Chapter Text
“P-Prom?” Evan asks. He looks down at Alana’s shoes, and then his own. “Prom. Right, well, I guess I haven’t really… thought about it?”
Immediately she pounces on him, causing him to take a step back. Her rapid-fire words and dominating attitude don’t scare him like they used to, but the feverish look in her eyes is kind of alarming. Even for Alana. “Evan,” she says. “ Evan. You’re telling me that, even though ticket sales are starting tomorrow and have been in the morning announcements for weeks … You haven’t thought about it?”
“W-was I supposed to?” Under Alana’s mortified expression, Evan feels as if he’s committed something akin to treason. Broken some unwritten rule of high school that everyone knew but him. He does that daily anyway, but never have the people he talks to—Zoe, Connor, Alana—ever confronted him on it. Not even Jared, who takes special care to point out everything Evan does wrong and shove it in his face. Which Evan appreciates sometimes because it prevents unexpected backed-into-a-corner situations like… this.
Alana tsks. “Well, it’s okay. I figured you hadn’t known because Connor rolled his eyes when I asked him his morning and told me to shove off—not with those words, but Connor’s Connor.” She crosses her arms, gains a calculating edge to her face. “You’re lucky to have connections with me, the student council president, because I think I can still save you and Connor tickets even though students will be trampling over themselves at lunch tomorrow and reservations are going to fill up quickly . Although I really wish you’d told me sooner, it’s not like it’s a ton of work but it’s a little bit of a pain to balance you guys and the other people who have come up and asked me—”
“Um,” says Evan, because he’s learned long ago that Alana will happily go on talking until the bell rings and because he doesn’t feel like exploding when he interrupts her anymore, “I might… not want to go? And Connor too?”
Not like they’ve really talked about it. Based on what Alana’s said, Connor doesn’t seem to like the idea of prom, and Evan can’t imagine Connor dancing happily in a midst of people when he’s constantly pissed off at society. And fancy events where all anyone does is mingle with each other while staring at each others’ outfits is not Evan’s scene, to put it lightly. He feels his fingers tingle with a nervous buzz just thinking about it.
Alana’s eyebrows crunch together. “Have you even talked about it with him? With anyone?” She keeps going before Evan can even open his mouth. “‘Well, Zoe mentioned… You know what, we can discuss it tonight. I’ll leave reservations for you anyway, in case. The Student Council’s not supposed to be a hierarchical organization but I have a bit more power than the other officers—”
Evan’s grateful when a shrill beep cuts across her words. Alana’s great, but the last time she went in this direction she went off about how democracy could never be truly reached, a ramble that’d lasted for twenty minutes. “Time to head to Bio.” She sounds slightly disappointed; she would’ve loved to talked for another twenty minutes about political theory. “I’ll see you later, Evan!”
“Yeah, yeah I’ll see you.”
The silence she leaves behind is soon filled by thoughts of prom —an area he knows nothing about outside of the cheesy high school flicks Connor and Zoe showed him. And as he walks to study hall, prom festers inside his mind like a horrible, tuxedoed monster that brings with it a current of nervous jitters. Consumes him, because is he supposed to be attending this? Is he missing out on an essential high school experience? But he’s never been to anything even close to prom before—he’d always stayed home for middle school semi-formals and high school dances. By trying to obey one essential high school rule, it’s likely he’ll break a thousand others at prom through sheer incompetence.
Evan wishes he never heard about prom. He wishes he’d run away at the first sight of Alana approaching him at his locker—although that would’ve just made her hurt and confused which is even worse so he’ll just backtrack on that thought. The way she’d phrased it made prom sound like an inevitability and Alana usually knows the goings-on of these things. Of social standards.
He texts the second person in his life who knows about social standards. Not his mom—who would be second if she wasn’t at work and didn’t dote on him so much—but Jared Kleinman. Jared is notorious for texting furiously under his desk during class so accessibility isn’t a problem. And as stated before: he’s brutally honest with these things.
(1:06 PM) Jared, are you going to prom?
As suspected, the reply is almost instantaneous.
(1:06 PM) r u asking??? Wtf man
(1:07 PM) dude im bi but im not into u sry
(1:07 PM) appreciate u wantign to tap this ass though, thx
(1:08 PM) gimme a bit of a wrning nxt time
(1:08 PM) ah the scent of hs love
The messages ping so rapidly that Evan barely has time to process what’s even going on. That happens a lot with Jared.
(1:10 PM) No, Alana came up to me and asked if I was going to reserve tickets and I didn’t really know?
(1:11 PM) how do u kow if ur not going to prom
(1:11 PM) its either u do or dont
(1:12 PM) ur either a weirdo loner w no frnds or a sheep like evryone else
(1:13 PM) So it’s weird if I don’t go?
