Archive of Our Own

C’mon, Horse. Not so far now. Can’t say we’ll either of us be sorry to be home, huh? Eat a decent meal, drink some, sleep in a bed, catch a few days’ peace. Job well done, though – don’t help no one having a man like that on the loose. Shame he didn’t get to face justice, but soon as I set eyes on him could tell it was only going to go one way. Still, might be I’d do the same, if things were different; cleaner way to go. Solid reward, though. Corn for you, and maybe some of that high-class French liquor Goody favours for me, if we can find some. Split it over some conversation, like old times.

Been on my own too long, if I’m being truthful. Man gets to thinking, nights alone. Wasn’t what I thought for myself, way back. Never had the will to be a farmer, but I guess I thought of a house of my own, wife and a family, following a trade. Not this drifting life …Not that seeing justice done ain’t good work, but it goes a little easier with some company. Goody’s a fine man, best friend I’ve had, and his Billy’s an interesting fellow when you get him to open up. Faraday’s never short of a joke or a trick, and he and Vasquez together, well, it’s like a free show every night. Jack, now, what doesn’t he know? He was trapping and ranging when most of us were still in short clothes, and he can tell some tall tales too. And Red, he’s a find right enough. Can track a man over bare rock, and what he don’t know about horses ain’t worth knowing. Fine band of men, and some serious help to the job. Takes a little while to shake down together, but what family don’t?

Wonder how they’ve got on while I’ve been away? ‘Times I think they’d just fall apart without me to keep them in line but that’s fanciful – they’re all grown men, used to shifting for themselves. Well, up to a point … Faraday was on the straight road to a bullet or a noose, no doubt of that, and Vasquez was brought pretty low, hiding out there on his own … and Jack, he didn’t seem more than half in the world when we found him, and Goody was worse than I thought, that’s so … Hmm. Maybe they do benefit from a little direction, after all. But it’s a fortunate turn of events any way you take it: good fellowship, and sound men to watch my back, let me relax a little.

Wait now, what’s kicking up all that dust? Bunch of riders? I’ve swallowed enough trail dirt these days past, don’t need whatever kind of trouble that is. Sure seem to be in a hurry, and enough of them too. All townsfolk, if I’m any judge, and Sheriff Pryor at the head of them. A posse? Hell’s teeth, I’m not even at the town limits - don’t I get to take off the saddle before there’s another damn thing? That’s Abbott the rancher fellow up at the head of them with the sheriff; see he ain’t been missing any meals lately. If they ride fast as that his horse is like to collapse under him. Hold up, Horse. I am not getting roped in here.

-- Mr Chisolm.

-- Sheriff, gentlemen. Seems like you’re in quite the chase. Is there some kind of trouble? Which I am absolutely not going to take part in.

-- I’m sorry to say there is, Mr Chisolm, and it’s a serious-

-- Some kind of trouble? That Irish son-of-a-bitch of yours stole my horse. Oh no. He’s nothing but a low-down skunk, a thief and a cheat, and we’re going to see him ha-

-- We’re going to see the law served, is what you mean, Zeke.

-- Terrible thing is, why am I not surprised? I’m sure there’s been some misunderstanding. Well, no, I’m fairly sure there hasn’t been a misunderstanding. Faraday wouldn’t steal a horse. Not in broad daylight. Well, not in broad daylight if he thought anyone was looking. Unless he was drunk, obviously.

-- Misunderstanding? Should be ashamed of yourself for defending him, Mr Chisolm. Took my horse at first light this morning and lit out.

-- Now there’s the flaw in your argument, Abbot: Faraday hasn’t a great deal of acquaintance with first light, and really, the chances of him being sober enough to actually steal a horse and get away at that time are slim to none.

-- We do have witnesses, Mr Chisolm: unfortunately I believe it to be true.

-- I know it was him. And when we catch up with him I’ll give him the kicking of his life before we string him up! Well now, maybe he didn’t steal any horse and maybe he did, but I’ll be most surprised if a porpoise like you can lay hands on him.

-- Now, Zeke, I keep telling you, law’s the law and we’ll bring him back to face a fair trial.

