Work Text:
Day 1
Tony spent most of the night in the lab, really making progress on the Mark XIII. He needed better flight capabilities in order to keep up with alien robots, because it probably wouldn't be a one-time thing.
He'd sent the final designs to the fabrication units, and was waiting, sitting at a workbench and sipping coffee when Bruce came in, his face still bleary with sleep.
"J, start steeping Bruce's tea."
"Of course, Sir."
Bruce came over and sat down next to Tony, a smile on his face, though Tony kind of felt a lecture coming on.
"You didn't come to bed." Bruce stated, not angrily, but Tony saw something behind his eyes.
"I was really on a roll. Just sent the plans off to the fabricators. I did nod off for a few hours, I think. You know Jarvis can tell you how long down to the millisecond. And I'll get a few more hours shuteye later."
"Mm-hm." Bruce nodded as if he'd heard that all before, and he had. But he was still smiling.
He pulled his hand out of his pocket and set a small plastic bottle down on the table in front of Tony. Tony stared. He hadn't left it upstairs on purpose, not really.
"What if - what if it's like the last ones?" he sighed.
He'd been warned about side effects, but the last meds he'd tried had made him feel like there was sludge in his brain. Like he was disconnected from his body. And sex? Like it was something he'd never heard of. He didn't want that again. He'd rather just keep the panic attacks and insomnia, thank you very much.
"Then you go back to your doctor and try again. You know. Tinker till you get it right."
Oh boy, Bruce was quoting Tony back to him. Bringing out the big guns. But Bruce had let him poke and prod him and experiment with all kinds of things to invent their "Hulk-management" serums. And the end result was that Bruce was less afraid, and even slept a bit more at night.
Tony knew he just wanted the same for him. So Tony was trying again with meds, even though the first try had been such a disaster. Because he wanted to be able to be there for Bruce.
And also he'd discovered that panic attacks really fucking sucked.
He knew meds weren't gonna fix everything, but supposedly they could help. Make him feel a bit better, so he could keep doing the things he needed to do.
"Ok. Ok. I'll try." He picked up the bottle, twisted it open, popped the pill and drank it down with his coffee.
They would have to wait a few weeks to see how they were working, what side effects he would get this time. But maybe it would be a win. You never knew. Being with Bruce was starting to make him strangely hopeful.
Day 10
It was one of those missions where he and Bruce were needed for their brains instead of their brawn. They'd spent hours in the helicarrier labs trying to break down a mysterious alien compound that was acting like Loki's scepter, inducing mind control.
They worked for more than 24 hours on the helicarrier, with the rest of the team out in the field trying to control the damage. When they finally came up with an antidote, Tony flew out with Thor and they crop dusted a five-mile radius with it. Then they all had to wait a few more hours to check that it was working.
When the rest of the team finally made it back safely, battered but ok, Tony and Bruce dragged themselves into the helicarrier canteen. Tony realized he was actually starving; more than a day on coffee and cold pizza did not cut it.
The place was full of SHIELD agents and Tony saw that Steve and Clint had also just wandered in. Tony made a beeline to the hot drinks, poured himself a coffee and made Bruce a tea while Bruce went and got their food. They sat at one of the benches, not talking much. The plate Bruce put in front of Tony had a disturbing amount of fruit on it, but also a donut, so Tony forgave him. He saw that Bruce's plate had even more fruit on it.
Bruce sat down next to him and took something out of his pocket, discretely placing it in Tony's hand under the table, so no one would see. It was one of his pills.
"It's important to take them at the same time every day," he whispered. "I'm not gonna let you forget."
Tony sighed. "Yeah, ok." But he reached over and squeezed Bruce's hand, because Bruce was trying to take care of him.
So far on these ones he hadn't felt "better" yet, whatever that was, but he didn't feel worse. Tony slipped the pill into his mouth just before Steve sat down in front of them, his two plates overflowing with real breakfast food - eggs, bacon, the works.
"Great job guys."
"Thanks." Tony took a sip of coffee before reaching out and stealing a piece of bacon.
Day 33
Tony was feeling good. He'd woken up early with his head brimming with ideas, and went down to his workshop, Now he had finally managed to fix the problem he'd been having with the repulsor rates on the new suit.
