Work Text:
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On Monday, Taehyung was woken up by the train coming to a rough stop, followed by a loud screeching sound.
He looked around his cabin to find that he was alone. Yet, he was sure there was some old man sitting there when he fell asleep. They had said hi and introduced themselves when they had first left the station, but now that man was only an uncertain memory.
And memories, Taehyung had a lot of them.
This train was supposed to take him to a place he didn’t want to see. A place that held memories buried deep in an attempt to forget.
Would this train even carry him any further, he wondered.
The door slid open and an attendant appeared in his cabin. He dress was blue with red trims. Gold buttons and dark long hair.
“I’m sorry but we seem to be stuck.” She said nervously. “We ask every passenger to exit for their security.”
The attendant bowed deeply and left in a hurry to inform the next cabin of the situation. With a deep sigh, Taehyung looked out the window.
Out there was a dense forest and a small dirt road leading somewhere unknown. Passengers were lining up alongside the road with their luggage, Taehyung recognised the old man from earlier and waved at him.
The old man smiled and it warmed Taehyung’s heart. He mimicked the expression to himself as he pulled his bag from under his seat and headed out.
But there was something, someone, in the doorway. A tall broad man wearing a soft blue shirt tucked in his work slacks.
“Taehyung?”
And there it was. The bad memory Taehyung was desperately trying to avoid, the one thing he was dreading about this train’s destination.
Kim Seokjin in the flesh right before his eyes. His expression surprised, obviously. Taehyung doubted Seokjin was aware they were both going to the wedding.
“What are you doing here?” Seokjin asked. And God, his voice. It was deeper, rougher than Taehyung remembered it.
He didn’t sound happy.
Taehyung wasn’t happy either, not since Seokjin had left.
“I’m on my way to Spain.” Taehyung choked out.
Spain that had stolen Taehyung’s most precious friend. Jimin had moved there to find something more, make something of himself. While Taehyung was left behind with his heartbreak, Jimin had found love in a faraway country.
The wedding was a week away.
“Jimin?” Seokjin’s eyes widened in realisation.
Taehyung nodded and it was followed with an uncomfortable silence.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you there?” Seokjin finally said, readjusting his hold on his leather suitcase.
They parted ways right then and there. So easily, Seokjin turned his back once again just like he had in the past. Like leaving Taehyung alone and confused was a second nature to him.
-
On tuesday, it was pouring out.
All of the train’s passengers had been reassigned to different modes of transportation. Some left the same day carried away by a travelling bus, while others were led to a small motel to wait.
That was the case for Taehyung, the old man from his cabin, and Seokjin.
Taehyung had seen him until the next morning at breakfast. Piling up food on his plate like he hadn’t eaten in days, just like he always did. Taehyung stopped the fond feeling that boiled up inside him and rushed out. Back to his room with his things, the only things he had. Because Seokjin wasn’t his. He wasn’t his to feel fond of.
A small knock to his door echoed.
Taehyung got up and to the door, opening it slightly.
“Hey-” Seokjin smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. His cheeks were caved in and he had a bit of a five o'clock shadow but he was still so breathtaking. “They said there’s not gonna be any other bus available for a few days so…”
Even after all this time Taehyung wasn’t surprised he could still read Seokjin like an open book. All of these months, all of this rain and tears, they couldn’t wash away the mark Seokjin had left behind. The little twitch of his eyes and the trail in his voice.
Seokjin was nervous, and so Taehyung’s heart started racing in unison.
“I rented a car. Since we’re both going to the wedding I figured I’d ask you to tag along?”
And Taehyung had no choice but to agree.
Jimin was his best friend. He couldn’t miss the wedding, even if it meant putting himself in a potentially horrific situation. Challenging his past demons.
The car was a normal sized car, something fancy and expensive that only a workaholic like Seokjin could afford. So then, why did it feel so suffocating to be in there?
Whenever Seokjin’s hand reached for the driving stick it felt just like when he used to place a strong hand on Taehyung’s thigh. It felt too natural, so natural that if Taehyung wanted he could pretend they were still them. He could close his eyes and imagine Seokjin’s warm hand in his.