-- I’d expect nothing less of you, sheriff, and you know it’s not my habit to stand in the way of justice. I’m sure Faraday will have a perfectly reasonable explanation. Well, an explanation, at any rate. But you’ll excuse my not joining you this moment: been on the trail a week past.

-- We’ll bring him in by sundown, you can count on that. C’mon, lads!

Faraday. Never anything but trouble where he is. I’ve no one to blame but myself, have I? Worst day’s work I ever did, though come to think of it, who else would ever have said yes to Mz Cullen’s crazy proposition that day? And he does have some good qualities. Have to squint to see ‘em, maybe, but they’re there. Must be. Loyal? Not really. Clever? No. Brave? Well, foolhardy’s the word, ain’t it. Honest? We have to go through his saddlebags most weeks to get things smoothed out. Maybe we could leave him behind? Tho’ I can’t see Vasquez accepting that. And that’s another thing right there, how did that situation come about? Was there something in the water in Rose Creek? I mean, Goody and Billy I see, and I’m glad of it for Goody, it steadies him, but Faraday and Vasquez?

Vasquez. Now that’s another stone under my bedroll right enough – here I am, duly sworn warrant officer, harbouring a fugitive from justice. Though he says it was deserved, and who am I to say it wasn’t? It’s for the good Lord to judge us all in the end, like Mama used to tell us. And he’s a steady hand, and good-natured. Calm, reliable, man you’d want beside you in a fight. Did a good day’s work recruiting him.

Now then, Horse, we could just ride down the main street, plain as day and ugly as sin, but I might do better at stealing myself some peace if I take you straight round to the back of the livery. Just get you settled with that corn, and then take my gear over to the hotel quiet-like; see if there’s some company around for a drink, maybe.

Here we go, stable for you. Ouf. Too long in the saddle for an old man’s bones. Let’s get you set. Water? [Clank. Creak. Slosh.] Go ahead while I rub you down. Swear you understand every word I say. ‘Times you’ve been the only creature I’ve talked to for a week. That way man’s like to end up the same way as Jack, conversing with the beyond. Yep, company’s a good thing. There. You wouldn’t let yourself get stole, would you? Maybe Abbott’s horse just got tired of hauling his weight and took off on its own, eh?

Now what’s that I can hear? … Oh. Ahem. That kind of thing. Well, stable’s the place to hide from prying eyes, right enough. I should remember that time back when I was just sixteen with Charl- Well now. Should I whistle some, let them know I’m here? Maybe best not. See nothing, hear nothing, eh, Horse?

-- Freeze!

-- Aargh! Aah! Aargh! For the love of God! Near gave me a heart attack and I’m not even otherwise occupied.

-- Leah! For shame! And you! On your feet, you philandering Mexican! Oh no.

-- It is not what it seems ... Oh come on, Vasquez, is that really the best you can do?

-- Expect us to believe that? Alone in the stables with our sister? Well, not technically alone, though I don’t think announcing my presence would be much to the point.

-- Tom, don’t be so stupid. Manuel was just giving me some advice …

-- That’s what you call it, is it? Good thing we’re here to save your honour. Keep your hands where I can see ’em, you skunk!

-- You two are ridiculous. I don’t need my honour saving.

-- Put the gun down, cabrón. Oh Lord. Should I intervene?

-- Is that Grandpa Francis’ gun? That’s been hanging up on the wall longer than I’ve been alive. It’s more rust than metal. No, I shouldn’t. But they’re between me and the door, dammit. How am I going to sneak out?

-- You’re going to do what we say! Guess you thought you wouldn’t be disturbed in here, everyone off hunting that Irish son-of-a-bitch.

-- Hunting him? Why?

-- ‘Cause he’s as much of a low-down weasel as you are!

-- Now, Joey, that’s no way to speak to our future brother-in-law. You’re going to come with us right now ‘fore the preacher – no one’s going to say we didn’t see our sister treated right. Again? Not three weeks since we had to get Goody out of the grips of that widow in Placerville, saying he’d made her an undertaking. Took me some fancy talking to get it settled, and Billy was spitting tacks - threats of what he was going to do to Goody after that would make a man’s hair curl. Tho’ come to think of it, Goody didn’t exactly look unhappy at the prospect …

-- This is absurd. I am not marrying Manuel.

