Chapter Text
-You wanna go out for drinks?- Blake said and the Extra girl laughed out loud. It was Extra’s time and the Australian girl was enjoying the time. Pharrell’s stunned face told me he was just as surprised as I was.
I didn’t like it. I didn’t like her. I didn’t like the situation. Why was Blake being so flirty? He was single. That’s why.
No promises have been made, no love words, a few kisses weren’t promises, stolen kisses under the shadows of the night. Two kisses to be exact. One of them at the end of a long shoot and after a few margaritas that left us happy, warm and giggly and the second one, after a dinner at Pharrell’s, after feeling like losers when everyone was with their spouse. Both occasions, eyes were blown wide and breaths ragged, eyes covered in fear and confusion. We weren’t supposed to do that. We were newly friends whipping each other’s tears, we weren’t…more. Neither of those times we said anything, we pretended it didn’t happen and certainly, it was proven, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t gonna happen again.
Now, I was watching Blake hitting on his interviewer. He asked her for a drink on TV, she didn’t say no and her smile grew twenty times it sizes the second he pulled his dimples out and about. He was ready to move on, he was definitely doing it and why in the name of God was I …upset?
The interview ended with innuendos and giggles, Blake’s eyes sparkling as the interviewer’s, Renee, were looking interested. I took a deep breath and walked towards my trailer, trying to make a sense of whatever I was feeling and thinking. Got into the trailer and got ready to go home, the boys were off with Todd and I was going to join the party, movie, dinner and some games, I needed that. I needed my home, I needed out.
-Hey, boo- Heard a voice calling me up as I approached the parking lot.
-Pharrell. Hey, what’s up?-
-Nothing just had an interview with Blake-
-Yeah, I saw part of it-
-Yeah, it was great. Interviews with Blake are always fun-
-I’m sure they are- I said dryly.
-Going home already, Gwen! Let’s get a few drinks!- Adam joined the conversations.
-I have movie night with my boys-
-What time? Let’s celebrate the begging of this new season and we’ll let you go. Even Carson is staying!- Carson? That was a good one, he usually left early, he has a radio show and has to fly constantly to New York
-Ok, an hour and I’m out- I said, grabbing Pharrell’s arm and walking back to the trailer area.
-Y’all. My trailer. It smells nice- Pharrell said and we all laughed. My trailer was a disaster, so was Blake’s and Adam’s looked like a bachelor pad trying to turn into a married man one, but failing so far.
-Where’s gonna be?- I heard Blake’s booming voice break the silence of the lot.
-Pharrell’s-
-Cool, let me get a few things and I’ll be right there- He said while walking towards his, not before he squeezed my shoulder as he passed by, giving me a smile. Something I couldn’t return at all, considering my current state
We got in and Pharrell put some chairs out, some crackers and Adam brought a couple of bottles – one tequila and one vodka-. We got the cups and then Blake walked in with a white bag twenty minutes later.
-Hey, I brought food- He sat down right next to me, even though there were at least three seats empty around me. He put the bag on the ground and took out some chips and crackers and then got a few chocolates from it, one of those chocolates was my favorite brand one – he gave that one straight to me while looking at me in the eyes with a dimpled smile.
Adam jumped at the table and grabbed one of the bags, Blake got my favorite candy and Adam’s favorite chips and like that, the weird moment was cracked. Carson poured the drinks and we all did a shot of tequila followed by a vodka mixed drink that Blake made and actually tasted delicious.
-So, what are you guys thinking about the next season? Cristina back?- Pharrell asked and both Adam and Blake looked at each other.
-Hopefully her last season, God I hope so…even if it means that we’ll let her win-
-It’s gonna be my last season too-
-But you’ll come back, just like Gwen will-
-Am I?- I asked Blake after he finished his statement.
-Yes, pretty girl. You will- We just looked at each other and a number of words left in the air was going to suffocate me.
Blake’s phone rang and he excused himself when he got the call, he went to the back of the trailer after asking Pharrell.
