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There was little Kylo missed of his old life. Or, there would be, if he ever allowed himself to think about that life. Whenever the memories crept into his mind like a persistent patch of weeds, he beat them back by pushing himself harder in his training, or with meditation, or, if Hux was otherwise unoccupied, fucking-or-being-fucked, depending on their moods.
Some things, though, it was impossible not to compare to things from that hazy time ever present at the back of his mind. One of those was food.
Food on the Finalizer was lacking in every way imaginable. In flavor, its blandness remedied only by packets of an overzealous seasoning, the taste of which lingered for hours after. In texture; no meat should be allowed to be so...gritty. And in variety; the same meals served in a weekly rotation, with little to look forward to other than an occasional "special dessert" which generally consisted of some spongey, under-sweetened cake topped with a foamy whipped cream.
Desserts. If he allowed himself to miss anything in all the galaxy, it was real, proper desserts. Sweet things made with the sugars from warm, humid planets, pastries filled with rich cream or tart jams, pies made from real fruits, and candy. Actual candy, colorful and varied, hard or chewy, fruity or sour, anything.
Anything but the tough, gummy, absolutely repulsive little horrors that the Order had the nerve to call candy.
It was somehow salty and bitter and over-sweet all at once and stuck in teeth when chewed. It only came in one flavor, that of some plant extract found on muddy Outer Rim planets, and one color, a jet black that, while matching the Order's...aesthetic...didn't seem fitting for what was supposed to be a treat.
Kylo had first had the misfortune of trying it one evening in Hux's quarters. Hux was finishing some work on his datapad and refused to let Kylo so much as touch him until he was done. Bored and restless, Kylo had, to Hux's annoyance, hovered, inspecting the minimal details of his living-room-slash-office. His eyes landed on a little glass dish in the upper corner of the desk, almost invisible with its dark contents against the black plasteel desk.
"What are these?" He asked, reaching out a hand to take one between two fingers and examine it.
"Why yes, Ren," Hux deadpanned, not even glancing up from his datapad, "help yourself to my candy, no need to ask."
Ren ignored the sarcastic reprimand and perked up.
"Candy?" It seemed incomprehensible, such an un-Hux-like thing to have.
That made Hux pause and look up, just with his eyes, smugness written all over his features.
"Yes, Ren. Candy. A sweet food, often a dessert or a treat given to children." There was a glint in his eyes at that. "In fact, I think it’s perfect for you…"
"I know what candy is," Kylo snapped. "I'm just surprised to see you do. There's so little sweet about you, after all."
To his surprise, Hux's expression hardened a little. His eyes dropped to the small, round candy in Ren's massive hand and nodded curtly.
"Try it." He pretended to return to his work, but Kylo caught the way his eyes peeked over to watch.
He glared, shrugged and popped it into his mouth, and-
And kriffing hell!!
Almost as soon as it touched his tongue his face scrunched up in disgust and he spat it back out into his hand, which made Hux sneer.
Then, Hux began to laugh. Not his usual short, controlled little chuckle, but a burst of genuine, uninhibited laughter.
Kylo only glared more fiercely and deposited the offending "candy" into Hux's rubbish bin.
"You should have seen your face!" Hux barked, eyes brimming with tears. "I know it can have a- a stronger flavor but was it really that bad?"
"You call that candy?" Kylo retorted, cheeks burning with embarrassment. The strange, salty flavor lingered on his tongue and it only added to his frustration. "It's horrible! Whoever came up with it has never tasted candy in their life! We should use it for interrogations, it seems a more than effective torture..."
When Hux only continued laughing, Kylo decided he didn't have to stand there and take this. While cutting off Hux's laughter quite literally with the Force to his throat was incredibly tempting, he did want to eventually be invited back into Hux's bed, so instead he stormed out. As the door slid shut behind him be heard Hux say, "oh, come on, Ren, I was almost finished working," but Kylo just kept walking. He returned to his own quarters and tried to kill the awful taste in his mouth by brushing his teeth. Twice.