(1:14 PM) lemme just tell u this
(1:14 PM) evryone goes to prom
(1:15 PM) but noone will notice if u dont
(1:15 PM) im prob ognna go bc my parents alrdy bought a tux
(1:16 PM) but u do u
Jared, despite outer appearances, kind of gets Evan.
(1:17 PM) Thanks, Jared.
(1:18 PM) go forth yng padawan
Jared doesn’t even answer his original quandary of whether or not he should go to prom, but their conversation does transform the ball of roaring anxiety into a small mewl at the back of his mind.
Evan doesn’t exit out of the messenger app right away. His finger hovers on Connor’s name for a bit, above the blurry profile picture of Connor looking up at a tree.
Not like Connor will respond right away. Connor’s actually been working hard to bring up his grades for the past few months to secure his admission into the local community college. Evan’s sneaked a couple glances at Connor’s notes, something the teen himself is very reluctant to share. Evan’s not sure why because, although Connor’s handwriting is barely more legible than a toddler’s scribbles, they cover page-to-page and incorporate very detailed and comprehensive diagrams. Just thinking about it makes Evan’s chest swell with pride. His friend’s come a long way—and they’ve come a long way as friends.
There’s not as much improvement in the social department, however. Even though Connor’s opened up a lot towards his family, Evan, and the rest of his friend group, he knows that Connor still struggles. Similar to Evan.
And understandably, doesn’t seem thrilled at the idea of prom. Similar to Evan.
He figures it’s not even worth bringing up the subject to Connor. It’s not like Evan has his heart set on going either, and even if he did, there’s no reason Connor would feel obligated to come along.
So when he and Connor get slushies after school, they talk about homework and nature and ‘this cool video of how windows are made that was on twitter.’ Not prom. Evan kind of sort of waits for Connor to bring it up, even just a passing comment about how stupid school events are—but there’s nothing. Nothing about how Connor is behaving or carrying himself betrays a hint of annoyance or exasperation, either. And Evan would like to believe that after months of hanging out with him almost every day, he knows how to read Connor.
He’s aware that he’s one of the worst when it comes to reading people, and many would testify that Connor’s one of the hardest people to read. But Connor has tells, like how his mouth quirks down when he doesn’t want to talk or how he tilts his head a little in your direction to show that he’s listening even though he’s not looking. When something’s on his mind, his tone is sharpened with biting sarcasm or his words pitter out completely and leave behind a frigid silence.
There’s nothing that set off alarm bells today. Connor talks about the slushie being ‘too fucking artificial’ but slurps it all down anyway; blasts heavy rock music and then lowers the volume when he spots Evan barely keeping his eardrums and sanity from exploding and says, “You’ll get it one day;” drops Evan off at home with reminders to “take deep breaths and just talk to the pizza guy, you did it the past ten weeks you can do it again.”
He can only hope Connor is enjoying this after-school moment as much as he is. It’s hard to contribute when so much of his mind is fixated on finding reassurance and yeah, maybe prom hasn’t quite left his mind as much as he’d wanted it to. Maybe he wants to know that someone else is thinking about this as much as he is.
He considers mentioning prom the moment he’s stepped out of the car but Connor’s already driven off, and texting him about his deep insecurities five minutes after they’ve said goodbye seems stupid, even for him.
So instead of concentrating so hard on the knot in his stomach, Evan pushes it aside in favor of homework and reheated Chinese from last night. He’s tearing away at pieces of orange chicken and his English essay when his phone buzzes from beside him.
Zoe’s name flashes on the screen. After scrambling to gulp down all the food in his mouth, Evan jabs the answer button. “Um, hello, Zoe?”
He’s no longer outright terrified of talking to Zoe after seeing her and hanging out with her so often during his dinners and outings with Connor. He might not even have a crush on her anymore after his brain pulled her off the pedestal he’d set her on. But even so, she’s still sweet, beautiful Zoe. And Evan is still not a huge fan of unexpected social interaction.
“Evan, hey.” Zoe’s voice is bright, excited, to the point where he can visualize the gleam in her eyes. “What do you think about going to prom together?”
Evan’s brain short-circuits.
Because.
What?
“This isn’t much of a promposal, sorry,” she says sheepishly. “But tickets go on sale tomorrow and a night out with you sounded fun…plus I heard from Alana that you were kind of on the edge between ‘yes’ and ‘no.’”
Evan releases a breath.
Of course Alana is involved. She’s usually the one to orchestrate the plots within their small circle of friends. But it’s hard to feel disappointed at someone else’s influence in all this when his brain is hung up on ‘going to prom’ and ‘together’ existing in the same grammatical space.
