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Jimin has come to terms with the fact that he has really bad tastes in friends.
Separately, Taehyung and Jungkook weren’t too bad, maybe even tolerable on good days. But put them together and Jimin had a radioactive concoction for regret and suffering. Taehyung was unpredictable, the type of friend who could either fight off thieves trying to steal his wallet, or be one of the thieves trying to steal his wallet.
Jimin was never sure which type Taehyung would be.
Jungkook wasn’t really any better. He got a sick sort of pleasure from teasing Jimin relentlessly. If he wasn’t insulting the dancer about his height – “I’m not that short!” – then he was teasing Jimin about the crush he had developed on one of their regular customers.
Min Yoongi.
The music composition student from their university who loved dark roasted coffees and hated early morning classes with a passion. Jimin fell in love the minute Yoongi sleepily mumbled his order in his slurred drawl.
He’d been standing behind the register during that particular shift, Taehyung at the coffee machine, and Jin flitting from table to table, conversing with the customers and actively avoiding having to sit in front of his computer screen and checking his accounts.
Jin opened his coffee shop a couple of months after finishing his degree, saying he had come to like the small college town they lived in, and was in no hurry to leave.
Jimin knew Jin just had a massive soft spot for Kim Namjoon, the mathematics nerd who had, in his first year, accidentally unplugged Jin’s computer from the wall socket in the library before he could save his twenty-page essay.
Jin had been furious, yelling all sorts of obscenities as Namjoon apologised continuously before both he and Namjoon had been kicked out of the library for being too loud. Namjoon had later made it up to Jin by writing the whole essay himself, references included.
Jin was so endeared he had forgiven Namjoon, refusing to hand in the re-written essay (“I’m not submitting something that wasn’t written by me”) before they got to know each other over a plate of fried chicken at the cafeteria.
Jimin thought it was cute.
Taehyung gagged.
And Jimin had hit him over the head for it.
It was one of the rare mornings where very few customers were coming in, the shop almost completely deserted except for a girl sitting at a table typing away on her laptop and a couple sat in one of the corner booths, sitting so close to each other that Jimin was having a hard time discerning one from the other.
He chose to block out the obnoxiously loud kissing noises.
Nope. He did not need to be scarred so early in the morning.
Jimin was almost happy when the flood of college kids came rushing into the café, eager to get their daily dose of caffeine before heading off to their morning lectures. Some of them were still in their pyjamas, dark circles under their eyes, and hair mussed from sleep.
Jimin could relate to those customers on a spiritual level.
“Hey Jimin.”
Jimin looked up from the register, after having placed the cash into the till, to stare at Jungkook’s smiling face.
The smile he had ready immediately dropped. “Oh, it’s just you.”
Jungkook pouted. “What? Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“Why would I be?”
“Because I’m your favourite dongsaeng,” Jungkook said, smiling wide. His large front teeth were proudly on display and Jimin would have considered it cute if Jungkook wasn’t always such a massive pain in his ass.
“You’re my only dongsaeng,” Jimin replied, grabbing a paper cup from the stack near the coffee machine to write Jungkook’s name on it.
“Not true,” Jungkook said, handing over the correct change, “Tae-hyung’s your dongsaeng too.”
Jimin waved him off. “Doesn’t count. And a good dongsaeng would call me hyung.”
Jungkook laughed and Jimin wanted to hit him.
“You’re cute, hyung.”
Jimin clicked his tongue, sending a death glare in Jungkook’s direction. But the artist had already moved to the next counter, where Taehyung was busy preparing his hot chocolate to notice.
On any other day, Jimin would have continued to stay annoyed but the sappy heart eyes Jungkook was sending to Taehyung made him sigh and shake his head. The kid was so far gone for his best friend it wasn’t funny anymore. Anyone with two functioning eyes could see how infatuated the younger was with the barista, yet the only one to not see it was Taehyung.
He almost felt sorry for Jungkook but when he remembered all the times the younger had teased him about his height, the sudden compassion morphed into spite.
Serves him right, he thought before he heard someone clear their throat.
“Uh, is the register open?”
Turning back to the customers waiting, Jimin felt the air rush out of his lungs as he stared into the eyes of quite possibly the most beautiful man he had ever seen.
His eyes drooped slightly, though they remained sharp and focused, his thin, pink lips were drawn into a slight pout, and his pale skin looked like snow. His mop of black hair sat messily on top of his head and Jimin noted with glee that they were almost the same height, the customer only standing a centimetre or two taller than him.
Closing his mouth as quickly as he could – and praying to the gods that he hadn’t been drooling – Jimin flashed the customer his brightest smile.
“Yes,” he said, mentally patting himself on the back when his voice hadn’t cracked, “what can I get for you?”
The man took a few minutes to read the menu hanging above Jimin’s head before his eyes focused back on him.
Jimin had to remind himself how to breathe.
“I’ll have a large americano. No sugar.”
Jimin blinked. “No sugar?”
The man nodded. “No sugar.”
Keying in the customer’s order, Jimin nodded, still wondering how anyone could drink coffee with no sugar. Grabbing a cup off the shelf, Jimin took the pen from his pocket, hand poised over the cup.
“What name should I write?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound too eager to hear the answer. He didn’t want to seem desperate.
“Yoongi,” the man said and Jimin wanted to die.
His voice was low, gravelly, and there was a slight slur to his words that made Jimin’s insides turn to mush.
“Yoongi. Okay,” he replied, writing the name as neatly as he could before handing it over to Taehyung, “please wait over by that counter. Taehyung will have your drink ready in a moment.”
Once Yoongi had moved away from the counter, after paying for the drink, Jimin let out a breath before moving on to the next customer. He expected Yoongi to leave once he had his coffee but when he sat down at one of the tables by the window, Jimin was never happier to be wrong.
Unfortunately, both Jungkook and Taehyung had noticed his budding crush and the moment Yoongi left the coffee shop, they had pounced on him.
“So,” Taehyung said when there was a lull in customers, “we had some pretty interesting people walk in today.”
He shared a look with Jungkook, who had sat at one of the bar stools at the counter.
“Very interesting.” Jungkook turned to stare at Jimin. “Was there anyone who caught your eye, hyung?”
Jimin clenched his teeth. Jungkook only called him that when he was being teased.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, taking a dish towel from the hook behind him and began to wipe the counter down with it. He wanted to avoid this conversation and looking busy seemed to be his only option.