He was sitting at his worktable, three screens in front of him, happily working away, when Bruce came in, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, his curls still a mess. Tony had tried not to wake him when he came down to the workshop.
Bruce walked over to where Tony sat, smiling down at him.
"Hey." He leaned down and gave Tony a kiss.
"Hey. Sorry I left you alone. You were sleeping and I wanted you to rest. I figured out how to fix the repulsor rates." Tony took Bruce's free hand; he saw the other one was holding the bottle of his pills.
"It's ok. Jarvis told me." Bruce placed the pills on the table and pulled a chair over to sit down next to Tony. "You know, J is keeping records, he told you, to compare your results with the previous meds. Did you know you slept 6.3 hours last night? Straight through?"
"I did?" He thought about it. He hadn't had any nightmares for once. He hadn't really paid attention to the time. "I guess so. I did wake up feeling remarkably unshitty."
Bruce chuckled at that. "Jarvis has made up charts." At that Jarvis pulled up several screens and Tony looked them over. "
"Your sleeping patterns are improving, Sir. Given your history, and comparison with past data, I would cautiously consider this a very positive result." Tony could hear the smile in Jarvis' voice.
Jarvis had been working to set up better habits for him and Bruce. And Bruce understood a lot of Tony's problems. The scientist didn't sleep much either, but he and Tony now tried to go to bed at a somewhat "normal" hour, when there was no urgent avenging business to be done. And if they couldn't sleep they talked or watched movies together.
And when one of them woke from a nightmare, the other was there. It helped Tony a lot to know that when he opened his eyes, he'd see Bruce in the bed next to him. That Bruce would stay, and hold him, and listen to him the rare times he felt like talking about what happened in his dreams.
Tony popped open the bottle and downed a pill, slugging it down with some water. One of the negatives was that the pills made him thirsty all the time, so Bruce was trying to get him to drink water instead of coffee.
He listened, sometimes.
Day 46
Tony walked into the kitchen, loosening his tie. He'd spent the morning in meetings at SI, and all he wanted to do now was get to his workshop. Or literally do anything else.
He smiled at Bruce, who was sitting with a cup of tea, reading a book. Bruce had pushed a pill into Tony's hand this morning as he was rushing out the door. So Tony had taken it.
Now he went to the fridge and opened it, grabbing a beer. He popped it open and leaned back against the kitchen counter, taking a sip. Yeah, yeah, he knew that he wasn't supposed to be drinking on meds. But he and Bruce and Jarvis had reached a kind of compromise.
He was trying the "cutting down" thing. Replacing whiskey and cocktails with beer and weaker stuff.
The beer was good but it didn't really help. "God, it's like something died in my mouth." The always thirsty thing had turned into a horrible dry mouth thing.
Bruce took off his glasses and set them and the book on the counter in front of him, studying Tony, going into his calm, rational mode. "Well," he said calmly, "you had that before. Are you feeling the fuzziness in your brain? The sludge thing?"
"No. No, not that." Tony took another sip of beer, trying to convince himself it was as good as whiskey. "I haven't had that this time."
"You've been able to concentrate? From what I've been seeing, I think you have, right?"
"Yeah. I haven't noticed any problems there. got the last SI project finished early even. Pepper was very happy with me this morning."
Bruce got up and walked over to Tony, nodding.
"And I know your intestinal problems have actually improved, right?"
"Yeah." It wasn't something he enjoyed discussing, but with his constant overdosing on coffee and anxiety hitting his digestive system, well, slowing things down in that area - a usual side effect - was actually helping him a lot.
"So basically this side effect means you have to drink more. More water," Bruce said pointedly. "And i know a lot of herbal remedies for bad breath. Not a huge problem." Bruce put his hand gently on Tony's arm, reassuring contact.
"I guess… Compared to feeling like a zombie on the last meds, it's not that bad. But I don't think you'll want to kiss me if my breath can kill." That would suck. Kissing Bruce was one of the highlights of his life.
"We can work on that. It's not a deal breaker for me in any way. I'm just happy to see you sleeping better."
"Since when did you start look on the bright side so much?" Tony was half-joking. It was one of his dreams come true seeing Bruce calmer, happier. Smiling. Accepting himself - both sides of himself - a bit more.
Bruce's smile grew bigger as he kept talking.
