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Do you believe in soulmates?
In people who are predetermined to be together since the cosmos?
No?
Well you should.
Cause they're real, and they are everywhere. You may have one yourself and no know about it, just a few have enough luck to meet their soulmate. And those few lucky bastards know, feel when the predetermined person is close. And they do everything to be by their side.
The beginning or what seems to be the beginning
The first time I remember seeing you, you're blond, and you don't love me back. I did everything. I try to fancy you in all the ways that I knew, but you won't even look at me. And when I was lucky enough to receive at least a small glance from you, I became happy. Because even being a look full of hate, I got a little glimpse of that one soul that I loved so much, and that I was going to love in all my lives and forms.
I give a little smile and walk away, looking one last time over my shoulder I see your face, for a second your look of hate faded away, and all I can see is confusion. My heart fills of hope as I walk in the shadows. After this day I've never seen you again, at least not in this life.
That time when we lived together (and we even adopted a cat)
The next time I saw you, you're brunette and you loved me back. Actually, you were the first one to say the three little words. That was/is one of my favorite lives. I meet you in a cafeteria, you work there all thursday, and every thursday I was there, always asking the same thing, one coffee strong but sweet. Until I bring up guts and asked for your number.
After that it was all a blur of happy days and falling asleep with you in my arms. We move together, and we adopted a cat! We named him Dobby, you chose the name.
I walk away from the window, and sit by your side on the bed. With the warmth of the mug between my fingers, the weight of your head on my shoulder, I finally feel in peace.
That's gonna be one happy life I think to myself.
That time I smoked cigarettes (and you hated it)
after a while I give up on trying to guess if your hair color means anything. But this time you're redhead. And I smoked cigarettes, and you hated. But it was thanks to the cigarette we met.
I was smoking in front of your house, watching you from the window, when you looked at me and in a orange flash you stopped in my front, and asked that please I quit smoking, because it was bad to my health, and also you didn't like the smell. I threw the cigarette on the floor and crushed it with my boot. You opened that lovely smile with your front teeth slightly apart. Everyone told you to fix them, but I told you they were perfect and that was just another reason why I loved you.
I still remember that smile, I see him every time I close my eyes. After this day I never smoked again, neither in those lives where I didn't find you.
That time you did not exist (but I still loved you)
I spent many good lives by your side, but there's also those which I don't find you. And these ones are the worst. I wander around like a ghost, a very sad and lonely ghost. I search for you in every face that I see, but none of them is you. I look in every corner, every grocery store that I go, in every bar that I drink until I pass out, you're never there.
So I keep my memories, and my drawings. The drawings that cover the walls of my room from the floor to the ceiling. Drawings of your body, your hands, your legs, your hair, your eyes, your smile. Anything about you. They're my only comfort in this life. I wake up with a big hangover, my head hurts and my eyes burn with the light that enters through the window. I look at my latest drawing, your face quickly made with coal.
And just looking at you (a little sight of you) I feel infinitely better.
That time we grow up together (and you told me I was your best friend)
You lived next door. I played guitar and you played drums, that's the reason we get together, music. If wasn't for it, we would never get along, we're too different and at the same time too equals. You told me everything, all your secrets and thoughts. You showed me your hiding places.
And was in one of those places that I knew. We're in the playground in front of our houses. Our 17 years old bodies were squeezed together in the too small space. The wind runs through the leaves, and the moonlight illuminated part of your face. You open your mouth and the frozen air sparkled in the darkness. You just sit there, blowing cold air on me, until you stop, a strange look on your face and whisper "you're my best friend".
And I knew. You're in love.
My bad ideas (and how they hurt you)
I loved how you get along with my bad ideas before you grow up and realise that they're bad ideas. The ones I remember the most is two with happy endings and one with a very bad ending.
That one time I sneak in your room at night, and you let me stay even knowing your parents didn't approve our relationship. I slept with you in my arms and in the other day I still had your scent and a silly smile.
And that other time I convinced you to skip class so we could be together, and we kissed until ours mouths were bruised and our lungs burn with shortness of breath.
And that horrible time too. We slipped into a party and you got badly injured, you was stabbed in the stomach and died in my arms before I could do anything. Was blood everywhere, in you, in me. All that I see was red. And then the cops came, blinding me with the flashlight and hurting my wrists with the handcuffs. But I didn't care, because you're gone, and I couldn't feel anything.
You were rigorous (but always forgive me)
When I met you in adulthood, you made it hard, but I always can beat you. Whether it was with flowers or ballons, or anything else. I could bring you to me. If anyone ask, I would tell that those lives are my favorite ones. It's always fun to see you trying to stand up me.
You're like a microwave and I'm just I piece of cheese being melted by you. Is good to see you be melt by me once in a while. Looks like you know about us, and wants to make up for the lives where one of us doesn't exist or those we never met. I hate those, I fancy most those where's you kill me. And believe, they happen and are pretty memorable.
You were a beautiful (and deadly) lion
I could say that I think this time was funny, but you would call me crazy. I was a gladiator, with my armor shining in the sun. You were a lion, wild and glorious. And I had to kill you. But I couldn't. I knew it was you. Doesn't matter what form you assume, I always recognize you.
Your roar made my ribs shake, I let go my sword and shield, while around me, people threw things and scream, I just smiled calmly and opened my arms, you came running towards me, and your big, round body hit me knocking me down. For a second I was scared, but then you buried you claws into my chest and I felt the heat invade my body I realized that everything was fine.
I forgive you.
That time I doubted everything (but not my love)
Everything always worked out, and I always came back to you in other ways. Even it was hard, I knew I'd see you again. But it have once I have doubts. Is that really you? I felt you, not matter what form you assume. But this time I almost went crazy. I knew it was you but at same time... I didn't, at all.
After a long time with you, I realise that it didn't matter anymore. Being you or not. I was already in love. I was happy, so were you. It's all that matter. And then another doubt hit me.
Is this the last time?
You were happy (even without me)
I watched you. A lot. I followed you everywhere, goes after you in the grocery and when you walk with your dog. I couldn't handle it, I had the feeling that you were happy without me. And I want to prove it. After months with this obsession (I'm not proud of this fase). I noticed that you were happy, and is all the matter to me. So I leave you alone. Is not your fault, you don't know about us.
So when I saw you, I couple year later with a mold family, a baby with eyes like yours and a guy that is not me. I forgive you and wait until the day you'd be back for me again.
You were a star (I'll never reach you, but I keep trying)
I'm never going to shine as brilliant as you. Even in all these lives, all them, I could never reach you. Even though you're by my side, me holding your hand and feeling the smell of your hair. I can't reach you, you're a star and I'm just a mundane.
I keep searching for ways to get at you, when I think I'm close, I stumble and fall in a abyss so big and deep that I don't know if the lights I see when I close my eyes are pieces of the universe or just some rocks.
I keep searching for you in ten, twenty five, a thousand different lives until I find the one where I can finally reach you.