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“Oh man,” Jeremy says, grinning from ear to ear as they walk out of the movie theater. “The scene where she’s crossing No Man’s Land? And Chris Pine’s like ‘you can’t do that’ and Diana’s like ‘I don’t give a fuck.’ That was awesome!”
“I know,” Michael agrees, walking beside his best friend while he munches on leftover popcorn. “I already need to see it again. I’m probably gonna go with Rich on Sunday.”
Jeremy gives him a sideways glance but says nothing. “That trailer for Justice League looked awesome, too.”
“Eh, I’m still not sure about Ezra Miller as the Flash,” Michael says, tossing the mostly empty popcorn bag in a garbage can they walk past. “I’m very much attached to Grant Gustin on the TV show.”
“Oh, yeah,” Jeremy says. He makes a loud suctioning noise as he tries to nab the last dregs of his Icee. “Have you gotten caught up on that yet?”
“No, but I’m going to Rich’s later to finish season 3,” Michael says. “He’s got them all on his DVR.”
At that point, Jeremy’s had enough. He slams his empty Icee cup in the trash with gusto and turns around to face Michael. “Okay, are you still mad at me?” he says, and his mouth says angry but his eyes say sad puppy dog. “I was a total and utter jerk to you, and I’m so , so sorry, but the squip’s gone forever now and I still wanna be best friends.”
Michael shakes his head, feeling like he just had a stroke. “Of course we’re still best friends,” he swears. “What are you talking about? I’m not mad at you, Jeremy.”
Jeremy shrugs, shoulders hunching in on his lanky frame. “Then why do you keep hanging out with Rich instead of me?”
Michael’s brain short circuits. “Uh. What?”
“You want to go see ‘Wonder Woman’ again with him instead of me ,” Jeremy says. “And you’re hanging out with him to watch TV… Like, I get it, I’m not trying to be possessive. Obviously you have other friends. It just feels like… like Rich is super important to you. And I feel like I’m being replaced.”
Michael nods, trying hard to keep a straight face. (Which is especially difficult, given that there’s nothing straight about him.) “Well, I could say the same thing about Christine,” he points out. “You hang out with her all the time. You see movies with her.”
“Yeah, but that’s different,” Jeremy says. “That’s not a friend thing, that’s a romantic thing.”
“So?”
“So it makes perfect sense to have a girlfriend and a best friend, they don’t overlap,” Jeremy sighs. “But it doesn’t make sense to have two best friends.”
“Jeremy, Rich and I are not friends,” Michael says.
“No, you don’t have to lie to me,” Jeremy says, looking incredibly mopey. “I was a complete dick and I deserve whatever. But at least be honest with me. If Rich is a better friend to you than I am, then that’s it.”
And that’s it, Michael loses it. He cracks up, actually leaning against the wall beside them to keep from toppling. “Stop it!” Jeremy whines. “Stop laughing at me.”
“No, it’s fine, it’s just…” He dissolves into a laughing fit again. “Nah, nah, you’re right, Jere. Rich is my friend. He’s, uh, he’s a real good buddy. A pal. We get together all the time and do regular friend-type stuff, like, you know, sticking our tongues in each others’ mouths and our hands down each others’ pants. Just bros being bros.”
Jeremy stares at him blankly. “What are you saying?”
“It’s a gay thing, Jeremy,” Michael says, still laughing. “Rich and I are, like, gay together. I’m not friend-cheating on you, because he’s not my friend. He’s my boyfriend.”
It’s like he can practically see a little “buffering” icon in front of Jeremy’s face as he processes this information. And then he says, “WHAT. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Michael shrugs. “We’re not super serious yet, so I didn’t want to spread it around.”
“No, like…” Jeremy fidgets. “You never even told me you were gay.”
Michael stares at him. “Jeremy,” he says, turning and showing him the rainbow patch on his sleeve, “what is this?”
“... A rainbow.”
“And why is it on my jacket?”
“... Because you like rainbows.”
“It’s because I like dick, Jeremy,” Michael says, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “Did you seriously not know?”
“I didn’t want to assume!”
“What about my giant poster of Mario Lopez?”
“... I thought you were just a big fan of ‘Saved by the Bell’.”
“I mean, I am, but that’s not the point,” Michael says, shaking his head and smiling. “TO RECAP. I, a gay, am dating Rich, a bi, and neither of us have any intent to disrupt or otherwise damage the best friendship you and I have cultivated for the past 13 years.”
“Oh,” Jeremy says in a small voice. “Well, then I’m happy for both of you.”
“Fantastic,” Michael says, swinging an arm around his friend’s shoulders as they head out to the parking lot. “Man, you’re denser than I thought. You know about Ellen, right?”
“Shut up.”
“Elton John’s not just flamboyant, you knew that, right?”
“SHUT UP.”
Michael laughs all the way out to the car, and he’s still grinning when he drops Jeremy off at home.