"I think it started when somebody gave me a home. And - uh - a team that has kind of become a family. And somebody that loves me. Even when I'm angry."
Tony smiled fondly back at Bruce. "Now that's just playing dirty."
"You have any pressing work right now?"
Tony looked at the clock. "Nope. What did you have in mind?" He put his beer down and took Bruce's hand.
Bruce lead him out to the living room, sitting on the couch and pulling Tony down with him. Bruce was plastered to his side, one hand around Tony's back and the other rubbing lightly on Tony's thigh.
Tony shifted a bit, there was something, something he hadn't felt in a while, and his brain wasn't catching on yet.
"You know, one of the things I love is waking up next to you. There's something else I noticed. Past few mornings, waking up as the little spoon. Something interesting. You know, from a medical point of view."
Bruce's hand slid up Tony's thigh, the warmth of his skin seeping through Tony's slacks. He gently cupped Tony's cock, which was actually starting to jerk to life. Tony's eyes widened. He hadn't even noticed that.
"We could do some experimenting, if you felt like it. You know, for science." Bruce gave him that adorable half smile.
"No, you're not. Not wrong. He's - I think he's alive! We absolutely have to investigate this right now. Com'ere."
Tony pulled Bruce onto his lap, being careful not to kiss him, not wanting to kill the scientist. He'd be willing to brush his teeth every five minutes if it mean having this back…
Day 53
Tony reminded himself to keep breathing. Just keep breathing. They'd taken out the aliens, this time.
He and the Other Guy were safely on Tony's Quinjet; the others following in another jet. Tony liked to make sure Bruce got a little bit of privacy when he had to wake up naked and disoriented.
Blankets and clothes for Bruce were ready on the floor next to him. Tony grabbed a fresh bottle of water with a shaking hand.
-don't think about it -
He was holding it together, had gotten through the battle with no freakouts. Did the job. No casualties. Everything was fine. Fine.
Jarvis was driving. All Tony had to do right now was take care of Bruce.
The transformation back to his sweeter half was complete, and Bruce was lying in a heap, with his head resting on his arms. Tony knelt down next to Bruce, who lifted his head, blinking open his eyes at the gentle touch of Tony's hand on his back.
"Tony, you ok?" Those warm brown eyes perused him carefully.
"I'm ok. Fine. No injuries." Tony helped Bruce to a sitting position, bearing most of his weight, and brought the open bottle of water to Bruce's lips. Bruce took a sip, then stared sharply at Tony again.
"But the - the aliens. The aliens?" Tony wrapped the blanket around the other man, holding him close. Bruce said that Tony's hands on him always helped him come back to himself. And Tony was still shaking a bit himself. Feeling Bruce's warmth next to him was nice. Helpful.
"We kicked ass. The Other Guy was great. I'll get Jarvis to show you the footage later. Now we're going home. Gonna eat and sleep."
Bruce finished up the water, then put down the bottle.
"But you - are you - how do you feel?"
He knew Bruce was asking if he'd had a meltdown having to deal with aliens again. But he hadn't. He actually hadn't.
"I'm… holding it together." Tony tried to be honest. "I didn't freak out. I mean, I'm freaked, I am freaked out. Don't get me wrong, it was not fun. I'm not enjoying myself in this moment," He took a deep breath, trying to let it out slowly. "But I didn't completely lose it. Didn't make a fool of myself in front of the others. I can breathe. Sort of."
"That's good. Really good." Bruce seemed to have gotten control of his limbs back, and he placed a hand lightly on Tony's chest. "That's really good. Do the breathing exercises that I taught you," He commanded gently.
Tony nodded and they sat like that for a while, holding onto each other while Tony did the breathing exercises. Tony could feel his anxiety flowing through him, but he hadn't gone into a full-blown panic attack. He was worried, but not full of fear.
"What time is it Jarvis?" Bruce asked. "It's late, isn't it. I didn't bring…." Bruce started looking around.
"Don't worry about it. I took them already." Tony reached down to pick up Bruce's t-shirt.
Bruce took it, then leaned in and kissed Tony, hard. "I love you." He pulled back and Tony saw he was looking at Tony as if the man had just discovered the solution for world peace.
"It's not - I mean, I just remembered my pills. It's not a big deal."