-Why did he leave?-
-I don’t know…he’s playing mysterious. I think he’s dating or at least he’s into something- Carson said
-What? Already?- Pharrell asked.
-Dude, Blake’s got like…hundreds of women waiting for him to look at them-
-Yeah? Damn…-
-You wouldn’t believe…-
-He did flirt with the Extra girl- I intervened and gained a look from Adam, a look I couldn’t quite understand.
-Oh, he did…-
-Did he? What did he say?- Carson asked Pharrell who happily shared Blake’s moment and everything that happened after I left the lot- blocking everything was harder than I expected- apparently a lot happened. My eyes glued to the back of the trailer waiting for Blake to walk in.
-Hey- Adam approached me, I didn’t hear him.
-Hey, you. How’s it going?-
-All good, B good… work is well… You? The boys? Divorce? How’s everything?-
-Divorce, hard. Gavin is being an ass, he’s usual self I guess. He wants drama, he wants it all, he’s not gonna get it though. There’s proof of the cheating and he knows I’ll pull the trigger so…he’s in an uphill battle. The boys rattled, still, it’s not easy and well, they’re taking it at their own pace which is something that makes me breathe easy. They have their weird out moments but they’re at ease now, it’s been a while since we separated-
-Good, so things are going slow but they’re going-
-Exactly-
-Have you thought about it?-
-About what?-
-Dating…in general-
-I don’t know, to be honest. Sometimes I say, I would never and there other times that I think: why not?-
-Do it when it feels right…when you don’t feel guilt anymore-
-That’s the right word, guilt-
-Listen… Blake’s…-
-Hey! What’s up with you two?-
-Nothing, P. Just not interested in the gossip-
-Yeah, right…-
-What gossip?-Blake walked in, again, sat right next to me.
-You and the Extra girl-
-What Extra girl?-
-The interviewer-
-What happened to her?-
-You-
-Me?-
-You were hitting on her-
-Just a bit…just having fun-
-Yes, you were- I said dryly.
-Hey, hey… good for you. Did she say anything after I left you two talking?- Pharrell asked. Were they talking after the interview? Did he ask for her number or maybe she did? Was he talking to her? Blake has been texting none stop since his call ended and it was driving me crazy, he would check his phone, smile, answer and look up again, comment in whatever we were talking about, make a joke and the phone would ring again, that cycle was driving me crazy.
We settled back, Blake’s arm touching mine, his hand would fly towards my leg, or towards Adam’s arm – punching it, usually- all while answering the freaking texts. After an hour or so, we all started to get a little tired and we called it a night. I hugged the boys –except Blake who stayed behind with Adam- and walked arm in arm with Pharrell towards our cars.
Adam called out Pharrell who turned around and stopped in his feet.
-Hey, P. Did you heard the new demo? I forgot to ask-
-Yeah, man, it’s amazing…- I let P go to Adam and the two of them were chatting away about Adam’s new single. I stood there, not really knowing what to do.
-Hey-
-Blake. Hey-
-You ok?-
-Yeah…I’m fine- As on cue, his phone rang. A message, of course.
-Wow…You’re busy-
-What do you mean?-
-The messages… it’s been going on all day-
-Yeah, friends-
-Sure…friends. I gotta go. I promised my kids a movie night-
-You sure, you ok?-
-I am-
-Pretty girl… don’t lie-
-I’m good Blake, ok?- I said cutting him off. – Hey, boys. I gotta go. See you Friday- Both waved at me and I walked quickly towards my car, turn it on and head back. Blake hadn’t move and his eyes were set on my car.
I got to Todd’s. Spend the night with them, all of us, slept in the living room, watching movies and eating junk food, this is my kind of night, I thought.
-What is it with you? You came home weird-
-Me? Nothing…-
-Gwen…-
-Blake spent the night hitting on some girl of Extra and then texted the whole night through-
-And…it bothers you, because…-
-Well…I don’t know-
-I thought the kisses meant nothing-
-Didn’t... I think. I don’t know…-
-Gwen…-
-I don’t know what’s going on. I felt like snake curling inside my stomach and pulling it into knots-
-Do you think … you want something-?