-- Of course no- Hey, what’s wrong with me? I’d make an excellent husband. Vasquez, try to concentrate.

-- So you’re willing? That’ll make things considerable easier.

-- What? No!

-- Family not good enough for you, eh?

-- Yes! I mean, no! I mean … Madre de dios. I do not have time to stand here arguing. How do you think I feel?

-- Right enough, brother-in-law: long past time we all went to find the preacher. C’mon.

I am not taking care of this one. I deserve a rest, and Vasquez has to face the consequences of his actions. Y’know, might be the simplest course would be to leave him and Faraday both behind. They could look out for each other, and who’d miss the quarrelling and fighting? I could just take the sensible ones with me, Red and Jack and Goody and Billy.

Town seems mighty quiet: one advantage of Faraday leading them all a dance, I guess. Right, I’m for the hotel, get some decent home-cooked food under my belt, then set with a drink and see if there’s some company.

Travelling with Goody again, now that’s a pure pleasure. Even got me quoting poetry again after all this time. Wouldn’t think so many years had passed. Still trust him with my life. Have to ease him through the fighting, maybe, but what’s the harm in that? If we all talked first and kept the shooting for later, there’d be less work digging graves. No, Goody’s one I’ll never regret taking up with again; never met a man whose company I enjoyed so.

And Billy, obviously. Not one without the other. Does comes to something, tho’, when I’m counting Billy Rocks as one of the sensible ones. I mean, those knives. What kind of maniac goes around with twenty knives strapped to him when he’s wearing a gun too? Surprised Goody’s not been gutted before now, to be honest. And those long silences, the way he can stare … worrying. Still, can’t argue with his abilities: nothing he can’t do in the way of fighting, and I’ll vow there’s no man cooler in a tight corner. And Goody loves him like a br- … well, like something.

-- Mr Chisolm! Back again I see. Trust your trip had a successful outcome?

-- Afternoon, Lyle. Job well done, I feel I can say. I’ll take a beer.

-- Comin’ right up. Say, that’s some business with Abbott and your Irish friend.

-- Don’t rightly know anything about that, and it’s going to stay that way – man’s been on the trail a week, he deserves a beer in peace.

I’ll take a chair here by the window, catch the afternoon sun. Aah. That hits the spot. Dry work, riding. Aah. And look, right on time, there’s Goody coming along the sidewalk, and Billy after him. Huh. Goody doesn’t seem too happy. Quite agitated, in fact, I’d say, way he’s waving his arms about. Not sure I’m really ready-

-- … sure you remember where you left it?

-- Of course I remember! Why wouldn’t I? Four dollars I spent on that, four dollars, the finest French brandy, and that light-fingered viper Faraday comes along and waltzes off with it. Oh for the love of – as if there wasn’t enough trouble already, and now they start quarrelling among themselves.

-- Goody, we’ll find him. He can’t have gone far.

-- Of course he hasn’t. You know what he’ll have done, sneaked off round the first corner alone and glugged it straight down with no appreciation or discrimination, then tossed the bottle away. It’s more than the spirit can bear. He’s not wrong, but I can’t face Goody in a righteous rage right now. Let’s just ease back from the window, good and slow. Y'know, I’ve always found black a good practical colour. Hardwearing. Intimidating. Doesn’t show the blood. And allows you to blend right into the shadows.

-- No, even worse, what if he shared it with some bunch of barflies he met, all of them swilling it down like cheap rotgut? It’s nothing short of a tragedy!

-- Goody, calm down. I hate to see you so upset. Thank providence for Billy. He’s probably the only one who can talk sense into– I promise you, I’ll find him and gut him like a fish. Carve out his liver and make him eat it. I invited this man to join me. I break bread with him. Come to think of it, I lie down to sleep in the dark beside him. I must have taken leave of my senses.

-- Now you’re talking, cher.

-- Psst! Billy! Goody! Over here! Is that -

-- Vasquez? Why the –

-- Not so loud! The Bailey brothers are after me with a shotgun. Tragedy? This is a farce.