"No, no big deal. Sure." Bruce pulled the t-shirt over his head, ruffling his curls. "You just spent the whole night fighting something that scares the crap out of you, then you focused all your attention on taking care of me, and you even took your pills." He pulled the t-shirt down, smiling to see it was one of Tony's MIT shirts, then reached for the sweatpants.
"And, I don't know if you noticed, but you just talked about your feelings right now."
Tony reached out and dug his fingers into Bruce's ribs, tickling him. The scientist laughed, pulling Tony closer and kissing him again.
"You - you're just ridiculous," Tony said, his voice warm with affection. God, it was nice to feel something other than fear 24-7. The fear was still there, but there were a lot of other things mixed in with it. Good things.
He pulled back so Bruce could put on his sweatpants.
"Yeah, last week, I told Dr. Anders, it's like the meds readjusted my baseline a bit. Set to "slightly less anxious" or sometimes "can be a functional person." He gave Bruce a smile. "It doesn't feel set to 'completely losing my mind' anymore."
The "talking" therapy was actually helping too. It seemed like the squishy sciences weren't all crap.
Day 75
Tony was doing sit-ups on an inclined sit-up bench, sweat pouring over him. He normally had to work out just to keep up with the others, but Jarvis pointed out that exercise could help with stress. so he was trying to listen.
Then there was the other problem, the one that had prompted him to come in here so early this morning.
He heard the door slid open.
"Never seen you in here this early." Bruce said, and Tony heard his footfalls come closer.
Tony blocked his feet and hit the button to lower the bench to a horizontal position. He sat up slowly, grabbing his towel and wiping the sweat out of his eyes.
"Well, I noticed something else. Something to put in the cons column."
"What is it?" Bruce asked, his voice concerned. Tony hurried to calm him; it wasn't something terrible. Just annoying.
"No, it's just," he grabbed his stomach. It had never been washboard in any way, but in the past had been much more 'hot guy' than "sad middle-aged paunch".
Bruce looked closely. "Oh, a belly. Yeah, that's - that's just really bad," he joked. Bruce went to the fridge in the corner of the room and took out a bottle of electrolyte water. He came back and sat next to Tony, pulling the pill bottle out of the pocket of his jeans.
Tony rolled his eyes, but took the pill.
"It's perfectly normal, Tony-"
"You try to say it's normal at this age and I will upload your post-Hulk out pics to the internet."
Bruce chuckled. "It's normal in general. I've gained weight too now that I've settled down in the same place for more than a few weeks, and with the same person."
"It's just - ugh. Not hot."
Bruce's gaze perused him up and down, but mirth was sparkling in his eyes. He turned to straddle the bench too, so his body was flush against Tony's back. His hands landed lightly on Tony's shoulders, then ran slowly down his chest.
"I see what you mean. You're right, you're just completely disgusting now," he teased. Tony felt him lean in to lick a strip up the back of Tony's sweaty neck.
Tony let out a small moan.
"I would say that I'm ok with this side effect, but I think I have to check the extent of it. Turn around," Bruce ordered.
Tony obeyed happily. Bruce reached his hands down to the hem of Tony's muscle shirt, pulling it up.
"Oh, please, go right ahead." Tony couldn't help the uncertainty in his voice as he leaned forward. "I been using the herbal mouthwash."
"So, I gotta check that out too." Bruce leaned in and kissed him hard, not caring about Tony's sweaty state. Truth be told, they had made out after battles when covered with much worse.
And Tony could feel the bolts of electricity flowing through his body as Bruce kissed him, touched him, devoured him.
Bruce pulled back a moment, breathing hard. "Nope."
"Nope what?" Tony was still a little worried.
"You are wrong. Your still super-hot. Why don't we get in the shower and I'll explain my theory to you."
Day 96
Bruce was already waiting at their favorite cafe when Tony breezed in. Jarvis had directed him the long way around from his shrink's office, to avoid reporters nearby.
He did not want the Enquirer publishing details of his mental issues.
Bruce put down his Starktab and greeted him with that wonderful smile. Tony leaned over and kissed him before sitting down.
"I already ordered, that ok?"
"Of course."
"So, did you tell her you think this one was a success? Or judgment still pending?"
Tony smiled. "I think we could call it a success, for now. Thanks for hanging in there with me."
"Always, Tony. Always."