Work Text:
Sometimes he remembered things that seemed almost impossible. Things that had to be from a dream or some sort of parallel universe because he knew that he’d never done those things before. They’d dance at the edge of his memory like a ghost, taunting him with images he didn’t recognize and places he’d only seen in photos or on the news. And no matter how hard he tried to grasp at those visions, they’d slip out of his reach like sand through his fingers.
His cellphone rang, the alarm tearing him away from the rabbit hole of his memories. Kunikida Doppo woke with a start, reaching out for his phone and silencing it with a quick press. He pressed the heel of his hands against his eyes as he sat up in bed, the sheets sliding slowly off his sweat-covered body and falling in a bunch around his waist. He tried desperately to pull back the image he saw: a flash of something tan moving past the edge of his vision, and nothing more. It was a fraction of a second before the image was gone again and his hands dropped limply to his sides.
Another morning, just like the ones he’d been having for the past several months since he’d returned home from the hospital after an accident. Kunikida grabbed his glasses from the side table next to him, sliding them on swiftly before reaching for the small notebook he had taken to keeping by his bedside for this express purpose. He scrawled the date and the few details he’d managed to remember, then with a sigh, shut the notebook and threw it back onto the table. Kunikida fell back on his pillow, rubbing at his temples. These memories always made his head hurt.
Kunikida stared up at the ceiling. There was always the nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right. It would follow him everywhere: to the store, at the school where he taught, when he’d wake up in the middle of the night. There was something missing from his life and that notebook—filled with whatever tiny impressions that remained in his mind for more than a second—was his only clue.
**
Oh god there was so much blood. So much blood that wasn’t his. He heard a ragged cough as he felt warm blood surge out of the wound and past his fingers, dripping down his wrist and beginning to stain the cloth wrapped around his arms a deep red. Shit. They’d never make it back to Yosano in time.
**
“We’ve had reports of a foreign ability user who has arrived here recently and appears to be in the vicinity of the harbor. Those who’ve seen her say she appears to be a young woman with light brown hair, wearing a red cap. She seems to have been indirectly responsible for a series of accidents at- Hey are you even paying attention?”
Dazai placed the last fold on the paper airplane he’d been making before looking up at an irate Kunikida. Of course he’d heard it all, but nothing entertained him quite like watching the vein on the side of his partner’s forehead twitch in frustration. He smiled innocently and then gave a mock salute.
“You got it, senpai.”
Kunikida let out a weary sigh and rubbed at his temple. “Why do you only ever call me that when you’re being a pain?”
“Er, Kunikida, what did you mean by ‘indirectly’ responsible?” Atsushi said, trying to steer the conversation back to the initial topic and away from a potential scene where he’d have to spend the rest of the day picking up papers.
Kunikida looked down at the report in his hand. “Yes, well those who’ve interacted with her all had something terrible happen to them. One lost their business in a fire and another suffered a major motor accident. There’s more of them, but all of them said the same thing. That she granted them a wish that came true and then left immediately after.”
“Came true?” Atsushi said with a start, looking wildly between his two coworkers. “Surely it was just a coincidence, right?”
“There’s no such thing as coincidence when it comes to ability users.” Dazai threw the paper airplane, watching it glide through the air. It flew lazily toward Kunikida, who grabbed it and crumpled it in his hand. “You’ll learn that pretty fast.”
**
He was the one who was supposed to be bleeding out right now. The large piece of steel shrapnel embedded in his partner’s chest was meant for him. Years of dressing his own wounds and inflicting them on others gave him the knowledge of what was fatal and what wasn’t. He knew which veins could be severed without causing death and he knew how much trauma the body could go through before it would give out. There was no question about this wound. Whether he removed the pieces of steel piercing through the skin or not, there wasn’t any coming back from this.
**
Atsushi looked at the two empty desks beside him. It had been some time since the incident and the mood at the Armed Detective Agency had changed drastically. It had been a shock to them all of course. After all, Kunikida was the one they all relied on the most even though they hadn’t realized how much till he was gone. A deep-set melancholy pervaded over the agency as everyone’s roles shifted to adjust to the change. New rules were set in place by Fukuzawa and Yosano, who had agreed on them begrudgingly. It was all for the best, they had said. Let Kunikida live his life away from the dangers of the ADA and have a normal life.
The loss of Kunikida in the ADA had affected them all, but they hadn’t expected Dazai to have been affected so much. His appearances at the office had become fewer and fewer in between, and when he did show up, he’d spend a lot of time staring morosely at the desk in front of his before Yosano would drag him off and force him to do something else.
The lively environment of the ADA that Atsushi had experienced since he joined had changed so much and so fast. He looked around at the rest of the people in the room who were all working in near silence. The clatter of computer keys and the shuffling of paper were the few sounds that spread throughout the room. Atsushi sighed and looked outside the window and onto the busy street below. He wondered how Kunikida was doing right now.
**
He was cradled in his arms. Golden strands of hair were sticking to his blood-soaked hand as he held his partner up, supporting him from the shoulders. He heard a hoarse laugh, followed by a painful cough and looked down at the man in his arms.
“What? You’re not complaining that I’m dying before you?”
His glasses had been knocked off in the blast and Dazai hated that his eyes could be seen so clearly. That odd mix of hazel and green that he’d always found so captivating was now starting to slowly fade away.
“Why do you always have to be so goddamn fucking noble?”
**
Kunikida said goodbye to the other teachers at the school and began to walk off the grounds. He’d been feeling restless all day, though he’d been trying to hide it in front of the students. Watching the clock tick slowly to the end of the day put him even more on edge and when he finally finished his work he couldn’t have been more ready to leave.
The sun was starting to go down and the sky was painted in rich hues of pink and orange as if someone had taken a watercolor brush to the heavens. On an ordinary day he might have appreciated the beauty of what little nature he could see from within the city’s boundaries, but today he felt a compulsion drawing him away from his sparsely filled apartment and toward the Yokohama harbor. He didn’t know what it was exactly about that location that drew his attention, but going there was something he felt he had to do.