-- Why are they trying to shoot you?

-- They say I must marry their sister.

-- What? Why?

-- I – not important right now. You need to help me find Faraday. Good grief, just how many people is he going to have after him? He’ll be like a prize buffalo in springtime.

-- Damn straight we do.

-- And rescue him.

-- No, feeding him his own liver is what we intend. The people he’s going to need rescuing from are us.

-- No, you don’t understand, güero’s in trouble, the sheriff’s taken a posse out after him.

-- A posse? Seems a little heavy-handed.

-- It was four dollars, cher.

-- They say he stole a horse. That rancher Abbott is threatening to hang him.

-- What? We can’t have that! We have to find him before the posse does. At least someone’s finally seeing some sense.

-- Yes! It is a good thing he has friends. We need to hurry.

-- No one is going to hang him before I’ve shown him the colour of his intestines. Hff.

-- Fetch Red and meet me behind the … what?

-- Come on, Vasquez, look lively – isn’t that one of the Baileys coming round the corner?

Is it too much to ask? Is it really too much to ask? I’ve not been back half an hour, and Faraday’s a wanted man, Vasquez is facing a shotgun marriage, Goody’s in hysterics and Billy’s plotting bodily mutilation. Why can’t they behave like normal people? And more to the point, how can I avoid getting caught up in it? If they see me it’ll be nothing but jawing and trouble till dark. I’ve dodged the bullet for now, but it’s plain that waiting round the hotel’s just too risky.

--

Dammit, I wish the hotel was safer: nothing I’d like more right now than a plate of ham and eggs. Green peas with butter. Maybe some peach cobbler after. Now, Sam, stop it. Just tormenting yourself. You know they’d be onto you before you got the fork to your lips, and then it would be Faraday and Abbot’s horse and the Bailey brothers and Goody’s brandy and all. Best to be out here, even with an empty belly. Got a cigar, at least. Peaceful. Everything quiet, can see right over to the hills. Hazy. Pretty.

Could I give the others the slip and head off with just Jack and Red along? Jack, he’s the solid type you can really count on. And he’s so handy, knows how to live off the land and patch up hurts; nothing he ain’t seen or done. Was a cruel thing to happen, losing his wife and his children still so small, and a cruel revenge too: don’t seem to have brought him much peace. But, turn the other cheek, well, that’s hard advice for any man to take, I can avow to that.

And Red. Don’t say much, but he’s got the skills for the job, and he’s good company. Calm. Impeturbable. Don’t run round like a headless chicken like the rest of them. Never known him to panic or fuss. True, he can be a little unsettlin’: maybe long evenings with him staring at me across the fire would be a mite awkward … but still. Three of us together, we’d make a fine team.

Hmm. Is it my imagination, or is the evening haze getting a little … thick? Could even call it smoky. Now what’s the cause of that? And speak of the devil, there’s Red. Hmm. He’s heading this way fast. He’s heading this way real fast. And is that shouting? Getting closer?

-- Witch! Witch! Possessed by the devil! Oh, for the love of- … Am I being punished? You’d think if I’d sinned bad enough to merit this, I’d at least have some treasured memories of it. Still, can’t stand by and let him face trouble alone. Tempting though it is. He-

-- Hold up there, young man, where you headed so fast? Jack! Now that’s providential. How about I just take a pace or two back by the woodshed here?

-- Quick! Help me hide.

-- Now what-all’s the matter? Are these good people looking for you? Now tell me those aren’t … Pitchforks. Yes, actual pitchforks. Saints alive.

-- Hand him over, he’s in league with the devil!

-- Now, Preacher Caldicott, that’s no accusation to be making against my friend Red here.

-- Mr Horne, I know you for a godfearing man and it ill befits you to protect a witch.

-- Red here’s not a witch. Can be too smart for his own good, but he’s not a witch. Well, now it’s been mentioned, it would go some way to explaining the tracking …Just a thought.

-- He was trying to blight the wheat. Casting spells to call down locusts. Conjuring spirits with fetishes and effigies.

