Work Text:
Yoosung almost jumps out his skin when his phone suddenly buzzes next to him and jolts him out of his focus. He glances at the screen as he tries to slow his heart, and feels his stomach flip when he sees Saeran’s calling him. According to his phone, the time is 1:30am. Yoosung hadn’t realised how much time had passed since he’d sat down to play LOLOL. This is something that happens far too often. He should probably know better by now.
But why would Saeran be calling now? Over these past two months they’ve become fairly close, but they still haven’t talked on the phone. Yoosung had always thought his anxiety extended to phone calls, so he hadn’t pushed it, but maybe that’s not the case. Still, it’s late. What could be making him want to talk right now?
He pulls his headset down so it rests around his neck and takes in a deep breath before picking up his phone and answering the call.
“Hello?” Yoosung says by way of greeting, and there’s a moment of silence. He wonders if maybe the call was accidental.
“Did I wake you?” Saeran finally says, and as soon as he speaks Yoosung can tell something’s wrong. His voice is hoarse and raspy, and it sounds as though he’s straining to get the words out. Like he’s trying too hard to sound normal. Yoosung sits up straight, worry bubbling inside him.
“Are you okay?” he asks urgently, but hopefully softly. There’s a pause on the other end, but Yoosung can still hear his breathing. It’s shallow and ragged. God, what’s happened?
“No,” he finally answers. “I… I don’t know why I’m here.”
“At the bunker?”
“Mmm,” Saeran hums in confirmation. “I w-want to get out.”
“Do you want me to meet you somewhere?” Yoosung asks immediately.
“Didn’t I wake you up?” Saeran whispers.
“No, I was awake anyway. Where should I meet you?” Yoosung can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He has no idea what’s happened. Is Saeran in danger? Is he going to hurt himself?
“I d-don’t know if I can go anywhere…”
“Do you want to come over? You can spend the night.” Anything for Saeran. There’s a pause. A really long pause. Yoosung wonders if he said something wrong.
“Yeah,” Saeran eventually says. “I… thank you.”
“It’s okay,” Yoosung says softly. “How will you get here?”
Another long pause. “Bus?” he says uncertainly.
Should Saeran really be doing this alone? “Do you want me to come there first? We can go together.”
“No… no, it’s fine. I’ll… see you soon.”
There’s a clicking sound and the call ends.
Over these past months Saeran has very quickly become Yoosung’s best friend alongside Saeyoung. But… Saeran’s different. Yoosung feels differently about him, and it’s a lot more complicated.
Right now that doesn’t matter, because Yoosung is more worried than he thinks he’s ever been in his life. Saeran has taken the bus here before, but it’s late and he sounded like he’d been crying. Will he be okay?
Yoosung rushes to the stop and waits. It’s cold, but not uncomfortably so. It’s more… refreshing. Relaxing. Maybe it’ll do Saeran some good just to be outside.
He’s relieved when the bus pulls up and he sees Saeran getting off. He wants to throw his arms around him, but he holds himself back just in case. He’s sometimes anxious about touch, and, while Yoosung is a touchy person, he’s learning when it is and isn’t okay to touch Saeran. Now feels like one of those times where it’s best not to. His eyes are red and his hair’s a mess and it looks like he’s still in his pyjamas. He has a small bag with him.
“Saeran,” Yoosung says in relief as the bus pulls away.
“I didn’t expect you to meet me here,” Saeran says. He’s avoiding eye contact.
“What’s wrong?” Yoosung asks softly, and they start walking the short distance back to his dorm. Saeran cards his fingers through his hair. It looks as though he’s been doing that a lot this evening.
“It’s stupid.”
“It’s not.” Whatever it is, it’s not stupid if it’s upsetting him this much.
“It was… just a dream,” Saeran mumbles, looking up at the sky. He always does that when he needs to calm down, and Yoosung’s eyes widen a little in understanding. Saeyoung had mentioned that sometimes Saeran had nightmares, and, despite his worry, Yoosung feels oddly honoured that Saeran would call him about it. It shows he really does care and that their friendship means something to him too.
He seems more vulnerable than usual right now. Normally he might be a little colder, especially in the first few minutes of meeting up, but maybe it’s the late hour or maybe he’s shaken up from the nightmare, because right now he just seems like he wants help.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Yoosung asks carefully. Saeran shakes his head, but then a few seconds later, he talks about it anyway.
“You were there. That’s… why I called,” he says slowly and quietly. “I… I watched you get hurt.”
Yoosung holds his breath and doesn’t say anything. He often talks a lot, but he’s noticed that with Saeran he doesn’t need to. Saeran will tell him what he wants him to know.
Yoosung can see the building getting closer.
“No. That’s a lie,” he says. “I hurt you. Y-your eyes.”
“My eyes?” Yoosung breaks his no interruption rule in surprise. Saeran nods.
“I w-wanted to… ruin them.” Saeran drops his gaze from the sky, looking directly into Yoosung’s eyes for the first time since he got off the bus. “I’m glad I didn’t.”