“Really? ‘Cos I noticed someone,” Taehyung said, ignoring the throbbing vein in Jimin’s neck. “What did he look like again, Kookie?”
Jungkook hummed. “Kinda short, with messy black hair and droopy eyes.”
“Ah, yes, that’s the one,” Taehyung replied, snapping his finger. He eyed Jimin, a large Cheshire-like grin appearing on his face. “You really don’t remember him, Jimin? Because I could have sworn the minute you saw him, you wanted to get into his pants.”
Jimin really wanted to punch Taehyung but Jin was still wandering around the coffee shop and he didn’t want to lose his job just because his best friend was being a little shit.
“You’re disgusting, Tae.”
Taehyung stuck his tongue out the corner of his mouth, smiling at Jimin in a way that made his skin crawl.
“I wasn’t the one ready to pounce on one of my customers,” he replied, leaning against the counter.
Jimin shot Jungkook a quick glance, noticing the slight frown on the younger’s face.
“I didn’t want to pounce him, Tae.”
“Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Jiminie.”
“Oh my god, Taehyung, just shut up already.” Jimin turned to hang the dishcloth back onto its hook.
“Oh! I’ve got an idea,” Jungkook said, leaning over the counter. “Why don’t we play a game? If you win, we’ll never bring up the subject of you crushing on Yoongi-ssi again.”
This piqued Jimin’s interest. “And what happens if I lose?”
Jungkook smiled. Jimin didn’t trust it.
“If you lose, then you have to say five pickup lines to the guy.”
Jimin’s gut had never led him astray.
“You’re kidding, right?” he asked.
“Nope,” Jungkook said, popping the ‘p’.
That’s when Taehyung decided to join in on the conversation. “And we get to pick which lines you say.”
Jimin knew this was a bad idea. He should have refused, should have called them idiots before walking away but the thought that their teasing might finally come to an end was so very enticing. Enticing enough that he ignored his bad luck with games and agreed.
And when he drew paper for the third time, as both Jungkook and Taehyung had presented scissors, he knew he had screwed up.
--
Jimin was sitting in his Contemporary Dance lecture when Taehyung had messaged him with the first pickup line. Rummaging through his hoodie pocket for his phone and trying to discreetly look at it without the lecturer noticing, he felt his blood run cold when he read the first text.
Tae-Tae:
Chim!
I found the perfect line.
Jimin:
Are you seriously making me do this?
Tae-Tae:
Of course we are.
You lost so you have to take your punishment like a man.
Jimin groaned, smiling sheepishly to the girl sitting a few seats away who was giving him odd looks.
Jimin:
I hate you. You know that right.
Tae-Tae:
Yeah, yeah. I know.
Anyway, here’s the line.
‘Your dad must be a drug dealer, cos you’re dope’.
Jimin wanted to bang his head against the table. He should have known they were going to choose only the most embarrassing ones. He cringed as he read it.
Jimin:
I’m not saying that!
Are you crazy?
A commotion brought him away from his phone then and when he looked up, he noticed the rest of his classmates were packing their things away. He was so caught up in the messages, he hadn’t realised the class was over and as he was leaving the lecture hall, he noticed the lecturer was giving him a stern stare.
Blushing at having been caught, he ducked his head in apology before following the rest of the students out of the room. His phone vibrated in his pocket as he was leaving the building.
Tae-Tae:
If you don’t say it, then me and Kookie will tell Yoongi-ssi about your crush.
Don’t think we won’t.
Jimin sighed. He needed to find new friends.
Jimin:
Fine.
You guys are such assholes.
Tae-Tae:
Love you too, Chim!
Jimin scoffed as he pocketed his phone. He really needed to find new friends.
He was so busy contemplating the merits of becoming a hermit he didn’t notice the other person walking in his direction, who was also distracted by his phone. They collided in the middle of the footpath, shoulders bumping painfully. The impact was so sudden, Jimin didn’t have time to brace himself as he landed on his backside in front of the whole campus.
Whispers and laughter rung in his ears as his face burned in embarrassment, his cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red.
“Ah, shit. The fuck?”
Jimin knew that voice. The low, gravelly slur he had committed to memory and was on constant replay in his dreams every night. And when he looked up, he met a pair of cat-like eyes.
His cheeks felt like they were on fire.
“Ah, Yoongi-ssi,” he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.”
Yoongi raised an eyebrow, looking down at Jimin in amusement.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t really looking either.” He cocked his head to the side, the amusement in his eyes still present. “Is the ground comfortable?”
Jimin blinked. “Huh?”
Yoongi’s lips quirked up into a smirk, his eyes glinting mischievously and Jimin wanted to die. It was unfair just how attractive the elder was. “Usually, when someone falls, they get up again.”
Jimin’s eyes widened, only now noticing he was still sitting on the footpath, the dull ache at the base of his spine pushed to the back of his mind. His crush was standing in front of him, looking at him like he was the most amusing thing on the planet, and all he could do was sit and stare like an idiot.
Scrambling to his feet as quickly as he could, he tried to look a little less flustered than he felt. Though with the heat spreading to his neck and ears, he had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t working.
“You okay, though?” Yoongi asked, his amusement replaced by concern. “That looked like it hurt.”
Jimin’s heart clenched, touched that Yoongi would ask about his well-being.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jimin said, dusting off the back of his pants, “I’ve had worse falls.”
Yoongi grunted, his eyes traveling over Jimin’s body, looking for any obvious injuries. “Good.” He paused then cleared his throat. “And call me hyung.”
“Really?” Jimin asked.
Yoongi shrugged one shoulder. “Sure. I’ve bought enough coffees from you to be past the point of polite honorifics, Jimin-ah.”
Jimin hoped a person couldn’t die from blushing because at the rate he was going, he was sure he would be the first case. Ducking his head shyly, he smiled to himself as he mouthed Yoongi’s name to himself, the syllables falling from his mouth naturally. Like they were meant to be said by him.
“Okay, Yoongi-hyung,” he said, once he was confident enough to say it aloud.
Yoongi smiled then, and Jimin had never seen a more beautiful sight because the way Yoongi’s lips stretched wide and showed off his pink gums took his breath away.
Jimin wanted to see that smile every day.
