Chapter Text
After the war, Leon followed Valbar back to the capital and enlisted in the new kingdom’s military. So what if Valbar never loved him back? He was used to that kind of thing by this point. Just being near Valbar was enough…
…until it wasn’t. Valbar thrived in the army, and his presence and kind, encouraging demeanor inspired others to thrive as well. Valbar had the respect and loyalty of everyone who had the privilege to serve with him.
And sure, Leon thrived in the army too, and he was glad to see his dear friend get the admiration he truly deserved, but a part of him felt… lost. Misplaced.
After all, what role was there for Leon to fill, if not to be Valbar’s most loyal friend (and admirer)? Where did he fit in Valbar’s life if he’d been usurped by everyone else? Would Valbar still have time for Leon?
‘Of course,’ the small, rational part of his mind said, ‘Valbar will always make time for you. He may not love you in the way you’d like, but he loves you regardless.’ But as soon as Leon calmed down, his mind would fill up with worries again.
Bit by bit, Leon could feel Valbar slipping away from him (‘as if Valbar had ever been yours in the first place!’ said the intrusive thoughts). Maybe Kamui had been right (for once), maybe he did need to move on, stop wasting his life pining after someone he could never have.
Leon quietly packed his essentials and left in two days’ time.
***
One annoying thing Leon had forgotten to account for was that leaving meant he no longer had a regular job, and without a regular job there was no regular income, and, well, that was kind of important for eating and sleeping and such. He took up odd jobs here and there, eventually stumbling across a poorly-organized mercenary guild in the corner of a tavern, which in turn pointed Leon toward a backwoods town with a bandit problem. Yeah, ‘cause one person could totally win against a huge group of bandits, easy.
Just kidding.
“We’ve also sent someone else to deal with them, so this shouldn’t be that hard.” Oh, well, alright, because two people could definitely take on a whole flock of bandits, no sweat!
Just kidding. Leon neared the bandit’s stronghold and hid himself between two outcroppings of rock, where he could get a clear view of his targets. He drew his bow, zeroing in on one guardsman who seemed to be having a hell of a time digging something out of his ear.
But before he could fire his shot, the bandit fell dead. Leon had been so focused on his task he’d failed to notice anything else. Keeping his bow drawn, he scanned the landscape for the person responsible, quickly spotting a swordsman whose silhouette struck him as distinctly familiar.
Leon slowly lowered his bow as the realization hit. “…. Kamui?”
Nah, it couldn’t be. Kamui was currently doing whatever else and practicing some sort of self-preservation, probably. Certainly not charging headlong into a den of bandits, like a dumbass.
Ah, no, the way he was swinging his blade, it was definitely Kamui. Welp, it wasn’t Leon’s problem, Kamui could just go get himself killed or whatever. The guy could take care of himself, after all.
Okay, maybe Leon was a little worried. It wasn’t really like Kamui to do something when the odds were stacked against him. Strong as he was, one person versus many was never a good situation to be in.
Leon slipped from his hiding spot and quietly followed the man in, careful not to make any sudden noises. He didn’t want to startle the guy and get accidentally sliced in half for it! While he could appreciate the comedic value of such a death, it wasn’t really how he pictured his own life ending.
If this guy wasn’t actually Kamui, then he’d done a great job looking like him, right down to the boots, the pants, and that same stupid scarf. No doubt about it, it was definitely him.
“What are you doing?” hissed Leon, making the mercenary jump and reach for his weapon.
When the other man realized it was just Leon, his tense expression morphed into one of confusion. “…my…..job?”
Leon rolled his eyes. “No, I mean what could possibly make you think charging a den of bandits all by yourself is a good idea? They may have the collective intelligence of a pile of bricks, but there’re a lot of them!”
“Well, I was told I’d be working with someone else, but they never showed up, and I’m not leaving without getting paid, so…”
Someone… else? A realization hit Leon: “Ohh… that was supposed… to be me…”
“Well, thanks for finally deciding to show up. It’s very kind of you.”
Leon glared at him.
“Now that you’ve decided to grace me with your presence, how ‘bout we actually get this done?”
That was the first good idea Kamui had ever had.
***
“Since when have you done mercenary work?” asked Kamui when it was over, “I thought you were living near Zofia Castle.”
Leon had barely started to answer when Kamui interrupted him again, suddenly looking worried. “Wait…. Did something happen to Valbar? Is he alright?”
Leon immediately went on the defensive. “Why wouldn’t he be?”
“Well, he’s not here, is he?”
