.
And not just any superhero.
Come on, she’s…she’s Supergirl.
A Luthor and a Super. A loaded history that can flip everything on its head the moment it’s revealed. One that could make Lena not even be able to look at Kara and Kara not able to blame her. One that could tear them apart just as they were getting closer because of circumstances they had no control over.
It’ll be just another one of Rao’s cruel jokes regarding her life.
Kara flexes her hands, places them on her hips, and doesn’t feel silly at all when she nods decisively to herself in the mirror.
Today. Whatever happens afterwards, she’s doing it today. No matter what.
//
Kara [8:08 AM] Hey! Wanna do lunch?
Lena [8:08 AM] Oh Kara I would love to but won’t be able to get away until 2
Kara [8:09 AM] We can go then
Kara [8:09 AM] If you want to
Lena [8:10 AM] Of course I want to see you but are you sure you don’t mind waiting?
Lena [8:10 AM] I know how you get when you haven’t eaten in a while
Kara [8:11 AM] Food is very important!
Kara [8:11 AM] But some things are more important. I’ll wait for you.
Lena [8:12 AM] You’ve made my day.
//
Kara [9:47 AM] I’m telling her today
Alex [9:49 AM] Sure sure
Kara [9:50 AM] For real this time. It’s happening
Alex [9:51 AM] And this is what you really want?
Kara [9:51 AM] Absolutely
Kara [10:11 AM] You know why I have to do this
Alex [10:12 AM] I do. I get it. I’m just worried.
Kara [10:12 AM] I know
Alex [10:13 AM] And I support you!
Kara [10:13 AM] I know that too : )
Alex [10:15 AM] How are you feeling?
Kara [10:17 AM] Oh I’m terrified
//
“I don’t believe you.”
“I swear I’m telling the truth.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“It’s too crazy!”
“Oh, so we’ve finally found where Kara Danvers draws the line?” Lena laughs. “Aliens, magic, and parallel universes are no big deal but this? Can’t be.”
Kara fidgets with her glasses and holds one hand slightly in front of Lena before making sure it’s safe to cross the street. Lena smiles.
“I’m sorry! I’m trying to picture it. Like, really trying, but I just can’t imagine Lena Luthor going skinny dipping with a bunch of her classmates in the middle of the night.”
Crap, Kara didn’t say that too loud, did she? She looks around, satisfied at seeing that no one’s paying them any mind.
Kara looks back to Lena, who is laughing at her.
Lena also looks stunning in her blue dress but that’s neither here nor there.
“Well, we did! We were on a weekend trip to France right before graduation and when they first suggested it, I thought “no way in hell”. But then one of the girls mentioned how much it would piss off my mother should she ever find out and…that’s how that happened. However,” Lena turns to her with a teasing smile and a pretty blush on her cheeks, “if you still can’t picture it, I suppose we’ll have to go skinny dipping one of these days, just to prove it to you.”
Kara chokes on absolutely nothing –which is just embarrassing and supposed to be impossible- after which she stutters for a few long seconds before looking at the woman next to her.
“Oh…kay. That’s…good. Really good, I’d like that. Yeah.”
Kara Zor-El was raised with all the elegance, poise, and grace necessary to be the heiress of the oldest and most noble of houses on Krypton.
These have not been her finest moments.
Lena, bless her, bites her lip so hard to keep from laughing and just looks at her with adoration in her eyes.
Kara smiles and gently nudges her shoulder as they turn the corner, L Corp coming into view ahead.
Lena had insisted on walking and taking advantage of the clear weather after days of rain. And Kara? Well, Kara usually does what Lena asks because the smile Lena gives her in response feels like sunlight. Kara also thinks Lena might know because she’s used that same smile to get her to eat healthy on three separate occasions. Some plan to “make sure Kara doesn’t have a heart attack before she’s 30” or something.
(She’s not whipped. She’s not. Yet most people think she is. Once after overhearing her on the phone with Lena, Winn and James made that stupid whip cracking sound when they thought she was out of earshot -which, hello, she’s kind of always in earshot?- after she agreed far too quickly to head to Lena’s apartment that night. J’onn did tell them to knock it off, even though she heard him chuckle about it.
It wasn’t Kara’s fault though. She just knew Lena had a tough day after having a meeting with the board plus a 3 AM conference call before that and really, so what if Kara maybe made a pit stop in Switzerland to pick up those chocolates that Lena just loved so much, she had to bite back a moan every time she ate one and-
Okay, fine. She’s definitely whipped. Whatever.)
Kara tilts her head towards the park in front of L Corp, silently asking if Lena wants to take their weekly walk through it, and Lena nods. It’s a nice place, always crowded during lunchtime but not too many people now and as they make their way towards their usual secluded bench, Kara realizes it’s a good spot to tell her.
