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Haru was an only child and for a long time, so was Makoto. Having no context for the concept of siblings, Haru and Makoto never once thought of how Haru always protected the younger, smaller Makoto as anything but something Haru did. Like the sky being blue, the sea water being cool, Makoto being a scaredy cat and hiding behind Haru was just as the world should be.
They had grown-up adjusted to this reality. A reality where Makoto gripped the back of Haru’s shirt as he hid behind him, sometimes taking Haru’s hand when things got extra scary. Haru knew to always stay within gripping range of Makoto and Makoto knew Haru would never grudge Makoto grabbing Haru as a shield against the world. Even as for Haru, Makoto was his conduit to the world beyond just the two of them, the person who kept him connected to other people.
Then, everything changed with one simple sentence, “You are going to be a big brother, Makoto!” Makoto’s mother declared one day, when Makoto was about eight.
Makoto didn’t understand what it meant at first but as his mother started getting bigger and bigger, Makoto started to get an inclination of what being a “big brother” was all about. He had to help his mother more and more. So he gathered he had to help take care of his siblings. He didn’t mind, because helping his mom made him feel good, he liked helping.
Then the twins were born, “Isn’t it great, Makoto,” his mother had said when she introduced them to him, “You get a little brother and a little sister!”
Makoto didn’t know what to say. They were both so tiny and looked so fragile. Hitherto unknown feelings blossomed in Makoto’s chest as he gazed upon his brother and sister. Later he would realise that, that feeling was protectiveness. He realised it, because Haru explained it to him, “Grandmother says that’s what people who are bigger, stronger do,” said Haru, “They protect people. Grandmother says that people do it because its the right thing to do but its also because…” Haru looked away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, “Because they love and care for the person they are protecting and don’t want to lose them. That’s why, grandmother said, even when a person is weaker than someone else, if they love that someone, they want to protect them.”
Makoto through about it for a bit before saying, “That makes sense,” he finally concluded, “They are my little brother and sister, so of course I love them but they are also little! So I have to keep them safe! Just like I also love Haru-chan and so want to keep Haru-chan safe, even though Haru-chan is bigger and stronger then me and is always protecting me. I never want to lose Haru-chan!” Makoto declared. Haru wondered why Makoto found it so easy to use words.
It was a pity that Haru found words so difficult to use because when their world began to change, and not just because of the twins, Haru didn’t know how to tell Makoto what was worrying him. How to explain the anxiety that plagued him as he watched his once smaller friend grow taller, more muscular and become a protector, a shield for his brother and sister.
Indeed, he didn’t know what exactly was bothering him about the situation until one day, when the twins were about two, at the beach when Haru’s worries and anxiety took physical form as he watched Makoto push the twins over the sandbanks in a play wagon, leaving Haru behind. Makoto ran ahead, unafraid, not bothering to stay within arms reach of Haru. That was when Haru realised that what he feared most in the world, was Makoto outgrowing his protector.
“Haru-chan here,” said Makoto handing Haru half his popsicle, “It’s hot isn’t it?”
Haru didn’t reply, but viciously bit into his popsicle. Taking out his frustration on the frozen treat. It was a few days after they had visited the beach with the twins. They were down at the beach again, they did live a stone’s throw away afterall, but this time the twins weren’t there. It was just Makoto and Haru, just like they used to be, before the twins were born.
“No,” thought Haru as he eyed his friend critically, “It’s not like before,” Makoto was now taller than Haru, bigger than average. Haru would no longer be able to totally shield him. Haru hated this new development. How long would it be before Makoto decided their mutually beneficial relationship was no longer mutually beneficial. The popsicle endured another vicious bite.
Makoto laughed, “Are you really hot, Haru? Do you want another popsicle? Maybe we can have some frozen coke!” he suggested.
“It’s fine,” replied Haru but come to think of it, it was kind of muggy. Was it about to rain? Haru looked-up, there were some dark clouds in the distance. Haru saw lightning strike the sea surface and the next minute there was a loud crash of thunder.
“Ah!” Makoto dropped his popsicle in surprise as his face contorted in fear. Another flash of lightning and another crash of thunder, this time closer.
Haru got to this feet, “Let’s go,” he said to Makoto, who nodded and also got to his feet. Another loud rumble of thunder, even closer and Makoto lost all his nerves and grabbed Haru from behind, hiding his face between Haru’s shoulder blades.
“So...sorry,” Makoto whispered, letting go. But Haru grabbed Makoto’s hand and started running away with him, aiming to get inside before the storm hit the beach.
Back in Makoto’s house, safely inside Makoto’s room, the two boys sat side by side and watched the rain through the window. “Have you calmed down?” asked Haru after a bit.
Makoto nodded, “Sorry, Haru-chan,” he said, before laughing self deprecatingly, “I am not a very good big brother am I,” he said, “I am suppose to help my brother and sister through storms but,” he smiled sadly, “I still need Haru-chan to support me. I think I always will.”
That made Haru really, really happy, “It’s fine,” said Haru, his tone mostly flat and indifferent, “I’ll always support you.”
That made Makoto smile, “Haru-chan!” he glomped Haru, “I am so glad Haru-chan is my best friend! I always want to be with Haru-chan! Always by Haru-chan’s side!”
“Do what you want,” replied Haru, returning Makoto’s hug loosely. Just then the door of Makoto’s room was flung open and two toddlers trotted into the room.
“o’ii-chan!” they cried, flinging themselves on Makoto, cuddling into him as the storm raged on. Most of Makoto’s attention shifted to his siblings but to his surprise, Haru realised he didn’t mind. Because now he knew, Makoto would never outgrow his protector.