“He’s fine, Kamui…”
Despite Leon’s assurance, the worried look still hadn’t left the other man’s face. “Then why aren’t… I thought you two were going back to join the new order of knights?”
Leon answered slowly. “Yes… we were.”
“Then what the hell are you doing taking mercenary jobs near the Rigelian border?”
“What I do is none of your business, Kamui.”
“You’re right, it’s not. I just find it hard to imagine you of all people turning to a mercenary lifestyle. Especially without Valbar. Forgive me if I’m a little concerned.”
Leon groaned. “As if I need your concern!? If you couldn’t tell, I’m doing perfectly fine on my own!”
Kamui put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay! Sorry. I’m not trying to start a fight here.”
Leon left in a huff. He collected his money, took a room at the inn, and sat down with his head in his hands. The indignation that thrummed beneath his skin gave way to dread. This was a mistake, this was a mistake. What had he been thinking? Tomorrow he’d pack up his things and go home, and make up a story about visiting his hometown so Valbar wouldn’t worry.
***
He didn’t go home. He’d thought about it, sure. But the prospect of returning only to realize he hadn’t been missed was just too much to bear. (The rational part of his mind told him that this was ridiculous, that the only thing that would make Valbar not care was if he had been possessed by some horrible, ancient demon. But hey, anything’s possible, right? And as long as there was a chance, he wasn’t gonna risk it.)
As such, he would end up working with Kamui again… and again…… and again……… It wasn’t actually that bad. They worked pretty well together, just like they had during the war, and they got along reasonably well enough. It was Kamui’s insistence on a variety of awful conversation topics that really got on Leon’s nerves.
“I don’t get it. Why’d you leave, then, if you’re still hung up on Valbar?”
Leon groaned. “We’ve been over this. It’s not something I wanna talk about.”
“Got it,” said Kamui, who went back to patching holes in his clothes. “Geez,” he said, holding up something that was probably once a shirt, but now looked as if it had been fought over by a group of bears and possibly set on fire.
Between jobs, they usually had a bit of downtime. It was something Kamui looked forward to, but Leon found it gave him far too much time to think. He’d bought some playing cards at the last city to amuse himself, and was currently playing an absolutely riveting game of solitaire while Kamui did his laundry.
“You know, there’s plenty of other guys out there, besides him,” Kamui brought up, “I’m sure there’s someone else who will to meet your standards.”
“Kamui, for the last time, you’re not my type,” Leon said without looking up.
“When did I…? Y’know what? Never mind. I don’t care.”
“Where would I even find someone else?” Leon sighed. “A man like Valbar is one-in-a-million.”
“Then you’ll just have to talk to a million people to find that person, right?”
Leon groaned and buried his face in his hands. “You just don’t get it, Kamui,” he spat, “What would you know? You never stay anywhere long enough to get attached to people.”
“Okay, maybe I don’t.” He shrugged. “But since we’re being honest here, maybe you’d have better luck if you quit lusting after idealized versions of real people.”
Leon was dumbstruck, and furiously returned to his card game. A heavy silence fell between the two men for a while.
Kamui was the first to break the silence. “Wait, so is this, like, your grand adventure to find your perfect man or whatever?”
“I…” Leon had honestly forgotten about that. “I guess? I haven’t actually been looking, haha.”
“You could always go to Archanea, you might find someone there who meets your standards.” Kamui paused. “Or maybe you should wait on that. Things were kinda headed south when I left.”
“You’ve been to Archanea?”
“Well yeah, I’ve been a lot of places. I came to Valentia about five years ago… and before Archanea I was…. Well, at the rate I’m going, I’ll probably run out of places to go by the time I’m 45, I guess. I don’t know what I’ll do when that happens. I don’t really return to the places I’ve already been, but who knows?”
Well, Leon wasn’t really expecting Kamui to be the progenitor of depressing thoughts.
“… I think about that a lot, actually. Most people aim to eventually settle down somewhere, but I’ve never been able to get with that. All my siblings, too, they were able to adapt to the city life, so what’s wrong with me? And you’re right, maybe I don’t form any sort of lasting relationships because every time I do, they expect me to just stop whatever I’m doing and just stay in the same boring village for the rest of my life.”
“Well aren’t you kind of settled down right now, helping Jesse with his ideas?”
“Yeah, but it won’t last. Sooner or later I’ll get tired of living like that, and the cycle will begin anew.”