It’s quiet and familiar for them but won’t taint any good memories if the conversation turns south. Plus, the chances of this very spot being bugged are laughable.
Will Alex get pissed at her for doing this in such an open location? Most likely. But the thought of souring any memories in Lena’s office, either of their apartments, or any other place the two of them frequent is not something Kara wants to do to either of them.
“So…” Lena continues as they sit down and their hands fall in the small space between them, almost touching. “Do I get to hear any Kara Danvers stories?”
Kara looks at her. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.” There’s a barely noticeable hitch in Lena’s breathing and Kara can tell she didn’t mean to say that. She scrambles. “What were you like in high school? That is, if you don’t mind talking about that time. Actually, never mind, I’m sorry I brought it up, forget I said anything.”
She’s flustered and normally Kara would take a second to appreciate this side of Lena that she rarely sees but her need to allay Lena’s fears wins out.
“Lena, I thought we agreed I’m supposed to be the rambler in this relationship.” Some of the tension falls away when Lena laughs and Kara reaches out to hold her hand, smiling when Lena links their fingers together. “It’s okay. I can talk about that time.”
(Kara remembers the first time they talk about it. They were at her apartment and she had been twisting her mother’s necklace around her finger, finding comfort in one of the few things that feel normal in her hands. Lena said it was beautiful and asked where it was from and before Kara could help herself, the story came out of her. The details were altered but the end result was the same: Kara was alone, all family gone, and adopted by the Danvers.
Lena never brings it up again.
It’s also the first time they held hands.)
“Okay, then tell me something.” Lena encourages. “Whatever you want.”
Kara thinks.
“I discovered I really liked art in high school.” Art? Art? She gives me skinny dipping and I give her…art?
“Art?”
Rao even Lena knows that’s bad
“I’m sorry, I’ll think of something better.”
“No, no!” Lena squeezes her hand. “Tell me. I’ve actually always been curious. I’ve seen all the supplies in your bedroom but you never talk about it and I never see you with paint on your hands.”
“I haven’t had a lot of time to do it lately.” Which sucks. Kara misses it a lot but ever since becoming Supergirl, setting aside a few hours to just paint every week didn’t seem possible. “I really enjoy it though. You remember how I mentioned that I was in a separate program in high school? For students with different needs?”
It’s a good thing she was, too. Not only are most teenagers, well, straight out of hell, but the whole high school environment is completely awful. Loud noises, social interactions, always being crowded, speech she didn’t understand… Couple that with her devastation over Krypton and powers she could barely control? It was a disaster in the making. Everything was harsh and mean and if her eyes weren’t tearing up, they were heating up.
“I remember.” Lena nods.
“Well, one of my teachers got me into it. She liked to show us pictures of famous paintings and landscapes and all sorts of artwork. One day when I was in class, she came over, handed me paints, paper, and a paint brush and told me that the only time she’s seen me react to something is when she would show us different paintings. I, uh, I wasn’t very responsive to anything back then.” Kara clarifies. She knows Lena doesn’t need it but Lena’s thumb grazes over her knuckles in appreciation.
“And I don’t know, I just…I just really liked it? I didn’t have to talk, I didn’t have to interact with anyone, I could just paint what I wanted without worrying I was doing something wrong. Again. I could paint how I felt instead of talking about it to people who would just never understand. And eventually…I started painting my parents. I painted my family, my friends, my home, places I remembered from my childhood…”
Kara isn’t crying but her eyes are a little misty.
“Things you never want to forget.” Lena’s words are soft, her eyes sad. But her small smile is genuine.
Kara squeezes their hands. “Things I never want to forget.”
They stare at each other, the surrounding mood heavy for a sunny day at the park but not uncomfortable.
“Thank you for telling me that.” Lena looks down at their hands. “For feeling safe enough to tell me that.”
“I trust you, Lena. With everything.” Now, do it now Kara takes a deep breath. “There’s actually, there’s something I need to tell you.”
It’ll be okay. You can do this
Lena looks at her, curious. “Okay.”
You won’t lose her
“The thing is…I’m just going to start at the beginning-“
That’s when Kara hears it.
Ever since she became Supergirl, Kara’s hearing has had to be on. It’s in the background and she’s learned to filter out certain noises but she still has to be aware of her surroundings. It’s why she picks up on a thundering heartbeat getting closer with each hard step on the ground.
Kara turns her head and sees a man in a brown coat making a beeline in their direction, other park goers jumping out of his way. Which is suspicious in itself but more so when she hears him mutter Got her.
She pretends to scratch her ear and hears the near inaudible beep of her comm turning on, knowing that it’ll alert Alex.