Again, he doesn’t get sweaty hands around Zoe anymore. Not even those freaky wiggly awkward smiles. But going to prom with someone is miles above everyday chatter on his social anxiety scale, and not in the good way.
The pause in the conversation, Evan realizes, has gone on way too long. “Um I haven’t really thought about it but you know, of course I’d love to but I haven’t really bought, um, a suit or anything? And Jared said he’d already bought a suit so I was thinking that it was a little too late and plus don’t I have to rent a limo because that’s what—”
“A limo?” Zoe laughs, cutting clear through his incoherent rambling. “Nobody rents a limo, and you shouldn’t stress about it. Just come in your best big-boy clothes and focus on having a good time. It’s no big deal.”
“If you’re—okay, sure, yeah. Let’s go to prom, um, together.” Evan gulps. “Is… Is Connor going?”
“I really really doubt it. But I guess if you’re going he might.”
Evan doesn’t quite get the correlation between him going and Connor going. They’re friends, maybe even best friends, but surely Evan’s friendship with Connor doesn’t override the latter’s immense hatred toward parties. Plus, Evan can’t imagine his friend wearing a stuffy collared suit when all he ever swears are baggy sweatshirts and t-shirts while staring at Evan’s polo shirts like they personally offend him.
If Zoe catches his doubtful silence, she doesn’t say. “Why don’t you ask him?”
“Y-yeah, I’ll text him. And, um, thanks for the invite Zoe I really appreciate it because otherwise I probably wouldn’t have gone that sounds really sad but, um, it’s probably true but now I’m going to try it because you asked so thanks again.”
“Well,” Zoe says, soft and sincere, “I know that these sorts of events don’t exactly make you the most comfortable either so… Thanks for accepting. And for giving it a shot. Be sure to talk to my brother, and I’ll see you later.”
The call ends with a beep and a breath leaves Evan in a rush. He’s not thinking about prom as crowded spaces and judging eyes. Now he’s thinking about prom as Zoe and Jared and Alana (and maybe Connor) and as laughs and a good time. A significant upgrade.
He paces his room for a while, processing it all. Then, true to his word, he pulls out his phone and begins to text.
(5:49 PM) I think I’m going to prom. Are you?
(5:53 PM) evan what
(5:53 PM) i didnt know you cared
(5:54 PM) I didn’t really but Zoe kind of asked me?
(5:56 PM) my sister asked you to prom
(5:56 PM) well good going hansen you landed it big
(5:56 PM) dont do any weird shit with her
(5:58 PM) Haha yeah don’t worry, she’s too good for me
(5:59 PM) We’re just going as friends. Alana roped her into it I think?
(6:01 PM) Do you think you might go?
(6:05 PM) prom is pretty fucking stupid
(6:06 PM) so maybe but most likely not
(6:08 PM) and just because i know youre sitting there worrying about stupid shit
(6:09 PM) you have my blessing to take my sister to prom
(6:09 PM) even though she asked you first
(6:13 PM) Thanks Connor, really.
(6:14 PM) you can thank me when you stop thinking about prom
(6:15 PM) because you always worry about stupid shit and prom is on the list
(6:17 PM) You know me so well
(6:17 PM) Thanks again (smiley)
Evan is left feeling upbeat but a little empty inside. He didn’t know he was looking for any sort of blessing but now that he’s got it, he’s sort of relieved. That someone is saying it’s okay that Zoe is taking him out to prom when she could’ve literally asked anyone else who’s better than him. That they might be okay together after all.
Connor knows him very well—more so than the rest of his friends, although they’re all decent at figuring him out by this point. Connor just gets it: when he’s feeling shitty or quiet or withdrawn, Connor gets it. Perhaps that’s why Evan feels disappointed to hear that Connor isn’t coming to prom, even though he didn’t expect anything different. He’d like someone there who isn’t swept up by the atmosphere like everyone else; someone who will lead him by the hand, gently, so even though they’re lagging behind they’re still having fun at their own, hesitant pace.
So basically, Evan wants Connor there because he knows that Connor will also not have fun like him. Evan is aware that he is a selfish, horrible person.
He almost has a mild attack when Alana texts him saying that she heard from Zoe and already reserved tickets. For a horrifying moment, he feels like he’s chaining himself to a ship that’s doomed to sink and thinks about definitively backing out. But he remembers his promise to Connor and how he wouldn’t think about stupid shit. Thinking about horrible scenarios that have a slight percentage of happening is definitely on Connor’s list of stupid shit (he’d said as much whenever they were at the orchard talking about life stuff and whenever Evan happened to get an anxiety attack during school), so he buries the thoughts into the deep crevices of his brain and texts back, “Sounds good.”
When Alana texts back with several colorful emojis and links to cheap but luxurious tuxedo rental places, Evan wonders if he’ll even last till prom.