The mercenary guilds popping up across Valentia had all been Jesse’s idea, a means to easily contract out members of his fledgling nation. Kamui had told him that such infrastructure was necessary to ensure the country’s long-term success. Leon still didn’t quite understand how a country like that was supposed to function outside of peaceful times. Kamui seemed to trust in the idea, so Leon would too for the time being.
Ok, so maybe not all of Kamui’s conversation topics were dull, but then there were times when they’d be having a pint at the local tavern after a particularly exhausting day guarding a convoy of merchants, when he’d suddenly burst out with:
“Wait, so the reason you left is because other people were coming to appreciate Valbar for some of the same reasons you appreciate him, and you got jealous?” Kamui asked, incredulous. “What the hell?”
“Shhh! Not so loud!!!” said Leon, loudly.
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t so much Kamui “suddenly bursting out with” as it was “Leon had casually brought it up himself in a bizarre lapse of judgment.” And maybe it wasn’t so much of “having a pint” as it was “having more than a few.” And maaaaybe “more than a few” couldn’t be left without the addendum of “and then some.” Maybe they were both drunk.
“I never expected you to do something so… insecure.”
This caught Leon off-guard. “E-excuse me?”
“I always took you for someone who was very confident and self-assured. I didn’t think you gave a rat’s ass about what other people thought of you.”
See? Incredibly annoying. The worst. This man could not have a decent conversation to save his life. It was a good thing Leon was always there to uh, to do that for him, or whatever.
Leon took another drink.
“What about that guy?” said Kamui, pointing at a random bar patron.
“Uhhm, he’s balding!?” Leon objected.
“Oh, yeah, you’re right.”
“You didn’t notice?? Look at – look at his hairline!”
Leon had apparently begun shouting at some point, as a stocky woman at a nearby table brought to his knowledge with a polite “Shut the fuck up!”
“IMAGINE that, someone being LOUD in a TAVERN!” Leon said mockingly to Kamui, “Unbelievable! No one has EVER been loud in a tavern before!”
“Simmer down. What about that guy?” he said, pointing to a one-eyed frowning man with dark purple hair. “He’s attractive.”
“Kamui… we know that guy…”
“No we don—ooooh wait, yeah we do. Whoops.”
“Are you… are you telling me that you think Deen is attractive? I didn’t think you were into men.”
“I only said that I wasn’t into you. I personally don’t care who I go to bed with.”
“So long as you wake up in the morning, right?” Leon laughed at his own joke.
“I already told you – shut the fuck up!” said the annoying woman at the next table.
“Excuse me for having a good time. If you want to be somewhere silent, then I have a suggestion.” Leon got right up in her face. “Why don’t you go to the fucking library!” From the corner of his eye, he saw Deen begin to choke.
They were kicked out of the bar. “I can’t believe you,” said Kamui.
“Um, I can’t believe you wouldn’t let me give that woman a piece of my mind.”
They began their trek to the nearby inn. The world spun wildly around Leon, and his eyes couldn’t keep up with it. He took a step forward and suddenly felt weightless, like he was calmly hovering over reality.
“Whoa,” Kamui said from above him, clinging to a wall for stability, “how much did you drink?”
Leon laughed. “How much did you drink?” he repeated back. “Kamui, you can barely stand.”
“At least I am standing.”
Leon kept laughing, his laugh becoming more of a wild cackle. His whole body felt warm from the alcohol, heating him up from the inside out. It wasn’t an entirely unpleasant feeling, and reminded him of days spent daydreaming in simpler times, before the war. He thought back to earlier in the evening – why had he been so worried? All his problems seemed so small now. Why had he left the capital again?
“You were right, Kamui,” began Leon, as said mercenary tried to help him up without falling over.
“About what?” He got Leon standing, supporting him with an arm hooked under his shoulders.
“You were right,” repeated Leon.
“About WHAT?”
Through teamwork and a heavy dose of Believing in Themselves, the two of them managed to stumble their way to the inn and pay for a room.
“Valbar wouldn’t hate me for anything,” said Leon.
“Well yeah, you guys are like family.”
Leon frowned. “…I’m all he’s got left…” he said quietly.
It was true. They really were kind of like family, especially after the whole thing with Barth… and Leon had just left without saying anything, meaning Valbar had effectively lost his family twice, and –
Kamui patted him on the shoulder, breaking Leon from his reverie. Leon watched the other man as he tried to muster up enough coordination to remove some of his gear.
Leon lay back on the bed. “I underestimated you, Kamui… you’re actually pretty great.” He swallowed thickly, a strange feeling flooding his chest. Oh. That’s what it was. He was sick.