“Kara, what’s wrong.” Lena pulls her hand, trying to get Kara to look at her. She’s worried. “Is everything okay? It’s alright if you don’t want to tell me what you were-“
“Why don’t we go back to your office?” Kara looks back at her and notices two police officers behind Lena, a little ways away. She needs to try and get their attention. She needs to make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone.
But first, Kara needs to get Lena out of here.
Now.
She stands, tugging Lena up with her and placing her body directly between Lena and man barreling towards them.
“Kara, please, what’s going o-“ Lena looks past Kara’s shoulder and goes still. “What the f-?”
She hears Alex’s voice on her comm. “Kara, we’ve got a visual and our closest field agents are almost there. The scan picked up signatures of alien weaponry. Be careful.”
Alien weaponry? Where the hell did he get that?
Kara spins around to face him, placing Lena tight behind her body. She hears Lena’s fearful Kara! and feels Lena trying to get in front of her, Kara’s arm blocking her path.
He stops five feet from them and screams. “Luthor!”
Well, at least he was loud enough to get everyone’s attention, including the police officers.
Alex comes back online. “Vasquez and Carmichael are 20 seconds out.”
“Leave her alone.” Kara’s voice is steel. “Walk away.”
He smiles cruelly, shaking his head. “Can’t do that. She deserves it!”
Lena looks over Kara’s shoulder at him. “Just let her go. She’s not a part of this.” She tries to bargain with him, tries to move in front of Kara again.
Neither of her attempts work.
“Cadmus was making me better! They were helping me! And then you…you ruined them!”
Kara hears the cops, now much closer, murmuring worriedly to each other. She hears Alex communicate with Vasquez, who just pulled up in the discreet DEO van to the right of them. She hears Lena’s deafening heart beat, her quick breaths, feels the would-be bruising grip Lena has on her hip.
All that fades out when the man raises his bare hand towards them.
No, not bare. Is that…metal? There’s a metallic ring burned onto the palm of his hand.
It takes a split second for it to power up before an orange beam of light shoots out from it.
Kara quickly pushes Lena away from her and steps forward, taking the full impact of the beam in her chest.
It knocks the breath from her lungs and for a few moments, Kara can’t feel anything as she falls to the ground.
…
…
…
And then at once, everything snaps into focus.
The cops are yelling, ordering him to drop his weapon,
Vasquez is whispering to her, telling her to take a deep breath and keep her eyes closed.
Carmichael is subduing the suspect with a tranquilizer dart.
Civilians around them are screaming, filming, or running away as fast as they can.
Alex is in her ear, pleading, saying there are too many witnesses, to stay down, to not get up even though Lena is-
Lena
Kara hears the exact moment Lena sees her lying on the ground, the strangled scream that leaves her throat breaking Kara’s heart.
“Kara! No, no, no, please!” Lena crawls from where she had fallen to Kara’s side and it takes everything Kara has to not open her eyes. To not tell Lena that it’s okay, that she’s okay, and stop the agony that’s spilling out from Lena with every breath. Especially when Lena pulls Kara into her arms, trembling hands so gentle around her.
“Open your eyes. Please, sweetheart. You know I love your eyes, right? So let me see them.” Lena’s sobbing and every tear that falls on Kara’s face makes her feel more like a monster. “We’re supposed to go skinny dipping. We still have to try that new restaurant and we still have so many movies we wanted to show each other and we…we’re supposed to do so many things together and Kara, please not you, okay? You can’t leave us…you can’t…you can’t leave me. I won’t allow it. For fuck’s sake Kara, please!”
Lena’s crying so hard that Kara almost has difficulty making out what she’s saying. Alex is in her ear, just apologizing over and over and Kara’s not sure if it’s their combined words or the residual effect from the beam but she feels cold.
Vasquez and Carmichael are next to them now.
“Ma’am, I’m so sorry but we need to take her.” Vasquez says.
Lena pulls Kara close to her. “You’re not taking her anywhere!”
“We don’t know the effects of the radiation. It’s not safe. Please Ma’am.”
Vasquez gently takes her body from Lena, who has to be restrained back by the cops.
“No! Please don’t take her from me! Kara, come back!”
The entire ordeal doesn’t last more than thirty seconds but it feels like days before Kara’s finally being covered up on a stretcher and placed inside the van.
Carmichael drives, checking her rear view mirror every so often to make sure the other DEO van with the assailant is in sight, while Alex and Vasquez are both speaking to her, trying to get Kara to say something.
Kara’s not paying attention to any of it.
Instead, she’s focuses on Lena.
Lena’s heartbreak, Lena being ushered into a private area with empty words of comfort from the cops, Lena’s name on the surrounding people’s lips, for once out of pity and not suspicion.
I should have told her. I should have fucking told her the first moment I realized I wanted to
Kara hears Lena whisper I love you and she breaks.