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It had taken a little bit of doing, but Cor was happy to know that the same little hideaway from his youth was just as accessible as it was thirty years ago. A strange architectural flourish in the indoor Citadel gardens created a chimney chute of sorts that a smaller person could use to shimmy up to a tucked away alcove that overlooked most of the gardens. After a moment to settle, he unshouldered the small bag he'd brought, placed a mug and the insulated thermos down, and then the pack of cookies he'd had Dustin get him.
The wound at his shoulder still ached just a bit, where the Niffs had hit him with something and caused him to be... well...
Cor didn't remember much of the last thirty years, just a few hazy things, but he knew he was in his forties, at least that was what Clarus had told him after Cor tried to beat the shit out of the stranger who had greeted him in the infirmary. In his head, he was still fifteen, and he had the body to match. And fifteen year old him wanted cookies and tea and to hide away from responsibility for as long as it took the tea to cool.
He was the Marshal now, Clarus's second, and even with his younger body people still afforded him more respect than he was used to. People still giggled when his voice cracked during training, and Clarus had definitely patted his head... jerk... but it was clear he'd grown up. It was also just as clear that Cor wasn't certain if that was a good thing or not.
The first clue he'd gotten that adulthood wasn't all it was cracked up to be was that he'd had to have Dustin get him cookies. No matter how hard he looked, there were none to be found in his office; he didn't know what sort of adult he'd become, but he couldn't understand why he wouldn't have kept at least some of that old comfort that came from a reminder of a simple time when bad guys were bad and a ration of cookies was the greatest comfort in the icy cold night...
Cor set his cell phone down on the little alcove, no messages; he was still getting used to the thing, but it was simple enough to understand. The second clue that adulthood, or at least his adulthood, wasn't all it was cracked up to be was a little strange for a fifteen year old to worry about... but a fifteen year old who was supposedly forty five it was a real worry. Cor had always figured... well he didn't know if he would have time to have other people in his life, not really, but he always figured that he would grow up... grow old... and actually meet someone.
A girl.
Cor knew he was pretty bad about girls. Women he could deal with, if a woman was older he could sort of ignore it, they were untouchably ununderstandable. Girls... girls on the other hand were sort of weird.
He rarely talked to girls. Clarus made him go to officer things when they were going on, he would get dressed up in his little suit uniform and stand around feeling uncomfortable as women in slinky dresses danced and girls in fluffy... dress... things... tittered near him. Cor could dance - it was easier than sword fighting - but he always found himself oddly stiff and confused when presented with soft girl bits nearby.
His friends liked to tease him about his flummoxed behavior, and once when he'd tried to explain it to Clarus he'd gifted him with a bit of wisdom: they're just people.
.... People with cute hair and boobs.
A shuffling sound grabbed his attention and he glanced over to the ingress to his little hideaway only for a girl to pop her head out of the chimney.
"Oh," she said. "Hi."
Cor recognized her a little, she was around the Citadel a lot and she wore the black of a Crownsguard recruit. "Hi..."
"I guess it's not a surprise people have been coming here for years...," she said, and then she hoisted herself up and snuggled up into one of the corners, leaving him enough space for his stuff.
"I found it one day when Lord Lyon sent Clarus after me for calling a recruit a wimpy noodle," Cor said.
The girl snorted. "A wimpy noodle?"
"Well he was... he was just also Lord Endyon's son."
"Lord Alden? But he is a wimpy noodle."
The girl laughed, and Cor joined her with his own chuckle. "Well, Lord Lyon had a very long lecture on tact for me."
Cor smiled, thinking about it, and then he frowned, remembering that Lord Lyon was dead now...
"You alright?" the girl asked, annoyingly perceptive.
"Just a lot has changed and I don't remember most of it. My memory says I serve King Mors and Captain Lyon." He left the fact that both men were dead unsaid. "I have hazy bits that cover the last thirty years... but that's twice as much time as I've been alive!"
"That's got to be beyond weird...," she said. "Everyone says you're still settling in, but... did anyone ask you if you were settling?"
He chuckled again at that. "No, but I guess I sort of am." He frowned down into the mug of tea and then he dunked his cookie and just watched it sort of start to soak up the tea and begin to loosen up and get a little soggy. "Everything's sort of the same. I'm the Marshal now, but Clarus always had me as a second, it's just Lord Lyon is gone, and..." He frowned. "That's the hard part, everything changed but it's all the same for everyone else."
The girl reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, more brushed fingertips to his shoulder, and Cor shied away from the touch.
"Sorry...," she said, hand recoiling. She then put her hands in her lap and looked a little upset by his reaction.
"It's..." He didn't want to say it was alright, because it wasn't, but he knew the problem was him. He was upset and trying not to show it, and this stupid... girl was being nice and empathetic and... "It's just weird."
"Right." She waited, hands fiddling together, an awkward silence between them.
"Are you--" his voice cracked, and he winced, and when he looked up again he saw the girl was smiling, but more soft and amused, not making fun of him. "You're a new trainee?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I guess you don't remember me."
"Sorry." He shook his head.
"We didn't know each other well anyway," she answered, absolving him of the loss of memory and the social failing all at once. "My name's Iris."
"Iris," he said. It was a pretty name.
"Thanks."
... He'd said that out loud. "Um... It's... Galahdian?"
She nodded. "My mom's side," she answered. "Looooves flowers. I guess you've mostly been doing the senior training stuff."
"I think Clarus is worried I'd make someone cry if I did the enlistees."
"Would you?"
"Probably," he answered.
