Work Text:
Once More with Feeling
Aaron and Robert were living separate lives while also ensuring that the other was doing well. Aaron had detailed Zac , Faith and Liv to keep an eye for Robert. Paddy and Cain had been corralled into doing likewise for Aaron. Both men were oblivious to the fact that Adam was letting them know how the other man was doing and even he had noted that there was not an iota of indifference in their responses.
Robert had literally woken with a thud on falling down the stairs, he had decided that JD was not a friend. He took it badly when Aaron made it clear he still believed they were over but stayed away from the bottle. The emptiness was there but he knew no amount of alcohol would fill that void. He took to texting Aaron when he was going to appointments with Rebecca and prefaced each with a preamble with how it was about the baby; he was being honest. As much as he hated himself for what he did it was never going to be the responsibility of a yet to be born baby. He could not allow a child to be alienated from its father and he knew that money would not answer everything. His involvement with his child was going to be important but it was only going to be with the child. He had talked to David and even Cain about their situations and felt it could work. He was, naturally, working on a plan to get Aaron back, but he did not know when would be the best time. Chas’s chat had seemed to suggest Aaron may be ready soon but patience was never a strong suit.
Aaron had been back six weeks. Eight since he had walked away from a relationship with a man he loved and would always love. He had worked hard at counselling and was enjoying boxing. A punch bag got you into no trouble. His mood was better, he was having a good time with Adam and he enjoyed Liv being back. Almost without thinking he had tried to ensure Robert was ok and was glad to see he was doing fairly ok. They would run into each other from time to time, exchange greetings and so on.
Anybody with eyes, and that was the entire village, could see the glances when they thought the other person was not looking. Chas had noted it and had talked to Robert. She knew what the missing pieces of the puzzle were and she wanted to be sure that he was in the same place. She knew her son, he was getting there. While Robert talked to David and Cain, Aaron talked to Lisa. He wanted to know how she knew she was willing to give Zac another chance.
‘I knew, Love, just like you do’
‘You what, oh no I’m just wondering like’
‘Aaron, love, it’s a long time since you lied to me, now come on no need to blush. Look love I’m not going to tell you your business but sometimes you need to go with your heart, I think you are in a better place now, a stronger place’
‘It’s like a jig-saw Lisa, me Mum says that. I’ve a lot of the pieces together, I actually am doing ok alone but I don’t really want to be and I know who I want to be with’
‘So Robert is the remaining piece then?’
‘Well yeah, except he comes with another piece now and that is what caused the issue’
‘And are you, do you think you will be ok with that because honestly love from what Diane has told me he is fairly determined to be a good Dad to the lad when he comes along’
‘Aye, well he will be great’
‘And you’
‘I love him Lisa, I always will, I think I deserve to give myself another chance and I could be good in a kid’s life’
‘There’s no could, there is a certainty that you would be brilliant’
‘Just depends on him so maybe, although I would want to take things slow’
‘Aaron, Robert Sugden loves you, I’m sure he is waiting for you, my advice, do what your heart is saying’
oOo
Leaving the scrapyard one evening he took a drive past a forest, where he had told Robert that he loved him for the first time since their reunion last year. Then he went to the lake where he had said it again and again trying to get Robert to leave him. The next thing he remembered was waking in a hospital bed and saying yes. He drove home and sat on the couch. This was where it had all happened, this house. This was where Robert had cheated, where he had admitted to doing it, where Aaron had said he would forgive him and where he had finally realised he had to help himself and he had taken off the ring.
He knew he was stronger now. He was happy and content but now he was ready to slot a few more pieces in, or at least try to. It was time.
oOo
Robert was in the Woolpack having a drink with Diane and Doug. He was showing them some photos of things he wanted to get for his son. Doug was showing pictures of the vegetables that had won prizes at Hotton Show. None of them noticed the young man approach them.
‘Alright Diane, Doug’
‘Evening Aaron pet’
‘Glad to see no more black eyes son, can’t say I understand the attraction but…’
‘Doug, leave it out’, Robert said. He had noted he had not been included in the greeting.
‘Actually Robert, I was wondering if we could have a chat’
‘Us, um’
‘If you are busy, it’s no problem’, Aaron was trying to hide his disappointment.
‘No, don’t be daft, of course we can, here or…’
‘Maybe the backroom’
oOo
‘So how have you been?’
‘Good, as Doug said I’ve been getting better at ducking’
‘That’s good’
‘And you?’
‘I’m good Aaron. Kept busy’
‘Not at work I’ve noticed’
‘Well work is busy actually but I don’t want to be in your way so I work from home a bit and go in when…’
‘When Adam has told you I’m away’
Robert sheepishly looked at the floor.
