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miles wakes up at 2:59 sharp, hair ruffled by sleep and eyes enhanced with bags. almost dazed, he grabs his phone off the nightstand near his bed and puts in a number. he can barely see the numbers on the keypad but he doesn't care. he has to talk to her.
"i feel terrible," he starts, not waiting for a 'hello' or a 'good morning' or a 'can we talk later, miles, i'm kind of trying to sleep.'
"why?" is what he gets instead.
"i finally broke up with alya. i wasn't in love with her, and i felt terrible leading her on. so i broke up with her. i didn't want the relationship to be one-sided and i didn't want it to end messily. didn't help that she wasn't good for me, anyways."
"does she know?"
"i don't know! i don't know. she won't talk to me and she's telling everyone. i don't want them to think of me as the bad guy. i mean i get it, your boyfriend breaks up with you because he says he's never really loved you but that doesn't mean he's a bad person, does it?"
"i mean–i don't think so."
"thank you! i just," miles sighed, not bothering to finish his sentence. he yawns and runs a hand through his hair.
"are you sure you just didn't love her?" miles snaps out of his sleepy daze.
"what have you heard?"
"nothing. i went through a similar thing with my ex-girlfriend."
"bianca, if i tell you this, do not tell anyone. swear it."
"i swear, dude. pinky-promise."
miles laughs a little. "i'm gay."
"aw, sweet, me too. kind of. bi, actually? uh, i'm jackson, by the way. not bianca. just...putting that out there."
miles furrows his eyebrows. shit.
"hello?"
"yeah, yeah, sorry. could've sworn i put in the right number."
"no worries, dude. you okay? i'm here all night if you need me."
"yeah, i'll be fine, just can't sleep. i'm miles, by the way."
"cool. uh, save my number just in case? i mean, if you want to. i'm always up." miles does that. jackson's number is in his phone and for some reason, miles feels extremely relieved at that.
"goodnight, jackson," he says. "thanks again."
"night, miles. feel better." jackson says, and hangs up. miles falls back onto his bed, hoping his parents didn't overhear any of that. he doesn't know how they'd react to both him being gay and his breaking up with alya, who they'd loved so much.
at school, miles tells bianca what had happened earlier that day.
"dude," bianca says, laughing. "that's wild. did he give you a name?"
"yeah, jackson." bianca's features turn cold for a second.
"jackson?" she echoes.
miles nods. "you know him?"
"i know one. sounds like your guy." she points in the direction of a cute, curly-haired boy with headphones around his neck talking to a girl with a laptop. miles recognizes him from his music class. he usually sits in the front, while miles sits in the back. now that he and alya aren't talking, though, this could be his moment.
"it could be any jackson in the world," miles says. his eyes remain on that one, though.
"hopefully," bianca says. "he's a jerk."
a week later, miles decides to man up and do something.
"could i sit here?" miles asks. jackson looks at him.
"sure, man. do whatever." even the voice fits. miles doesn't know how he'd mistaken it for bianca's at all.
"thanks," he says. jackson just nods in response.
two weeks later, miles's luck runs out.
"for this project, i'm pairing you up." mr. park says. miles ends up getting stuck with alya and is about two seconds away from an anxiety attack.
"he's serious?" jackson whispers, though it sounds more like a confirmation than a question. before jax can do anything, alya's already retreating to her seat, glaring at miles as she does. while miles just watches her, jackson glares back for him.
"jax and miles, bianca and alya, you guys are partnered instead." miles releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. jax claps a reassuring hand onto his shoulder.
"you and me, together at last," he says. miles grins. jax tells him to come home with him instead that day so they can get started. miles, of course, obeys.
"no one's home," jax says, smirking. miles raises an eyebrow quickly, but follows him up the stairs anyway. he takes in how huge his house is, like those mansions on those rich-people reality shows. his bathroom alone is probably the size of miles's entire house.
"welcome to casa de jax," jax announces, pushing open the door to his oversized room.
"there's a piano in the middle of your room," miles states, stunned.
"yep," jax says. "so, anyway. iconic duets." they get their work done way too quickly. they've practiced so many times the words and cues may as well be engraved on their tongues by that time. miles told his parents he'd be staying over with bianca because his parents a) trust bianca enough to know that she wouldn't try anything and b) would kill them if they knew he was staying with another guy. at one thirty jax lays down on the floor, inviting miles to join him. miles, of course, obeys because when cute boys who don't laugh at your problems tell you to do stuff you do it, right?
their hands are dangerously close. their pinkies brush and they may only have known each other for a fortnight but miles's heart is hammering like it's been years. he'd never felt this with alya. this is what he's missing. jax entangles his hand in his curls and as he does so, his shirt rides up on his stomach. miles catches himself looking and his heart pounds faster while his face heats up. before jax can freak and say something, he sits up and grabs his hoodie so quickly that the blood rushes to his head.