Yoosung feels his heart jump a little at how softly Saeran said that. He doesn’t know how to respond, and luckily he’s saved from it, because they reach the building and he needs to grab his key. They make it up the first flight of stairs (Saeran doesn’t like lifts) before Saeran speaks again.
“Can we go to the roof?” he asks quietly.
“Yeah, of course.” Yoosung showed him the view from the roof once when Saeran came over, and since then it’s been one of his favourite places. He usually wants to go there when he’s stressed. “Do you want to stop at my room first? We can get a blanket to sit on.”
Saeran nods, so they head to Yoosung’s room on the fourth floor. Saeran stands in the doorway as Yoosung goes in to get it. Even though he’s been here plenty of times, he always seems uncomfortable at first. Yoosung knows he’s the only person whose house he’s ever visited, so he understands, but no matter how much he reassures him, Saeran still gets nervous about doing something wrong.
Yoosung grabs a blanket from his cupboard and quickly hurries back to Saeran, giving him a smile. They continue walking up the stairs to get to the roof, until eventually they reach the heavy door with a broken alarm. Yoosung pushes it open and holds it for Saeran.
It’s amazing to see how Saeran changes as soon as he’s on the roof and able to relax completely. His facial features visibly soften, and his head tilts upwards as though he’s trying to soak in as much air as he can. He looks up at the stars and the crescent moon in the sky, letting out a sigh. Saeran’s green eyes almost seem to glow in the light, and it’s mesmerising. Yoosung can’t help but smile to himself as he steps past and lays out the blanket for them. He sits down, but Saeran stays standing for a little while, just looking up. Yoosung looks up too.
“I love stars,” Saeran says quietly, and Yoosung can see him sitting down next to him out the corner of his eye.
“So do I,” Yoosung agrees.
“You have stars on your bedroom ceiling.”
“Yeah,” Yoosung says, turning to look at Saeran whose eyes are still locked on the sky. “Because of my name.”
“Yoosung,” Saeran breathes, and the way he says it makes Yoosung’s heart leap. “Shooting star. It’s a pretty name.”
Yoosung thinks he might be blushing so he turns his head to look back at the sky again. “Thanks.”
They sit there in silence for a while. Usually all Saeran needs from him is his presence. He’s said before that it’s comforting to him, which has always made Yoosung feel warm and happy. He’s willing to be whatever Saeran needs him to be. After a little while, Saeran slowly lays down on the blanket, and Yoosung’s pulse races as he considers lying down next to him. He hugs his knees to his chest, trying to build up the courage.
When he eventually turns to look at him, Saeran’s eyes are closed, and by the way Yoosung can see his chest steadily rising and falling and his lips slightly parted, he seems to be asleep. Under the light of the moon he looks… beautiful. There’s not really any other word for it.
The thing about their friendship is that, for Yoosung, his feelings have been slowly growing into something more. Or perhaps not so slowly. Maybe he’s just slow at realising because he’s pretty sure how he’s felt about Saeran hasn’t changed much since they first met. He’s always been drawn to him in a really odd way, and he thought at first maybe it was because he’s Saeyoung’s twin. But it’s not. It’s more than that. Whenever Saeran smiles or says his name or they touch, even for the briefest second, Yoosung’s heart does backflips through his chest. It leaves him giddy and excited and he often has a smile on his face for a long time afterwards. He thinks Saeyoung might have noticed. He hasn’t said anything though.
In all honesty Yoosung had never considered the possibility of liking boys in that way. He’d always been obsessed with finding a girlfriend, actively trying to seek one out. But Saeran… this happened so naturally he almost didn’t catch it. And looking at his peaceful, sleeping face right now just makes the feelings stronger. If Saeran is comfortable enough to sleep next to him, that must mean something, right? Yoosung’s hand twitches with the urge to reach out and stroke some of his hair out his face. It’s almost entirely back to its natural colour now, with about an inch of white on the very ends.
This feeling blossoming inside him is like nothing he’s ever felt before. But Saeran’s still recovering. Even if there were a chance he might have feelings for Yoosung, there’s no way they could do anything about it right now. Saeran’s recovery is long and slow and messy, but Yoosung’s trying to be there for him. Anything more than friendship might throw him off. He can’t do that to him. He needs to forget about his feelings and let Saeran keep getting better.
Yoosung doesn’t know how long he watches Saeran as he sleeps, but eventually he sees him shift his position and lift his hands to his eyes to rub them.
“Outside?” he mumbles, his voice hoarse from sleep instead of tears this time.
“Yeah, we’re outside. Do you want to go in?” Yoosung asks softly. Saeran pulls his hands away from his eyes with a yawn. God, he’s cute.
“Are you cold?” he asks, sitting up slowly.
“I’m fine.”
“Oh. I’m… I’m kind of cold.”
“Let’s go inside, then. If you want to keep looking at the stars, you can look at the ones on my ceiling!” Yoosung says, standing up.
“I’ll be in your bed?” Saeran asks in confusion, standing up next to Yoosung. He still looks sleepy and Yoosung’s having to hold back some incredibly strong emotions that are suddenly hitting him.