-I don’t know. Adam asked me if I was ready to date. My first thought was no but then, I thought of Blake and a maybe appeared-
-You like Blake?-
-I do like him…but liking-liking, I don’t know. I like the way he is, he’s easy and fun and a good guy in general, so good…completely different to Gavin. Maybe that’s it-
-Maybe it is. Don’t close the doors-
-I’ll try-
We went home and the day turns as it usual self, meeting, camp, movies and time with my boys and then a teary goodbye, they were spending the week at Gavin’s and even though I was sort of, getting used to it, still hurt.
I dropped the kids on Friday morning at Gavin’s, the exchange of words was kept to a minimum, kissed my boys and headed to The Voice set, with one thing in my mind, play it cool. I decided that I was gonna play it cool. I had to. Blake was divorce, he could flirt, could text and could date, it was no my problem, he was free to do it.
-Play it cool- I told myself as I approached my trailer. I kept the phrase running through my brain as I pretended to listen to Gregory’s last trip and I was taking deep breaths.
-What is it with you? You’re listening and at the same time, you aren’t-
-I’m sorry, dropped the boys at Gavin and still weird. Keep talking, I need to know what happened next-
-Well... honey, let’s say that you should never, ever, trust a man dressing up like half-cowboy and half-elf-
-Oh, God…- I just laughed out loud
I got ready and got to the lot, Adam, and Blake already there, even though I was five minutes early to the call.
-Hey, gorgeous. You look beautiful-
-Thank you, Adam. Hi, Blake-
-Hey, pretty girl-
-So, how are you feeling?-
-I’m good-
-How did you leave the boys?- Of course, Blake remembered that today I had to drop the boys at Gavin’s.
-Good, they’re good, bored. Apparently, my ex doesn't have much to do in his place, bachelor pad is for adults, not kids- He nodded and his eyes were glued to mine.
Pharrell came strolling with Mark and we got to work, some interview and a nice photoshoot, loud music and lots of laughs got my head out of my awkwardness with Blake and my aching heart.
The day ended and it was only a little after five, I headed out to take everything off as I listened Pharrell and Adam gushed about date night, I had nothing to do, or so I thought.
-Hey, wanna hang?- I heard Blake ask, looking at me. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t. It has been awkward enough. Don’t say yes, don’t say yes…don’t say…
-Sure. Where?-
-Come to my place? I have some things to cook dinner…-
-Ok. Wanna carpool?- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
-Sure… see you in ten- I played it cool but I smashed my head against a wall the second I entered my trailer.
I took my clothes off and my heels were off and got my flats out, I had jumped, stood and even danced for at least four hours and in eight inches heels, was a little too much for my poor feet.
I headed out and crashed into a wall of a man, I didn’t have the time to scream or to do anything as a pair of hands grabbed my arms.
-Jesus, you ok?-Blake.
-Yes, I ...yes- I was breathing hard. We went to my car and got in, all in a strange silence that I ain’t sure if it was good or bad, at all.
-Hungry?-
-A bit. I want something yummy-
-Yummy?-
-Yeah… anything with carbs and regrets-
-How about only carbs? No regrets-
-Can you do that?-
-If I can make that recipe god enough, no regrets at all- Something told me he wasn’t talking about food
We arrived at his place and he headed to the kitchen, I was right behind him.
-How does, pasta sound with vegetables and lots of mushrooms? With ice cream and lots of syrup and caramel-
-Sounds perfect-
-Good!-
He started to cook and I was thoughtfully entertained until he asked me to cut some vegetables.
-Please don’t cut yourself. Going to the ER wouldn’t look good tonight-
-I won’t-
-Sweetheart, I have seen you chop-
-Shut up-
The pasta was cooking, we were drinking wine and we were standing right in front of the other in his kitchen, hips against the counters and I still didn’t understand what I was doing there. His phone rang. Damn it.
