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Who would have thought being king came with so much uneventful free time? Honestly, power was a nice thing to crave, but it made for the most horrible pastime. Especially when you could not rub into people's face how cleverly you had seized the throne of Asgard. Or when you had to look like your adoptive father all day. This beard and eye-patch look? Not flattering.
Seeing as there was no threat to the realm and having no plans to settle the silly quarrels of 'peasants', Loki decided to take a day off. Just one day, he thought, he could allow himself that much. He was the Allfather now, after all.
Surprisingly, his little holiday trip ended him up in Midgard. Why not find out how mankind was faring without Loki's brilliant leadership?
Too well, it seemed, and Loki could not help but feel a twinge of disappointment. It was like nothing had even changed at all. Midgard looked the same to him, people seemed indifferent, like nothing had happened and in the whole three years since Loki's last visit nobody had even paid mind to the great prospects Loki had offered mankind. It was depressing.
That was, until Loki discovered the merchandise. To say he was pleased would have been a vast understatement. There were shelves filled with little Loki dolls, posters with his face on them saying “kneel” in flashy letters and books titled anything from “Loki – The New Messiah?” to “How Loki changed my life” and “The Loki-diet – Fit like a God!” or even “50 Reasons why Loki is a Fraud”. He 'accidentally' burned a couple of the latter while walking past them.
So there were people whose interest he had caught after all. The thought plastered a smug grin across his face. This was nice. Nothing to be too happy about, but... nice. Even though it seemed he kind of had a following, he did not understand Thor's fascination with Midgardian people, though. He could not be proud of their worship, it had been too easily achieved. They were not like the Aesir – and neither the humans, nor their devotion were anywhere near equal in their value.
Their lives were short, as were their bodies. Short and weak, lacking grace and elegance, eloquence and pride. They had no honour to their names – and their names! Ridiculous! What more were they than particularly noise, air polluting monkeys?
However, when one of them, a tiny, blond boy, ran into him and started losing himself in a rush of flustered apologies, Loki decided he wanted a pet monkey. And not just any one – this one. The stuttered “sorry”s and “excuse me”s and “it's you!”s were truly endearing.
“Indeed, it is me. Come with me”, Loki announced and grabbed the small human by his arm and walked him away. As the god had no home on Midgard, he was not sure where to take the boy, but somewhere more private where he could study him seemed appropriate. A bar, perhaps.
“Do you have currency on you?”, Loki asked.
“No, I... my sister...” And right on cue, a blond woman smacked her purse into Loki's face. The startled god let go of the boy and took a step back, barely escaping a second swipe of the purse.
“What do you think you're-”
“I will NOT let you kidnap my little brother!”, the woman yelled and dragged the boy over to her side. “My mother would absolutely KILL me!”
“Smack me again and she will have missed her chance”, Loki snarled. He glared at the woman, meeting a look of cool confidence.
“It's him!”, the boy piped.
“What?”
“Vera, look! It's him!” He pointed towards the Loki-merchandise in the Loki-shop and back at, well, Loki. Vera's eyes followed the motion and widened. Loki-shop, Loki-merchandise, Loki.
“Holy shit.”
Loki stiffened, not sure what kind of reaction that was. Certainly a more pleasant one than the smacking.
“Come with me”, Vera gasped and grabbed Loki's arm, dragging him away, her brother proudly jogging along. Loki felt strangely manhandled, but he let it slide, curious to find out where this was (and they were) going. It was not like he had anything better to do anyway and he had quickly decided that where his new pet monkey was going, he was going, too.
It was a short, quiet walk, down the main road, turning into a couple smaller ones until they reached a tall brick building. Vera led them up the few stairs to the front door and let them in, ushering Loki and her brother towards the elevator. There was pleasant music playing inside.
“I'm Loki”, Loki said.
“I know!”, Vera beamed at him.
“No, I knew. I told you!”, her brother complained, pouting.
“Yes. Yes you did. Thank you.”
Loki cleared his throat, trying not to mind their rudeness too much. They did not know any better, he reminded himself, they were only silly humans.
“And you are Vera, thank you very much. And he is...?”
“Louis”, both siblings replied in unison.
“Thank you”, Loki repeated, nodding. Louis was a nice pet name, went very well with 'Loki'. Loki and Louis. And who knew, if she behaved well, maybe he would adopt her, too. After all, his pet monkey should not be lonely. For now, however, Loki delayed his plans and waited to find out whatever Vera was up to.
“Left”, the young woman announced when the group stepped out of the elevator and left they turned, Louis skipping ahead towards a door that had a name tag on it and a little hole to look through. Vera unlocked it and held the door open for Loki and her brother.
“Please leave your shoes by the door”, she slipped out of hers and looked at Loki expectantly.
