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“Come on Lance, get up!” Keith teased, his knee on Lance’s chest. Lance sighed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before standing up and dusting himself off. Lance has been losing to Keith in training for so long, everyone was starting to expect it now. Shiro watched in disappointment and everyone sighed expectantly when Lance got up, only to be knocked down again.
“You’re really slacking lately,” Keith boasted as a smirk tugged at his lips. Lance shot back a half-hearted smile as he tried to shove his insecurities aside. Shiro stepped over to Lance and tapped his shoulder, gesturing for Lance to follow him into the hallway so they could talk privately.
“What’s going on with you lately?” Shiro questioned, keeping his voice relatively low just in case someone happened to walk by. Lance dropped his head in shame as he sighed.
“I’m not sure, I’ve been trying my best,” Lance replied desperately and genuinely. Shiro sighed that familiar disappointed sigh that Lance has grown so used to hearing.
“I hate to say this, but you can’t help us fight with such low strength,” Shiro’s words were harsh, but he said them kindly to cushion the blow. Lance didn’t look up and continued to hang his head in shame.
“You should be more like Keith,” Shiro began. Lance’s head snapped up and he looked at Shiro with a blank face as his heart dropped in his chest.
“He’s been working really hard lately, and it’s showing,” Shiro spoke. Lance’s heart broke in his chest, creating the usual ache he got so used to feeling.
“I’m not dismissing your efforts, don’t get me wrong,” Shiro explained frantically, seeing Lance so disheartened. Lance guessed Shiro was saying that just to cover his ass, but shot back a half-hearted smile anyway.
“I just think Keith would be a great influence on you,” Shiro finished with a small smile before returning back to the training room to help the rest of the paladins. His smile fell and Lance paused, leaning his back against the wall. Lance’s breath hitched in his throat when he replayed their conversation in his mind.
“You can’t help us fight with such low strength,” Shiro’s words bounced around in Lance’s head, repeating themselves like a broken record. Before he knew it, hot tears were trailing down his cheeks as Lance’s back slid down the wall.
A sob bubbled in his throat and he coughed in attempts to cover it up. Lance’s lip quivered and he whimpered desperately, wallowing in self-loathing and misery. Lance rested his head in his arms that rested on top of his knees and let it all out. Sobs and wails wracked his body and Lance felt weak as he gave in.
Everyone on the team was so much stronger than Lance. They were all many levels ahead of him in training, and everyone else seemed to have much greater strength and stamina than Lance did.
Lance felt more worthless than he did before. Having Shiro say he needed to be more like Keith broke his heart and shattered his self-confidence. A sob strangled his throat and he gasped for breath as his emotions knocked the air out of his lungs.
Lance looked up for a moment to wipe the dried tears off of his cheeks to make room for the new ones that were constantly flowing down his cheeks. He saw something move and turned to see Keith, standing at the end of the hallway. Keith seemed shocked and even worried to see Lance sobbing in the hallway.
“Lance?” Keith questioned. Lance sniffled and stood up, stepping into his room quickly through his door’s narrow gap to prevent Keith from following him in. Lance numbly locked the door and sat on the floor, sniffling as he ignored Keith’s frantic knocks.
Lance laid down on the floor, Shiro’s disappointed tone echoing in his brain as more tears slid down his cheeks and landed on the floor with a silent thump.
Every once in awhile, the paladins would knock on Lance’s door and beg him to unlock it. Lance continued to ignore them, trying to think of ways he could improve to Keith’s strength and fitness level.
Lance opened his eyes and rubbed them, dry tears almost gluing them shut. Lance sniffled and sat up, looking at the clock by his bed. It was half past three in the morning, and also the perfect time to start his new training regimen.
Lance grabbed something small for breakfast, not wanting to eat too much. Lance readied his bayard and marched to the training room with a burst of determination. Lance’s usual bright and smiling face was stoic and serious, his brows creased and his lips pressed in a tight line.
Lance demolished so many training bots that he almost lost count. He trained for about four hours until everyone else woke up, and then promptly snuck back into his room. Lance took the liberty of planning ahead and stashing food in his room to prevent seeing the others as much as possible. He did some push ups, stretches, sit ups, anything to further increase his strength. He had to provide and fight for his team after slacking and disappointing them for so long.
Lance ate small meals a few times a day, wanting to keep his calorie intake low so he lost some extra weight and hopefully gained some muscle since the only thing his diet consisted of was protein.
Lance trained from midnight until six in the morning yet again, continuing this training cycle for weeks. Nobody has seen Lance since he lost to Keith, and since Shiro spoke to him in the hallway. The team had grown worried, to say the least.
Lance was waiting in the training room to see everyone else. They were all so relieved when they saw him. Hunk gave him a huge hug and immediately noticed Lance had lost weight. Lance hadn’t gained any muscle like he hoped he would, and just looked unhealthily skinny and a little pale.
Training began, and everyone was astonished at his speed and agility. Lance beat the level 13 training bot in record time, and kept a stoic face all throughout the session.
