Work Text:
You shut the door to your apartment and fast-walk with your head down so as not to make eye contact with Loki and head directly to the bathroom. This, without realizing it, is a total self-destruction move because of the giant mirror that greets you upon entering. Pacing back and forth you breathe heavily, erratically. Your head is simultaneously running a mile a minute with negative thoughts and yet shutting down. And then- something in you snaps.
Noiseless sobs escape you and you’re quick to cover your mouth to keep them in, for fear of Loki hearing them. He’s never seen you like this, at your lowest. The worry of him not wanting you after seeing you show this level of weakness had always had a seat in the back of your mind. Shut up. Shut up. You tell not only those girls’ voices in your head, but yours as well. Your vision is blurry now with the tears welling up in your eyes. The only thing you can think of to do kneel down on the fluffy floor mat and silently let the tears fall and clutch your stomach.
You think you hear the door squeak open, which makes you curl tighter into your ball. A confused voice calls out, “Are you-?” And then there are Loki’s hands on you, trying to get a glimpse of your face, but you don’t let him see. “My darling, tell me, what has happened?”
You can’t. You physically can’t. The words will not form in your throat. Loki brushes strands of hair out of your face.
“Please. I must know,” he says softly.
“I- They-” It hurts to even try.
“Who are ‘they’? Has someone mistreated you?” Loki asks with little worry and pinch of anger. “Must I inflict harm on someone with my dagger in the name of vengeance?” You choke a kind-of-laugh at his threat and even slightly consider it. “Come,” he says. “The bathroom floor is no place to have a discussion.” Loki helps you up and takes your hand, leading you to the bedroom and motions for you to sit. He takes a seat next to you on the bed and keeps holding on to your hand, patiently waiting for when you’re ready to share. After a while, you take a deep and finally steady breath.
“You know how I left late today?” you ask him, quietly. Loki nods.
“Yes, I vaguely recall you running around like a Bilgesnipe with its head cut off.”
“My alarm didn’t go off. I was late for work, like really late. I had no time to eat or pack anything.” He listens and rubs your hand. It gives you the courage to continue. You recount the story of how you came to be in this state. How you were starving after your work shift, so you ordered a million items at the diner around the corner. A group of young women at the table a few over kept turning their heads to look at you. They’d lean in towards one another and say something, giggle (the kind of giggle that makes your skin run cold), and glance back at you once more. And the worst part? They didn’t even seem to care that you could most definitely hear their comments.
Does she really need that much food?
Do you think she could even finish it all?
Kinda looks she’s had plenty of practice.
You guys, relax, maybe she’s eating for two.
That was it. You up and left, hastily leaving money on the table, not even bothering to check the amount. You needed out. Right then and there.
When you end your story, you can’t look Loki in the eye, but he lifts your chin up.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of.” It’s in the way he says it that makes you believe him. A soothing quality. “You, my darling, are the most gorgeous woman I have the pleasure of knowing. Why, if I had not known you previously, I would swear you were a goddess.” This causes you to form the faintest of smiles.
“I don’t know about that.”
“Well, I do.” Loki’s hand is cold against your cheek (something that occurs when he becomes overly emotional, even though his outward appearance does not necessarily mirror his feelings). His other hand finds your waist and he slowly brings his lips down to meet yours, gentle and soft. Loki lowers you so you’re lying back on the bed. He breaks the kiss to stare down at you with those loving eyes that make everything else in life meaningless.
“You are beautiful,” he says firmly. “Now you say it.”
“You are beautiful.”
“Oh no, my dear, you cannot joke or deflect your way out of this one.” Loki places little kisses up your arm. “Say it.” He goes on to kiss across your collarbone.
“I am beautiful,” you utter quietly.
“Louder.”
“I am beautiful!”
“Like you mean it.”
“I am beautiful, god dammit!” His face makes you start to chuckle, now suddenly feeling like the darkness has evaporated. Loki grins, happy to have gotten through to you.
“Damn right.”