Yoongi nodded, satisfied. “Well,” he said as he made to move around Jimin, “I’ve got a class soon so I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you around, Jimin-ah.”
Jimin knew this was his chance. He didn’t know when he would see Yoongi again after this so before he could back out, he grabbed the elder’s wrist as he walked by. Jerking at the sudden tug, Yoongi turned to Jimin, mouth open.
“Wha-”
“I’m sorry. Please just ignore this but I’ve got to say it.” Taking a deep breath, Jimin closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see Yoongi’s reaction. “Your dad must be a drug dealer, ‘cause you’re dope.”
Before Yoongi could say anything else, Jimin let go of his wrist like it was on fire, bowed low and was sprinting away as fast as he could, like the hounds of hell were after him.
Jimin didn’t turn back, even as Yoongi called after him, the confusion in his voice noticeable.
Oh god, he thought, oh god oh god oh god!
He only stopped running when he was in his room, closing the door with a bang and jumping onto his bed to bury his face in his pillows. If he was lucky, he would suffocate himself and never have to deal with the embarrassment.
It wasn’t until he was sitting down to have dinner that he realised he had said a pickup line to Yoongi (his crush) with a campus full of students watching the interaction.
--
“It was so humiliating!” Jimin said as he wiped at one of the tables in the café.
After running away, he spent the next three days holed up in his room and only left to go to classes. He’d even called Jin and told him he wouldn’t be able to make it into work, too mortified to show his face around campus.
Taehyung cackled from his place at the coffee machine while Jin snickered to himself at the register. Jimin had been retelling his encounter with Yoongi as he cleaned tables, blushing furiously the whole time.
“Oh, come on Chim. It couldn’t have been that bad,” Taehyung said as he handed the customer her coffee. He waved her goodbye as she left the café before cleaning up the machine and turning to face Jimin.
“It was. It really was,” Jimin insisted and groaned. “And the worst part was how I just ran. I couldn’t even look him in the eye afterwards.”
“I still don’t see why you had to take time off work just for that though,” Jin said. He came around the counter when it was clear there weren’t going to be any more customers and took a seat at one of the tables.
Jimin scowled at him as he placed his arms on the newly polished surface.
“I couldn’t face anyone, hyung! The entire college population saw the whole thing,” Jimin said, burying his face in his hands. “I had to sneak around buildings and hide behind trees just to avoid having to bump into Yoongi-hyung.”
Jimin heard Taehyung hum from where he was standing but didn’t want to remove his hands from his face to look at his friend.
“What’s this?” Taehyung said and Jimin could hear the teasing lilt in his voice. “Since when was he ‘hyung’ to you?”
Jimin felt his face heat up again and he was sure his pink cheeks were visible through the gaps in his fingers. Jin, who he thought had his back like the good hyung he should have been, laughed and clapped his hands.
“Well aren’t you two getting close,” Jin said.
Jimin grumbled to himself as he moved on to the next table. “You guys are such assholes. I don’t know why I tell you anything.”
Jimin felt a pair of bony arms wrap around his shoulders then and he squirmed, trying to free himself.
“Don’t be like that, Chim,” Taehyung said, tightening his arms around Jimin’s shorter frame. “We’re only teasing.” He paused. “So when did he give you permission to call him hyung anyway?”
Jimin stopped trying to escape the hug and just shuffled around the table, wiping it down as best he could with Taehyung hanging off his back.
“Right before I ruined it all with that stupid pickup line” he replied, relieved when Taehyung decided to let go. “He said I should call him hyung because he’s bought enough coffees off me to stop using formal honorifics.”
Jin cooed, resting his chin on his palms. “That’s so cute. I didn’t know Yoongi could be that adorable.”
That caught Jimin’s attention and he turned to face Jin completely, the table forgotten.
“Wait, hyung. You know Yoongi-hyung?”
Jin shrugged, his lips quirking up into a small smile. “Sure. He’s Namjoon’s friend. We got introduced a few months back when I went to visit Namjoon at his dorm,” he said, his eyes softening as he talked.
Jimin still didn’t understand why Jin hadn’t asked Namjoon out yet or why either of them refused to say anything to the other, choosing instead to pine after each other. Jin even opened a café on campus just so he could spend time with Namjoon – even though he denied it every time Jimin brought it up.
“Wow, it really is a small world,” Taehyung said, taking a seat beside Jin at the table.
They lapsed into silence for a moment, Jimin turning back to the table to finish cleaning it before Jin slapped his hand down onto his table. Jimin jumped, almost dropping his dishtowel as he clutched a hand to his chest.
“Hyung! Don’t scare me like that,” he said, turning to give Jin his most threatening glare.
“Sorry, Jimin-ah,” Jin said even as he waved away Jimin’s comment, not looking apologetic at all. “But since Taehyung’s given you the first pickup line, I thought maybe I should give you the next one”
Jimin groaned. “Hyung, not you too.”
“Why not? I’ve got an invested interest in this now too, since it involves Namjoon’s friend and my cutest employee.”
“Hey!” Taehyung yelled, his features pulled into an expression of mock hurt as he placed a hand over his heart. “What about me, hyung?”
Jin ignored him, his focus solely on Jimin. “The next time you see Yoongi, say ‘you must be jelly, because jam doesn’t shake like that’.”
Jimin stared at him for a few seconds, wondering if Jin had finally lost his mind as the elder laughed obnoxiously at his own joke.
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Jimin said.
Taehyung laughed with Jin, head thrown back and Jimin wanted to punch the both of them.
“Oh, Chim, you have got to use that one,” Taehyung said as he wiped at his eyes. “Holy crap, that’s gold. Good job, hyung.”
He and Jin high fived each other, still snickering as Jimin glared at them.
Suddenly, Taehyung stopped laughing. He nudged Jin’s arm as he pointed with his chin at something over Jimin’s shoulder. When Jin looked over, the smile turned into a smirk and Jimin knew something bad was about to happen to him.
“Oh, will you look at the time,” Jin said, standing up and brushing off his pants. He took a few steps towards the back room where his office was before turning back to Jimin. “Jimin-ah, take over the register while I go and do some paperwork.”
He closed the door to the back room, his shoulders shaking from withholding his laughter. Taehyung patted him on the back as he passed, taking up his spot in front of the coffee machine just as the bell over the door rang, signalling the arrival of new customers.