-Can I ask you something and I want you to answer me as … truthful as possible.-
-What is it?-
-Were you jealous the other day?- I stopped breathing. His eyes were locked on mine.
-I don’t know. I truly don’t know-
-Why?-
-You seemed to have it figured it out, I think I’m a little jealous of that-
-Figure it out?-
-Yeah… I mean, you were flirting and happy and giggly and I barely can drop my kids at Gavin’s without bursting into tears. It's not like I don't love my children but you could have a clean break up without collateral, seems nice... seemed easy to envy. You know how much it hurts whenever I have to drop the boys and how much it hurts to see their confuse and hurt eyes in those moments-
-I don’t have it figure it out…at all-
-You seemed to have it when you asked that girl for drinks-
-I didn’t…-
-Blake, I was there. I heard it. I heard you-
-If I wanted to ask her out I wouldn’t use a simple line as a pickup. I wouldn’t use her job as a pickup-
-Wouldn't you? You sounded damn real when she asked you what do you wanted to be asked-
-Gwen…if I’ve had asked her out, I would have done it without cameras, I would have lured her into my place with Italian food and ice cream- He said and my breathing stopped again, for the fifth time in the last five minutes.
-Blake…-He came up to me, stood close to me.
-Is there another reason why you’re jealous, is something else that pissed you off?-
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. did he asked me out, was this a date? What?
-Tell me. I laid it out, it’s your turn. I’ve been waiting for you to bring op the last two times we have hung out and you haven’t-
-I didn’t know what to say-
-What do you want to say, don’t think about it? Were you jealous for another reason?-
-Blake… what are you doing, I don’t get it-
-The pasta will be ready in a couple of minutes. Take me out of my misery-
-Blake…-
-Tell me-
-Yes… I was. I am-
-What is it?-
-Blake…-
-Tell me. Say it-
-Blake…-
-Say it-
-I didn’t like it. Ok? I hated the fact that you had asked her out and flirted with her and with me... nothing. We kissed two times and you didn’t say anything, you didn’t do anything, you were being you and me was pissed as fuck for the fact that you were ….you and I was a mess and the, there you were laughing and flirting and I was…- Stopped. Blake put his hands on my head and took my breath away with one hard kiss.
His tongue entered my mouth and I felt my whole body started to shiver, I fisted his shirt and I arched against him, his neck was bent so far, I was sure he was gonna have neck pain. I got on my tip toes and his hands moved to my hips and pushed me back to the counter, he lifted me and I felt like a doll, I was sure I should be pissed about it but I wasn’t because, simply in this way I could hold his hair and finally clash against my whole body him – which I did-
Our tongues were dancing, it wasn’t a fight for dominance it was a slow recognition, we were exploring what the other liked what it turned it on and we enjoy the pace of it, it was slow and sweet, so sweet it almost hurt.
His hands on my waist pulled me to him until there wasn’t even an inch between us, my breast pressed to his chest and slowly I wrapped my legs around him. He pushed me down a bit, I felt the back of the counter grace my back but not completely laid on it, his hard body pushing me down. I didn’t know how much I could enjoy a kiss and once again, Blake proved me how good being kissed could be. His hand left my waist suddenly and his lips left mine.
This time his eyes weren’t blown but were half opened and he had a stupid smile on his face, his lips were completely red and swollen.
-We almost burnt the pasta- He said and I remembered the fact that he had been cooking the past for dinner.
I moved my head back and my back hit the counter top as I tried to contain my breathing. I felt his lips on my neck, kissing and nibbling its way up until he took my ear, he bit it and tugged it.
-Wanna eat?-
-I’m not sure- I answered, quite frankly. He laughed and pulled me up, his forehead resting on top of mine and our eyes locked.
-Hi, pretty girl-
-Hi, cowboy-
-Wanna make out until it hurts and then eat?-
-Yeah, I do- I pulled him towards me and I tugged his lip, nibbled it and he groaned when my legs wrapped around his middle. Eating reheated pasta with swollen lips was better than I ever expected.