“I will not-”
“Oh yes you will, unless you want to clean the floor.” They had a short stare off, which Loki had the misfortune to lose. He really feared meeting that girl's mother. Grudginly, Loki got out of his boots and was handed a pair of big, woollen socks.
“They were my dad's. They should fit.”
After hesitating for a moment, Loki gave in with a sigh and put them on. They were surprisingly comfortable, despite looking horribly out of place next to his suit – and even more next to his regular garments, when Loki dissolved the illusion of his Midgardian clothes. Wiggling his toes demonstratively and raising his eyebrows at Vera, Loki waited for her nod of approval, before he followed her to the end of the short corridor, past a few closed doors, and into her room.
Loki was dumbstruck.
His face! It was everywhere! On every wall, printed on pillows; there were little dolls of him – and a strange poster of him passionately making out with Tony Stark... Loki stared at it, surprised mostly at the lack of aversion he felt. Stark was not an unattractive person at all... shrugging his thoughts off to a more private place and time, Loki turned to look at Vera.
“Why did you bring me here?” Her wanton look lingering on his body made him feel just slightly uncomfortable.
“For the army!”
“The army.”
“Your army! We've all been waiting for your return! There are hundreds, thousands, if you count the other groups, too!”
Loki gave a slow nod. His army... they were about three years late.
“I have a kingdom now.”
Vera frowned.
“But we want you to be our king!”, she complained.
“I cannot be your king”, Loki admitted, a hint of regret in his voice. He could see she wanted an explanation and he was willing to give her one, always ready to put the blame on someone else. “I am king of Asgard now. But only as long as my brother thinks I'm dead. If I become your king, he will know I am alive.”
Vera nodded. That made sense. Kind of.
“I understand.” She swiftly slipped her phone, which she had whipped out a moment ago, back into her pocket. “I won't notify the army then. But. I want you to stay with me.”
Loki made a non-committal noise, hiding what he thought of this. He understood her intention and could not help but feel a little flattered. She wanted him for herself... He, however, wanted her brother, and he had to return home by the end of the day. Not that Vera needed to know that.
“Fine. I will spend time with you and your brother.”
He had not expected the hug. Frowning, Loki pried her arms from around his waist, only to find a giddy Louis to have joined the hug, clinging to Loki's leg.
“Don't. Bad m... Louis. Stop.” Vera helped him get the boy off his leg.
“So, what do you want to do? Are you hungry?”, Vera asked, her arms wrapped around her brother.
“I would not mind going out to eat... I have come across multiple places selling food”, Loki replied. His curiosity was naturally strong, peaked now by having a whole world to explore, without an evil alien race sitting in his neck trying to destroy it.
“Alright. Let's go have lunch”, Vera flashed him a wide smile.
Out of the socks, into the boots, illusion back on, out of the flat, down the elevator, out of the house. By the time they had come to that point, Loki was truly hungry. However, Vera refused to take him to just any cheap fast food restaurant. Instead, she promised to take him on a marathon to show him the most interesting, weird and Midgardian food they could find. Starting out with plain and simple hot dogs.
“What a silly name. They look nothing like dogs”, Loki complained, holding the squishy bun in one hand, eyeing it full of suspicion. It looked strange, smelled strange – and he was not sure he wanted to find out how it tasted.
“They are named after a type of dog... have you ever seen a wiener dog? Or a... a... what's it called... a dachshund?” Loki stared at her. “Well they... look like sausages and that's why this here”, she lifted her food a little, “is a hot dog.” Loki kept staring, then wordlessly handed his hot dog to Louis and marched on. Rolling her eyes behind his back, Vera followed him, discreetly steering him towards a doughnut shop.
“These are sweet. If you don't like sweet, we can have bagels instead, but-”
“Sweet is fine, thank you.” Loki was mesmerized by the colours and the smell, he liked this place already. It took him a lot of effort to hide his excitement. Sweets had always been a weak spot of his – and these looked absolutely delicious. Loki would have preferred to try them all at once, but he knew that would diminish the pleasure and only cause him stomach cramps.
“A red one, please. And a green one.” He waved at Vera to pay for his food and a couple of minutes later, they all walked out of the shop. Louis had a hot dog in each hand, Loki had a doughnut in each had and Vera was content with adoring her companions enjoy their food, while she finished her own hot dog. Of course, Loki soon found doughnuts to be difficult to eat without getting his hands and face sticky. Frowning at the sugary loop, he tried to turn it, twisting his wrist weirdly, to somehow safely manoeuvre it to his mouth. Louis snorted and Vera hid a giggle.
“What?”, Loki snapped, straightening his back.
