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It would not have been difficult if Ferid only knew how to reject Crowley. Crowley invited him out for Valentines Day, but he told him he had other plans. They had been doing this ever since they were young—spending Valentines Day together. Now that they were older, Ferid got bored of all the shiny and fluffy stuff that came with it. It was not because he didn’t want to spend time with Crowley anymore; he just thought it would be a nice change if he didn’t spend his Valentines Day with him. After all, it should be about time Crowley got a girlfriend. So for the first time, he lied to him. He told him that he was to go to school that Sunday to meet up with his club members. Because of this terrible, terrible lie, Ferid found himself trapped inside the empty locker room waiting for the rain to subside.
The beads of rain lashed and raged as it fell from the adamant skies. The sound of streaming water, its impetuous rush and trickles of drops rang in Ferid’s sensitive ears. The cold breeze caressed his skin. It prickled his flesh with thousands of icy thorns. HIs muscles stiffened. He felt himself turn as hard as a rock because of the frosty air. Sitting on the bench, his back against the cold spine of the steel locker, Ferid gazed dreamily at the window. With folded knees, he watched thousands of droplets of rain sluice down the windowpane. He studied the glistening marks and trails that these little beads of glass left. In contrast to the heavy nimbus clouds that hung over the grey sky, they were light and glowing. He counted the seconds before a droplet completely ceased streaming down the fogged glass. He watched them deliquesce and turn into a puddle, a spot on the expanse. It looked as if he was watching a falling star in the sky.
Languidly, he dropped his gaze and huddled close to the wall. He gripped his elbows and curled into himself to preserve heat. He took in air just to let a gust of lukewarm wind escape his cherry lips. Sighing was both inhaling and exhaling. It was the expanding and the shrinking of the diaphragm. It was also getting rid of sadness and gloom.
The light inside the room was too bright for his eyes. He leaned against the window this time; crossed arms indolently perched atop his knees; hands clutched the meaty bun of his biceps that were covered by wet sleeves. His skinny arms cushioned his bent head. Eyelids aflutter, hands aquiver, he closed his eyes to dim the blinding light. Darkness was still out of reach, for he only saw a red like a sheet block his vision. Tiny orbs of light splattered across it like stars in the night sky.
The hissing sound of the pouring rain and the rustling of the quivering trees drowned his senses. From time to time, the wind wailed. The air that passed through the open slits of the closed windows got colder and colder as if enclosing him in a cage of ice. It made his hair stand on ends. It made the pores on his skin close and the mantle of flesh tighten to preserve his body heat. He wished Crowley was there to nestle him, or to just be there so that he could feel his warmth.
“Crowley..” he muttered as he embraced himself. He was cold, bare and alone.
The flowing water from the eaves rushed like the sound of a waterfall; gushing heavily down the precipice, running through the rocks underneath, splattering its dagger like splashes. The gurgle, the rush, the trickle drowned the hissing sound of the pelting rain against the roof. He could hear manifest staccatos of droplets over the rush and rustle, over the hiss and the trickle of water. Despite the vehemence of the rain, despite the moans of the wind and the reedy shake of the branches, for Ferid, it was a lull. Their harmony, the way they just went in sync made him want to sleep. So he shifted, pressed his knees together and rubbed his head against his smooth arms. He curled his body and just listened to the trio of the rain, the wind and the trees.
Running footsteps disrupted his peace. The footfalls were heavy against the ground. Like the sound of a chef’s knife on the chopping board, it was precise, crisp but sometimes unsteady.
Tap Tap Tap
Every strike was filled with brashness, filled with desperation. It annoyed Ferid. He sat up properly and waited. When the footsteps became louder, it ceased all of a sudden as the doorknob was twisted clumsily, making it howl with shrill clicking noises. After what took seconds of clicking and squeaking, the door slammed open. A huffing boy, wet to his toes, bent on his knees came into view. He was out of breath. Ferid’s eyes widened. His pupils dilated at the sight of this boy—his classmate. Guren Ichinose was it? Ferid mulled over. Pretending. Of course he knew. Of course he did. They had been schoolmates for like forever, but this was the first time they were in the same class. They didn’t get along though. Crowley hated the guy because of a past incident, and Ferid was not really that interested in him. In short, there was nothing that made interaction possible.
Ferid fluttered his eyelids and looked away. Guren, who didn’t know that there was someone inside the locker room apart from himself, slipped and fell on his back. Guren let out a grating yelp. A shrill rubbing noise and a hard thump followed through which forced Ferid to look at his direction, shocked.
