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The Definition of a Good Death

Summary:

It is a fact of human life that if something doesn't get us first, we'll grow old and die. Loki is unfamiliar with this concept.

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The house was charming, an old New York society place with the typical Victorian brownstone and cheery yellow window shutters. Loki had been there about a hundred times but it had never seemed so formidable or frightening. Darcy raised a hand to knock and it was a long moment before they heard soft footsteps.

“Aunt Darcy, god it’s good to see you.” Piper looked like she’d been crying recently, tissues escaping her pocket.

“It’s good to have you home.” Darcy hugged her.

“We wish it was under different circumstances.” Her husband kissed Piper’s cheek.

“Thanks Uncle Ian. Everyone’s in the den.”

The adults headed inside and Loki followed, dragging his feet. He’d never done this before and he wasn’t sure how to feel. The confusion must have been evident on his face because Piper took one look at him and started tearing up again, sniffing.

“Oh Lokes.”

“It will be alright, Piper.”

“How can it be alright?”

He wasn’t sure what to say so he waited until she had a hold of herself and then the pair walked into the den. Tony and Pepper were talking quietly to Steve. It was an odd picture, the two elderly Starks and the soldier who could still pass for late twenties thanks to his enhanced healing capabilities. Tony had his arm around his wife as she clutched his other hand, both of them red-eyed and tired-looking. On the other side of the room Rachael, Josh, Lucy and Adam were huddled around Rebecca. The girl looked like a zombie, her hair lank and messy, her face pale.

“Aunt Darcy, Uncle Ian,” she managed to mumble out, “I’ll let Mum know you’re here.”

“Tell her we’d like to see your father if it’s alright.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll go with you, hon.” Piper took her hand, leading the other girl out.

“Darce.” Steve gave a sad smile, getting up to hug her.

“Hey Cap. Well this is bleak, huh?” she tried a laugh.

“No Jane and Thomas?” he looked behind her.

“I thought they were too young.”

“I get that. I’m over a hundred and I still feel too young.”

“How much longer does he have?” Ian asked quietly.

“A day maybe.” Steve shrugged, “They’re not sure. It’s hard to tell with his DNA so altered.”

“Hi Lokes,” Pepper held out her arms, “You wanna come sit with us?”

“I’d like to see Uncle Bruce first.”

“Okay.”

Piper opened the door again. “Aunt Betty says to come on up.”

 

The further they got from the den, the more obvious the soft hum and beeps of machinery was. Piper led them to the master bedroom and knocked softly before opening the door. Betty perched in a chair beside Bruce, the lines in her face suddenly deeper, more defined. The former scientist looked too small between the sheets, his cheeks hollow and ashen, tubes running into his nose and arms. His hair was completely grey, his chin covered in very fine stubble. His eyes hovered halfway between open and closed.

“Hey.” Darcy said gently, sinking to a crouch beside Betty.

“It was good of you to come.”

“Everyone keeps saying that. I always thought I was more of a pest than anything.” She joked lamely.

Betty sniffed and smiled weakly. “That doesn’t mean we don’t love having you around.”

She looked past the couple to where Loki was staring, hands clenched at his side, his gaze locked on the skeletal form in the bed.

“Loki,” Betty held out a hand, “Come here.”

He made his way carefully around the wires and chairs and motley assortment of machines. Betty cupped his face in one hand, stroking her thumb over his cheek.

“Here, you sit with me.”

She pulled him into her lap and hugged him, both of them watching Bruce’s chest pitifully rise and fall. Darcy placed her hand on Bruce’s.

“Hey big guy. I always thought you were gonna be the last to go, you know? You seemed like you’d just be old forever and never change.”

Ian came up behind her with a supportive hand on her shoulder as she cleared her throat.

“I guess I thought you were all invincible. Even when I was living in the Tower and seeing the dirty socks and the excessive eating and the general love of Disney, you were still the Avengers. You were heroes. And that’s what you are Bruce, no matter what anyone says. You’re sweet and kind and caring and you only ever wanted to help people.”

