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The cold dry room is filled with an eery atmosphere of remorse and regret. Not a single light is lit in his room as Guren tries is best to fall into slumber. The effort he puts into it is frustrating and only causes him to waken further.
His dark, navy hair is sprawled all around the firm pillow. One arm lies beneath the thick blanket as the other is rested on the pillow near his head. Guren snarls as he looks over to the digital clock on his bedside, only to see he has four more hours to go until he has to get up and get ready for the day. He groans loudly before flopping over onto his back, hoping this time the position will work with him. As Guren's hollow cheek is squished on the pillow, he closes his eyes once again trying to get lulled to sleep.
It isn't the uncomfortable positions, or the room temperature that has been keeping him awake. Rather, it's his mess of a life he's created for himself. It's not like he meant to. Simply, whatever he does ends up betraying him in the end. Falling in love only means they'll turn their back on him or the one he's always wanted will never be able to be with him. Gaining a new family only means that they will end up dying for him, and he is left alone with the memories of their screeching and terror-filled eyes to haunt him every night. So that he can't sleep.
Maybe it's the boy that has him thinking in such chilling ways. He hasn't thought about Mahiru or his family this deeply ever since they each abandoned him or died. He knows his squad will end up dying for him as well, and the guilt of that is what stabs him through the chest along with every other event in his life.
Maybe it's the boy who started all of this. Maybe Guren was meant to protect the child who tackled him and brought him to the ground, not letting go like Guren would throw him out on that snowy night. After all, Guren and the boy aren't that different from each other. He was impressed when he heard that the child had been livestock who watched his family get brutally murdered as he could do nothing. He was even more impressed when he found out that this sorrow child had the seraph gene.
Guren turns his back from the wall to the rest of the room when he hears the slight creaking of the door opening. For a moment, his heart jumps at the thought of Shinya being able to successfully sneak out and come to his room. For a moment.
Bright green eyes shine in the darkness of the dull room. A sliver of light falls through the door from the hallway, but quickly disappears as a small body enters and shuts it.
Guren smiles just slightly at the way he tries to shut the door quietly, for Guren's sake, but hurriedly. He can barely keep his eyes open as the small figure cautiously walks closer and closer to his bed.
He doesn't even bother to call out Guren's name; the boy climbs up the bed, struggling since it's too high, and rolls on top of the lump that is Guren to squish himself between his body and the wall.
Guren turns back around to eye the child.
His shining green eyes widen at the realization that the older man is awake. He doesn't withdraw, though. Instead, he presses his face against Guren's intimidating form, trembling slightly.
"Yuuichirou?" Guren asks as he brings an arm out from under the blanket to tilt his small chin up. "Did you have a nightmare?" He mumbles groggily.
Yuuichirou looks up into Guren's purple eyes as his glisten over with tears. He nods which causes the tears filling his large eyes to drop down. Yuuichirou blinks and more come streaming across his face. Though, he makes no noise; trying his hardest to not appear weak and fragile in front of such a strong, brave man. His sobbing sounds choke him as they try to come out, but Yuuichirou keeps his lips tight and closes his throat to contain them, no matter how much it hurts. He lets out a shaky and deep breath through his nose as a way to calm himself down, but just makes it even more obvious that he's trying not to cry.
"Yuu, you don't need to hold back." He notices the struggling the boy is going through to contain himself. Guren turns his body all the way around, not sure what to do with a child crying on his bed, clearly broken. He suggests to himself that wrapping his arms around the boy should calm him down, but he's reluctant to show him such intimacy when they've only known each other for a few months.
And within those months, Yuuichirou has only known Guren as a man who shouts and curses all day, not pleased with anyone. But still, admiration shines in those pure, innocent eyes whenever he sees him. Yuuichirou sees a role model when he wanders around and sees Guren training or calling out orders. Yuuichirou sees who he wants to become in order to avenge his precious family. To Yuuichirou, Guren is the most amazing man he's ever met. His stubborn and rude attitude, however, is a reflection of how he's been treated and how he's had to defend himself his whole life. So he doesn't know how to act any different, resulting in him not knowing how to express his feelings to Guren.
