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This is a stupid idea. Saeran doesn’t even know why he’s bothering to try it.
He has to admit, it’s kind of fun though. After getting past the daunting idea of setting up a profile (which he spent way longer on than he cares to admit), Tender isn’t actually so bad. It’s a dating app, sure, but honestly he’s treating it more like a game than anything else. It’s fun to see all the guys on here and judge them entirely based on their profile. He’s had a few matches, and a few messages, but he hasn’t replied to any of them because the thought of that makes his anxiety spike. He’s not interested enough in any of them to bother with a strained and most likely awkward conversation. Where would it lead, anyway? It’s not like he’d be confident enough to actually meet them.
He’s mostly trying to figure out if he has a ‘type’, but he doesn’t seem to. Some of the guys he likes the look of are edgy, some are cute, some are fairly average… there isn’t really a pattern.
Once again, he gets a notification popping up telling him he’s matched with some guy. This is one of the cute ones, and a message comes through almost immediately.
[hey!]
Saeran opens the message and thinks for a moment. Should he try and make conversation? As he’s considering it, another message comes through.
[is ur dick as cute as ur face?]
Never mind.
He keeps swiping through the guys that are offered. He gets super-liked a few times, but none of them catch his interest so he just swipes left.
He tries to ignore the annoying voice in his head that keeps reminding him of the real reason he’s doing this, but it’s pretty difficult to forget an entire person. Yoosung Kim. With his stupid cute face and his stupid cute giggle and his stupid cute dimples and his stupid cute eyes and his stupid cute way of speaking and… fuck. Why is he so stupidly cute? It’s a dumb crush, and Saeran knows nothing will ever come of it, so he’s hoping maybe filling the lonely void inside him with pointless swipes and unanswered conversations will work. So far, no such luck. His stupid cute face keeps popping into his head, anyway.
Saeran’s horrified when Saeyoung comes up on his screen. He didn’t even realise he had this app. He swipes left and prays he doesn’t appear as an option for him. That’s gross. Can you block people on this?
Saeran locks his phone and sighs. Is this really going to work? Admittedly, probably not, but he doesn’t know what else to try.
He just needs to get over this annoying crush and then he’ll be fine.
Saeran can’t sleep that night, so he’s sitting on Tender, swiping boredly through the guys offered to him. None of them are holding his attention. Why can’t he stop thinking about Yoosung? No one that pops up interests him like he does. He keeps comparing them. ‘Hey, this guy’s cute, but he doesn’t have dimples’ or ‘I like him, but I want a guy around my height.’ It’s so stupid but Saeran can’t stop.
Suddenly, a certain blond boy with purple eyes pops up, and he freezes.
Yoosung? Yoosung has this app? Saeran had no idea. He’s never spoken about it before. He clicks his picture to bring up his profile, and he can feel his heart in his throat. He tries to swallow it down. God, he’s cute. Saeran swipes through his pictures, and typically, he’s smiling in all of them. Even his bio is cute. He claims he’s 5’7 but Saeran knows for a fact he’s closer to 5’6, because he’s a little shorter than him, and Saeran himself is just shy of 5’7.
Saeran bites his lip as he looks at the profile. What does he do?
He could swipe right. He may as well, because it’s not like Yoosung would swipe right for him, anyway. He’ll never know. Saeran presses his thumb to the screen and starts to swipe right, holding it for a moment. He sighs. He’s just been treating this like a game, so it doesn’t seem like a big deal as he lets go and confirms that he likes Yoosung Kim, age 20, from Seoul.
He’s about to get back to swiping and try desperately to block this out of his head, but it suddenly pops up.
‘It’s a match!’
Wait, what? He’s matched with Yoosung?
No no no no no.
He closes the app and locks his phone, clutching it to his chest with wide eyes. Yoosung liked him? But… wait, what does this mean? He unlocks his phone again and pulls up the empty conversation with Yoosung that’s now available to him. Does he say something? It’s almost midnight. Maybe he’s asleep.
Saeran turns his phone off and puts it on his bedside table, pulling his pillow over his head. If Saeyoung weren’t in the house he might scream as his brain spins with the implications of this.
He doesn’t sleep well that night.
The next morning, after waking up for the fiftieth time from being half-asleep, he sucks in a deep breath and picks his phone up, switching it on. Might as well see if he has any messages from any of the guys.
Or Yoosung.
His heart skips when his phone buzzes with a notification after it turns on. It’s… from Yoosung. On Tender. He’s actually messaged him?
[Fancy seeing you here!]
[Sorry that was dumb.]
[But… we matched, so hi, I guess?]
[I don’t know what to say.]
Saeran rereads the messages over and over again. He can barely believe all this wasn’t a dream as he slowly types out a response.
[I didn’t expect you to match with me]
He’s sent it before he can properly think it through, and he chews the paint on his nails as he waits for a response. Eventually, one comes through.
[Really? Why not?!]
Saeran blinks. Yoosung seems surprised. After a second, another two messages comes through.
[You came up a couple days ago for me, so I thought you just weren’t interested]
[But… you are?]