By the time he reached the harbor, the evening shadows lay heavy and dark along the roads like a blanket ready for night to descend. The shipping containers lined up in rows locked away what little sunlight was left and the gentle crashes of the waves in the harbor filled the air. Kunikida ran his hand along the cool steel as he made his way down the row. A chill went down his spine as he felt the metal against his skin, and the scars on his chest started to itch. Something about it seemed familiar and yet he couldn’t remember what it was. He rubbed at the scars and continued down the line until a dark figure turned the corner and saw him.
It was a man was dressed in black and seemed to have an aura of danger around him, which was clear as he grasped a woman tightly by the arm with a gun pointed toward her back. Kunikida immediately knew what kind of man it was. After all, everyone in Yokohama was aware of just who the Port Mafia was. Just his luck that he’d run into one of their minions, and one with a hostage as well.
He made eye contact with the young woman, her eyes wide with fear as the solid metal of the handgun touched her back. Kunikida could see her silently pleading with him for help as her eyes filled with tears. He tensed up.
“Why don’t you let her go?”
“Hey...aren’t you that detective guy?” the man narrowed his eyes at Kunikida and his hand pushed the gun harder against the woman’s back. She let out a small sob as she closed her eyes tightly. “Yeah you’re that one with the glasses. Where’s the rest of your team?”
Kunikida swallowed and took a step forward. “You’re obviously mistaking me for someone else. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now let her go.”
“Nah, you’re definitely him. And you’re alone, too. Man my luck’s been real good this week. I’ve got this girl already here and waiting for a ransom. It’s like a two for one deal. All I gotta do is take you to the boss after this and I’ll move up in the ranks.” The man pulled the gun from behind the woman’s back and placed it at her temple as she whimpered quietly. “Now hold still or I might accidentally shoot her.”
It was as if time had suddenly skipped forward. One second Kunikida was tensing up in anticipation of a gunshot, and the next he found himself holding the gun himself while the Port Mafia member groaned in pain on the ground. It had been like an instant reflex. In a matter of seconds he’d bolted forward, managing to disarm the man and flip him to the ground like it was nothing. Like his body just moved on its own. Kunikida stared at the gun in his hands with a mixture of shock and horror before dropping it, the cold metal clattering to the ground loudly as his hands trembled. There was no reason he should know how to do what he had just done.
“What the hell….” Kunikida looked at his hands, unable to figure out if it was just his hands shaking or his entire body. The young woman stared at Kunikida as well, just as surprised about what had just happened. The sounds of pain of the man in front of him jolted him out of his trance. He looked up and saw the woman watching him.
“What are you waiting for? Run!”
She stared at him for a second before slowly backing away from the man on the ground. One, two, three steps before bolting, sparing a quick backwards glance at Kunikida still standing there.
He looked at the man on the ground and then at his hands again before he too ran. There was only one thing that was on his mind as he ran, never looking back.
“What the hell did I just do?”
**
“Why the hell did you do that?”
Dazai shut his eyes tightly and his voice wavered slightly as he spoke. He couldn’t believe it was happening all over again: holding someone so important to him in his arms and watching them die right before his eyes.
Kunikida chuckled weakly, his hair falling slightly in his face as he moved. “You would’ve been caught in the blast. My body just moved on it’s own, I guess.”
Dazai reached up with his free hand, pushing the few strands of hair away from Kunikida’s face. A stripe of blood was left behind and Dazai winced at the sight of the red mark left behind. “But why me?”
“I said I wouldn’t let anyone die in front of me,” Kunikida said slowly, gripping onto the edge of Dazai’s coat as he spoke with a smile. “Sorry I had to break my promise.”
As soon as he heard that, Dazai felt his throat close tight like a vice and he struggled to get sounds out. He shook his head at Kunikida as he rasped out the words. “Figures you’d only be selfish when it comes to something like this.”
**
Ever since Dazai had joined the ADA those few years ago, Kunikida noticed a rather curious pattern of days when he’d disappear and show up the next day looking tired and worn out. At first he had just assumed it was Dazai being his usual self and taking a day off, likely to goof off somewhere and leave all his work for Kunikida to do. After all, it wasn’t unusual for Dazai to do something like that, but normally the next day he’d come back to the office and laze around the office while humming offkey. But as the years went on, Kunikida noticed it was always on the same day and Dazai’s usual carefree facade would almost seem to crack apart, revealing a more somber tone in his voice that only those with a practiced ear would likely notice.
He never questioned Dazai about what he was doing, but he did keep an eye out for his well being. Kunikida had placed a tracker on Dazai some years ago, and despite Dazai fully knowing that it was there, it always remained, perhaps because Dazai himself wanted to be found by Kunikida. And because of that, he always knew where Dazai disappeared to once a year. There was a small cemetery on a hill overlooking the ocean, and according to the tracker, Dazai would spend nearly the whole day there. What he was doing, Kunikida didn’t know. But he figured it wasn’t his business.
That day was coming soon. It was just a day away and Kunikida silently worked as Dazai sat opposite him, fidgeting slightly with a paper clip he had pulled off a stack of papers.
“Hey, Kunikida…”
Dazai called out to him in a quiet voice that he wasn’t used to. Surprised at the different tone, Kunikida looked up to see the normally unflappable Dazai looking nervous as he bent the end of the paper clip in his hands back and forth.
“What is it, Dazai?”
His partner nodded slightly and stood up from the desk, waving his hand to indicate for Kunikida to follow him. Kunikida raised an eyebrow but quietly followed his friend as they made their way out of the office and into the building’s stairwell. There was nothing on the floor above the ADA’s offices, but Dazai slowly walked up to the next floor, his feet making soft tapping sounds that echoed through the stairwell with each step he took. When they reached the empty space on the floor above the offices, Dazai stopped and leaned against a wall while looking down at his feet and pressing the tip of the paper clip into the pad of his thumb.
“How long have we known each other, Kunikida?”
Kunikida blinked in slight confusion at the sudden question. “I suppose it’s been nearly four years by this point. Why?”
Dazai took in a deep breath before he spoke hesitantly. “I want you to come with me somewhere tomorrow.”