He hoped that would be the last he'd ever taste of it, but of course he couldn't be so lucky.
Weeks after the Candy Incident, he was walking briskly to Hux's quarters, where he'd been summoned via a very short comm of simply:
Here. Now.
Of course he knew what it was about. He'd failed a mission and in his frustration, Force-choked some sniveling lieutenant who had then requested transfer to another ship, and Hux was most likely livid. But it would work in Kylo's favor, if he was patient: once Hux burned off his initial fury with an eloquent rant, he'd be re-enraged by Kylo's indifference. The result would be clothes yanked off and a fist gripping and tugging at his hair and a violent fuck that he'd feel well into the next day, when he could use the more pleasant pain to ground him through the sure-to-be worse pain of training he anticipated in light of his failure.
Maybe, if he was really fired up, Hux would mark him with bites and bruises, things he shouldn't want from him but did in spite of himself, and refused to acknowledge this beyond his old excuse that pain made him stronger with the Force.
So when he swept into Hux's quarters and casually pulled his helmet off, only barely suppressing his smugness, he was immediately caught off guard by Hux not looking angry, or even mildly irritated, but...pleased to see him.
Kylo dropped his helmet with a loud clunk, knowing how Hux hated when he did that. Hux’s jaw twitched but but the odd little almost-smile remained on his face as he set down his datapad and rose from his desk chair.
Hux walked over to Kylo with purpose, his gaze intense and...and just a little bit lustful, if Kylo was reading him right. Which he was, of course he was. He always did.
Right?
The moment Hux reached Kylo his hands were on him, pressing to his chest and sliding up to slip off his cowl. As it crumpled to the ground behind him, Hux cupped his face and leaned in, a dangerous look in his eyes that made Kylo shudder.
"I'm so glad you're here," Hux whispered, a little smirk pulling at his lips. Kylo closed his eyes, pleasantly surprised and oddly warmed by Hux's eagerness. His breath was warm on Kylo's face and smelled familiar, but Kylo couldn't quite place why.
Then Hux's lips were on his, warm and insistent, and Kylo groaned and tilted his head and swept his tongue into Hux's mouth, and...
And froze, suddenly, when the familiar smell was made clear by an even more familiar, bitter-salty taste, overwhelming his senses.
He recoiled, grimacing and nearly gagging at it. He swiped the back of his hand over his mouth as though that could wipe away the horridness of it.
Hux stepped back with a satisfied grin, arms behind his back.
"I'm testing out your idea," he explained, grin widening, "to use this as a form of punishment." He motioned with one hand to the dish of candy on the desk behind him, now half empty. The gesture was unnecessary; Kylo would know that taste anywhere. He would almost feel sorry for Hux for having ate so much of it if he didn't look so kriffing pleased with himself.
Kylo seethed. "Couldn't just go off into one of your tirades, could you?"
Hux shrugged, uncharacteristically buoyant. It was infuriating.
"Where would the fun be in that?"
"Since when do you care about fun?" Kylo hissed.
"I don't," Hux snapped, suddenly defensive as he realized Kylo wasn't taking his little prank very well. "But I do care about finding ways to keep you in line. It's my duty as your co-commander to-"
"Oh please," Kylo interrupted. "Don't pretend this is about duty. This was a childish prank for your own satisfaction, nothing more." And oh did it feel good to be the one calling Hux childish for a change.
Hux glared, all amusement gone from his features.
"Maybe I wouldn’t have to stoop to your level if you'd rise up to mine for a change," he countered, his calmness hiding a simmering rage beneath the surface.
Kylo stepped close again, shoulders squared, looming with all his bulk and extra height and letting the Force crackle around him. Hux didn't back away, nor did his fierce gaze leave Kylo's. If Hux could use the Force, it would surely be pulsing around him just as strongly.