Rushing to the other side of the counter, Jimin plastered on his most professional smile, ready to greet the people walking through the doors. He let the smile slip from his face when he saw just who exactly had walked into the shop.
Namjoon stood in front of him, staring at the menu above his head. But it wasn’t him who had Jimin’s attention because standing beside him, in his baggy sweatshirt with ruffled black hair was Yoongi. Jimin felt his blush return with a vengeance as they made eye contact and he had to actively force himself to not look away as Yoongi regarded him with ill-concealed humour.
Jimin wished the floor could open up and swallow him whole.
“G-good afternoon, Namjoon-hyung, Yoongi-hyung. What can I get for you?” He hated himself for stuttering.
Namjoon looked away from the menu, his head turning from Jimin to Yoongi before he spoke. “You guys know each other?”
Jimin saw the way Yoongi shrugged his shoulders, his eyes never leaving Jimin’s stiff form. Jimin gulped. “I’m a regular.”
Namjoon hummed. “Okay then. I’ll just have a regular latte. What about you, hyung?” he said after turning back to face the register.
“My usual,” Yoongi replied, watching as Jimin typed in their orders.
“Sure. Is that for here or to go?”
“For here,” Namjoon said and Jimin noticed the way he kept looking over the counter, at the door leading to the backroom.
“Okay. I’ll bring your orders out to you in a second.”
When he turned to bring the cups over to Taehyung, the younger was giving him a look, his eyes moving from Jimin to the table Yoongi and Namjoon were seated at. He raised his eyebrows as he grabbed the mugs from Jimin’s hands, nodding his head in their direction.
Jimin stared at him with wide eyes, not believing his friend was so willing to throw him under the bus.
“Here you go, Chim,” Taehyung said as he handed the filled cups to Jimin. “And don’t forget your manners.”
Jimin bit the inside of his cheek, promising to himself to pay Taehyung back for this later.
Making his way over to the only occupied table in the room, Jimin slowed his steps, hoping to put off the inevitable. As he placed the drinks down, he cleared his throat to get their attention. Namjoon looked up at him in curiosity, his brows shooting up into his hair line as Yoongi stared at him with his piercing gaze, throwing Jimin’s confidence straight out the window.
“Uh, well, Yoongi-hyung, I’ve got something I need to say to you,” Jimin said, trying his best to keep eye contact. “Um, you must be jelly, because jam doesn’t shake like that.”
Silence.
No one moved. No one made a sound as Jimin continued to stand beside the table, his hands clasped tight in front of him and his face burning. Then all hell broke loose as Taehyung doubled over in laughter, Namjoon snorted loudly, and Jin came running out of the backroom, high pitched, squeaky laugh floating above all the ruckus.
Yoongi continued to stare at Jimin and when he was sure the elder wasn’t going to say anything, he turned on his heel and bolted for the backroom, closing the door with a thud before throwing himself onto the floor. He crouched down low, hunching over his knees as he heard the others laughing loudly on the other side.
--
Thankfully, Jin had taken pity on Jimin and had given him the week off work.
“As a sort of reward,” he had said, “for having the guts to even say it.”
He was so grateful to have a boss as understanding as Jin.
Taehyung had come running into the office as soon as Namjoon and Yoongi left (presumably to tease Jimin more) and Jimin had him in a headlock the minute he was within range. He didn’t let go until Jin had come in, trying to diffuse the situation before Taehyung ended up in hospital.
So now he was simply lying in his bed, wallowing in his self-pity before he had to get up to go to the dance studios. He was still a student, after all, and he had obligations so skipping out on classes wasn’t an option. Besides, Hoseok would kill him if he missed a session.
He had met Hoseok in his first semester at college, as he was contemplating which clubs he wanted to be involved in. Being a dance major, he gravitated towards those clubs but it was Hoseok’s abundance of energy that caught his attention first.
The elder was standing in front of a table covered in pamphlets and posters. He was holding a stack of bright blue paper in his hands, passing them out to anyone who stopped by the booth and talking a mile a minute about upcoming projects and past awards the club had won.
He was able to recruit Jimin rather easily and they became good friends afterwards, the elder often staying back after practice to help him with his choreography.
The trek across campus from his dorm building to the dance studios wasn’t as bad as he thought. He only saw Yoongi once and the elder had been too preoccupied talking with an upperclassman that he hadn’t noticed Jimin sneaking by. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to face Yoongi after the stunt he pulled at the coffee shop.
Just as he was about to enter the building, a thin arm slung itself around his shoulders. It made him jump and he let out a squeal that he would later cringe at.
“Geez, Jimin. What’s got you so jumpy?”
Jimin turned his head slightly and met bright, brown eyes and a smile so big, he was almost blinded by it.
“Hoseok-hyung!” he said. “Don’t do that. You almost gave me a heart attack.”
Hoseok laughed and tapped Jimin on the back once before opening the door and letting him step through first.
“Ah, don’t be so dramatic. But seriously, I was calling out your name and you didn’t even hear me,” Hoseok said as he led the way to the dance studios. Jimin fell into step beside him. “What’s got you so distracted?”
Jimin sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Just Taehyung and Jungkook being little shits.”
“The usual then.” Hoseok laughed. “But there’s gotta be more than that.”
Jimin didn’t say anything for a while, contemplating how much he should actually tell the elder but he relented in the end, recalling the whole fiasco with the pickup line dare and the two previous encounters with Yoongi. He just really needed to vent to someone and Hoseok was a convenient listener.
“So now Yoongi-hyung thinks I’m some sort of weirdo who only knows dumb pickup lines.”
They had made it to the studio, the two of them being the first ones to arrive and began their warmup stretches as Jimin continued to bemoan to Hoseok.
“Hmm,” Hoseok hummed, reaching for his feet and stretching out his back. “Nah, I don’t think hyung’s really all that bothered by it. I mean, he hasn’t complained to me or Namjoon about it so there’s that.”
“Wait, does everyone but me know Yoongi-hyung?” Jimin asked, confused as to how he had gone so long without meeting the composition major if they had so many mutual friends.
The universe was seriously against him.
Hoseok shrugged. “Don’t know. I only know him ‘cause he helped me with my mixtape. We’ve been friends ever since then.”
The other club members began filing in then, cutting their conversation short but their brief chat had been enough to get Jimin out of his funk. He couldn’t think about the mess his love life had become now, as he began to run through the routine, getting lost in the music and allowing his body to do what it did best – dance.