‘I thought it would be easier for you, I don’t want to be hurting you ever again, I actually think Home James needs a new base really’
Aaron looked at him. They were talking like acquaintances but the tone was a cocktail of emotions almost about to explode.
‘How are things with Rebecca’
‘Sorry’
‘I mean the baby’
‘Aaron, there are no things with Rebecca, there never will be outside us trying to bring up a child, the baby is fine all going well. I’ve talked to David about how he and Pryia manage and it seems workable and works for the child too’
‘I’m glad’
‘You are?’
‘I am’
‘Ok, Aaron I am going to do the right thing by the child, I think I might be able to be an ok Dad’
‘You will be’
‘Thanks, well any good I do will be down to the better man you made me’
‘Rob…’
‘Sorry, that’s corny and I don’t want you to think it’s a line. It isn’t, it is the truth I only wish things were different but no sorry, I’m not going to go on, was it the business?
‘What?’
‘That you wanted to chat about, I’m happy to remain a silent partner’
‘No, I mean that’s not what I wanted to talk about, look Robert the fact is I miss you, I miss us’
‘I do too Aaron, I’m so sorry’
‘I’d like to, Rob I’d like to see if we could you know try again’
Robert’s heart jumped but then raced back down. If he had learned one thing it was the need to be honest.
‘Aaron, there is nothing I would like more but I need to be honest’
Aaron’s heart was now sinking to an abyss.
‘Yeah’
‘I can’t say I won’t be involved in the kid’s life. I…I want to be, not with her, never with her in that way but with the young lad, I do. You need to know this because if you feel that you can’t deal with that, that is understandable and we don’t need to pretend we ever had this chat’
The silence was almost piercing. Both men could feel their hearts beat at a speed they thought impossible and both could feel swarms of butterflies invade their stomachs.
‘Robert, if I thought you could actually want nothing to do with the kid then I would not be asking for this’
Robert smiled.
‘So, I’d like to do something I never have before, don’t be getting ideas’, he knew Robert Sugden too well, ‘I thought it might be nice to have dinner in the Grange, maybe tomorrow tonight’
‘I’d like that’
‘Good , it’s a date then’
‘Yeah, it is’
Aaron nodded and walked out. Although it seemed strange Robert sat on the couch. His eye caught their wedding picture. He smiled, he was going on a date with the handsome dark haired man in that photograph, there were butterflies gathering again heralding not fear but excitement.
oOo
Both men took longer than usual getting ready. Robert chose tight jeans, white shirt and jacket. He knew Aaron’s eyes nearly always gravitated towards his backside and he was not averse to playing to the advantage he had. Aaron, with Liv’s guidance, had gone with a grandfather type shirt and jeans. The shirt accentuated the broadness of his shoulders.
‘You could wear a black bag and he would still want to jump you’
‘Liv, that is no kind of chat for a young lady’, he winked.
‘Good job I aint no lady so’
She watched as he went down stairs and felt almost as nervous, this could be it she thought. Yes, she could have killed Robert to begin with and had argued with Aaron about being in contact with him but as the weeks had passed she saw that he was truly heartbroken and full of regret. This could be the start of something.
The Woolpack was quiet enough and Robert tried not to look at his watch too much. He had debated where to sit, inside the door where he had waited for Aaron the time he was charged was an option but he didn’t want to appear too eager. At the bar was in full view of everyone. He settled on the booth in the corner, the one where Aaron had jumped in when things got a bit heated between himself and the man that was going to be the grandfather of his child.
‘Hot date, eh?’, Faith smiled, ‘You know I’m available if you want to try the feminine touch again’
Before he answered Aaron walked in and Robert could think of nothing else. Faith clocked something was up and turned to see her grandson approaching.
‘Ooh’, she was beaming, ‘this is fantastic and about bloody time’
‘What is?’, asked her grandson.
‘You two’, she winked and went to the bar.
‘All set then?’
‘Almost finished this, you one here before we head?’
‘No, I booked for eight, we should go’
‘Sure, you look well by the way’
‘Shut up’
‘What?, I’m allowed compliment my date, it’s in the rulebook’
Just then Rebecca walked in. Aaron saw her and was almost relieved. He wanted to at some stage actually test his reaction. Sure he had felt a clinch in his stomach, but not as bad as before and he felt no wish to do anyone harm, himself included. This was progress. He looked at Robert and knew that he was churning, that he was wondering if everything was going to slip from his grasp before it started. Aaron gave Rebecca a quick nod and reached across the table to take Robert’s hand, he smiled.