Dazai’s request caught Kunikida off guard. It was something he hadn’t expected to hear from his partner. After all, he had let Dazai keep his secrets.
“But isn’t tomorrow-”
“Yes,” Dazai replied, looking squarely at Kunikida and cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. “That’s why I want you to come with me.”
Kunikida stared at Dazai for a moment, looking at the intense glimmer in his dark eyes. There was a sense of gravity in his eyes that was difficult to look away from. It was something he hadn’t seen very often from Dazai, and he knew that his partner was truly serious.
“Okay. I’ll go with you.”
The tension that had built up in Dazai’s body immediately dissipated, his shoulders slumping as if a great burden had been lifted from him. Kunikida watched as Dazai headed toward the stairs.
“You know where I’ll be.”
Kunikida nodded. He knew exactly where.
The next morning, Kunikida arrived at the cemetery, a bouquet of flowers in hand. The weather was cool, the breeze blowing salty air from the ocean as the sun rose. It didn’t take him long to find Dazai seated silently in front of a group of unnamed headstones: five small ones and two larger ones. He walked carefully toward his partner and carefully placed the flowers in front of the large headstone that was immediately before Dazai.
He spoke without looking at Kunikida. “Thank you. He’d be glad.”
Kunikida quietly took a seat next to Dazai, waiting for the man next to him to continue whenever he was ready to speak.
“You knew I was here, but you never tried to come find me. Why?” Dazai stared straight ahead at the headstones as he spoke.
“It wasn’t my business to know. Everyone has their own secrets they want to keep to themselves,” Kunikida replied, his intonation soft. “Plus it didn’t seem like you needed to be fished out of a river.”
Dazai let out a chuckle, a small smile flashing onto his face at Kunikida’s comment. It was one of his actual smiles and not the fake grins he’d plaster onto his face most times. It lasted for a moment before his expression returned to the more serious tone it had before
“I have to tell you about him,” Dazai began before taking a small pause. “No, I want to tell you about him.”
Kunikida waited quietly, letting Dazai take as much time as he needed to speak.
“You know I used to be in the Port Mafia, right?” Dazai asked. Kunikida nodded in response and Dazai continued. “There was someone I knew while I was there. Someone important to me who should’ve still been here today. His name was Oda Sakunosuke.”
Kunikida watched Dazai’s expression soften, likely remembering past events fondly.
“You remind me a lot of him, actually,” Dazai said, looking at Kunikida. “You’re both so selfless, intensely driven by your beliefs, and most of all, you’re both kind.”
“Dazai…” Kunikida said before trailing off. He was surprised that Dazai would voice his thoughts about him so openly.
“He’s the reason I’m here, actually,” Dazai continued, looking upward to the sky. “As he was dying, he asked me to join the side of good. To help others. I hope I’m doing that.”
He was, Kunikida thought to himself. Dazai may have a dark past, but that didn’t matter anymore. Everyone could better themselves, and Dazai had more than proved that to him over the years.
“He used to take care of some kids. He treated them like his own and they were family. But then they were killed and he walked right into his own death. It was my fault he died...I couldn’t help him in time,” Dazai said quietly. Kunikida felt himself holding his breath as the wind blew softly and the rustle of tree leaves around them blanketed them in white noise.
“I’m sorry, Dazai.”
His partner turned towards him and Kunikida felt as if his stomach was doing backflips as he looked into the dark depths of Dazai’s eyes and saw intense sorrow and regret.
“I wanted to tell you about him because he was important to me. Just like you.”
Kunikida opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He hadn’t expected that.
Dazai pulled his knees toward his chest and continued to speak. “I sometimes worry that I’ll get you killed, too. Nothing good in my life ever seems to stick around for the long term, after all.”
He wondered if this was some sort of confession, and if it was, it definitely had to be one of the strangest confessions he’d heard. The feelings that had grown between them over the years were unclear and he couldn’t place a solid word to describe what it was. It was something more than friendship. Something like love, but at the same time nothing like love at all. Regardless, they were close. Close enough for Dazai to willingly disclose secrets about his past without prompting. Close enough for each of them to trust in each other implicitly. Whatever emotions existed on Dazai’s behalf, Kunikida felt the same way in return.
“I’ll stick around as long as you want,” Kunikida felt himself saying, the words spilling from his lips without a pause, without a conscious effort. “That’s a promise.”
Dazai turned his head toward Kunikida, blinking at the unexpected words. His eyes softened as he looked at Kunikida before he turned his head upwards to look at the blue sky above them. “A promise, huh? I’ll hold you to that, then.”
They sat there in silence for the rest of the day, watching the sun pass overhead and listening to the rustle of leaves around them.
**
Kunikida’s hand was trembling, his grip on Dazai’s coat starting to fail. Dazai grabbed his hand, clasping it tightly in his own to stabilize it as if stopping the shaking would stop him from bleeding out. Kunikida’s breathing was getting more ragged with each breath he took, his heartbeat getting faster and faster and Dazai knew that it was nearly time.
“Hey Dazai,” Kunikida said, forcing the words out with great effort. “What your friend asked you to do...to help other people...you’re doing great.”
Dazai shut his eyes tightly, the tears that had been collecting in his eyes finally falling from the force. He laughed to himself bitterly, thinking about what kind of luck he had to have this kind of situation happen. To have the dying words of one important person in his life reassure him about the request from another important person he lost years ago.
“Maybe…” Kunikida said, his words starting to slur to the point where Dazai could barely make them out. “Maybe...apologize...to Rokuzou...Sasaki.”
Kunikida’s hand fell limp in Dazai’s as his eyes began to flutter shut, his heartbeat so fast it was almost as if it was vibrating. Dazai pressed his forehead to Kunikida’s, his eyes closed tightly as he felt his partner taking faster and smaller breaths, until eventually it all stopped. His chest, still embedded with shards of steel, no longer moving like it had been moments before. His hazel eyes, barely visible through his long eyelashes, dull and void of their usual energy. It had all happened so fast. It had all gone so wrong.