Jimin loved this. Loved how his body moved to the music, how his mind solely focused on the steps, the movements of his limbs calming his racing thoughts. He poured so much energy into dancing that when the session came to an end, he was left sprawled on the floor, sweat beading along his skin, and breath laboured.
But he wouldn’t trade it for anything because he knew that all his hard work now would lead to so much reward at the end of it all.
“Alright, good job today guys,” Hoseok yelled from the front of the room, a small towel wrapped around his neck. “we don’t have a lot of time left to practice so be sure to practice in your own time as well. The studios are always open whenever you need them.”
Everyone filed out, thanking Hoseok as they left and soon it was just Jimin and Hoseok left in the studio. Jimin had grabbed his own towel from his bag and proceeded to wipe off the sweat that clung to his skin before taking a long drink from his water bottle.
“So, you’ve got a thing for Yoongi-hyung.”
Jimin choked on his water, coughing as his throat burned. “Wha-”
“Don’t try to deny it, Jimin. Your face is burning up,” Hoseok said, pinching his red cheek.
“Not you too, hyung,” Jimin said as he slapped Hoseok’s hand away. “I get enough of that from Taehyung and Jungkook.”
Hoseok laughed but raised his hands in a placating manner anyway.
“Okay, no teasing from me. But you have really shitty taste in men.”
Jimin rolled his eyes, his cheeks burning more as he thought about the black haired, composition major. “My taste isn’t that bad,” he mumbled.
“Jimin, you’ve got the hots for a grumpy grandpa who wants to be reborn as a rock in his next life,” Hoseok deadpanned, giving Jimin his driest look.
Jimin frowned. “Well, when you put it like that it sounds bad.”
“There are so many other guys you could have gone for but you chose Yoongi-hyung.”
“Shut up. Stop making him out to be the worst guy at this college,” Jimin said, offended.
“I’m just saying.” Hoseok shrugged. “Since you’re on a mission, how about I give you your next pickup line?”
Jimin groaned. “Oh, come on. First Jin-hyung, now you.”
“My one isn’t as bad Jin-hyung’s. Don’t worry.”
“The fact that you’re telling me not to worry makes me worry even more.”
Hoseok waved his hand in front of his face. “It’s really not that bad. Just say ‘was your father an alien, ‘cause there’s nothing else like you on earth’.”
“Are you kidding me? That’s so bad, hyung!”
“It is not! Come on, I wanna get involved in this too,” Hoseok said, pleading with the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster.
“Fine. I’ll say it. God, Yoongi-hyung won’t want anything to do with me after this.”
Hoseok laughed, his head thrown back. “Nah, if anything, he likes the attention.”
Jimin didn’t believe him but he couldn’t back out now. He said he would do it and Jimin was a man who kept his word. So when he saw Yoongi a few days after club practice, sitting at one of the library tables with notebooks spread out around him, he knew he had to do it.
Steeling himself for humiliation, he marched up to Yoongi’s table, standing off to the side and waiting for the elder to acknowledge his existence. When Yoongi looked up from his book and removed his headphones, he raised his eyebrow at Jimin. If he didn’t know any better, Jimin could have sworn Yoongi was smirking at him slightly.
Deciding to just get it over and done with, he opened his mouth.
“Was your father an alien, because there’s nothing else like you on earth.”
Yoongi blinked up at him and for a moment neither of them spoke.
“Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not an alien,” Yoongi said once the silence had stretched a little bit too long. “Not sure about you though. Do you like saying pickup lines to your customers like this?”
Jimin’s face burned and he had to resist the urge to lift his hands to his face to cover his cheeks.
“Not usually, no. But I guess you’re an exception, Yoongi-hyung.”
He didn’t know where this bravery was coming from but seeing the small smile on Yoongi’s face, Jimin didn’t want it to disappear.
“Am I now?” Yoongi asked, leaning back in his seat and folding his arms across his chest.
Jimin nodded. “You are.”
Jimin would never admit it out loud, but the sight of Yoongi’s smirk directed at him made his knees weak and his heart tremble. Distantly, he wondered if he should get that checked out.
Weird heart palpitations are bad, right?
Clearing his throat (and hoping he wasn’t about to get a heart attack), he gestured to the empty seat opposite Yoongi.
“Is this seat taken?” Jimin asked, hoping to come off as casual as possible.
Considering how Yoongi’s smirk only widened, he didn’t think he pulled it off as well as he had hoped.
“No,” Yoongi replied, gently nudging the chair from under the table with his foot.
Taking that as an invitation, Jimin smiled before setting his bag on the floor and sitting down. He rummaged through his bag for his supplies and before long, both he and Yoongi were immersed in their own study. Neither of them spoke but a comfortable silence hung between them and Jimin thought it was nice as he relished in the feeling of contentment.
(The fact that he managed to get Yoongi’s number was just an added bonus.)
--
Jungkook and Namjoon were bickering about who would give Jimin his next pickup line.
Friday nights were usually spent at Jin’s apartment, once everyone was done with their classes. It became a habit for Jin to invite Jimin and Taehyung to his place for dinner after their shift at the shop which naturally meant that Jungkook tagged along – because Taehyung – and Namjoon would just always be around – because Jin.
Jimin wanted to pull his hair out. His friends were denser than bricks.
“Hyung! It was my idea in the first place,” Jungkook said from his place on the floor. He and Taehyung were sat in front of the television, in the middle of their fifth round of Mario Kart as Namjoon helped Jin in the kitchen.
What he was doing there, Jimin didn’t know. As long as Jin kept him away from the knives, he was content not to know.
“Yes, but everyone else has given him one already,” Namjoon yelled from the kitchen, the sound of something crashing to the ground following. Jimin tried to hold back his laugh as Jin scolded Namjoon. “For god’s sake, even Hoseok gave him one and he didn’t even know about this whole thing until Jimin complained to him about it the other day.”
Jungkook made a face, his nose scrunching up and his bunny teeth showing as Taehyung passed him on the track.
“So? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“I was there, in the flesh, when he said a line to Yoongi-hyung. So why does Hoseok get to give him one and I don’t?”
Their bickering was interrupted then when Taehyung yelled, pumping his fist into the air as he crossed the finish line, a big ‘1st’ glaring at them from the screen.