“Are you okay?” Ferid tried his best to sound worried.
“Tsk. That hurt! Ouch, my back.” Guren whined as he clutched his back in agony.
Ferid didn’t know what to do. Should he help him? Should he pretend he wanted to help him? Guren cursed. He stood up with trembling legs and a pained face. He steadied himself and dusted himself off. Slouched, he plodded forward.
“Ferid bastard you surprised me!” Guren growled.
It was the first time Guren said his name so Ferid was taken aback. He was put off by the familiar tone in Guren’s voice, as if they had been friends for a long time.
As Guren trudged towards the lockers, he left wet puddles in his wake, like the trail left by a slug. The plinking of vitreous beads of the rain accompanied his movements; droplets fell, splattered one after the other like the tapping of the feet.
Guren started stripping off his wet clothes all of sudden, making Ferid blush. Ferid didn’t expect it. He was exposed to that stuff already so he was conscious, too conscious in fact of the warm body near him. He was trying to pretend Guren’s drenched form didn’t distract him. He was trying to pretend he didn’t notice the way the clothes clung to Guren’s well-toned body. It made him swallow hard so that his throat bobbed up and down slowly. Guren’s heat thawed the earlier sheet of ice that enveloped him.
Squeaky wet sounds seared through Ferid’s hearing. Guren’s shoes were wet and as he walked in tiptoes, his shoes squeaked. It ruined Ferid’s earlier mood. Shameless, Guren was only in boxers now. He kicked off his shoes as he lumbered towards Ferid, clutching his back. His hips still hurt. In a rash manner, he opened his locker and rummaged through the pile of unfolded clothes inside, muttering something under his breath. He grabbed and tossed things, disorganizing the neatly folded shirts and pants inside. Ferid couldn’t help but look at him; he didn’t really know where to look. He forced himself to look away so he buried his face on his arms instead. He clenched his fist and mumbled Crowley.
Guren who was still a bit vexed about the whole thing noticed how quiet Ferid had gotten. He closed his locker a little to violently so that he forced himself to utter a sheepish and rushed Sorry. He scratched his face using the tip of his index finger, pouted and then looked at Ferid. He calmed down a bit now. Arms akimbo, he faced Ferid’s slouched figure on the bench and said, “Why are you here?”
Guren thought that he might have used more edge in his tone than he intended to.
Ferid was surprised. The shock then turned into irritation.
“Taking shelter from the rain obviously.” He snapped.
Guren sat beside him, donned with a towel on his head. He shifted, shook the metal seat with his impatient movements. Ferid heard him. He heard the rustling of Guren’s clothes and his breathing. For some reason he started feeling too conscious of himself.
“Ah, Why aren’t you with Crowley? Isn’t it Valentines Day today? Don’t you always spend it together? Guren said without looking at the other. His hands were busy fiddling with his clothes.
How did you know? Ferid wanted to ask. But he just kept quiet. He pressed his palms on his elbows forcefully and buried his head deeper on his arms. When he relaxed, he raised his head and flashed a smile at Guren. Guren waited. He waited for Ferid to reciprocate his gaze. When Ferid focused his eyes on him, he was surprised at the look in Guren’s eyes. Eager. Curious. The other was waiting for him to say something.Ferid would not admit it, but he shuddered when their eyes met.
“Well, he did force me to…
“Force you to what?… Ouch!” Guren interrupted, surprising him. The reaction made Ferid gape at Guren who was patting his aching hip. Ferid was at a loss for words. When he had composed himself, with squinted eyes, he moved closer to the distracted Guren.
“Oh, it’s not that kind you’re thinking of. I meant..” Ferid paused; the seconds dragged tediously which made the lull turn the mood infinitesimally coquettish. He smiled, leaned in for a whisper and added, “He… kind of forced me to spend time with him and his family like usual.”
“Well, why didn’t you?” Guren said without hesitation as if he knew all along, now completely free of the throbbing in his back. Or at least he tried to pretend it didn’t hurt anymore.
Ferid looked at him through sullen eyes. He fluttered his thick lashes and sighed; a sigh that was overdramatic just because he didn’t want Guren to know what he truly felt. He reclined and resumed his former position with a grin that always allowed him get away with everything; withdrawing, as if he was saying, “I don’t want to let you in just yet”. He snuggled close to the wall, away from Guren’s reach, away from the ribbons of scent wafting from Guren’s flesh, mingled with the scent of his drenched clothes.