-- I was cooking some food and making a fish trap. White people are crazy.

-- You set fire to the crops!

-- My fire would not have been a problem if this man had not crept up on me. He shouted ‘Blasphemy!’ and I dropped a burning branch.

-- And the grasshoppers? It’s the ten plagues of Egypt! Trial by water, that’s what’s called for. If he drowns we’ll know it was all a mistake, and if he lives we’ll burn him. Red is right, we are all crazy.

-- Now I won’t be having this. [Click] Back off there. Oh Lord, he’s drawn a gun on the preacher!

-- You can’t stand in the way of righteousness with a gun, Mr Horne.

-- Ain’t righteousness I’m looking at in my sights.

-- Wait, where did the witch go? He’s vanished!

-- Satan must have snatched him up in a cloud of locusts! I could wish Old Scratch would do the same for me.

-- No, look, there he goes! After him!

-- Stop! Now hold up there! Lord in heaven, I’m too old for this. You are not the only one …

Son of a bitch! I’m sorry, Mama, I know you didn’t raise your Sam to use profane language, but if you were here right now you’d be going after them with the laundry stick, I know you would. There’s just so much of this kind of thing. That ‘misunderstanding’ with the saloon girls in Bitter Creek. Time we had to haul Billy and Jack out of the lockup in Goshen. That downright strange business with the widow’s goat in Pittsville, never really got to the bottom of that one. It just never lets up. And it’s always, ‘Where’s Sam? He’s the man to sort all this out, take the situation in hand.’ Wait, someone’s coming back.

-- Red? Jack? You’re just in time to –

-- Goodnight? And Billy? Thank the Lord, you’ve got to help –

-- What’s all the commotion about?

-- Red here’s been taken up for a witch. Again.

-- This is the fourth time in as many months. Can’t you let up on the effigies?

-- It’s a fish trap! To trap fish! Why are you in such a panic?

-- We have to find Faraday. Billy’s promised to gut him, and we don’t want Abbott to hang him before we get to him.

-- We don’t want Abbott to hang him at all.

-- Vasquez!

-- Mierda, is that the preacher over there?

-- Not threatening to drown you too, is he?

-- No, he’s threatening to marry me to Leah Bailey. Because her brothers say she was in a compromising position with me. In the stables.

-- Just how compromising are we talking here?

-- It was not my fault. I was not even trying.

-- This has all got completely out of hand. And yes, here it comes…We need Sam. He’s the man to sort all this out, take the situation in hand.

And this is the body of men I trust with my life? Recruited to make my job easier? It’s my own fault, I see that. I should just saddle back up and skip out – I could be miles away before they stopped their antics long enough to notice I’d gone. Go back to how it was, just me on my own, no one else to take thought for, quick and efficient. Nights out under the stars, calm and peaceful, plenty of time to think. Perfectly fine on my own. Why I ever thought taking six companions was a good thing to do I have no conception.

--

Leastways I can be sure the coast is clear here now, if they’re all running about outside. Finally something to eat, and I can just sit back in the corner here on my own in peace. Heh, like that one time in Trentsford, two weeks I spent hunting that lowlife Eli Reynolds across the county, slippery as a greased snake he was, couldn’t get near him, and then I gave up and went to take solace in a bottle, just sitting in the bar, in the shadows, and in comes Eli himself with his whole gang, sits there all night debating their next job and drawing plans and boasting and never even saw me there listening. The look on his ferrety face when we popped our heads out of that post wagon I’ll remember to my dying day …

Hmm. Couldn’t have done that one on my own, right enough. Have to admit it – I should’ve stood up and helped them, even if they were all bringing trouble on their own heads. I’ve just been being selfish, and I should be ashamed. I’ll go right this minute and get it all straightened out for them, sheriff and Bailey brothers and preacher and all. Let me just finish-

-- Cheer up, Goody.

-- The brandy’s a lost cause, cher, we have to admit it. He’s probably over the hills and far away by now. Might as well drown our sorrows. Sit down and I’ll get you a drink.

-- You could make that three, and we’ll give thanks that sorrows are the only things being drowned. Works up a sizeable thirst, being hunted with pitchforks.