They drove all day.
For lunch they stopped in Seokjin’s favorite fast food chain, and for dinner they went to Taehyung’s go to restaurant.
Seokjin remembered, but it didn’t mean anything.
They rented a small hotel room alongside the road and slept on separate beds.
-
Wednesday came quickly. The rain had passed but the skies were still dark and menacing, warning that something else was underway.
Seokjin wasn’t in the room when Taehyung woke up but his things were still there. His clothes scattered on the floor like they usually were when they still lived together.
Except right now, Taehyung couldn’t expect Seokjin to crawl back into bed with him.
With a sigh, Taehyung rolled over to face the wall instead. He closed his eyes shut tight and took a few deep breaths. In and out, slowly and then slower.
He had a few e-mails from work. Nonsense and simple questions that came with being the regional manager for a large scale law firm. He had accepted the job after Seokjin left. It took all of his time and kept him too busy to think.
Too busy to meet anyone else, too busy to move on.
One of the emails was from Namjoon. One of the lawyers from the firm. Only it wasn’t a typical question. Instead, the words on the screen asked him if he was busy next weekend to hang out.
Taehyung liked Namjoon.
He was his type. Tall, broad, and awkward.
And Namjoon liked Taehyung as well. It was painfully obvious to anyone with eyes.
Taehyung had thought of caving in and giving Namjoon a try. But every time he was about to do it, he thought back to Seokjin.
Seokjin who had loved him so much but never enough to chose him over his work. Seokjin who had told him that he should focus on his career, on his future. On his own life and no one else. It was the only way to succeed, the only thing that mattered.
Taehyung used to want to believe those words. He thought if he convinced himself they were true, their break up wouldn’t hurt as much. It would only make sense for Seokjin to leave him if work truly was that important.
But it wasn’t.
Not to Taehyung who was full of life and love. Not for him who wanted more than a desk and a prestigious title. He wanted to do like Jimin who had left it all behind to find love.
Namjoon’s message was on the screen, screaming for his attention and awaiting a reply. Taehyung made up his mind and started typing when the door to their room opened and Seokjin stepped in with coffee.
“Get ready, we have to leave soon.”
And just like that, Taehyung turned off his phone before pressing send and rushed to the shower.
They left shortly after. Taehyung’s coffee was now lukewarm and Seokjin was driving a few miles above the speed limit. All the signs on the side of the road were in a language Taehyung didn’t recognize. It was his first time in Europe but Seokjin used to travel there a lot for work when they were still together.
“Which country is this?”
“Italy.” Seokjin said absentmindedly, not really focusing on the conversation nor on the road.
Probably thinking about work.
Leaning back into his seat, Taehyung gave up on trying to strike up conversation and just kept looking out the window. The scenery was beautiful. The ocean in clear view down the hill they were driving on, a few farm houses here and there.
It was peaceful.
Taehyung wished he had traveled along with Seokjin while he still could.
Not like this.
They reached a bigger city a few hours before the sun set. The restaurant they stopped at for dinner had a small terrace near the water. It smelled like salt and fresh seafood.
They ate in silence and went to bed at a nearby hotel.
Taehyung knew that even now, in this beautiful country that was so mesmerizing to him, Seokjin still only thought of paperwork and clients.
Maybe in the end, that’s why he had left. Maybe in the end, it was for the best.
-
They woke up late on Thursday so they skipped breakfast and got on the road right away.
Seokjin’s hair were still messy, a bit oily from not showering that morning. He had bags under his eyes.
Taehyung looked at him attentively. Truth was, he was worried. He felt guilty, as if he had been the one who broke down the train and forced them to take a week long driving trip across Europe.
“I can drive, if you want.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for someone without a license to drive.” Seokjin chuckled, easily brushing off the offer.
He laughed as if Taehyung was the one in the wrong, the one suggesting something so silly.
When in fact, Taehyung had gotten his license since Seokjin had left, but he didn’t bother correcting him. What was the use anyway? This Seokjin didn’t care.