“Hah! You’d better pay attention, Kookie, before I beat your lap time,” Taehyung said as he poked Jungkook’s arm.
Jungkook clicked his tongue as he batted Taehyung’s hand away, grabbing his controller before levelling the elder with a look that could kill. Taehyung simply laughed before starting another round. Jimin watched as Jungkook’s eyes softened when Taehyung’s attention was diverted and he had a sneaking suspicion the youngest had let his friend win.
Competitive didn’t begin to describe how riled up the younger got with games so the fact that Taehyung, the second worse at games (after Jimin), had beat him twice meant that Jungkook was being a giant softy.
Jimin wondered how Taehyung remained so clueless. Even from his place on the couch, he could still see the fondness in Jungkook’s eyes whenever he looked at Taehyung.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Jin said, walking into the living room wearing his frilly, pink apron. Jimin would laugh if it didn’t suit him so well. “Dinner’s ready so pause the game and let’s eat.”
Jungkook and Taehyung sprung up from the floor and bolted for the kitchen, where Jin had laid out the food. Jimin followed them at a more sedate pace, preferring not to have to fight over seats.
Once everyone had settled in and begun eating, conversations flowed easily. Namjoon asked Jungkook how his studies were going to which the youngest would groan and complain about his maths classes. Taehyung talked Jin’s ear off about the latest youtube video he watched, gesturing wildly with his hands and almost knocking over Jimin’s cup.
It wasn’t long before the conversation diverted back to Jimin’s love life. Or lack thereof in Taehyung’s opinion.
“Alright, how about this,” Jin said when it became clear neither Jungkook or Namjoon were going to back down. “Just play rock-paper-scissors to figure out who gets to think of the next line. That way it’s all down to luck.”
Jungkook and Namjoon regarded the other before begrudgingly nodding, holding their closed fists in front of them. It took a few rounds but eventually it was Namjoon who came out on top. Jungkook slouched in his chair and pouted, Taehyung trying to console him.
“It’s okay, Kookie,” Taehyung said, rubbing the younger’s back, “This just means you get to give Chim the best line yet.”
“Okay, what line should I have you say next, Jimin?” Namjoon asked, though everyone knew he wasn’t expecting an answer.
Jimin sighed. “Just don’t make it as bad as the others.”
Namjoon rubbed at his chin, eyes rolled up as he thought. He hummed for a while before a grin lit up his face, his dimples showing.
Jimin knew he wasn’t going to like this one either.
“How about, ‘were you a boy scout, because you’ve tied my heart into knots’.”
Jimin’s face scrunched up, his brows pinched in the middle as he grimaced. “That’s the worst one yet, hyung!”
Everyone else at the table laughed as if it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.
“Oh, that’s a good one Namjoon,” Jin said, wiping at the tears in his eyes.
Jimin scowled, glaring at the elder. Of course, Jin would think so. The guy thought anything Namjoon said was funny. Traitor, Jimin thought.
Taehyung grabbed Jimin’s arm, shaking it so much he thought his arm was about to pop out of its socket.
“Chim, you’ve gotta do it now. Do it here so we can all witness it.”
Jungkook nodded. “Yeah, do it. I wanna be around for this too.”
Jimin pouted, folding his arms in front of his chest. He would have stomped his foot too if he wasn’t sitting down.
“You guys are such assholes,” he said, though there wasn’t any real venom in his words.
As annoying as his friends could be, he wouldn’t trade them for anything. Though there’s no way in hell I’m telling any of them that.
“I’m just really curious about Yoongi-hyung’s reaction, honestly,” Namjoon said as he pulled out his phone. “Here, I’ll let you use my phone.”
Jimin shook his head, taking his own phone out of his pocket. “Don’t worry, I’ve got his number.”
Jimin was so busy looking through his contacts he completely missed Namjoon’s shocked expression.
“What? You asked for his number?” Namjoon asked, once he found his voice.
“Actually, no. Yoongi was the one who offered,” Jimin replied, still oblivious to Namjoon’s shock.
“What the fuck?!” he yelled. “I had to practically beg the guy to give me his number and that was after months of being his friend.”
Jimin looked up from his phone then and tilted his head to the side, staring at Namjoon like he had grown a second head.
“Really? But he didn’t mind giving it to me.”
Looking around at the others, he noticed the giant grin on Taehyung’s face and found an answering one on Jungkook’s. And he knew he had said the wrong thing.
“Oh, Chim Chim, Yoongi-hyung is so whipped for you,” Taehyung said, reaching over before patting Jimin’s head.
“Congrats hyung!” Jungkook said. “Looks like the pickup lines are working.”
Jimin blushed, the tips of his ears burning and somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if he would ever stop blushing.
“It’s not like that! He probably finds it really annoying.”
Jin hummed, resting his elbows on the table before leaning forward. “Uh-huh. Of course Yoongi’s the type of guy to give his number to someone he finds annoying. That’s totally how he works.”
“I hate you all,” Jimin said as he found Yoongi’s number.
“Put it on speaker so we can all hear,” Namjoon said, leaning closer.
Jimin rolled his eyes, but hit the speaker button just as Yoongi picked up.
“Hello?”
“Hi hyung!” Jimin said, trying to sound confident even as his voice wavered a little. Having his friends listen as he called his crush made him nervous and their teasing grins weren’t helping to settle his nerves.
“Jimin? Was there something you needed?”
Even over the phone, Yoongi’s gravelly voice made Jimin’s heart stutter.
“No, not really.”
Yoongi made a noise on the other end of the line before he spoke again. “Don’t tell me you just missed my voice that much, Jimin.”
Jimin watched as the others tried to stifle their laughter, burying their faces in their arms and hands to avoid making too much noise. Yoongi was being flirty and Jimin didn’t know how to handle it. His only response was to blush and hope he could survive the teasing he was sure to get afterwards.
“Hyung!”
Yoongi laughed. “Sorry,” he said, though he didn’t sound sorry at all, “you’re just really easy to rile up.”
Jimin pouted. “You’re mean.”
“I am,” Yoongi agreed and Jimin could picture the way the elder was nodding.
“Actually, hyung, there’s a reason why I called.”
“Oh?”
Looking up at his friends once more, he took a deep breath, his heart pounding against his rib cage.