Dazai kept his forehead pressed to Kunikida’s, trying to steady his breathing and ignore the harsh touch of icy skin. He took a deep breath before raising his head as footsteps on the steel deck of the ship resounded coldly in the air.
“You killed him.”
**
Dazai leaned against the brick wall of the building in which the ADA offices were, trailing his fingers through the spaces between each brick, the grout rough on the skin on his fingertips. It was hard to go inside and look at the seat in front of him, day in and day out, wondering if he made the right decision in the end. He tilted his head up and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, his chest rising before he let the air out slowly.
The more time that passed, the more conflicted he felt about everything that happened. He reached his hand down, carefully tracing the outline of the object in his coat pocket. He’d kept it with him ever since that day, but each day it felt like it got heavier and heavier, weighing his coat down and consequently his shoulders as well. It was like all his doubts were concentrated there, trying to drag him to the ground.
He slipped his hand into his pocket, feeling the smooth edges that covered the rougher paper in between. It was in the wrong place, he thought to himself as he pulled the green notebook out of his pocket. Dazai flipped the notebook open at random, looking at the familiar handwriting that was written so neatly across the page that it was almost as if it was printed professionally.
Turning the page revealed a set of sketches. Dazai had looked at the sketches in the notebook so many times he thought the pages would fall out. There were drawings of the other ADA members: Ranpo sitting with his legs up on the table, Atsushi with his tiger arms, Fukuzawa sitting with a cup of tea. But the ones that he turned to the most were the sketches of him. Dazai hadn’t realized just how many there were of him until he had too much time with the notebook in his hands. There were drawings of him napping on the ADA couch, of him working in the office, of him when he had gone out for drinks with the other ADA members. Dazai dragged his finger across the page, tracing the lines that Kunikida’s pen had taken months ago.
He closed the notebook abruptly and slipped it back into his pocket, the slide of the notebook against the soft material of his coat letting out a hushed shhhsh. Dazai moved away from the wall in a swift movement, making his way down the street and away from the ADA offices. It was evening.
Dazai had been told time and time again by both Yosano and Fukuzawa not to do what he was doing, but he couldn’t just stop. Just because Kunikida was no longer in the ADA didn’t mean he wouldn’t still be in danger. After all, outside of the ADA, no one else knew about what happened to Kunikida, which included their enemies. That’s what he said outwardly, at least. He also wanted to keep an eye on Kunikida just in case...on the off chance that Kunikida would remember everything. He wanted to be there if that happened, even though he’d been told that Kunikida would never remember and that his own ability wouldn’t be able to cancel anything because it wasn’t a wish that affected himself.
He laughed bitterly to himself as he sat down on the bench he would frequent. Didn’t affect himself? Maybe not directly, but it damn sure changed things for him. Dazai gazed across from where he was seated at the middle school where Kunikida now worked. He was always good with kids, Dazai thought. Far better than he was, of course. Yosano’s warning to leave Kunikida alone in his new life was always there in the back of his head when he saw Kunikida working with the kids. He definitely seemed to belong there.
But, Dazai thought, swinging his legs off the ground and jumping to his feet, he didn’t think Kunikida really felt that he belonged in this new life. His old partner had left the school building, at the usual time. Not that Dazai had been keeping track, that is. Kunikida walked off the school grounds, looked around furtively, then turned left. Dazai narrowed his eyes. Normally Kunikida would turn right and head toward the small apartment that the ADA had quickly prepared for him before he left the hospital. Something was clearly up.
He followed after Kunikida, maintaining his distance, but keeping his old partner well within his sight. They were heading toward the rougher part of town where crime was more rife and it was dangerous for those wandering around at night, especially those who were alone. If Kunikida was still part of the ADA, Dazai wouldn’t be so concerned. After all, he’d know exactly how to protect himself. But now? Dazai wasn’t so sure. Kunikida didn’t know anything about his past, so how could he fight like he used to?
They had been walking around the streets for some time now. Dazai watched Kunikida comb the streets carefully. He was clearly looking for something and Dazai could tell by the determined expression on his face. Dazai felt a sense of fondness as he looked at Kunikida’s familiar expression. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed it until he saw that sense of conviction in Kunikida’s eyes. How many times had he seen that sharp stare, the furrowed brows?
He blinked. Shit. He had been distracted by his thoughts for only a second, but suddenly Kunikida was no longer in his sight. Dazai sprinted forward, his mind racing at the potential situations that Kunikida could be in. He couldn’t protect him last time...he had to protect him now. Dazai spun around the corner of the next street, turning his head frantically and scanning the alleys on either side of him. If anything happened to him again…
Dazai skidded to a stop. Kunikida was standing in an alley facing another man. He was clearly readying for a fight based on his stance. The man in front of him held a knife, his hand wavering slightly. By the looks of him, he was nothing more than a simple pickpocket. Disarming him would be simple, even for Kunikida. But what was he doing here in the first place?
“Return what you took.”
The knife-wielding man took a step forward. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Kunikida tensed up as the man in front of him moved. “I saw you take a man’s wallet just a few minutes ago. Now return it.”
Dazai watched apprehensively from around the corner of the alley. Was Kunikida really trying to play the hero?
The man grinned. “Yeah I took it, but I ain’t returning it. In fact, why don’t I take yours as well?”
Knife in hand, the man rushed forward and Dazai almost yelled out to Kunikida. His fear was clearly misplaced because Kunikida dodged easily, countering the move with a blow to the gut before grabbing the man’s arm and flipping him to the ground. The knife clattered to the ground and Dazai watched, stunned in silence at the sight of Kunikida fighting just as easily as he did months ago. Did he remember?
Kunikida picked up the stolen wallet, opening it up to check the ID inside. “Think of this as a lesson not to steal,” he said to the thief, before turning around.
Dazai ducked backwards before Kunikida could see him. His old partner was running around acting like some kind of vigilante hero, clearly seeking out dangerous situations. He backed up into the shadows as Kunikida left the alleyway.
“It was almost clear this time,” Kunikida muttered to himself, rubbing at his temple with a frustrated expression. “I could almost see it...feel it….”