And Taehyung missed the old Seokjin so much. The one who was so caring, constantly laughing, making jokes, dancing around and embarrassing him in public. Back then, Taehyung cringed at Seokjin’s antics but right now he would give anything to see him again.
Anything to see Seokjin be happy and carefree. But that Seokjin was long gone, and wasn’t planning on coming back.
And even if he did, it would be too late.
“How about we stop somewhere nice tonight?” Taehyung suggested some time later. “A bar or something?”
“A bar? You don’t even like alcohol. Besides, we still have a lot of road ahead of us.”
“Come on hyung, loosen up a little. We still have a few days and you need to relax.”
Seokjin gnawed on his bottom lip. He was having an internal conflict and that much was obvious to Taehyung. He never used to have trouble with having fun, usually being the one to suggest going out. But his current status was stopping him somehow, making him stop himself from having any type of fun.
“Come on! It’ll be fun!” Taehyung whined.
And that’s how they ended up in this small village bar, clumsily ordering drinks in a foreign language in an attempt to get completely drunk.
Seokjin hadn’t drank as much, he was only on his second beer. Taehyung, on the other hand, could barely keep his eyes open.
He had ordered a rum and coke at first, hoping the soda would mask the alcohol taste he doesn’t like. Problem was, it worked too well and before he knew it he was drunk out of his mind.
He couldn’t complain though, it felt great to be able to let loose.
Seokjin was scrolling through his phone beside Taehyung, eyebrows knitted and a bottle in his other hand.
Smiling, Taehyung reached over to put a hand on the older’s shoulder.
He felt at peace with himself for the first time in a very long time.
“You know, hyung.” Taehyung slurred. “I’m glad we got stuck together for this trip. And I’m glad we dated and all, and god did it hurt when you left.”
Seokjin gave him a shocked face which, thinking back on it, Taehyung found pretty fitting.
“I mean, I loved you a lot and you leaving destroyed me to say the least.” Taehyung leaned back into his seat and frowned at his half empty glass that was mostly melted ice and soda now. “But we’re just not compatible. I get that now. You need your work, and I need someone who’s more... like me, you know?” He smiled. “I’m fine now.”
And he truly was. He was fine, He had much to look forward to.
Seokjin and him weren’t meant to be, and seeing how the older was acting throughout this trip just confirmed it.
Back home, Taehyung had a nice apartment, a group of friends, he had his dog. He had Namjoon.
-
Taehyung woke up not really sure of which day it was.
Actually, he wasn’t really sure of anything. How he had got back to bed, what time it was… Everything was still a bit mixed up in his head.
“Oh, you’re up?” Seokjin asked from the other bed in the room.
For once he wasn’t already dressed. It seemed almost as if he was actually taking the time to relax for once.
“Hi.” Taehyung rasped out, his voice deeper than usual.
His squinted and shielded his eyes from the too bright sun.
Seokjin chuckled as he got up from his bed to retrieve something from his suitcase.
He came back with a glass of water and an aspirin.
“For someone who doesn’t usually drink, you went a bit overboard last night.” He said as he sat down at the edge of Taehyung’s bed.
He could remember what he said and what he felt, but nothing after that. Taehyung grunted trying to sit up, his head was killing him. He took the offered pill and downed it with some water.
“Better?” Seokjin asked, caringly.
“Better.” Taehyung smiled.
It was strange. There was a certain distance between them still, but it wasn’t as suffocatingly awkward anymore. Seokjin wasn’t putting up as much of a wall as he did the previous day, or maybe it was Taehyung who allowed him more than before.
Whatever it was, Taehyung liked it.
They showered and ate before getting in the car again.
When they reached Spain, the sun was up in the sky and they rolled down the windows, blasting music and laughing at each other’s jokes.
The day went by so fast and by the end of it Taehyung felt completely healed from the year of pain their break up had caused him. He could look at Seokjin as a close friend, and they agreed they’d try to visit each other when they got back home.
After spending all week in cheap motels, they decided to stop by a higher quality hotel in a bigger city for the last night. The hall was decorated with whites and golds, the employees polite and helpful, and the only room available had only one bed.