Yuuichirou tries to hide his face back into Guren's chest, but the older man's strong hand keeps his face up. He moves down on the bed so that they're face-to-face. He moves his arms around a little and finally settles on wrapping them around the small boy awkwardly. "You've had a tough life, Yuu. There's no shame in crying," he says softly to not frighten him with his deep voice.
Yuuichirou tries to breath but his throat starts close up. Finally, he lets out a sob. He tries his hardest to keep it in, but he can't anymore; like its drowning him and he just needs to breath. He wails into Guren's broad chest to hide his face from the man and scolds himself for showing such weakness in front of him.
Guren feels his small body trembling and tensing against him. He tries to move his arms into a more natural position, but he doesn't understand how to comfort a child. He looks down at the black mess of hair, trying to come up with something else to say. "There, there," he settles for and pats his head since he's heard and seen that in plenty of movies and children's books. "Yuu, don't worry," he adds on. The boy still cries in his arms and his breathing gets erratic. Guren decides that soothing him physically is the best option. He places his large palm on Yuuichirou's small, delicate head and gently massages it while his other arm is still wrapped around his waist. He feels the boy relaxing slightly, so he runs his fingers through the thick, silky hair.
Eventually, Yuuichirou's violent trembling stays still and his sobbing turns to slight whimpers.
"I'm weak now, aren't I?" He asks as he hiccups. He peeks his head up from Guren's chest to look at the blazing purple eyes.
"What?" Guren asks as he furrows his brows.
"I'm weak now. I cried in front of someone," Yuuichirou whimpers out, his face burning red from holding in his breath and emotions.
Guren sighs, "no, Yuu, crying in front of someone doesn't make you weak."
"But I've never seen you cry!" Yuuichirou exclaims as he sits up all of a sudden, making Guren groan at the shaking. "You're the strongest person ever, and I've never seen you cry!" His eyes are wide and he points at Guren with his small index finger with determination.
"That's because I'm not seven, and you've known me for, what? Five months?" His arm still rests on Yuuichirou's waist. "And strongest person ever?"
Yuuichirou gleams back at Guren with enthusiasm and slams his hands onto the broad chest as he kneels onto knees to get closer to his face. "Yeah! You're the strongest person I've ever met! You're so brave and you fight so well," he exclaims like his mood did a complete one-eighty now that he's talking about Guren. "Whenever I see you, you always have a cool look on your face and you always order people around and they do exactly what you say, and I've never seen you sad, just strong!"
Yuuichirou continues boosting Guren's ego as he listens in bewilderment, not knowing that anyone ever thought of him this way.
"...And I want to be exactly like you when I grow up, so I can kill all the vampires," Yuuichirou beams at him with glowing eyes filled with burning enthusiasm. "I want to be exactly like Guren," he repeats quietly.
Guren wants to smile at how much Yuuichirou admires him; he's never felt so special and appreciated before, but he stops himself. He sighs heavily through his nose. "Idiot-Yuu, you can't be exactly like me. I'm already taken. You have to be like yourself."
Yuuichirou stares at Guren in fascination, as if he's getting a revelation. "But," he pauses and looks down at the large hand that's on his waist, "you're so strong. You've never cried."
"How do you know I've never cried? You've only known me for a few months. I've cried plenty of times, even on this bed. Throughout the whole night I've cried." Yuuichirou stares up at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. "And I've also cried in front of people. It's not a weak thing to cry in front of people, Yuu, you need to learn that. It's a brave thing to do that." He stares at the fascination plastered on Yuuichirou's face. "It means that you've put away all your fear and you're not afraid to show someone that vulnerable side of you. Remember how you were holding it in when you came into my bed?" Yuuichirou nods, listening attentively. "And then I told you to let it out? Well, you were being strong and letting go of that fear and crying in front of me, even though you look up to me so much," he finishes. "You've been through way more than what any seven-year-old should even think about, and you're still here, Yuu. And you'll grow up to be even stronger and get your revenge, and you completely believe in yourself that you'll accomplish that. You're already so brave, Yuu." Yuuichirou's mouth hangs wide open at his role model calling him such attributes. "You're braver than me," he states truthfully. If it had been him, he would've killed himself by the time he knew how to. He just prays Yuuichirou will never go through what he's gone through in his life.
