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Carisi, usually, sleeps like a log. He’s dead in bed from the time his head hits the pillow to the time his alarm clock goes off.
And usually Barba is the same way. Even with the amount of coffee he drinks, it’s common for him to crash before he makes it to their bedroom, settling for the couch instead.
Tonight’s different though. It’s not the case he’s working on, it’s not his family, he’s under the same amount of stress as usual. But he can’t find it in himself to fall asleep. He gives up, eventually, and makes his way into the kitchen.
He leaves their bedroom door open, just a crack, letting the sounds of the kitchen trickle in. The refrigerator opening, the trays against the counter, all of those are bearbale. It’s the sound of spoons scraping against one another that wakes Carisi. It makes him realize he’s alone in bed, and then that there’s a light on outside their room.
Sonny gets himself up and gropes around next to his bed, finding his NYPD sweatshirt and pulling it around himself. All the while, listening to the metal utensils scraping together.
The lights in the kitchen are only at half brightness, so Carisi doesn’t go blind when he joins Barba.
Barba has Sonny’s Fordham sweatshirt on over his pajamas. It makes the taller man smile. Barba’s head pops up, and his heart warms at that smile.
“You’re awake.” Sonny points out.
“So’re you.” Barba retorts, and uses one spoon to scoop dough out of a tub, then the other to scrape the dough onto a lined baking sheet.
“Can’t sleep?”
“Nope. I think the caffeine has finally caught up with me.”
“Maybe. What’re you doin’, though? Why don’t you just use the scooper?”
“I would if we had one.”
“We have one. Here, wait-“ Sonny moves to their fridge and opens the cabinet over it. The cabinet where all their random kitchen crap- the pizza slicer, the apple corer, the corn holders- that they always seem to forget about is kept. Carisi pops up on his toes and feels around before producing the spring-loaded scooper, the perfect size for making cookies.
Carisi’s wearing a proud grin when he meets Barba’s eye. Barba just glares, a hand on his hip, though his hand is swallowed up by the sleeve of his boyfriend’s sweatshirt.
“How the hell would I have found that?”
Carisi’s grin slips into a smirk as he closes the space between them. “I know you have a step stool around here somewhere.”
“I think I tossed it when I found you.” Barba says, and makes a grab for the utensil, which Carisi pulls a little higher. Barba yanks the thing out of his hand before Carisi can do it again, and turns his attention back to the cookies. Sonny’s not perturbed. He slides one arm around Rafael’s waist, while the other is busy taking finger-fulls of raw dough.
“You better not get sick off of that stuff.” Rafael warns.
“No promises. How old is this stuff anyway? We haven’t made cookies since…what, Christmas?”
“Sounds about right.” He agrees, reshaping the cookies he made with the spoons so they’re all the same size. The scraps get thrown back in the tub, which Sonny takes gratefully. “But still you’re eating it.”
“I trust our fridge.”
“I think I’ll hedge my bets and cook mine.” Barba slips out of his grasp and pops the cookies into the warmed oven, then presses the timer next to it. Sonny watches Barba put away what’s left of the dough, then clean the two wasted spoons and the scooper. He doesn’t have to be asked to know he should dry. Which he does.
“Thanks.” Barba says stiffly.
“You okay?” Sonny asks, closing the utensil drawer.
“Fine. Just annoyed.”
“Not with me, right?”
“No, not with you. Just that I can’t sleep.”
“Oh. Good. For a second I was worried I pissed you off.”
“You? Piss me off? Impossible.”
Sonny pokes his arm. “I’m serious. Cuz you know I was just teasing you, about your height. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Sure you didn’t.” Barba says, and he realizes how it sounds once it’s out of his mouth. He really didn’t mean to sound accusatory, but he has a knack for sounding that way. Sonny pulls him around, making them face each other. The bottom of Barba’s back presses against the counter.
“I didn’t. You know I love you, and your body.” He feels strong hands grip at his waist before pulling him up onto the counter. “Because I do. You’re short, sure, but you’re so…powerful.”