Dazai leaned forward slightly, trying to get a better view of Kunikida’s face, when he tripped over a loose stone on the ground. There was a clatter and he looked up to see Kunikida staring back at him.
He stood there, like a deer in the headlights, watching Kunikida’s eyes narrow in confusion. Their eyes locked and Dazai held his breath, wondering what was going through Kunikida’s mind at the moment. There was a slight hesitation as Kunikida’s eyes scrutinized him, his face contorting in bewilderment as if he wasn’t sure what he was looking at.
“I know you, don’t I?”
Dazai felt like he’d just been punched in the gut himself. Kunikida might remember him. He did what anyone would do when presented with the fact that someone who shouldn’t remember him might actually remember him.
He ran.
**
She looked fairly young. Probably in her early 20s like Dazai, maybe slightly older. She stepped forward, her footsteps echoing as her shoes hit the steel deck of the ship. The wind coming off the ocean blew at the sleeves of her shirt and at her hair. Her face was unreadable and Dazai wondered if she could feel regret about what just happened.
“You care for him, don’t you?”
Dazai was startled by the question for a split second before he relaxed his expression, his eyes dark and almost lifeless. “What does it matter to you? Give me one reason why I shouldn’t just kill you now. I could rip out your throat in seconds and you wouldn’t even feel the pain till just before you died.”
The girl paused in hesitation for a moment at Dazai’s words before coming closer. “I can help him, you know. You just need to make a deal with me.”
He laughed coldly. “Help him? He’s dead because of you. How are you going to help him?” Dazai gently put Kunikida’s limp body on the deck of the ship and stood up.
“My ability,” she said, taking a small step away as Dazai got up. “I can bring him back. You just have to let me go free and I’ll leave the country.”
Dazai stared at the girl before glancing down at Kunikida’s body. It was hard to look at, his body covered in shards of steel and blood. He shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. Kunikida alive again. He’d be lying if he wouldn’t do anything to have him back. But…
“What’s the catch?”
“His memories,” the girl said, turning her head to the side and pulling her cap down. “He’ll be alive but he won’t remember you or anything else from his old life.”
It was like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. Here was the chance of having Kunikida back, but things wouldn’t ever be the same again either way. At least he could give Kunikida a life. Dazai looked directly at the girl.
“What’s your name?”
The girl look blinked in confusion at the question before speaking. “W.W. Jacobs. Do we have a deal?”
His eyes were fierce as he made eye contact with Jacobs. “Deal. Bring him back.”
**
The two of them raced through the docks. The ability user was here somewhere according to the tip they got from the police. She had supposedly taken up residence on a container ship in the harbor and spent her nights there.
Kunikida and Dazai had already checked a few ships and headed toward the last container ship in dock. The salty sea breeze blew on them as they climbed up the ramp into the ship. It was quiet. The only sounds they could hear were their footsteps and distant ships traveling on the moonlit seas.
They didn’t need to communicate their plan out loud. They had been partners for years after all. One of them would go down the rows of containers while the other would follow close behind, keeping an eye for any potential attacks from behind or above.
Dazai was the first one down the row, scanning for any signs of the ability user. A flash of red from the corner of his eye drew his attention and he turned to follow.
“Kunikida I found her!”
He chased after her as she ran on the deck above them, her red hat acting like a target. The stairs were close, but she’d run out of room to escape if the two of them blocked off either side.
The girl stopped for a moment, making eye contact with Dazai before ducking down. Why was she-
“Dazai! No!”
It happened quickly. He was tackled, pushed out of the way in a split second before a bright flash blinded him. He hit the floor of the deck roughly as an explosion resounded throughout the harbor.
His head hurt from where it had bounced off the steel floors and his ears were ringing. Dazai sat up, coughing while his eyes adjusted to the smoke and flame just meters away where he had been running just moments ago.
Dazai squinted at where the explosion had been. A container had been ripped open and as his eyes raked over the fire, his throat closed up.
He could see Kunikida’s hand stretched out, burn marks on his clothes where fire from the explosion had hit him. Dazai scrambled to his feet, stumbling, as his balance failed him.
“No….”
He fell to the floor and dragged himself closer to his partner, begging for him to be alright. “Kunikida...no...please be okay. Don’t- Come on Kunikida...say something.”
He heard a cough as Kunikida rolled over onto his back. A large, jagged piece of steel pierced through his chest and Dazai’s eyes went wide in panic. He scrambled towards his partner, picking him up from the ground and trying vainly to stop the bleeding. Dazai could hear Kunikida’s yelling playing like a broken record in his head. He had pushed Dazai out of the way of the blast at the last second. Damn it...the blood wouldn’t stop.
**
Kunikida threw himself backwards onto the bed in his apartment, landing with a soft thump and a sigh. That man from earlier that night...just who was he? His face was so familiar: that slightly messy dark hair, eyes that seemed just as surprised to see him. When Kunikida looked at him, it was like he already knew the person behind those eyes. It was as if he’d be able to figure out all of those strange memories that haunted him if only he got a few more minutes with that man.
He rolled on his side, looking out the small window in his apartment at the waning moon outside. If he found that man again and got to speak with him, maybe he’d finally figure out what all those dreams meant. When he’d woken up in the hospital those months ago, they’d told him that he was in a car accident and that was why he had those huge scars across his chest and memory loss. But it didn’t all add up.
He turned over. His head hurt as he thought about that man in the tan coat. He could be the bridge to grasping those memories that were always out of reach. Kunikida had to find him.
**
“You followed him?” Yosano said, slamming her hand on the desk in front of Dazai. “What were you thinking?”
“That doesn’t matter, Yosano. He recognized me. That means we could bring him back here.” There was a hint of desperation in his voice that Dazai tried to mask.
“He recognized you?” Yosano said, taking a step back and raising her hand to her mouth in surprise. “We did tests after you brought him to the hospital that time. They seemed conclusive back then that his memory truly had changed. I can get the files and check again, but…Dazai are you sure?”