Normally this was when one would grab the other and press them to the wall, or when their mouths would meet in a bruising kiss. But both of them were full of such genuine anger, and none of it was converting into sexual tension like it usually did.
"If you had to play your foolish trick, fine," Kylo growled, low and dark. "But you could have just grabbed me and kissed me. You didn't have to-"
He stopped abruptly, teeth clacking together painfully as his mouth snapped shut.
The stupid joke itself was irritating at best. That alone wasn't what fueled his sudden rage. No, it was that Hux had greeted him warmly, had said he was glad Kylo was there, and for a moment Kylo had believed him.
Somehow that tasted more bitter, stung more deeply than anything. And it shouldn't have, and the weakness of it only made him angrier.
Hux was saying something. He didn't hear a word of it.
"I hope your own hand is as skilled and clever as you seem to think you are," he spat, turning. "Because that's the only thing touching you tonight."
He snatched up his helmet and cowl and left before Hux could come back at him with some retort and drag this out any further.
It was over a week before he spoke with Hux again. He didn't even need to try to avoid him; Hux was handling that for the both of them. Between that and days of brutal training, he was too occupied and exhausted to care much.
Still, the very thought of Hux prodded at him like the jab of a needle, subtle but claiming all his attention if he didn't focus on something else.
Late one cycle he was returning to his quarters, using all his remaining energy not to stumble lest any troopers were around to witness it, when his comm beeped once, then again. He waited until he reached his door to check it, to find two messages from Hux.
My quarters, immediately.
It's important.
Kylo wondered what was so important at this hour other than an emergency, but were that the case, surely Hux would be on the bridge or one of the meeting rooms, not messaging Kylo from his quarters.
He could ignore it. He could claim to have been asleep or training. He could use the Force to make Hux believe that.
But curiosity got the better of him, and if it was truly urgent, he wouldn't allow Hux to accuse him of shirking his duties. He sighed heavily and made his way to Hux's quarters.
He entered without requesting permission, which Hux was used to by now. Hux wasn't at his desk for once, but instead seated on the small sofa at the other side of the room. When Kylo entered, he stood.
"Ren," he greeted, face carefully blank.
Kylo nodded in acknowledgment and took the helmet off. Hux’s eyes swept over him, taking in his weary dishevelment from the long day. In return he eyed Hux warily, expecting bad news or perhaps another trick.
What he didn't expect was for Hux to stand, clear his throat, walk up to Kylo with his hands behind his back as though he were pacing the bridge, stop barely a foot away from him and blurt out, "kiss me."
Kylo stared. And stared. And stared. And Hux stared at a point just to the side of Kylo's intent gaze, somewhere around his hairline.
When Hux's eyes finally met his, impatient, Kylo frowned.
"Again?" He asked, irritation taking root inside him. "Wasn't once en-"
"Ren," Hux interrupted sharply. "I said. Kiss. Me."
The look in his eyes held no room for argument, not that that had ever stopped Kylo before. But he was tired, ready to be done with this game, ready for them to fight it out or fuck it out or both.
He propped his helmet against his side with one arm. With the other hand he gripped Hux's jaw tightly, and kissed him, hard.
Almost immediately, Hux pressed against him and tilted his head. His lips parted under Kylo's, surprisingly slow and gentle. Then, with a little sigh Kylo had never in all their nights together heard from Hux, he pressed in closer and licked into Kylo's mouth then retreated, inviting. Unable to stop himself, Kylo returned the gesture, and then he gasped. His arm went slack and his helmet dropped to the ground.
Hux tasted sweet.
Kylo parted their lips with a soft pop and immediately dipped in to kiss him again, then again, soft and curious and searching for answers. His grip on Hux's face gradually loosened to cup his jaw instead, his calloused thumb stroking over soft skin almost apologetically.