On Guren’s part, this was the first time he actually had the courage to look at Ferid. Looking intently at him, he could see him fully now: nuzzling his arms, burying his small head against his slender arms, clutching his elbows. Guren thought it was nice to finally look at Ferid without holding back. He finally saw how beautiful he really was with his short shoulder length hair and parted bangs. He was aching to touch the tresses of Ferid’s hair. He was agonizing over the sight of Ferid’s bristles, over the fact that it covered his ears and the side of his face. Guren bit his bottom lip to stop his mouth from trembling with nervousness at this sudden intimacy that they both shared.
They had known each other for a long time, but this was the first time they ever talked and really looked at each other. While it was the first time he gazed upon him closely, he didn’t need something or someone to tell him that there was something that bothered his classmate. There was something sad about Ferid.
The twitch of Ferid’s eyelids and the fluttering of his pretty lashes interrupted Guren’s thoughts. Its curl took Guren’s breath away. Ferid gave him a sidelong glance, and a slow opening of his hooded eyes that felt like a whiplash.
“Aren’t you cold Ichinose-..”
“Call me Guren.” Guren said embarrassed; his eyes averted.
Ferid smiled at that. He couldn’t help but say Oh inside his mind.
“Aren’t you cold Guren? You haven’t changed clothes yet.” Ferid raised his eyes and stared at the towel that hung on the other’s head. He may have wanted to be the one to dry Guren’s hair. He may have wanted to run his slender fingers through Guren’s dark hair. But the droplets that streamed down Guren’s hair— plopping in long successions against the tiled floor—amused him. He thought Guren looked like a lost puppy.
Adorable. Ferid mused.
But then, a somber gaze replaced the laughter in his eyes. He looked away. Guren chose to look away as well. Clutching his t-shirt and pants, he shifted and put them beside him.
If silence was the absence of noise, then the combination of the rattle of leaves, the rush and flow of the rain, and the rustle of clothes was the sound of distance.
Guren took off his wet socks and wiped his body. The sound of the cloth that glided on his skin became overbearing to Ferid’s ears. Guren’s breathing drowned the wailing wind; it overcame the rush of the rain. It reduced the sound of Ferid’s raging heartbeat to a mere whisper.
They knew each other. They had been aware of each other. They had been attracted to each other for a long time already. But they didn’t really think much of it. Ferid didn’t think much of it until now, when he was so close to Guren.
Guren felt awkward. He wanted to run. He wanted to go somewhere. He wanted to say something, anything that would make the unbearable silence go away, but he didn’t know what to say. He just clenched his teeth and hoped that Ferid didn’t hear how loud his heart beat.
Ferid kept stealing glances at him. Silence had been his repose, yet for the first time, he wanted to be the one to break the ice. Finally, he said something that totally caught Guren off guard.
The sound of Ferid’s voice was a mere whisper. It was drowned by the pouring rain, hidden from the others who were bound to listen to their conversation, hidden to us, to everyone except both of them. Others may only hear the rattling sound of the rain against the eaves, the rush and the trickle of water, but only the sound of Ferid’s cold soothing voice filled Guren’s ears. Ferid told him something that he had never told anyone before—not even his closest friend Crowley.
Guren looked to and fro, scratched the side of his face using his finger and cleared his throat.
“Well, uh.. I mean..” Stuttering, he looked away with blush-suffused cheeks. His eyes frantically searched for something to focus on. He was surprised at Ferid’s sudden confession. Although the truth was, he was more surprised at himself for being embarrassed when he followed every movement of Ferid’s cherry lips. The way Ferid pressed his lips together, the way he pursed and opened them made him feel things; things that confused him.
“Hmmm?” It was a hum, a prolonged vibration of the vocal chords to produce the “m” sound. Lilting, it was a tease from a newly found friend.
“Well, uhh… Since we’re both alone and all, we can spend Valentines together. Would you like that? Only when the rain stops though.” Guren said as he touched the nape of his neck, flustered up to his ears.
“Aren’t you bold~ Are you inviting me out on a date Ichinose-kun?”
“No I’m not!” Guren protested with clenched fists and widened eyes; facing Ferid, his body leaned forwards, bridging the gap between them.
“I told you to call me Guren.” He added in a hushed tone as if he was sulking. He was much redder than before.
“Ahahaha~ Guren. I’m just kidding okay. You don’t need to react that much. Yes! Let’s go. I’d like to unwind too you know.”
Guren looked away.
“I just broke up with a girlfriend a few months ago. I don’t really mind accompanying you today. Since were both free and all.” Petulant, Guren couldn’t help insert this little fact about himself, as if demarcating a line between him and Ferid.