"whoa, hey, are you okay?" jax asks, looking over at him.
miles nods. "where's your bathroom?" he asks.
"second door on the left," jax says, his gaze trailing back to the ceiling. miles thanks him and tries not to look desperate as he rushes there. he turns on the light and is met with the soft whirring of the ceiling fan above. he pulls his shirt off and stares at himself in the mirror. his binder is clutching his chest like a python but he can't take it off or else jax will think of him as a girl and then he'll never stand a chance. screw it, he decides. keeping it on all night once won't kill him. he takes a few deep breaths, pulls his shirt back on, washes his hands and pulls on the hoodie for good measure, then exists.
"you good?" jax asks when he gets back. miles gives him a weak smile and nods in confirmation, taking his place next to the other boy and ignoring the pressure on his chest. that night is the best night of his life. he can barely make jax out in the dark but he can smell his cologne and hear his soft breathing and relaxes a little.
"okay," jax starts after about twenty minutes–or two hours, they both feel the same– exhaling and looking over at miles so he knows he's serious. "uh, could i ask something?"
"sure," miles replies, furrowing his eyebrows. "anything."
"uh, feel free to freak out or whatever–"
"i won't! trust me."
jax laughs. "see, you say that, but when i ask-- okay, anyways. um, did you maybe want to hang out with me sometime? well, not hang out, uh, more like... go out with me?"
"really?" miles asks. he'd definitely misheard him.
"forget it, that was a stupid question. i don't even know why i asked, you obviously don't–"
"no, what?! of course i do!"
jax stops short. "you do?"
miles just nods. they sit there for what feels like an eternity, watching each other, waiting for the slightest move indicating it was all just a prank. a grin begins to spread on jax's face and it's contagious, infecting miles too.
"nice," jax breathes. miles laughs.
"hey, pass me the laptops to your right?" jax asks, and miles does. jax passes one to him and gives him the password. when the screen clears, the minecraft loading screen is open. he looks over at jax, who grins at him.
//
a consequence of staying at jax's house all night is having to walk to school with him. actually, it's not a consequence— it's a reward.
"is the street always so empty?" miles asks.
"nope," jax replies, and smirks. before miles can question it, jax slips his hand into miles's.
"we got lucky, i guess," miles remarks in an attempt to mask his grin. jax doesn't even bother trying to mask his.
"yeah." they get to school way faster than miles expected, which is good, because jax's favorite muffins were still there, but bad because that means they have to unlink their hands.
"can we go back to my place?" jax whines. "i don't wanna let go."
"sap," miles laughs. he reluctantly loosens his hand from jax's, replacing it with a muffin. jax smiles at him. all throughout the day, jax holds miles's hand in class inconspicuously. park's class is the best, though. jax volunteers for him and miles to sit out in the hall and 'work on their project' and park (surprisingly) lets them. they don't actually work. in reality, jax had brushed off any idea remotely close to practicing in favor of sitting in his boyfriend's lap and cracking jokes. it was pretty much the best time miles had ever had in his life. miles's stomach dropped at the thought.
"jax, we gotta talk." he blurts. now or never.
"are you breaking up with me?" jax jokes. his smile falters after he sees the look on his boyfriend's face.
"no, it's just–" he's struggling to breathe. maybe it wasn't a good idea to leave the binder on overnight. maybe he just shouldn't tell jax. maybe he should just die one day and have jax find out from his parents, who would probably spit on his grave had they known he was dating another boy, who would tell him they knew it was a phase all along, that–
"miles!" jax is panicking, too. he grabs miles by the forearms and wills him to breathe. "miles, what's going on? are you okay?"
miles blinks rapidly. "yeah, i'm sorry. i–" he sighs. jax takes his hands.
"whenever you're ready, babe."
"i'm dying, jax. i-i have a kidney disease, and i don't know how long i have left. i should've told you earlier but i didn't wanna–"
jax shakes his head. "miles, babe, it's okay. i only want to know when you're ready, not before. i'm with you every step of the way."
"thanks," he says. "means a lot."
"anytime." jax pulls him into a hug and miles lets him. every moment of it, miles thinks about how goddamn lucky he is to know jax– to date him, even. bianca said he was a jerk but he can't see it.
the bell rings, forcing them to disconnect. miles kisses jax's forehead. "i'm so glad i called you that night."
jax's eyes sparkle. "me too."