The taste was sugary and slightly tart, like the sugar-covered berries his mother had given him in some desperate attempt to get him to eat fruit. When he reluctantly parted again, just barely, as they panted against each other he glanced behind Hux to see a container on the small table in front of the sofa. It was half-filled with small, brightly colored objects.
Candy. Real, actual candy.
Kylo pulled back a little more to finally look at Hux's face. It was flushed and he was frowning, avoiding Kylo's searching gaze.
"Hux. What is this?"
His eyes flickered up and then away again.
"When I was a child, those were the only desserts of any kind permitted by my father, or at the academy." He nodded over to the desk, where the dish of dark candies still sat. "They're popular on Arkanis, considered a delicacy. I never tried other sweets and never thought I might be missing something. All things considered, I felt lucky to receive that much."
At his words, Kylo felt something he hadn't felt in a long time: guilt, gnawing and twisting in his stomach.
"I still feel that way," Hux admitted, glancing at Kylo defensively as if daring him to comment. "Since becoming General I've had the chance to try other things and...most of them are too sweet for my tastes. I still prefer those and probably always will." He shrugged. "But. You clearly found it unpleasant, and..." He swallowed, shifting uncomfortably. Kylo couldn't blame him; this was perhaps the most open he'd ever been with Kylo, maybe with anyone. "And contrary to what you might think, I do in fact want you to return here. To me."
He said it quickly, pushing the words out in a hurry before he could take them back. He looked half embarrassed, half furious, though only at himself.
It took several beats for Kylo to catch up and realize: it was an apology. Or, the closest to one he'd ever receive from Hux.
He looked from the tin of colorful candy and Hux's flushed face and soft lips, which he could now see still had flecks of sugary coating from eating so much of the candy. Several things connected in his mind at once, like a revelation from the Force. Except, for once, he was pretty sure the Force had little to do with this. It was just him, and Hux, and something between them that had been growing half in shadow, un-nurtured, finally coming into the light and blossoming.
Kylo stepped away from Hux, and as he did, he could feel the shame and disappointment radiate off him in waves. He didn’t let it last long; he moved purposefully to the table by the sofa and picked up the container. Then he moved to the desk and set it beside the glass dish.
Hux watched as Kylo took one of the colorful candies and popped it into his mouth with a little grin. He hummed in approval at the perfect fruity taste.
“Apology accepted, General,” he teased, but there was warmth in it. Then, he picked up one of the dark candies between his fingers. The other hand he held out to Hux, beckoning.
Warily, Hux approached him. When he was within reach, Kylo settled the hand lightly under his chin and pressed his thumb to Hux’s full bottom lip. Either to speak or just out of reflex, Hux’s mouth opened slightly and Kylo slipped the piece of candy in.
Hux blinked up at him in alarm and closed his mouth. The twitch of his lips gave away his attempt not to smile; Kylo watched them move as he turned the candy around in his clever mouth, savoring it. Never in a million years did he think he would ever feel jealous of a piece of food.
Unable to simply watch any longer, Kylo swallowed what remained of his treat and leaned toward Hux.
Hux’s brow pinched and he leaned back a little. Tucking the candy out of the way with his tongue he said, slightly muffled, “wait, you don’t like-“
The words were swallowed up by Kylo’s lips on his, lightly at first, drawing away, and then in again, still soft but firmer, more insistent. The sharp taste of Hux’s candy, when combined with the sweeter flavor of Kylo’s, was not nearly so bad this time. With Hux’s mouth so warm and inviting and his hands grasping at Kylo’s tunic and the little hums low in his throat, it even tasted good.
When Kylo finally pulled away, Hux sighed and his eyes fluttered open. He looked confused, suddenly, and put a hand to his mouth as if searching for something.
“Where did…oh.”
Kylo opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out; on it sat the dark candy. Hux laughed, sudden and unrestrained, then looked bewildered like he hadn’t meant to do that. Kylo closed his mouth and sucked on the candy. He grinned.
“You want it?” The candy? My body? My heart? “Come and get it.”
So Hux did.