“Sonny-“
“I mean it. Look at you. Look at these wide, firm shoulders.” His hands move up to rest on them, feeling him through the oversized garment. “They fill out a suit like nobody else’s. And these arms” his hands slide down, gripping his biceps “so strong, so sure. So good for holding onto a victim after a bad loss, or a lover after a victory.”
Barba’s entranced, listening to his lover talk with such poetic rhythm. He kicks himself for every time he wrote off Carisi as less than because of his accent.
“And your chest, so warm, covering that beating heart, pumping blood through your veins. And your hips, they’re sure, reliable. And how can I forget about these legs.”
The awe in Carisi’s voice hasn’t faded, and his hands haven’t stopped moving over each body part as he speaks.
“These legs, they’re solid, tough, unwavering. And absolutely beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful.”
Barba melts at that, and he pulls Sonny in for a hug. His legs spread wider the closer he pulls Carisi, but there’s nothing sexual there. It’s pure warmth.
“This. This is so beautiful. The way our bodies fit together.” Sonny murmurs against Rafael’s shoulder. “We just fit.”
“We do” Barba agrees, only letting his grip on Sonny’s neck loosen when he tries to pull away. Not all the way away, just away enough so he can see Barba’s face again. Half his face turns up in a smile.
“Yup. How’s the view from up there, huh?”
“Interesting. Not one I’m familiar with.”
“I wouldn’t think so.”
“I’m not used to seeing the top of your head.”
“Really? You can’t think of one other time you might have had that view?” He teases, and Rafael shoves his chest. He just wobbles, doesn’t move away.
“C’mon, don’t talk like that.”
“A’right, a’right, no more jokes about how we make love, okay?”
“Sounds like a deal.” Rafael slips a hand through Sonny’s hair, and leans down for a kiss. It’s so odd, being in this position. A vague part of him wonders if this is how Sonny always feels.
The kissing doesn’t go anywhere. And it doesn’t have to. It’s warm and sweet, and it’s the most intimate they’ve been in days. It’s a welcome distraction.
When they break, Barba moves to slide off the counter.
“You okay, babe?” Sonny asks.
“I’m fine, I can do this-“ He cuts off with a yelp when his feet hit the ground, one of his feet landing sideways. He would have fallen over if Sonny wasn’t there to catch him.
“Woah, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Carisi reassures, and sweeps Barba up bridal style before he can protest. He carries the older man to the living room, only lit up by the kitchen, and sets him down on the sofa. Barba curses under his breath when he feels it settle against the cushion.
“Don’t move.” Carisi says, and disappears for a minute. He comes back with a plastic bag full of ice, and he grabs the pillow from the end of the couch. He’s careful with how he lifts up Rafael’s leg, his heart stinging when Barba’s breath hitches.
Carisi gently rests the ice back on the side of his foot, cooing to him that he’s okay. Which Rafael realizes a few minutes later, once the throbbing has subsided and the ice pack against his foot starts to cause more pain than it’s taking away.
“I feel better now, Sonny.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. My foot’s a little cold, but other than that I’m okay.”
“I can fix that.” The younger man sets the ice aside, and takes Rafael’s foot between both of his hands, massaging it. “This work for you?”
“Does it work for you?”
“I’m perfectly happy, thanks for asking.”
“Is that your way of saying you’re using this as a chance to indulge your secret foot fetish?”
Sonny’s nails scrape lightly against the sole of his foot, tickling him. Rafael yelps a laugh, trying to pull away. Sonny’s grip is strong though, holding onto his ankle while his free hand repeats the action again and again.
“Stop! Stop, that tickles!” Rafael finally gets out. Still laughing, Sonny pulls his hand away and gives his foot an affectionate squeeze.
Sonny knows the word ‘stop’ better than anyone else Rafael’s ever known.
It’s while they’re still giggling that they notice it. They lock eyes, and then Carisi is out of the room. Rafael hears a button being pressed, and the oven door opening and closing, with the alarming smell getting stronger. There’s a metal clatter, followed by the sink turning on. Rafael walks into the kitchen, relieved when his foot feels okay again, just as the faucet is turned off.