Saeran feels his breath catch in his throat, and he replies again.
[Yeah.]
Just one word, but it’s enough to make or break Saeran’s hopes. It feels like hours before Yoosung finally responds.
[That makes me so happy!]
[So… do you want to…]
[I guess, go out on a date or something?]
Saeran stares at the messages. Is this really Yoosung? It could be a catfish, but… why would someone steal Yoosung’s identity like this?
[Can you text me? So I know it’s really you.]
After a few seconds two texts come through from Yoosung’s number.
(08:41) Hey, it’s really me!
(08:41) I hope this isn’t too weird or anything.
So, unless someone’s stolen his phone, it’s really him. Saeran pulls his phone to his chest. Is this really happening? Wait, he’s smiling. Saeran never smiles, but as he holds his phone up to read the messages again he can feel it getting even wider.
(08:42) Nope, not weird.
(08:43) I didn’t know you were interested in me?
(08:43) Or… guys in general, actually.
Saeran still isn’t sure whether he should believe this is real or not. It could very well be a prank set up by Yoosung and his brother. But… would they do that? He doesn’t know. Yoosung texts him again.
(08:43) Same goes for you!
Saeran raises his eyebrows in disbelief.
(08:44) Yoosung.
(08:44) I’m gay as fuck.
There’s a little longer before the next message from Yoosung comes through, and he wonders if he overstepped the line.
(08:46) omg
(08:46) I just ugly laughed on the bus
Saeran grins. All this feels way too good to be true.
They continue texting almost non-stop that day, Saeran’s heart skipping every time he feels his phone buzz, and they agree they should meet up and ‘talk’ the following day. Saeran should probably insist they don’t do it here at the bunker for fear of Saeyoung overhearing, but in all honesty he’s not sure the anxiety and nervousness he feels over this whole situation will hold up very well if he has to go somewhere else. They can always go in Saeran’s room, away from Saeyoung. He doesn’t come in without knocking, anyway, and he’ll probably be working.
Saeran’s bouncing his leg nervously as he sits on the couch. It was all fine while they were texting, but now that he’s actually going to see Yoosung in person and they’re going to talk about it, it feels like there’s a whole new layer to it.
He almost jumps out his skin when his phone buzzes in his hand. It’s from Yoosung.
(10:44) I’m just outside! Can you let me in?
Saeran sucks in a deep breath. This is terrifying. What if it turns out to be a prank? What if he messes up somehow? What if Yoosung changes his mind? What if Saeran’s been reading this entire situation wrong, and Yoosung’s actually just looking for friendship?
He slowly heads to the door and punches in the long code, and he holds his breath as he hears the door click and unlock. He pulls it open and continues holding his breath as he sees Yoosung standing right there.
He smiles brightly at him, and Saeran’s heart all but melts.
“Hey!” Yoosung greets him. There’s a hint of nervousness in his voice, which somehow puts Saeran a little more at ease. At least he’s not the only one. He lets out the breath he’d been holding
“Hi,” Saeran says, stepping back a little so Yoosung can come through. He steps past Saeran and Saeran closes the door behind him.
“So…” Yoosung says, turning around to face him.
“So,” Saeran echoes. “Uh… Saeyoung’s in…” He points to his office. “Maybe we should go… to my room?” The suggestion suddenly feels stupid. Why does it feel stupid?
Yoosung’s response is to nod. “Yeah, good idea.”
Saeran lets out another quiet breath of relief as he leads the way. He can hear Yoosung following.
Saeran switches on the light, glad he had to foresight to pick all his dirty clothes off the floor and shove them in his wardrobe. He even made his bed, which turns out to be a good thing because it’s where they end up sitting.
There’s a silence, and Saeran can’t tell if it’s awkward or not, but he isn’t sure what to say. Luckily, Yoosung breaks it.
“I didn’t realise you were on Tender,” he says sheepishly, fidgeting with his hands. God, why is he so cute? “When you came up I thought Saeyoung might have made it as a joke. But it didn’t look like a joke profile. When I… when I swiped right for you and nothing happened for ages, I just figured you weren’t interested.”
“Huh,” is all Saeran can think to say.
“But… but then it came up saying we’d matched! And I got really excited which is why I sent that stupid message to start with.” He sighs and shakes his head in embarrassment.
“It wasn’t stupid,” Saeran says quietly.
“Why did you match with me?” Yoosung asks, sounding genuinely confused.
“What? What do you mean?” Saeran asks in surprise.
“I mean… when you saw my profile, what made you swipe right?”
“What made you swipe right?” Saeran shoots back, the question flustering him too much for him to give a proper answer.
“I like you,” Yoosung says, and Saeran sees his cheeks turning slightly pink.
“Oh.” Saeran honestly doesn’t know what to say. “Well… uh… I like you too.”
“You do?” Yoosung asks, looking at him eagerly, his face lighting up with a smile. Now Saeran can see his dimples up close.
Saeran shrugs, but he can’t help giving him a small smile in return. “Yeah. Why else would I have matched with you?”