She leaned forward and kissed his brow.

“I’ll miss you.”

She squeezed his hand and turned quickly, yanking Ian out behind her. Loki glanced over his shoulder at Betty, frowning at the tear making its way down her cheek.

“This is wrong.”

“What is?”

“This. Dying. Nobody dies on Asgard except in battle.”

“I think maybe you just weren’t there long enough to see it.”

Loki looked again at the already lifeless man who was one of his closest companions, who’d protected him, helped raise him, answered his questions when he was scared and tried to make him feel at home. It couldn’t just end with this memory of a broken form. There was one last hope.

“Thor could stop this. He could make Bruce well again, immortal – he could do so for all of you. If I asked, he would give up Idunn’s apples. He owes you nothing less.”

 

Betty’s arms tightened around him for a moment and she rested her lips against his head. When she finally spoke, her voice was raspy and strained.

“Loki, that is incredibly sweet. But humans have to die. It’s what we do; it gives life meaning. If we never died, how would we make ourselves do the hard things and the right things? Your uncle Bruce is a great man because when he’s gone we’ll be able to say he struggled against something much bigger than himself and won. He’s earned a rest, Loki.”

The god’s lips trembled. “But I am not ready for him to go.”

“Me neither, dear. Unfortunately we don’t get a choice.”

He nodded solemnly and slid off her lap, walking over to lean against the edge of the mattress.

“Bruce of the house Banner, you are a valiant warrior and healer, a friend and a good husband and father. I am sorry I cannot do more for you. I am sorry it is the truth of Midgardians that your lives are so brief. May your name be sung in the halls of Valhalla to welcome you to the Allfather’s feast.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick gold medallion with Odin’s ravens etched into the metal, laying it on the pillow beside his head.

“The Valkyries will know you by this, and carry you off to better things.”

He nodded to Betty and she smiled encouragingly. Loki shut the door carefully and shuffled towards the stairs but when he reached the top he didn’t want to go down; didn’t want to face everyone and watch them wait silently for Bruce’s last breath as though they might actually hear it. He sat and hunched over, his face in his hands.

Someone sat quietly beside him and wrapped their arms around their knees. “I heard what you said. It was really beautiful.”

He turned his head to look at Rebecca. “You should not be here with me. Your mother-”

“Will be fine for a few minutes. They said we’d know when...when it was time.”

He looked away, fingers clenching in the fabric of his pants.

“You know she told me you’re the reason she and Dad got married?”

Loki frowned. “I do not see how.”

“Looking after you proved to him more than helping the Avengers that he could control the Hulk, that he could be trusted to be around the people he loved without hurting them. When Grandpa Ross died he knew he could be with her. Without you, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Do not thank me, for I did nothing. It was all him.”

“Still, it’s good to know even after we’re all gone someone will remember him.”

“Thor will ensure his name is never forgotten.”

“Uncle Thor’s great but he didn’t share a tower with Dad. They were pals, not family.”

Loki shook his head. “I do not understand this weakness in my hands, the tightness in my throat. When the Hawk Barton fell in battle I felt no human grief. His loss was great but he went out honourably, and was avenged by his shield-sister. It would have been a good end for an Asgardian. But this...this is not battle, nor sickness. This aging offers no glory or release from ailment.”

“It’s just the way things are. On Asgard they might prefer a big exit but on Earth, dying in your bed of old age is generally considered the best way to go.”

Loki held out his arm and she leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. He didn’t want to think about it, to know after this day there would be no more Bruce, to know that eventually Pepper and Tony and all the others would join him, to know he’d outlive Rachael and Rebecca and Adam and their kids and their children’s grandchildren’s kids. He didn’t want to think about being left over and over again. So he squeezed his hand tighter on Rebecca’s shoulder and hummed an old song his mother used to sing when it rained, and tried to remember that this way was better.

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