“Yeah. I can sleep on the sofa.” He bends down to pick up the blanket. Saeran frowns a little as though he doesn’t like that idea. Too bad. No way is Yoosung pushing him to the sofa or the floor after he had a nightmare.
They start making their way back down the stairs and neither of them speak. Yoosung glances at Saeran and his face is one of concentration. He’s thinking about something. It’s not until they reach Yoosung’s door and he unlocks it that Saeran tells him what it is.
“You have a twin bed, right?”
“Yeah,” Yoosung says, pushing the door open and stepping inside. Saeran follows and closes it behind him.
“Then why do you need to sleep on the sofa?”
Yoosung looks at him in surprise. “Huh?”
“It’s big enough for two people.”
Sleeping in the same bed? That’s… something Yoosung has only dreamed of.
“Are you sure?” he asks. “I don’t want to get in the way.”
Saeran shrugs and looks down, shuffling on his feet as Yoosung puts his keys on the counter. “You invited me. I can’t just steal your bed.”
“I don’t mind.”
Saeran bites his lip and fidgets with his sleeve for a moment. “I want you there,” he suddenly blurts out.
Yoosung’s eyes widen in surprise, and he’s glad Saeran’s not looking at him, because his mouth drops open. He hurriedly closes it.
“Oh, okay,” he says. “Um… let’s go, then.”
Saeran follows Yoosung to his bedroom, still not looking up from the floor. Once they’re there he wastes no time climbing into the right side of the bed, and Yoosung can feel an odd kind of happiness and excitement growing in him because he always sleeps on the left.
Yoosung quickly pulls his shirt up over his head and replaces it with his pyjama top. He hesitates for a moment before kicking off his jeans. He usually sleeps in his boxers. He hopes Saeran doesn’t mind.
He climbs into bed, making sure to leave Saeran enough space if he needs it. But… wait. He’s shaking.
“Are you okay?” Yoosung whispers. There’s no response for a moment.
“I’m cold,” Saeran whispers quietly. “Can I…?”
Yoosung isn’t sure what Saeran’s asking for, but he knows the answer anyway. “Yes.”
He feels Saeran shuffling closer, and Yoosung rolls onto his side to face him. He’s so glad it’s dark right now so Saeran can’t see how much he’s blushing. His heart jumps when he feels Saeran tentatively place a hand on his side.
“Will you…?” Saeran pauses and gulps. “Can we… cuddle?”
They’ve hugged before. Really, this shouldn’t be so different, but somehow the air feels heavy and the words sound intense. It’s not bad, it just takes Yoosung’s breath away.
He slides his own arms around Saeran, who also moves closer. He buries his face into Yoosung’s chest and one of Yoosung’s hands lays on his back, while the other comes up to rest on his hair. Everything about this is so… impossible. Yoosung wonders if he fell asleep playing LOLOL, and that this is all just a dream.
It’s not long before Saeran’s breathing evens out again, hot against Yoosung’s chest. Yoosung slides his fingers through his hair as he feels his own eyes fall closed. He wants this moment to last forever, but having Saeran curled up against him like this is soothing in a way he never knew possible. Eventually he slips into sleep too.
The next day when Yoosung wakes up, he feels like he’s overheating. But there’s someone in his arms. It takes Yoosung a moment to remember, and as soon as he does his stomach flips. They don’t seem to have shifted position much, except Saeran seems a little closer and Yoosung’s leg is now hooked around him.
“Are you awake?” Saeran mumbles into his chest, surprising Yoosung. He hadn’t realised Saeran had woken up. Maybe he thought he would move out of this position.
“Yeah.”
“You’re so warm,” Saeran says, shifting his weight a little in a way that makes it seem like he’s pulling him closer.
“Aren’t you?”
“I’m always cold at night, but you kept me warm.” Saeran’s voice is small, almost embarrassed. The words make Yoosung smile. He still feels like this is a dream.
“Did you sleep okay?”
There’s a pause. “It’s the best I’ve slept in… a really long time.”
Yoosung can feel his stomach flip and his heart speed up. He lifts his head a little to look at the clock on his bedside table and… woah. It’s midday? That explains why the light streaming through the cracks in the blinds right now is already so bright. That means they slept for a solid nine hours. Yoosung isn’t sure he’s had that much sleep in a long time.
“Me too,” he whispers in response. Just as he thinks about how he never wants to move, his stomach grumbles and he has to suppress a groan.
“Are you hungry?” Saeran asks.
“I… don’t want to get up,” he admits. Who knows when they’ll get a moment like this again?
“We can stay like this a bit longer?” Saeran suggests in a whisper.
Yoosung buries his face into Saeran’s hair. This is all he’s ever wanted. He knows that after last night and this morning, his quest to forget about his feelings for Saeran is entirely pointless. There’s no way he’ll ever be able to forget how he feels right now. He swears he can feel Saeran’s fingers lightly stroking his back, and his heart dares to care about him even more and let him in even further. In the end, all that matters is that he’s here for Saeran when he needs him. That he’s a friend to him. He doesn’t need anything more.
But he can’t help but hope.