Yuuichirou breaths loudly as he stares right into Guren's eyes in disbelief.
"What are you, a dead fish?" Guren finally speaks up at Yuuichirou's uncomfortable staring.
Yuuichirou nods out of his daze and lunges at Guren to wrap his short arms around his neck. "I like you, Guren."
"Yeah, yeah," he smiles as he wraps his arms around Yuuichirou's slim body.
For once, the boy feels safe. In strong arms, knowing that he's going to stick by this man until he can finally go out there and fight the vampires. He feels Guren moving further down the bed and covering them with blankets again. Yuuichirou lifts his head up to timidly ask, "should I get off you? Am I too heavy?"
Guren chuckles. Yuuichirou feels like a feather on his chest to him. "No, Yuu, you're not."
Yuuichirou nuzzles his head into Guren's soft t-shirt, taking in the smell of how it's freshly cleaned.
Guren's heart flutters at the action. He feels intimacy, a bond forming between him and the small child who he saved. His chest tingles and tickles slightly as Yuuichirou softly moves his head around in his flat chest to get comfortable. Half his small body is hanging off Guren's body onto the mattress, but the upper half that's on him, Guren cherishes the warm weight that depends on mostly him.
Maybe it is the child who he has to protect. As if it's his job to make sure that he doesn't go through utter pain and torture like he went through. Maybe the child will be a second Guren. A better version of himself that will be a better leader, a better lover and will know what's right and wrong, and actually do something about it.
Guren feels the soft, steady breathing on top of him and hears small snores coming from Yuuichirou's nose. He breaths out a small laugh and combs through Yuuichirou's black strands.
Guren can't help but shut his eyes as well, and finally, after hours of restlessness and haunting thoughts, he lets himself be lulled by Yuuichirou's natural scent and calming weight. Maybe it's the child he needed all along.
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"Guren? Guren, wake up!"
He hears a high pitched voice before he feels an unexpected weight fall on top of him. Guren groans loudly as his eyes shoot wide open to find a seven year old jumping on him.
"What the hell, Yuu? Let me sleep!" He turns onto his side roughly which causes Yuuichirou to lose is balance and fall from Guren's body to the mattress.
Yuuichirou giggles at the bounce before realizing that this is the first time he's laughed since he's seen Mikaela. His mood goes solemn again and he droops into the mattress at the thought. Though, he's taken out of his trance when he hears Guren groaning again and pushing the covers off of him.
Yuuichirou gets excited again and bounces onto his feet to jump on the bed.
Guren stands up to stretch his limbs before turning around and getting startled as Yuuichirou's body comes flying towards him. He quickly catches him in his sleepy state and scolds the child.
"Guren?" Yuuichirou asks as he's settled down on the floor.
"What?"
"Guren!"
"What?!" Guren looks down at Yuuichirou, irritated.
"Why do you look mad all the time?"
Guren sighs heavily to calm himself. "That's just my face, Yuu."
"Guren?"
He stops massaging his temples and opens his eyes impatiently.
"Do pigeons have feelings?"
Guren groans and storms to the washroom.
When he gets ready and takes Yuuichirou to his room for him to change his clothing, they walk through the hallway to join everyone downstairs to eat. Although the squads live in an apartment, they're treated well since they are soldiers and get breakfast and dinner made for them everyday.
Guren naturally walks faster than Yuuichirou, so the small boy struggles to keep up, having to jog to get closer behind him. When Guren settles down at a table, someone else tries to join in and sit next to him until he feels small hands punching his thighs. The white haired man glances down and smiles.
"No! He's sitting with me! Move!" Yuuichirou has a fit and pushes the man out of the way.