“I was just wondering if you were a boy scout, because you’ve tied my heart into knots.”
There was silence on the other end before Yoongi’s breathy laugh filled the room.
“You’re cute, Jimin.”
Jimin hung up so fast, he wasn’t sure if his phone survived. Burying his head in his hands, he groaned as his friends couldn’t contain their laughter anymore and proceeded to laugh as loudly and obnoxiously as they could.
“Oh my god, what was that?” Jungkook asked once he had calmed down enough.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard Yoongi-hyung call anything cute,” Namjoon said, banging his fist against the table.
“Yup, he’s definitely soft for you, Jimin,” Taehyung said in between laughs as Jin’s squeaky laugh drowned everything else out.
Jimin’s heart refused to calm down and now it was threatening to burst out of his chest with how hard it was beating.
He really should get his heart looked at.
--
Jimin was walking to his dorm room after a particularly gruelling session at the dance studios when he was ambushed by both Taehyung and Jungkook.
Hoseok had pushed them all past their limits that afternoon, working each member to the bone to perfect the routine. He hadn’t let up until everyone collapsed in exhaustion, complaining about how their limbs felt like jelly and all they wanted to do was go back to their dorms to sleep the pain away.
Jimin understood why – the college showcase was fast approaching – and didn’t begrudge the dancer because of it. As he was leaving, Hoseok had come up to each member individually to apologise for being so rough on them. Jimin smiled to himself as he heard everyone trying to placate the dancer, assuring him that they didn’t hold it against him.
Jungkook and Taehyung were waiting for him just outside of the dance department building, holding bags of snacks and drinks.
“Hey Chim!” Taehyung yelled as soon as he spotted the shorter man. He waved his arms around, almost hitting Jungkook in the face with the plastic bag he was holding.
“What are you guys doing here?” Jimin asked, taking the bag from Taehyung before the kid could do any real damage.
“We wanted to hang out and since we’re all broke, we figured the best way was with some cheap snacks,” Jungkook replied, looking through his bag. He pulled out a lollipop before shoving it in his mouth.
Taehyung nodded, grabbing Jimin’s wrist and dragging him down the footpath. “Come on,” he said, “I know the perfect place to chill.”
As it turned out, Taehyung’s ‘perfect place to chill’ was the local park. It was well past dinner time and the kids who usually played there had gone home for the day. Taehyung and Jimin commandeered the swings so Jungkook was left with the springy duck. Jimin laughed at how awkward Jungkook looked on the thing, his long limbs cramped into the tight space as he tried to find a comfortable position.
He ended up with half his butt hanging off the seat and his legs stretched out on either side of the duck. Jungkook scowled at them before unwrapping another lollipop – he had finished the first one during the walk to the park.
They talked and joked with each other, Jimin and Taehyung trying to outdo the other on the swings while Jungkook complained. Deciding to take pity on the younger, Jimin gave up his spot to let Jungkook have a turn. It was cute, the way Jungkook happily skipped over to the swings before challenging Taehyung to see who could swing the highest.
Jimin loved this. He loved just being able to have fun, to not have to worry about adult things and just be kids. Because that’s what they were. They were still kids, too young to have adult problems like finding a job and paying taxes, and Jimin wanted to cherish this feeling for as long as he could.
“So, Chim,” Taehyung said once he had come to a stop. “What’s been happening between you and Yoongi-hyung.”
Jimin shrugged. “Nothing,” he said around a mouthful of chips.
Taehyung rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. Come on Chim, don’t be like that. Me and Kookie are genuinely interested.”
“Yeah, hyung,” Jungkook said after he took a sip of his coke, “this is the first time you’ve had a serious crush on someone.”
Jimin sighed. As embarrassing as it was to talk about his infatuation with the music student, he couldn’t deny the fact that they were right. He’s had crushes before, he’s found people attractive but none of them had held his attention the same way Yoongi had.
And the guy hadn’t even had to do much. Jimin was hooked the moment Yoongi had walked into the café, sleepily ordering his drink before shuffling back through the door.
“Alright, fine. If you must know, Yoongi-hyung took me out for lunch the other day.”
Taehyung stared at him with wide eyes as Jungkook’s mouth hung open.
“Seriously? A date? Yoongi-hyung asked you out on a date?” Taehyung screeched.
“It wasn’t a date, Tae.”
“Not a date? How can you say that, hyung? He asked you out for lunch!” Jungkook said, eyes wide.
“It was during my break at the café. Yoongi-hyung walked in just as I was walking out and since he was there for lunch, we decided to just eat together.”
“You had lunch at the café?” Taehyung asked, his brows scrunching together in confusion.
Jimin shook his head. “Of course not. We went somewhere else. Besides, if we stayed there then Jin-hyung would never have left us alone.”
Taehyung nodded. “True. Jin-hyung’s always loved gossip.”
“Where did you go, then?” Jungkook asked, swaying slightly.
“Just to a small diner a couple of blocks away.” Jimin shrugged. “Nothing fancy or expensive.”
Yoongi had taken him to a small family diner near the train station. The streets were busy that afternoon with office workers having lunch and small children running around. The diner was situated between two tall office buildings and Jimin would have walked straight past it if Yoongi hadn’t grabbed his arm.
There was nothing particularly outstanding about the exterior, the weathered brick and wide windows reminding Jimin of old buildings he’d seen on television and in movies. There was an old-fashioned chalkboard sitting out front, the words ‘Rose Diner’ in pretty cursive written across the top.
When Jimin looked closely at the sign, he noticed that instead of a menu, a short quote adorned the rest of the board.
‘Time waits for no one’, it had said and Jimin felt a sense of melancholy envelop him.
“I like to come here whenever I need a break from things,” Yoongi said as he led him through the double doors.
They were greeted by a waiter and shown to a small table tucked away in a corner. A small candle sat unlit in the centre with a small vase sitting beside it. There was only a single stem in the vase, a pretty yellow tulip. Jimin smiled.
The diner was cosy, small tables occupied most of the space as hushed conversations filled the room. Jimin understood why Yoongi would choose a place like this. It was quiet and relatively secluded, the outside world melting away.
They spent the rest of the afternoon there, deep in conversation. Jimin lost track of time, content to simply sit at their table and talk with Yoongi about anything and everything. Despite how the elder liked to come off as aloof and unapproachable, he listened attentively whenever Jimin said anything, small smile on his face as the younger told him anecdotes from his younger years.