“He asked if he knew me,” Dazai replied curtly. “What else could it mean except that he’s starting to remember things? We need to go see him.”
“Dazai, wait.” Yosano put her hand on Dazai’s shoulder, her voice filled with concern. “If what you’re saying is true, Kunikida could be in danger. The conflicting memories he has could put intense pressure on his mind. If his memories return all at once, there’s no saying what kind of physical strain that could put on his brain.”
“So what do we do?” Dazai asked with a sigh.
“At this point it’s up to him to sort them all out,” she replied, casting her eyes downward.
“So we have to wait?”
“We wait.”
**
Since Kunikida met the man in the tan coat, his dreams had become more vivid and there were more visions he could grasp. There was a boy in a sweater that showed up in his dream once and Kunikida woke up with an immense sense of sorrow. A young girl with red hair appeared one night and he felt a fondness for her as well as pride. There were so many people, so many events he saw in those dreams that were suddenly starting to take form. His notebook was filling up faster and faster.
But the headaches were getting worse since he saw that man and Kunikida didn’t know why. Sometimes it would feel like his head was splitting in two, and the more the pages of his notebook filled up, the more pain he felt. These visions he had didn’t make any sense to him and trying to sort them out left him in more confusion.
Kunikida tapped out a few pills from a bottle for his headache before swallowing them with a gulp of water. At this point, he wasn’t even sure if they’d do anything for the pain, but he took them anyway. He put the pill bottle back in his desk drawer and picked up the stack of papers that was sitting on top. He had to take them to his students. Kunikida left the teacher’s office and walked down the hallway to the classroom. He glanced out the hall window where he had a clear view of the street. A woman walked by the school entrance, her blue shawl blowing in the breeze.
His eyes were drawn to it, the blue color standing out like a lightning bolt in a storm. Kunikida’s eyes widened as the color reflected in his eyes. He remembered a man wearing blue, an explosion, people dying. Gunshots and blood staining a cable-knit sweater a dark red. Long black hair in a pool of blood. His fault. All his fault. It was him. Memories flooded his mind like a wave crashing into a town, destroying everything. It hurt. It hurt so badly like someone had taken an axe and brought it down on his head.
The papers fell from his hand and scattered across the hallway as Kunikida fell to the ground, writhing in pain. He clutched at his head and his scream echoed throughout the school before he lost consciousness.
**
Dazai looked up with a start. Something felt wrong. He could feel it deep within him. It was like something was calling out to him and he needed to go find it. He pushed himself away from his desk and bolted out the door.
“Eh? Dazai? Where are you going?” Atsushi reached out an arm as if he could catch the man before he could leave.
The office door slammed behind Dazai and the noise echoed throughout the room, leaving everyone staring in confusion. Ranpo sat up from his seat, taking his feet off the desk and putting the newspaper he had in his hand down. He looked at the door for a moment, eyes narrowing as he studied the situation they were in.
“Hey Yosano, we’ve got a bit of a problem here,” he yelled out before standing up.
“What happened?” Yosano pushed open the door to her office, her eyes scanning across the room until she stopped at Dazai’s empty desk. Where could he have gone all- She gasped. “No...Kunikida!”
Yosano ran towards the door, dragging Ranpo with her. “Atsushi, call every hospital and find out where Kunikida is. Then call me immediately!”
She ran down the stairs, heels clacking against each step as Ranpo followed after her. If Dazai’s intuition was correct, something must have happened to Kunikida. Damn it, she had just talked about how dangerous it was for Kunikida right now. They reached the bottom floor and Yosano pushed open the door to get outside.
Ranpo stopped for a moment, bending over to catch his breath. “Hey Yosano, did you really need to drag me down here with you?”
“Well of course,” Yosano said, grabbing Ranpo’s hand and pulling him up. “Who else is going to help me figure out which way Dazai went?”
“Well, you’re right about that one.” Ranpo grinned proudly as he stood up. He pointed down the street. “Dazai went that way.”
Yosano smiled. “Good. Let’s go.” She ran down the street pulling him along.
“Hey wait! I’m going too?”
**
Dazai found Kunikida easily. He knew Kunikida’s schedule by heart, knowing that he would have been in school right now, and when he finally reached there, he was quickly able to figure out which hospital Kunikida had been sent to. Dazai grabbed a teacher by the shoulder and asked where Kunikida was Maybe it was the desperate and panicked look in his eyes, but he hesitantly told him where Kunikida had been taken. Almost as quickly as he had gotten there, Dazai left the school and ran for the hospital.
He pushed open the doors to the hospital, startling everyone sitting in the waiting room. Dazai made his way quickly to the front desk, his breathing irregular from running so far.
“Which room is Kunikida Doppo in?” Dazai was almost yelling, his hands slamming down on the counter.
“Sir, please calm down,” the woman at the front desk said nervously. “There’s no need to shout like this. Have a seat and I’ll call you up.”
Dazai looked directly at the woman, his eyes darkening as the light seemed to disappear from them. His smile was cloyingly sweet as he made eye contact with her. “Tell me the room number for Kunikida Doppo.”
The woman stared at him for a few seconds, her jaw dropping slightly in shock. “Uh yes, right away, sir.” She fumbled for her keyboard and typed for a few seconds. “The person you’re looking for, Kunikida Doppo. He’s in room 205.”
With another smile, Dazai thanked her before rushing to the room, climbing the stairs to the second floor. Room 205. He stood outside the door, imagining the worst before he slid open the door. His throat constricted as he looked inside, his old partner lying in bed, unconscious and pale. Dazai stepped inside quietly before remembering what Yosano had told him about Kunikida’s memories. Would this have happened if he hadn’t let Kunikida see him that night? Was this his fault that Kunikida was back in a hospital, hooked up to monitors like he was after he had made that deal with Jacobs?
He walked forward to the edge of the bed before gently taking Kunikida’s hand in his. It was warm, unlike the last time. Last time when they were both covered in Kunikida’s blood. Dazai slotted his fingers with Kunikida’s, gently rubbing his thumb across the skin on Kunikida’s hand. His hands were supposed to be soft, Dazai thought as he touched them carefully. Kunikida was always meticulous about that, saying that he needed to keep his hands moisturized since they were a big part of his ability. He wondered why Kunikida wasn’t taking care of his hands like he did before. Was he so distracted that he didn’t do his usual routine?