Seokjin and Taehyung took it, just because it was late and they didn’t want to drive around to find something else on a Friday night. It wasn’t like they had never slept together anyway.
Taehyung washed his face first and slipped into bed while Seokjin was changing in the bathroom.
When he came out, instead of being in his pyjamas, he was dressed in dark sweat pants and a tank top, a towel swung over his shoulder.
“This hotel has a gym, I’m gonna go work out for a bit.” Seokjin said when Taehyung asked him where he was going.
It was only a few more minutes before Seokjin was out the door.
Alone in the room, Taehyung pulled out his phone to play some games, not really tired enough to fall asleep just yet. His head still had a lot of thinking to do anyway.
As he tapped mindlessly on his phone screen, something didn’t sit well with him.
He looked over to Seokjin’s side of the bed where his glasses were still on the nightstand and his suitcase neatly laid against the wall. It felt weird.
It felt domestic.
Like he was just waiting for Seokjin to come home after a long day, after being away for a long time.
Maybe he had thought he was ok, that a few drinks and a heartfelt talk could have magically fixed all of his problems.
He wasn’t hurting, he wasn’t feeling hopeless, but maybe he wasn’t healed just yet.
Taehyung put aside his phone, he was too caught up in his thoughts to play anyway. There was no way it was over this easily.
He forgave Seokjin for what happened, he knew the Seokjin he had been with for this past week wasn’t fit for him. But the Seokjin he had seen today was different.
It was like they were back in college where they met, or at their apartment in Daegu before Seokjin left for Seoul.
Nostalgia was what Taehyung was feeling, a sense of living in the past bringing him an uncanny peace of mind for a few moments.
Just as he was realizing this, Seokjin walked back into the room. His hair was damp with sweat just as the front center of his shirt was too. Out of breath, skin flushed. He was scrolling through his phone when he looked up to see Taehyung looking at him.
“You’re not sleeping?” He asked.
Taehyung shook his head, swallowing.
He always loved the look of Seokjin post workout, loved how his muscles were even more defined and the soft pink on his cheeks.
“Well, you should sleep soon. We have to get up early if we don’t want to be late tomorrow.”
“Are you going to sleep too, or will you keep working?” Taehyung asked, eyeing the cellphone in Seokjin’s hands. It was like a test.
“I’ll probably work just a little, there’s a few emails I gotta reply to.” Seokjin grabbed one of the hotel’s towels and his pyjamas. He hesitated a bit at Taehyung’s disapproving glare and then disappeared into the bathroom.
Taehyung was a bit ticked off but decided to let it go. It wasn’t any of his business anyway if Seokjin wanted to work, what did it matter? It wasn't like him deciding not to work for one night would change anything.
He waited to hear the shower turn on before he shut the lights and hid himself under the covers, trying not to think of Seokjin washing up.
Usually seeing him post workout always made Taehyung want to join him in the shower, and he didn’t have a whole lot of self restraints.
It felt like an eternity had passed when Seokjin finally came back into the room. He was being careful to be quiet, thinking Taehyung was already asleep probably.
Taehyung heard him get closer and sigh before getting into bed with him.
He was close, closer than he needed to be.
Clumsy fingers ran through Taehyung’s hair slowly. Fingernails scratching gently at his scalp before combing through his hair once again. It was soothing, the way Seokjin always played with his hair when he was nervous or stressed out.
“You sleeping?” He whispered right next to Taehyung’s ear. Taehyung didn’t reply. “I guess you are.”
Seokjin pulled back and moved to settle more comfortably on his side of the bed. Taehyung couldn’t see him but he liked to imagine him lying on his back, his broad chest ready for him to lay his head on it.
“I’m glad you moved on. It was horrible to see how hurt you looked when you saw me on the train.” Seokjin spoke openly, whispering into the darkness of the room for no one in particular. “You’re right, I work too much. I don’t know why, but I know that’s not the reason I left.”
Taehyung was now more alert than ever.
Seokjin was revealing secrets he never thought even existed.