Yoosung bites his lip and looks down, still smiling. Everything he does makes Saeran’s breath catch in his throat. “I don’t know. Accident?”
Saeran looks at him in disbelief. “Really? You thought I matched with you by accident?”
“Well… I… I don’t know. I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d be interested in me,” Yoosung stammers, looking up at Saeran from under his hair. Is he doing this on purpose? Is he trying to make Saeran’s heart jump so high he has a heart attack?
“I’ve been interested in you for a while,” Saeran says without thinking, but before he has the chance to feel embarrassed Yoosung looks up at him properly, and his eyes are shining so brightly Saeran wonders if they might blind him.
“Really?” he breathes.
“I… yeah. That’s why I got the app.”
Yoosung’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “To try and find me on it?”
“What? No! To… to try and get over you,” Saeran mumbles, shrugging and turning away.
“Oh. Oh!” Yoosung says in realisation. There’s a short pause, and Saeran assumes Yoosung’s processing it all.
What’s going to happen now? What are they going to do? They’re not exactly close friends, but they hang out sometimes. Will that all be ruined now? Is it too complicated? Saeran’s his best friend’s brother, after all. That must be pretty confusing. Maybe it’s a bad idea. Maybe Saeran shouldn’t have said anything, and they should both have swiped left.
“Do you want to give it a go?” Yoosung asks in a small voice. Saeran turns to look at him again, surprised at the sudden question.
“You mean…?” He trails off. He doesn’t want to make any assumptions.
“I mean… I mean why don’t we try? If we both like each other and everything…” Yoosung swallows. It’s clear he’s nervous.
“If you want to,” Saeran says quietly, and suddenly Yoosung’s hand is gently cupping his face and his heart is racing in his chest. He wouldn’t be surprised if Yoosung could hear it.
“I do,” he says just as quietly. “I really like you, Saeran.”
Hearing him say his name like that is almost too much to handle. Saeran feels his breath catch in his throat. “You know how fucked up I am, right?”
Yoosung furrows his eyebrows a little and his fingers move lightly over his skin, making him shiver. “I know that you’ve been through a lot,” he answers, “but I still like you.”
“But, you know that I’m… that I might…”
Yoosung interrupts him gently. “I know. I’ve seen you at some pretty bad points, remember? But that means I can help! I want to help. I’ve liked you for a really long time, Saeran. Nothing you’ve done has changed it. If anything it’s made me like you more.”
Saeran doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he just blinks in surprise.
They look at each other for a moment, an odd feeling building inside Saeran. He feels like something might be about to burst out and he can’t quite tell what it is.
“Can I kiss you?” Yoosung suddenly blurts out, and then he looks shocked at his own words. His hand drops from Saeran’s face, but Saeran catches his wrist, almost as though out of reflex.
“Yeah,” he whispers.
Yoosung looks at him for a moment, studying his face as though trying to figure out if this is some kind of joke. Saeran stays completely still. This still seems too good to be true.
Yoosung’s wrist slides out of his grip, but instead of pulling it back completely, he slowly laces his fingers through Saeran’s. He shuffles a little closer on the bed so their thighs are pressed together.
This is it. Yoosung’s going to kiss him, and Saeran’s entirely unprepared.
He leans in slowly, almost as though giving Saeran a chance to pull away. He doesn’t, but he doesn’t move either. Then Yoosung stops moving. Did he change his mind?
“Are you…?” Saeran trails off, leaving the question unspoken because he’s too scared of the answer.
“I read somewhere you’re only supposed to lean in 80% of the way when you go to kiss someone,” he whispers, his face close enough that his breath is brushing against Saeran’s lips. “Then you let them do the rest.”
Saeran looks at him in surprise. Yoosung reads about this stuff? Is that what most people do?
“Oh… okay,” Saeran says, and he slowly and nervously leans in.
Eventually, Yoosung ends up closing the gap and their noses bump awkwardly as their lips press together. Saeran’s heart feels like it’s stuck in his throat. Yoosung’s lips are so soft and his kiss is so gentle. Yoosung tilts his head to the side a little to stop their noses getting squished together, and he seems to be opening his mouth so Saeran quickly responds by doing the same. He leans in a little further so their teeth crash clumsily as Yoosung attempts to poke his tongue in. After a moment, Yoosung pulls back.
Saeran just stares at him for a moment, and Yoosung stares back.
“That was shit,” he says.
To Saeran’s surprise, Yoosung starts giggling. “It was.”
“Why are you laughing?”
“We’re both so bad at that,” he says, and his laughter is contagious. Soon, Saeran finds himself smiling too.
“Guess we’ll have to practise?” Saeran suggests. Yoosung looks at him in slight surprise, but still grinning.
“Now?”
Saeran shrugs and he feels his face flush with heat. “If you want.”
Yoosung’s eyes drop to Saeran’s lips for a moment, and he feels his body grow warm. “I’m sure we’ll do better this time,” he whispers, as he leans in again.
“I hope so,” Saeran responds, and he can feel Yoosung’s smile as he kisses him once more.