“I gotta say, I’m proud of you, Lance,” Shiro stated with a genuine smile. Lance just gave Shiro a level gaze in reply, nodding sternly before stoically walking away. The paladins were confused at Lance’s serious demeanor, and followed him into the dining room as everyone prepared for dinner.
“Lance, are you okay?” Keith asked. Lance looked up at him with a vacant face, devoid of all emotion.
“I’m fine,” He replied flatly. The paladins looked to Shiro with worry, and Shiro’s face fell after thinking for a minute.
Lance changed his bubbly, extroverted behavior to stoic and silent just like Keith. Lance had been training nonstop for the past month just to heed his words.
Shiro’s advice broke Lance, possibly even beyond repair.
Interrupting Shiro’s thoughts, Lance stood up and scooted his chair behind him, holding his half-full plate in front of him. Everyone’s conversations paused and Lance cleared his throat.
“I’m going back to my room,” He stated simply, washing off his plate in the kitchen sink before walking down the hall, his back straight and his flat facial expression never faltering. Shiro’s heart broke as he watched Lance walk away.
“This is all my fault,” Shiro whispered, rubbing his face with his hands. Everyone assured Shiro it wasn’t his fault, and he just scoffed bitterly in reply.
“I noticed he was out of his game, so I gave him some advice,” Shiro began, his voice exasperated as he recalled the memory.
“I told him he needed to be stronger and more like Keith,” Shiro finished, ashamed of himself. The room was silent.
“What?” Keith’s voice was low and filled with disbelief.
“I just said you were a good role model, I didn’t think he’d take it so personally,” Shiro admitted, feeling his chest ache as his heart raced.
“I’m going to apologize,” Shiro declared, bolting out of his seat and swiftly walking down the hallway. Shiro took a deep breath before knocking on Lance’s door.
“Who’s there?” Lance called, his voice dead. Shiro sighed.
“It’s Shiro, I need to talk to you,” Shiro replied urgently. Lance greeted Shiro with a blank face when he opened the door. Shiro sighed heavily yet again before sitting on Lance’s bed, urging him to sit next to him.
“I’m sorry for doing this to you, I had no idea you’d take my advice personally,” Shiro began, his voice cracking as emotion tried to break it. Lance’s straight face began to falter to a worried one when Shiro continued.
“I just,” Shiro cut off, his voice breaking. Shiro took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling, willing the tears that were forming in his eyes to go away. Lance’s face was contorted in worry and concern.
“I noticed you weren’t giving your 100% and I wanted to encourage you,” Shiro explained, gesturing exasperatedly in hopes Lance would understand.
“It came out all wrong, and I should’ve said something else,” Shiro finished, his voice quiet. Lance took a breath before saying something that broke Shiro’s heart even more.
“Don’t apologize. You were right,” Lance’s worry was gone and his face was blank, just like it had been every day for the past month. Shiro felt tears spill out of his eyes and hastily wiped them.
“I’m stronger now, and I won’t disappoint the team anymore,” Lance declared, a small smile on his face. Shiro sighed heavily at the damage he’d unintentionally done.
“You never disappointed the team,” Shiro replied desperately.
“I disappointed you , and you lead the team,” Lance replied, his voice firm and his face devoid of all emotion. Shiro was outright speechless at this new side of Lance. Lance was gazing at Shiro firmly, his brows creased slightly to create a focused and serious expression.
“You’ve never disappointed me,” Shiro replied. Lance’s eyes were dull and he took a deep breath before replying.
“You always sighed and shook your head when I lost to Keith in training. Admit it, you started to expect it to happen after a while,” Lance bit, hostility coming into his voice. Shiro looked to Lance with a shocked and hurt expression, almost unable to process what was happening.
“I’m stronger now, and now I have so much to contribute to the team,” Lance declared with a small nod. Shiro looked down to hide his quivering lip as tears threatened to spill. His advice had broken Lance, and changed him so much that Shiro wasn’t sure if he’d ever see the real Lance ever again.
“Please don’t be upset,” Lance stated, his voice slightly sad. This made things worse and caused Shiro to release the tears he had spent so much time and effort holding back.
“I promise that now I’ll make you proud,” Lance declared, hugging Shiro before heading off into the training room for the fifth time that day. Shiro numbly watched Lance leave as his heart ached in his chest.
Shiro caused this.
Of course he didn’t mean to. Shiro just wanted to motivate Lance. He knew that Lance had been down lately and out of his game, and Keith was improving greatly just be focusing on training. Shiro figured Keith would be a good motivator, since the two used to motivate each other to improve in the past.
But Lance took Shiro’s advice too seriously and devoted his entire days to training endlessly, seeking his approval.
Shiro caused this.
Apologizing to bring Lance back completely backfired, and the team urging him that Lance never disappointed didn’t work either.
Lance was gone.
And Shiro didn’t know how to live with the fact that it was unintentionally all his fault.