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Yuri had known from the moment they approached that there was no way he was going to survive this conversation. If Katsuki was already blushing and fidgeting before he had even said a word, Yuri figured either he or Katsuki was going to die before the end. Yuuri from embarrassment or himself from self-inflicted wounds. As much as he valued his own life, if it came down to it he would use his skates in whatever way he had to to get out of the impending conversation.
“Yurio,” Viktor called out as he was about to escape through the doors of the rink. “Wait up, Yuuri and I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Ignoring Viktor, Yuri attempted to jog ahead out of the door and as far down the street as possible. Unfortunately, Viktor was used to his evasive actions and quickly caught up to him before he could leave.
“Yuri, we really need to talk to you.”
Unable to avoid it any more, Yuri figured he would end the conversation before it began. “I don’t care what you have to say. If Katsudon is this embarassed, I can only imagine what is about to come out of your mouth.”
“Well that’s the thing Yuri, we think you have only ever imagined things before,” Yuuri stammered, blush growing redder, if that was even possible.
Attempting to save Yuuri from spontaneous combustion, Yuri tried again to shut down the conversation, “Whatever you are about to say, you can keep it locked up, because I don’t want to hear it and and you don’t want to say it.”
“Yuri, this is serious,” Viktor responded. “We know Otabek it coming next week for your eighteenth birthday, and we just wanted to make sure that you were aware of the differences in sex between—”
“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Yuri shouted, slapping his hand across Viktor’s mouth before he could finish and before anyone else could hear their conversation.
“We’re just worried, that if you and Otabek want to… take your relationship to the next level that you won't be prepared,” Yuuri mumbled, face still incredibly red.
Yuri could only sigh. Why did everyone think that he was innocent? He was almost eighteen for god’s sake. Did they not know that the internet was full of porn? While he had never done the deed before, he had been curious and his grandfather had given him a very thorough education in the matter when he had discovered Yuri’s preferences.
“You can shut your mouth right there and save us all the embarrassment, because I know all about sex, not that I was planning anything with Otabek.”
“Yuri, the sex you see in porn is not realistic. We just want to make sure that you understand the process and that you’re safe,” Viktor said, somehow with a completely straight face.
“Shut up,” Yuri hissed noticing that the other skaters were starting to leave the rink.
“No, Yuri, this is important.”
“I know all about sex. All types of sex. Grandpa was very thorough,” Yuri said, perhaps a little too loudly.
“As much as I love your grandfather, I doubt he covered everything, especially sex between two men,” Viktor retorted.
“No, believe me, he did. There was fruit involved, I was scared for weeks. I really don’t need your help,” Yuri responded blush growing on his cheeks as he contemplates how to hide two bodies if these two idiots kept this up.
“Yurio, we’re just trying to be helpful,” Yuuri stated.
“I’ve got it. I don’t need your help,” Yuri ground out. He meant to say ‘I don’t like Beka in that way,’ he would swear, but instead it came out, “I don’t even know if Beka likes me in that way.”
As Viktor and Yuuri blinked in surprise at his admission, Yuri took his chance and scurried from the rink to move to the mountains and become a cat hermit. At least until Otabek arrived next week.