It was nice and Jimin found himself trampling down his disappointment when they had to part ways, Yoongi going back to the music building and Jimin to the dance studios.
“Huh, who knew Yoongi-hyung had a romantic side,” Jungkook said.
Jimin made a face at him. “Don’t make him seem like he doesn’t have feelings, brat.”
“But seriously, that’s so adorable Chim. He took you out on a date to one of his most loved places.” Taehyung sighed. “I wish I had someone like that too.”
Jimin didn’t miss the way Jungkook shot Taehyung a look, the fondness in his gaze obvious.
Idiot. You could have that too if you just opened your eyes.
“It wasn’t a date,” he said and the fact it wasn’t made his heart clench.
“Chim, you don’t actually believe that, right?” Taehyung asked and the softness in his friend’s voice almost broke him. When Jimin lifted his head, he was met with so much genuine concern it made his eyes glassy.
Blinking back the tears (he didn’t want to break down in front of his friends), he gave them a small smile.
“I don’t know,” Jimin said, “I don’t want to believe it but I can’t just get my hopes up like an idiot.” He hugged his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them and wrapping his arms around his legs.
“Hyung,” Jungkook said, uncharacteristically serious, “if Yoongi-hyung breaks your heart, I’ll beat him up for you.”
Jimin laughed, the image of Jungkook fighting Yoongi on his behalf making him smile. Even as a joked about finding new friends, he was grateful to have them in his life. As overbearing and crazy as the two could be, he knew they also had his back whenever he needed them, always ready and willing to come to his defence.
“Thanks Kook but I think I’ll be fine,” he said, smiling so big his cheeks hurt.
Jungkook nodded. “If you’re sure then I guess Yoongi-hyung gets to live another day.”
“Please,” Jimin scoffed, “you’re more scared of him than he is of you, you giant bunny.”
“Hey!” Jungkook said, throwing the lollipop wrapper at him. It didn’t get very far, landing only a few centimetres from his foot. Sheepishly, Jungkook scooped up the wrapper before dumping it in the bin.
Taehyung laughed as he ruffled Jungkook’s hair, patting the strands down afterwards when the younger pouted at him.
“Don’t be such a sook, Kookie. It’s your turn to give Jimin his last pickup line,” Taehyung said.
Jungkook’s face lit up, his large front teeth peeking through his lips as he stared at Jimin.
Jimin wanted to bang his head against a wall.
Later that night, as he lay in bed, he sent off a message to Yoongi. Blushing to the roots of his hair, he threw his phone to the edge of the bed before burying himself in his blankets.
Jimin:
Good night hyung!
Sweet dreams.
P.S. Stop, drop and roll baby. You’re on fire.
--
Jimin stood behind the register a few days later, keying in orders and writing names on paper cups. He had all but forgotten about the message he sent Yoongi, content to ignore its existence.
He would have done just that if Yoongi hadn’t decided that the perfect time for coffee was at 5 o’clock, just as he, Jin, and Taehyung were closing shop for the day. Taehyung was about to lock the door when Yoongi barged in, pushing past Taehyung and heading straight for the counter, where Jimin was standing, counting the change in the till.
“Yoongi-hyung!” he said when he noticed the elder standing in front of him, out of breath and a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks. “What are you doing here?”
Jimin noticed how Jin and Taehyung had moved off to the side, eager to watch the interaction but not wanting to get in the way.
“You know why I’m here, Jimin,” Yoongi said.
Jimin tilted his head to the side. “I do?”
Yoongi reached up to rub at the back of his neck and Jimin watched as the blush on the elder’s face intensified. Yoongi averted his eyes, looking at everything except Jimin before he sighed.
“I’m not very good at this,” he started, “but I figured I should end it.”
Jimin’s heart plummeted. This was it. That last message was the last straw, the thing that finally pushed Yoongi over the edge.
Please, he thought, his throat going dry, don’t let him hate me. Anything but that.
Jimin wanted to cry. He wanted to run away because being rejected now would really break him. He made eye contact with Taehyung and he saw the way the shock morphed into anger. Taehyung took a step in their direction, ready to intervene before Yoongi started talking again.
Jimin snapped his eyes to the elder and for the first time, he noticed the way his hair stood at odd angles, as if he had been running his hands through the strands, he noticed the dark circles under the other’s eyes, and the way he hunched in on himself, trying to make himself seem as small as possible.
Jimin’s heart broke because this isn’t the Yoongi he knew. The Yoongi he knew was all smiles, some small, others wide and gummy. The Yoongi he knew didn’t care about what others thought of him. The Yoongi he knew was passionate, especially about things he loved – his piano, his music, his friends.
“Hyung?” he asked, tentative.
Yoongi lifted his eyes to his own. “You must be a hell of a thief, because you stole my heart from across the room.”
Jimin’s heart stopped.
“What?”
“Your pickup lines were so bad. So, so bad,” Yoongi said, raking his hand through his hair, “but the minute I walked into the shop and saw you, I fell in love. I was meant to walk out after picking up my coffee but I stayed.” He paused. “I stayed so I could see you.”
Jimin heard Jin gasp.
“Hyung-”
“I love your cute eye smiles. I love your beautiful voice. I love your passion for dance. I love how protective you are of your friends.”
Yoongi smiled, big and gummy, “I love you, Jimin.”
Jimin couldn’t say anything at first, his brain refusing to co-operate. He couldn’t be hearing this right. He must be imagining it all because Yoongi, the boy who stole his heart couldn’t possibly be standing in front of him, telling him how much he loved him.
“You used a pickup line,” Jimin said.
Yoongi leaned across the counter, resting his weight on his hands as he pressed his lips against Jimin’s. Soft, chaste, and so, so gentle it made tears well up in his eyes. Everything else melted away and Jimin lost himself in the kiss.
He ignored Jin’s squeal and Taehyung’s loud whistle as he brought his hands up to Yoongi’s face and held his cheeks, his thumbs rubbing small circles against his jaw.
They pulled away when the need for air became too strong. Yoongi pressed his forehead against his, breathing in and relishing in each other’s presence.
Jimin later thanked his friends with pizza, Yoongi sat by his side the whole night.
--
“Are you gonna use more pickup lines, hyung?”
“Don’t push your luck, brat.”