Work Text:
It could be romantic, couldn’t it? The whispering wind against your pinkened cheeks and noses while the sky opens freezing rain overhead — to share an umbrella and huddle close would be the picture of fantasy. That is all it would be, though; it will remain purely fantasy, for this is the heir Byakuya Togami and you are a mere peon. You have separate umbrellas and no bit of you touch, not your hands or elbows, and if you’re honest with yourself, it’s frustrating.
What are you to Byakuya Togami? What are you really?
You remember a haphazard kiss you’d stolen in the courtyard against the background thrumming of the school bell. Togami had looked at you with visible emotion, although he hadn’t granted you the time to decipher meaning. Instead he’d stood from the bench without word and tossed you a slanted look before stiffly exiting.
In truth, you should have been disheartened and maybe for a little while, you had been. Then, out of the blue, Togami had started speaking to you again and now here you were, accompanying him as though nothing had happened.
Except it had.
Swallowing back acrid fear, you pick up speed to fall into stride beside Togami rather than behind. Your umbrella bumps into his and he snaps out an, “Are you blind?” You react with a sheepish laugh but you don’t backpedal. You’re carelessly determined to find out what’s going on.
"Togami-kun," you start, side glancing his stern features before turning your attention to your feet. (Slush squelches under each step.) "I’m glad you… Uh, I mean, you still want me around." Your grip tightens around your umbrella’s cool handle the moment his serpentine eyes burn into your skull. "After…"
"Quit your inane babbling," he says dully.
Your shoulders slump and you feel much like the ignorant child you tend to when Togami’s cross.
"I assume you’re referencing your idiotically impulsive actions from the other day, in which case I have nothing to say on the matter.”
The hope that you’d had — maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been totally disgusted — shatters. There’s nothing romantic between the two of you. You’d misjudged.
It…hurts…
Am I being too hasty? You keep your eyes averted and allow yourself to fall back a step or two behind Togami. Your world blurs and you feel your mind disconnect; disappointment is a crushing weight on your chest. You should’ve known. You’re nothing to someone so substantial, so important, because who are you? Makoto Naegi, a name with no meaning.
Although, if you mean nothing —
"Why am I here?" you ask out loud before you can stifle yourself.
…no turning back now.
Togami lets out a sound of acknowledgement as he comes to a halt, pivoting enough to see you even through the rain sliding off the umbrellas. “What?”
"Why… Why did you invite me to walk with you, Togami-kun?" It takes more courage to speak than you’d like but you manage, tilting your head up to watch the heir’s expression. You notice a subtle shift in his narrowed eyes but it’s hard to gauge, just like it had been beneath the shadow of the school. What is it?
"Perhaps I’ve made an error in judgement, assuming someone like you could handle being around me so soon.” His tone is colder than the surrounding weather. “You’re too emotionally driven. I wonder if your minuscule mind even functions.”
This behavior is typical, it is, but your lips still part and your brows furrow because you can’t accept what he’s saying. (You don’t believe his attitude, although you’re not sure why.) You get as far as releasing a puff of steam before he cuts you off by turning away.
For some reason, a fleeting flame of frustration sparks inside of you.
"Maybe I am emotionally driven,” you say loud enough to be heard by not only Togami, but the trio of businessmen across the street. “But what about you? You act like you don’t have a heart but I know you do.” Desperation, now, lilts into your voice as you gesticulate with your free hand as though you’re pleading. “Stop trying to hide, Togami-kun.”
"Hide?" he hisses, and you realize too late that you may have struck a nerve. "Who the hell are you to tell me I’m hiding?” Indignantly, he spins around and stalks toward you, halting within arms reach to stare you down. “I have no reason to hide.”
Defensive: Togami’s easier to read than he’d like to think, but you’re not stupid enough to bury yourself in the hole you’ve already been digging.
"I’m through with this conversation and your asinine, misguided convictions! Whatever you think I ‘feel,’ get it out of your miserable head." Togami clenches his jaw and you recoil instinctively. "I’ve already wasted too much of my precious time on you."
"I…"
"Did I say you could speak?”
You shut your mouth.
"I’m leaving, and don’t you dare follow me.”
You don’t. Togami disappears around the corner and you remain exactly where you stood, clutching your umbrella with both hands and closing your eyes to fight the roaring pain in your chest.
What did you think would happen? Did you really believe he would admit to having feelings for you and you’d share a kiss under the wintry rain? That’s fantasy; fantasy. Togami, so disconnected from his emotions, isn’t capable of that. You’re confusing him for an image that doesn’t exist. Togami can hardly do friendship, let alone —
"…oh,” and just like that, it occurs to you what that emotion you’d seen twice now had been. You’d overwhelmed him; you were pushing too much too quickly and Togami had reacted poorly because he didn’t know how to handle the situation. Togami, who can strategize and outthink nearly everyone you know, doesn’t do well in unknown territory. He fears failure; he requires practice and calculation.
Your emotions had come without warning. You’d scared him with unfamiliar affection.
"I’m sorry," you say in the direction he’d disappeared before you begin to carry yourself forward. I didn’t mean to shock you, Togami-kun.
Against the blistering air, you pull your scarf up over your mouth and wrestle the frog in your throat. You realize fantasy may never come.
Your name is Makoto Naegi and you’re a plebeian.