Shinya stumbles and chuckles as he moves out of the way for the feisty Yuuichirou to climb onto the bench.
Guren turns to Yuuichirou, "'Yuu, manners. You have to stop being so rude."
"But you're always like that, idiot-Guren." Yuuichirou pouts mad turns away from Guren to express his anger.
"Oy, who said you could call me an idiot?"
"He's only going to treat you the way you treat him, Guren," Shinya adds in as he watches their arguing amusedly.
"I'm a lieutenant, Yuu. And you're the youngest here, so you have to start showing respect." Guren turns back to his breakfast.
"Yuu-kun, you're so cute," Shinya says as he reaches over the table to pinch Yuuichirou's cheek.
Yuuichirou swats his hand away. "Shut up, no I'm not!"
"Yuu!"
Yuuichirou glares at Guren and sticks his tongue out at him before turning around and eating his breakfast with an angry face.
"He's not even that cute," Guren mumbles as he lies to himself and Shinya, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Aww, is someone jealous?" Shinya smirks as he rests his chin in his palm.
Shinya doesn't even live in the apartment building, but he's always here. He's a Hiiragi, so he lives with his family in a mansion. He comes every morning after he eats breakfast to the apartment to visit the others; mainly Guren, since he can't spend time with him throughout the day when they have a break from work.
They both carry a silent pleading for each other. It's always calling out; no one else can hear it except for them, and it pains them everyday to be able to see each other, but never able to be together.
No one knows of this unspoken, forbidden love that's formed between them except for each other. And everyday, Guren wishes he could show the whole world how much he loves this man that he's not allowed to have. He wishes that maybe one day, he can tuck back the short, silver locks of hair behind his ear in public without fear of a Hiiragi catching them, or someone ratting them out. Maybe one day, they can even share a second kiss, and many more after that and feel as if they are free. The first kiss was in a private area, late at night where they knew they wouldn't get caught. And it had been bliss. Like every worry and stress and anxiety that had been building on their shoulders, finally toppled down. That's exactly how he felt when Yuuichirou was sleeping on his chest, as well.
Guren smiles softly and discreetly to Shinya and reaches his hand out to place it on top of his, forgetting that they're in a room full of people. The reality is brought back to him when Shinya pulls his soft hand away and nods his head 'no' while frowning sadly at Guren.
He pulls his hand away and continues eating with somberness seeping out of him.
Once they finish eating, Guren and Yuuichirou make their way back up to his apartment.
"Guren?"
Guren hears the high pitched voice but doesn't look over.
"Yes, Yuu?" He continues staring blindly in front of him.
"Are you sad?"
The seven year old can't infer much from the world around him, having such little knowledge, but only a child who's had to pay such close attention to the people around him in his life could sense the distress from Guren. Even with the thick, well produced emotionless mask he wears everyday.
Guren's heart sinks at his words.
"Yeah, Yuu. I am," he whispers as he walks slower.
Yuuichirou suddenly stops him. "Don't be!" He exclaims as he runs into Guren's body to wrap his short arms around his hips. "You're already so tough, you don't need to be tougher anymore right now." He mumbles into Guren's stomach.
Guren can feel his heart slowly ripping apart. Yuuichirou's right. He hasn't had anyone to cry to in so long that he's completely blocked himself from doing it. He's been tough for too long, and now it's time for him to be brave. "You're right, Yuu."
Yuuichirou peeks his head up to flash his bright green eyes at Guren. He smiles wide as he finally gets to see the older man smiling at him.
Once they enter his room, Guren asks, "want to watch a movie?"
"Yeah!" Yuuichirou exclaims enthusiastically and runs over to the couch. "I get to choose!" He says as he grabs the remote before Guren can and hops onto the couch to hold it away from him as if that'll stop Guren from getting it back.
"No way, brat." He tackles Yuuichirou gently, making sure he doesn't crush the small child as Yuuichirou reaches his arm out farther to keep the remote away from Guren. Their laughing fills the once sorrow apartment, replacing it with their bright, pure light.
Maybe Yuuichirou is really all Guren needs.