Dazai took a seat in the chair next to the bed, leaning forward as he sat to brush a few strands of hair out of Kunikida’s face. With the hair pushed aside, Dazai could see Kunikida’s forehead, his brow furrowed like he was in pain. Dazai wished he could take his pain. He’d been tortured and felt so much pain in his life, what was a little more? He sighed and rested his forehead on the edge of the bed, clasping Kunikida’s hand between the two of his and hoped his partner would wake up okay.
**
He wasn’t sure what exactly was going on. After all, he was standing in the middle of what looked like a river. Kunikida was waist deep in the water and despite the current, he wasn’t being pushed by it. He tried to walk toward the riverbank, but no matter how much he struggled to move, the land seemed no closer than it had been before.
Kunikida had just about given up and accepted his fate when he saw a small row boat coming down the river.
“Hey! Over here!”
The boat moved towards him, and as it grew closer, Kunikida saw a young woman in it. Her long black hair almost glowed in the sunlight. The boat stopped next to him and the woman smiled at him.
“We meet again, Kunikida.”
He looked at her, wondering how this woman could possibly know his name. “You know me?”
She tilted her head and smiled at him. “Of course. How could I forget you, Kunikida? You were so important to what I had to do, after all.”
Kunikida blinked, a memory of speaking to a woman in a cemetery coming to him. “Sasaki Nobuko.”
“Oh that’s lovely! You remembered!” Sasaki seemed excited as Kunikida stared at her.
“You’re supposed to be-” Kunikida paused for a moment as he gathered his words. “I saw you get shot. How are you here?”
“Well that’s what dreams can do,” she replied, turning her head up toward the sky and looking off in the distance. She turned back to Kunikida after a few moments. “Regardless, I’m here to help you remember things again. There’s people waiting for you, after all. Just like he waited for me.”
The boat began to move away from Kunikida, slowly picking up speed. “Wait, what do you mean? Who’s waiting for me?” He yelled, but the boat had already gone too far and Sasaki’s long black hair was no longer visible.
The words she left him with played in his head over and over. People were waiting for him? But who? He wasn’t very close to any of the other teachers in the school, he didn’t have any remaining family, and as far as he knew, he didn’t have any close friends. As soon as those thoughts filled his head, he remembered the man in the tan coat he had seen some days ago. His startled expression was seared in his memory, but Kunikida couldn’t imagine why a man he’d never met before would be so familiar. Was he some sort of actor? Someone famous?
Kunikida was distracted from his thoughts when another boat came floating down. A teenage boy was sitting in it, grumbling as the boat moved in the current.
“Ugh of course we had to be outside, didn’t we? Thanks a lot, four-eyes.”
Of course. Another person who knew him. Kunikida looked at the boy as he pushed up the sleeves on his sweater. A memory flashed in his mind of that same sweater covered in blood. He stared at the boy, his face unable to hide the deep regret he held. “Rokuzou…”
“Ah, damn it. Don’t look at me like that. It gives me the creeps.” Rokuzou rubbed at the back of his head before continuing. “You don’t have to be so tough on yourself all the time, you know?”
“But I-” Kunikida started to speak but was cut off by Rokuzou.
“Listen, I didn’t come here to watch you beat yourself up,” he began. “You’re kind of a weirdo, that’s for sure, but you’re a good person, Kunikida. And you weren’t so bad of a father figure, either.” The corner of Rokuzou’s mouth turned up slightly as he spoke.
The boat slowly started to move again as Kunikida stood, slightly stunned at hearing Rokuzou’s words.
“By the way, Kunikida. Did you ever get anywhere with that new partner of yours? It’s been a few years now so I’m sure he’s got plenty of embarrassing stuff about you by now.”
The boat sped off leaving Kunikida alone once again. New partner? Rokuzou’s words gave him another familiar feeling. If Rokuzou was right, he had some kind of partner. As he thought about that more, Kunikida had the feeling of someone who was close to him. It was a sense of warmth and trust that made him feel safe, and yet also a sense of exasperation. What kind of person would leave that kind of feeling in him, and why couldn’t he remember?
Another boat arrived and Kunikida sighed. He was getting used to this now. A young girl with bright red hair bounced in her seat as the boat neared.
“Hey! Kunikida! Didja miss me?”
Kunikida remembered an explosion, a girl who believed in his words, and a boy who struggled to do so. His ideal to not let anyone die in front of him. Who was he exactly to have such a strong belief?
“Aya….you’re not dead, are you?
“What?” The girl yanked on Kunikida’s hair as she shouted. “I’m not dead yet! I’m just a figment of your imagination, you dummy.”
“So I really am dreaming, aren’t I?” Kunikida muttered as he managed to wrangle his hair out of the girl’s strong grip.
“Yeah, and you need to wake up. You’ve got things to do, don’t you, Mr. Detective?” Aya sat back in her seat and messed with her hair while she looked at Kunikida expectantly. “Well?”
“Detective...is that what I am?” Kunikida looked down at his hands, thinking about the the few times where he’d seemed to have an incredible amount of power he didn’t know about. It made more sense that he could fight now that he knew he was a detective.
“You sure are,” the girl replied with a grin. “Now hurry up. Someone’s waiting for you. No wonder you rejected me when I asked that time.”
She gave him a sneaky smile and Kunikida felt slightly embarrassed without knowing exactly why. Her boat drifted away and Kunikida was alone again.
He stood in the river, half expecting another boat to come by, but none came. It felt like hours were going by and yet he was still stuck in the same place with nothing to do but stand. There was a sun above him in the sky and he had watched it slowly move, crossing the blue sky at a snail’s pace. If he was supposed to wake up, he had no idea how since he just wanted to sleep instead.
Kunikida squinted out across the water as something moved in the distance, floating on the water. The sun shone on the rippling water, making it difficult for him to see exactly what it was. As his eyes adjusted, something within him seemed to click and he tried to frantically run toward the object.