‘It’s ok Rob, let’s go. Eric is keeping the best table.’
The relief that spread through Robert at Aaron’s gentle touch was almost energising.
‘Best table eh, I’m being spoiled’, he rubbed the inside of Aaron’s hands with his thumb, ‘let’s go’
‘You have the world’s worst timing my dear’, Faith said in a sweet voice.
‘I had no idea, I’m glad, honestly’.
‘This is a first date kind of thing. Look Rebecca I actually think you are ok and you have been kind to Sarah and Debbie. But Aaron, well he is my grandson and if I’m being honest I have a soft spot for Blondie. If you were to do anything, anything at all to jeopardise it….Well you know our Cain, he did not get his ways from the wind’, she smiled a smile that would have quenched a thousand candles.
oOo
Dinner had been lovely, the restaurant had been quite busy so the conversation was not too deep or personal. They chatted about all kinds of things and after the first ten minutes it flowed as naturally as it ever had. Eric had hovered for at least a quarter of an hour before the lads had relented and asked for the bill. It was nearing half eleven.
They ambled slowly side by side until they were near the slip of road that led to the Mill.
‘I had a lovely time Aaron, thank you. I um I would really like to do it again’, he smiled as really given everything that was almost a daft line.
‘I think we will manage that Robert, would you like a brew back at Mill?’
Robert sat on the couch and Aaron was soon beside him. Robert needed to say something but was almost afraid to open his mouth, the night had been perfect, he so wanted more of them but he was convinced that hiding what they each felt had helped in leading them to the place they were.
‘Out with it Rob’
‘What?’
‘Whatever has been on the tip of your tongue since midway through the main’
‘Aaron, this was a brilliant night. One of the best I’ve had in I don’t know how long. I love you, so much it almost scares me. But I can’t hurt you again, I cant be the one to cause you to harm yourself ever again and like I said the other day I…’
Aaron was almost relieved, he had anticipated this but was almost pleasantly surprised Robert decided to broach it so early.
‘You want to be a part of your son’s life. I know that, I knew that before. Except now’, he took a deep breath, ‘Rob, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking as well as boxing and working. As long as you are, no as long as we are both honest about it then I’m ok with it’
‘But Rebecca, I mean she is going to be the mother, there will be a reminder of what I did to you’
Aaron gently stroked Robert’s face.
‘Yes that is true but there are other reminders of different things. Like that forest where we talked about your Dad, the lake where you saved my life. Plus we will be making new memories, you, me, Liv and the baby’, he stopped suddenly. This was the part he was not sure about in that he was not sure how Robert would react.
‘You mean you want to…’, Robert was searching Aaron’s face for conflict, for uncertainty but could find none.
‘I know I said awful things back in July, it’s how I felt and I hated that’
‘Aaron I said worse to her face, I can tell you’
‘Yes, I would like to help you look after the lad if that were ok with you and…and Rebecca’
Robert dissolved into tears and grabbed Aaron into a hug. This was what he had been hoping for ages.
‘I…I would love that Aaron, so much but are you sure?’
‘Yeah, look I know last time I changed but I was never comfortable then, I wanted to be but wasn’t. I’m better able to deal with it now. I wouldn’t be doing this otherwise, I wouldn’t put either of us through it again’
‘Niether would I Aaron, I will never do anything like that again. We need to set clear arrangements with her though, like I won’t be dealing with her, it will be co-parenting but we need to see about when he stays here’, it was Robert’s turn to stop suddenly.
‘It’s ok’, Aaron laughed, ‘that is the place we will get to I hope’
‘I’m not going to rush things Aaron, all of this is down to when you are ready’
‘I’m ready’, Aaron gave a quick nod downwards, ‘you might be too’.
Robert laughed loudly, ‘Oi it was usually me with my mind close to the sewer I mean’
‘I know what you meant Rob. I’m ready, we have time before the baby is due. I was thinking we do more of this’
‘Sure, I’d like that and when you want we can talk about me moving into the spare flat maybe’
‘Well, actually I was thinking moving back here, if you would like to’
Robert was almost speechless.
‘Like to?, there is nothing on this planet I would like more’, he winked suggestively, ‘well there is one thing I probably would’.
That was something they agreed on too and they spent quite a while showing each other exactly how much they missed it and each other. They woke the following morning.
‘Mr Dingle, this is the first day of the rest of our lives’
‘It sure is’, they kissed, ‘think I need a shower’
‘From what I heard, I think you both might’, Liv was smiling at the door, ‘welcome home Robert’.
Home, at last that is where they all were.