“You need to eat it, not move it around”, the boy reminded him. Loki contemplated kicking him, but he did not want to break his new pet already. Also, he guessed that Vera would not take any abuse of her little brother too well and he was not keen on picking a fight with her. Not that she was a worthy opponent, but she was currently his only access to Midgardian currency.
“Let me... wait here. Don't run off.” And with that, Vera ran off herself. Loki attempted biting into his doughnut again, but stopped when his eyes met Louis' and the boy grinned at him, apparently entertained by Loki's vain struggle to eat.
“Stop that.”
The boy stuck out his tongue.
Loki pushed Louis' hot dog holding hand into the boy's face.
And so the two of them stood in silence, one pouting and wiping the sauce from his face, the other feeling superior, until Vera returned with a plastic knife and fork.
“That should help, here you go. Let's... let's go find a place to sit down, so you can enjoy your food. We could order you something to drink, what do you think?” Loki nodded in agreement, following Vera to a nearby café.
“Louis, what on earth happened to your face? You're seven years old and you still eat like a baby”, Vera complained and wiped her protesting brother's face with a tissue. “Alright, now, Loki... what do you want? Did you ever have coffee? Just... have a look at the menu, they have all sorts of stuff.”
Vera spread a clean tissue on the table for Loki to set his doughnuts and the plastic cutlery down, before the trickster picked up the menu and leafed through it. He randomly stopped somewhere in the middle, a pleased smile spreading across his face. This establishment offered some interesting looking drinks. Loki decided to go for the one with the most layers and added a flavour that seemed to go well with the colours of coffee and cream – caramel was something he knew already and he had come to like it.
When the waiter took their orders, Vera ordered a hot chocolate for Louis and a vanilla latté for herself. Loki went for “a double caramel café bombón with an extra biscuit” and when their orders were brought to their table, he graciously offered both his biscuits to the boy to make peace with him. It appeared to have been effective, as Louis mood immediately seemed to improve. Finally, Loki turned to his food again. The green doughnut was first to fall victim to the plastic knife. It was wonderfully sweet, with a hint of artificial apple to it. Loki enjoyed eating it like a child would enjoy an unlimited toy store voucher.
“What are your plans for the rest of the day?”, Vera asked him after a while, obviously making plans of her own. She seemed up to something...
“I have none. I did not come to Midgard with any particular intention. Is there anything you would recommend?”
“There are some things... we could watch a film together, go to the cinema, maybe? Or I could show you the internet – you won't believe the things people write about you. Oh and the fanart!”
“The what?”
“Naked pictures of you and other men”, Louis explained, earning himself a smack to the shoulder.
“Oh. I assume you refer to things such as the poster in your sister's room? Why would people draw me and Stark in such a demeaning position? Is that... a common thing to do?” His negative remark did not match the enticed glow in his eye when he thought back at the poster.
“In some circles, it is”, Vera replied vaguely, blushing.
“Well, if our culinary excursion ends here already, I don't object returning to your place.” Two doughnuts were not quite a proper meal, but they had been enough to appease Loki's hunger for now. Maybe he would return to the doughnut shop before he left tonight...
“My mum won't be home before tomorrow... She'll love you, though, don't worry. You can use her bed tonight, if you like, or you can sleep in my brother's room or you can sleep in my bed”, Vera offered – not quite as subtle as she had planned to – when they were back in her room. Loki politely declined.
“I won't be spending the night here. I will have to return to Asgard”, he explained.
“No you won't.”
There was no doubt in her voice, like it was something for her to decide.
“Excuse me?”, Loki asked, frowning. Vera pulled her phone from her pocket and typed on it for a moment, before turning the display around to show Loki what was on it. When he read what it said, his face clouded over. It was a simple enough message, made effective by a picture of him in this very room, in woollen socks.
> Loki lives. <
“I tagged it with everything I could think of, it will reach many people – including, at some point, your brother. I have not posted... sent it out yet, but it will send automatically, tomorrow at noon.” She raised her hand before he could speak. “You can't kill me for this. Because you need me to delay the timer. It will post even if you destroy my phone. So, as long as I want you to stay with me, I can delay the timer for you and you have nothing to worry about. If you leave or kill me or harm my family – I planned ahead for this – this will go out and your brother will find out about you.”
“You're blackmailing me”, Loki said, insulted.
“Yes, I am”, Vera smiled – she seemed proud of herself. Glaring at her, Loki swore to find a way out. He could not risk Thor knowing about him, but if he did not return home, his people would become suspicious and try to find him – or rather, Odin. Vera was right, he could not harm her, or her brother, or anyone else close to her. He needed to convince her to delete what she had created, before word got out.
“Right”, Loki said, his jaw tight, “I'm staying.”
Vera grinned at him, as though he had made this decision without as much as an incentive.