He saw something tan floating on the water and his reaction was almost instinctive. He must’ve jumped in the river again. Kunikida had to go get him out of the water quickly like he always did. The earlier trouble he had moving in the water had apparently gone away because he frantically ran as fast as he could.
As he got close, Kunikida saw that it was a tan coat floating in the water. It was the exact coat that the man he saw the other night wore. Kunikida picked it up, feeling the familiar texture of the coat as memories started to return. How many times had he fished this coat out of the water along with the man who wore it? How many years had he seen it being worn? How long had he been working alongside him as his partner? He knew why he had such a reaction to that coat and to that man who wore it.
“Dazai…”
**
Yosano walked into the room, concern on her face as she looked at Dazai. He was still sitting by Kunikida’s side from the moment he had arrived and had hardly left the room. He’d apparently convinced the nurses to let him stay in the room despite the visiting hours.
“Dazai, you should go get some air. Maybe eat something?” Yosano stepped toward him, putting her hand gently on his shoulder and shaking him slightly.
Dazai gave a noncommittal hum in response without looking at her. “How’s he doing?”
Yosano let out an exasperated sigh. “If I tell you, will you go at least get something to drink? You’ve been here for days.”
“Okay fine…”
“Good,” Yosano said, relieved that Dazai would maybe get something of a break for once. “Well it seems that he’s still experiencing a lot of heightened brain activity. Those scans he took show that fairly clearly. He must be trying to sort out those conflicting memories like I mentioned before. I can’t say how long it could take for him to wake up fully, but he’s definitely trying to fight the ability that changed those memories.”
She watched Dazai take a deep breath in and smiled at him. “Now let’s go get you some coffee or something.”
**
It was like the floodgates had been released. Like an axe had been swung into a tree, for that final centimeter to let it fall with a crash. Memories that had long been locked away came back to him. He was an ability user who could make things appear with the stroke of his pen. He was a member of the Armed Detective Agency who worked to keep Yokohama safe. He had made terrible mistakes and many regrets, but he also had many things to be proud of. He was a friend, a mentor, a partner.
And he had died. He had sacrificed himself for his partner, and in return, his partner had sacrificed what the two of them had for Kunikida’s life.
Kunikida swung Dazai’s coat onto his shoulders as he took a step forward, the river disappearing beneath his feet. He was used to moving forward from tragedies on his own, but now there was someone else with him, taking each step with him along the way. It was time to wake up and see him again.
**
He had punched in his choice in the vending machine quickly to appease Yosano before grabbing the hot coffee and making his way back to the hospital room. Dazai took a sip as he slid the door open.
A weak voice called out to him. “Hey Dazai…”
The can fell to the ground, clattering loudly and spilling coffee all over the floor. It didn’t matter to him. Why would it?
Dazai rushed to the bed, eyes wide as he struggled to find the words he needed. “I- You’re-” He grabbed Kunikida’s outstretched hand, looking at him in surprise. “You remember…”
Kunikida smiled, wincing slightly when he felt his head still hurting. “Thanks to you.”
Dazai shut his eyes tightly as he squeezed Kunikida’s hand. “I thought it was my fault. I thought you’d die and it’d be my fault again.”
“I always felt like something was missing so I was always looking. But I don’t think I’d have remembered so easily if I hadn’t seen you that night.” Kunikida reached over with his other hand, placing it on top of Dazai’s. “I guess now I can keep that promise I made. If you still want.”
Dazai stared at Kunikida for a moment before he began to laugh. First a single laugh, until it turned into a full blown giggle.
Kunikida blinked before hesitantly speaking. “Did I say something weird?”
Taking a deep breath and stifling his laughter, Dazai leaned his head back. “It’s just such a relief.”
Kunikida looked at Dazai as the sunlight streamed through the hospital windows, illuminating his face. “Yeah it really is.”
**
“Are you ready?”
Dazai looked at Kunikida, his face showing how serious he was. “I’m always ready.”
“Okay….Go!”
“Ahaha rock beats scissors! I win!” Dazai grinned at Kunikida while he leaned back in his chair. Kunikida grumbled slightly but pulled out his wallet anyway.
He grabbed the bill, shaking his head, and stood up to go pay for their dinner. “You know I swear you’re cheating somehow. I lose every time.”
“Me? Cheat? Why would I ever do that?” Dazai said with a grin, following after Kunikida.
The two of them left the restaurant after paying and walked into the chilly winter air, heading back home. They stayed close to each other, the warmth from the other keeping them from getting too cold.
“You know I’m going to figure out your trick at some point,” Kunikida said, glancing to Dazai next to him. “I’m going to get you to pay for a date eventually.”
“Hmm we’ll see about that,” Dazai said as he slipped his hand into Kunikida’s. “If you can get me to lose I’ll pay for the next ten.”
Kunikida laughed quietly for a moment before hissing in pain and rubbing his fingers against his head.
Dazai turned to Kunikida looking at him with concern. “Is it your head again? Do you have your medicine?”
“Left jacket pocket,” Kunikida said, gritting his teeth through the pain.
He stuck his hand in Kunikida’s pocket and grabbed the small pill box, opening it up immediately. Dazai handed the pill to Kunikida who swallowed it and almost slumped in relief as the pain abated.
“The headaches still haven’t gone away, huh? It’s been months,” Dazai said, handing the pill box back to the other man.
Kunikida shook his head as the two of them started walking again. “Yosano was saying it might not go away for good, but they’re not coming quite as often now.”
Dazai walked quietly, their footsteps mingling with the sound of the city around them. Kunikida looked over at him. He was clearly thinking about that again.
“I already told you, Dazai. A few headaches now and again is nothing. I mean, if you hadn’t made that deal I wouldn’t even be here right now.”
“I guess that’s right.” The two of them kept walking, Dazai adjusting his coat as the wind blew slightly. As he put his hands back down, he felt Kunikida grab one of them, slotting his fingers with his own.
“Let’s go home, Dazai.”