“Well, at least the pan is clean.” Barba says, still smiling a little. Carisi looks over and laughs.
“Something like that. But our timer sucks. What now?”
Barba shrugs. “There’s still some dough. But my foot feels fine, I’m up for taking a little walk.”
“What, down to the 24 hour grocery?”
“No, the 24 hour hardware store.” Barba retorts. Carisi rolls his eyes, but still plants a kiss on his forehead before going to grab his wallet and keys. They don’t even bother with real shoes. Both of them put on their house slippers before heading out the door, leaving everything as it is.
The spring night outside is warm, and forgiving to them in their pajamas. The weather isn’t the reason Carisi slips his arm through Rafael’s while going up the block to the corner grocery.
It’s 2:47, the clock in the window tells them so in red neon letters. They’re the only people in the store, except for the girl behind the register that looks up when they walk in. She gets paid no mind. Rafael picks up a basket and leads the way over to the aisle where the cookies are.
Once the choices are laid before him, Rafael stalls. Sonny slips his arms around Rafael’s waist, his hands meeting again in the front pocket of his sweatshirt.
“What’ya want, babe?” Sonny asks, and leans down to peck his cheek.
“Not sure.”
“Hmm…decisions decisions…you like pecan sandies, right? You want a box of those?”
The thought makes his mouth water. “Please.”
Sonny’s warmth disappears, and he pulls away to take them off the shelf, then adds a pack of Oreos and chocolate chip cookies, but the kind stuffed with Reese’s cups.
“Sweet tooth.” Barba mutters.
Carisi just pokes his tongue out at the other man, then pecks his temple.
“Anything else?”
“Not sure.” He answers. Rafael likes this feeling of being alone in public with Sonny. He thinks how ridiculous they would seem to anyone who saw them. So he just walks around with Sonny, the taller man keeping a hand on him at all times. When the hand pulls away, he sees Carisi with his head poked into one of the freezers. He returns with a lowkey smile on his smile on his face. He pretends to be discreet with the way he places the pint of Phish Food and the pint of Chubby Hubby in the basket Rafael’s holding.
He lets out a laugh. “Are you trying to make sure I don’t sleep?”
“While we’re here, why not?”
Rafael shakes his head and leans up, kissing his jaw line. “You’re a horrible influence.”
“Sure am. Do we need milk?”
“Probably.” He agrees, and goes with Carisi to one of the other fridges. Sonny grabs a half gallon container of milk, but before the door shuts Rafael grabs another container, the same size, of heavy cream.
Carisi just smirks, but says nothing.
The cashier doesn’t say anything either, just gives them a long look before scanning their items.
Sonny laughs once they’re out of the store. “She thinks we’re stoners, I’m sure of it.”
“You really think?”
“Hell yeah. You see how she looked at us? I’m sure she was trying to figure out if she smelled weed on us. Hundred percent, no doubt.”
“I don’t care. I have cookies, I have ice cream, and I have someone to eat with. I’m happy as can be.”
“Aw, friggin’ you.” Sonny steals another kiss, not caring if anyone sees.
Their apartment is the same as they left it. Sonny puts away the other milk before pouring them both a glass of cream. Rafael just grabs a few spoons and settles down in the living room, turning on one of the soft lamps. Sonny flicks off the light in the kitchen before joining him.
“Wanna watch a movie?” Carisi asks, wedging himself between the arm of the sofa and Rafael.
“Sure.” Rafael agrees, and turns on the TV, which makes the decision for them. One of the channels that doesn’t show commercials is just starting a showing of Jaws. It gives them something to do while they down cookies and cream, and eat ice cream without regard for who uses what spoon and which spoon goes to what flavor.
Sonny doesn’t notice that Rafael’s asleep until the Fourth of July scene, when there’s one of the few good shots of the animatronic shark in the whole movie, and Barba doesn’t press back against him in fear. Despite all the sugar they ate, he’s out cold against Carisi’s shoulder.
Carisi barely moves Rafael, being incredibly careful as he gathers up what’s left of their sugar binge. He turns off the TV, and he realizes just how tired he is too now that he carries Rafael back to their bed.
He’s asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.