-- Jack! And Red! Thank heavens! Well, I’ll be damned! Looks like they actually managed to sort one thing out without me.

-- How did you get away?

-- He has an unusual turn of speed for such a big man. It is just as well.

-- Preacher calmed down yet?

-- Yes, I prayed with him and the Lord enlightened his mind.

-- And I gave him some of the fish.

-- Bottle and four glasses, then.

-- Make that five, amigo, I need it more than anyone.

-- Bailey brothers still after you?

-- No, Leah banged their heads together to make them see sense. Fine woman she is. And another! I’ll allow I’m surprised.

-- What, coming round to the idea of marrying her?

-- Well … she is a woman with a real temper. I enjoy a challenge.

-- But you can’t!

-- Well now, Joshua, technically he can. No impediment and all that, and I’m sure you’ll agree Vasquez is quite the catch.… I don’t believe this. Goody…

-- It is true. I am a handsome and captivating man, and I would make a good husband. And a thoughtful lover. Vasquez, don’t you …Oh Lord. Two.

-- Huck! Huff! Ahem. Something in my throat. I don’t bel- … Three.

-- Goodnight, are you all right? You seem a little flushed. Not taking a fever? Four.

-- A few sharp thumps between the shoulderblades will do the trick. Keep still, Goody. Sound men to watch my back in a fight, did I say? How can they not …

-- Hold on a minute. Faraday? At last! Where did you come from? You know there’s a posse out after you?

-- Oh, they’re still out there huntin’ around. Like to see the posse can take me in. And it was just a trivial misunderstandin’ about the horse. Thought I’d traded for him fair and square, y’know, puttin’ two things together that needed it, bottle of fancy liquor just sittin’ about looking neglected, and a horse lookin’ for a man to live up to him.

-- Did you say fancy liqu– … Over to you, cher.

-- So, horse back home, no harm done, oh, and I – ah – found this lyin’ about. Thought it might be yours.

-- My brandy! Well now, ain’t that a lesson? Leave well alone, and it all comes around all right again.

-- No need to shake it so suspicious-like, I ain’t- I mean, I don’t expect any petty thief has opened it. Billy, don’t look at me like that, it’s unsettlin’.

-- You have no idea of the narrow escape you’ve had.

-- Vas, what’s this they’re sayin’ about you gettin' hitched?

-- Leah Bailey’s brothers, they tried to get us married. Because they thought … But we were just talking.

-- Oh yeah? Think I don’t know what that means?

-- Ah, güero. Don’t be like that.

-- Don’t think you can get round me like … Hmm. Huh. Now that is downright unnecessary.

-- And they think we’re bad? Hmm. And that. Nothing to choose between them to my way of thinking, and high time I intervened so it don’t go further.

-- Good evening, gentlemen.

-- Sam! I didn’t know you were back! When did you get in?

-- Oh, just this quarter-hour past. God strike me down for a liar.

-- Did you get your man?

-- I did. Justice served. What’s been happening in my absence? I expect there’s plenty of excitement to relate.

-- Well, let’s see. Joshua here wasn’t hanged, and Vasquez wasn’t married, and Red wasn’t drowned, and I got my brandy back, so … nothing, really. Isn’t that right, cher?

-- Just … kept an eye on things.

-- We’ve no interesting stories to tell, have we, Red?

-- A little fishing, that’s all.

-- Me? Rode out a bit, came back again. Nothin’ worth the effort of relatin’.

-- I talked some with Leah Bailey. Fine woman. Ow!

-- All orderly and uneventful? That does surprise me. We are just going to draw one enormous veil over the whole sorry situation, are we? I guess we are. Unless … now there’s a right disturbing thought. Does this happen every time I go off alone, and I just get told it was all quiet when I get back? Just how much has there been that I don’t I know?

-- C’mon, pull up a chair. We can broach this fine brandy and we’ll hear the whole story of how you caught your man. I’m sure you’ve had a far more exciting time of it than us.

-- Was instructive, I’ll say that. Learned a great deal. But I don’t think I’ll be heading out on my own again so soon …

-- Aw. We missed you too, Sam!