“It wasn’t work, it was me. When we moved in together and got a dog and everything, I felt trapped. Not like negative trap but more like what if I fuck this up. I couldn’t risk it. So i left, as far as I could go at the time. I asked to be transferred in Seoul.” Seokjin sighed, his voice shaking a little. It took him a few minutes to regain his composure enough to speak again. “I was a coward, and I probably still am. I couldn’t even tell you this in person, I just waited until you fell asleep.”
It would be so easy for Taehyung to jump out of the covers and take Seokjin in his arms, tell him it was ok. Ask him why he hadn’t discussed his fears and worry with him while they were still together, what had he been so scared of. But Taehyung waited for the right moment.
“I still love you, Tae. But I’m glad you’re moving on, I’m no good for you.” Seokjin sniffled a bit and then the bed shifted again.
Taehyung spun around and reached for Seokjin’s wrist, keeping him from leaving the bed. His eyes were wide and Seokjin’s were too as they just stared at each other.
“Stay…?” Taehyung mumbled, feeling his eyes watering.
The expression on Seokjin’s face softened as he settled back down into the bed and under the covers intertwining his fingers with Taehyung’s carefully.
“I’ll stay as long as you need me to.” Seokjin pulled Taehyung against his chest and the younger completely melted into his arms.
It felt right, it felt like home.
They stayed like this, just listening to the other’s breathing, marveling in each other’s familiar scent. Taehyung noticed Seokjin still wore the same cologne as before.
“Hyung?” Taehyung said, thinking Seokjin might have fallen asleep.
Seokjin just hummed in reply, hugging Taehyung tighter.
“I still love you, too.” He whispered.
The room faded out and it was just them two for a moment. Seokjin cupped his face with his hands so gently and closed his eyes, letting his long lashed brush against his cheeks. When he leaned in, Taehyung was so ready.
They kissed softly, like they always did, as if there had never been a day when they both thought they’d never taste each other again.
Taehyung let Seokjin guide him, let himself be engulfed by the feelings they shared.
It was something he had never thought possible.
-
Getting drunk and confessing their love when they were pressed for time might not have been the best idea.
They woke up late on Saturday and had to run around the room to take showers and get their tuxedos on.
Instead of getting the free breakfast that came with the room, Taehyung managed to convince Seokjin to just grab something on the way and eat in the car.
It was a nice day, the sun was out with a cool breeze keeping the temperature comfortable. They had the windows down, empty lunch boxes thrown on the backseat. Seokjin reached over to land his hand on Taehyung’s thigh the whole way as they drove to the wedding.
Being with Seokjin like this, it was better than he remembered.
After a few hours on the road spent catching up and stealing glances at each other, they finally reached the church.
They were a bit late, but the ceremony hadn’t started yet.
Walking up the steps to the church felt almost official and Taehyung worried for a moment that it would scare Seokjin away again. Like if going into this together meant a bigger commitment than he was ready to offer.
He worried until he actually felt Seokjin hold his hand on their way up, smiling at him.
Taehyung smiled back, tugging at Seokjin to go faster.
The inside was decorated with big bouquets of colorful flowers and ribbons. Trying to be discreet, Seokjin let go of Taehyung’s hand and went to find seats.
Left alone for a moment, Taehyung really took in the size of this church. The two stories high cathedral ceiling was held up but eight large columns and all the windows were painted, letting colored lights filter into the room. It was truly beautiful, just like the churches in the art books Taehyung liked to study.
“Kim Taehyung! Where the hell were you!?”
Taehyung felt a punch to his shoulder and instantly recognized Jimin.
He was still a few inches shorter yet somehow very menacing with the angry look on his face.
“Sorry, we had to drive here.”
“We?” Jimin cocked his head to the side then followed Taehyung’s eyes into the crowd of guests. Both looked at Seokjin for a moment who was discussing with Jimin’s mother. “Aren’t you guys supposed to still hate each other?”
They were, and they had up until a few days ago. A year of grieving over the loss of his lover, never imagining they’d see each other again. Commitment or not, working seven days a week or not working at all, Taehyung couldn’t care right now. Seokjin was laughing with Jimin’s mother, making a few other guests around them give him a funny look and Taehyung just smiled.
“I guess we just had to work it out.”
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