"Better training though?"
"Probably." He looked over at her this time and then smiled, weakly, but he could smile. Clarus always said he looked pained when he did it, but he really did try sometimes. "Well, not really, depends on if it's Clarus training you, he's pretty damn good."
Iris nodded and looked out over the open expanse of the garden, frowning.
"Having trouble?"
"Not really, just I'm not sure if the Crownsguard is really what I should be doing. I want to serve the crown, want to make a mark, and I'm a pretty good fighter, but..." She shrugged.
"It's not for everyone," he admitted. "I enlisted when I was thirteen, it was the only option I really had."
"I have others," Iris answered. "I don't want to put the training by the wayside though. I can fight."
"Doesn't mean you should," Cor answered.
"Are you saying that because I'm a girl?"
"No?!" His damn voice. Fuck. "No." He cleared his throat again. "Just... fighting..." He closed his eyes, he thought about his first time in combat, in real combat, and how terrifying that moment had been. He was better about it now, but it wasn't necessarily kind to become someone who knew what killing was and had become an expert at dealing death. "It's a hard choice."
When he looked up at Iris again she was smiling, a giggle obviously teasing at her lips, and Cor felt what little of his teenaged pride he had left getting severely bruised. "That's really... wise."
"Oh... thanks."
The giggle happened after that, and he frowned.
"Don't do that," she said reaching out and shoving his shoulder. "I mean it, it's hard to get an answer that's not sort of weird because of who I'm asking. Thanks."
Cor gave her his best smile. "You're welcome. I guess if you have other options... and you're not really sure, there's no shame in trying other things, but the Crownsguard does have intelligence postings and more political assignments if you've got the smarts."
"Yeah, it does... maybe I'll ask for a slightly different posting."
"I remember before my commissioning, Lord Lyon had me serve in almost all of the postings." He remembered how terrible that had been for him. "At least I actually learned a few things, but I'm not a desk sort of guy."
"You seem to do alright," Iris answered, probably talking about what little she'd known of his older self.
"I suppose I... don't really understand my older self."
"Oh?"
"Like... these cookies," he said, holding them up. "I didn't have them in my office."
Iris giggled again, even more this time. "Priorities all wrong."
"Exactly!" he answered, even knowing she was teasing a bit. "Whenever I'm..." The vulnerability of the moment hit him all of a sudden, as he realized that to say what he was thinking would expose his fears, or at least that he had them now... "Upset, I just want a few cookies."
"Makes sense," she answered, face sobering and she seemed to think over the problem. "Maybe you're just more... maybe you get comfort from something else?"
He shrugged. If he did he'd seen no evidence of it. "Maybe."
"So... you're upset?" she asked, pointing at the cookies when he frowned.
"A little. It's a lot to sort out, and my friends are all... old. I was really close to Clarus, but now he's fifty-five. I figure he's grown out of understanding fifteen year olds."
That seemed exceptionally funny to Iris for some reason. "Yeah. Well... anything I can do?"
Cor didn't know how to answer that, there was this girl, talking to him, spending time with him, and he didn't even feel too weird about it, and she was... nice. "I... no it's alright."
Iris looked disappointed, but she nodded.
"I... um..." Shit. He didn't know what to say. "There's a tea house nearby. I think it's still there... would you maybe like to go tomorrow during afternoon class break?"
She looked startled, and for a second Cor was worried he was dumb, or had made a mistake, but instead she just broke into a huge smile and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds nice. I'd like that."
His smile in response felt like it might have broken his face just a little bit. "Cool."
They sat in relative silence after that, just talking a bit about the people they could see from their little hideaway, and eventually Iris headed down and Cor followed a bit afterward. He was absolutely nervous about the thing for the whole of the rest of the day, and much of the next one, and he was a little terrified by the fact that he was so happy to see Iris when she saw the girl in one of the hallways talking with Clarus, probably about the change of posting or training regimen.
"Cor!" Clarus saw him and beckoned him over. "I'd like to reintroduce you to Iris."
"We've already met, Sir," Cor answered, but he did come over and give Iris a nod, her bright smile in response had him cracking a smile in return.
"Well, Iris and I were talking about her assignments, and the truth is she's already well beyond the intermediate martial training. I'd like you to take over her instruction to bring her up to level," Clarus said and then he gave Cor a firm pat on the shoulder in addition. "Shouldn't take much, but I trust you'll be firm with her."
"I... uh... yessir," he answered. "I... guess we'll need to go over your schedule. Did you decide to work on a less combat oriented focus?"
She nodded, and gave him a bright smile. "Yeah. I'll be working as a personal assistant for now, and then move up to more hands on things with the Lord's Council when I get a grasp of things. We can talk it over at tea?"
His answering smile was no doubt dopey. "Yeah. Cya in a few hours."
Iris gave him a wave and then headed off to Six knew where and he found himself receiving a very, very surprised look from Clarus. "You are going to tea with Iris?"
He flushed, and then folded his arms over his chest, bringing as stern a countenance as he could to his face. "What's it to you?"
Clarus arched an eyebrow. "She didn't tell you who she was, did she?"
"She's a Crownsguard trainee, we just met."
Clarus snorted, finding the answer very funny. "I'll tell you her full name, and I'll leave you to guess what it's to me: Iris Amicitia."
Cor felt his eyes grow wide, and he scrambled to... was... Clarus didn't have siblings... Amicitias around Iris's age would have to be... "Your... daughter?" he asked, voice squeaking.
Slowly, Clarus nodded, and the fullest weight of his judgement and stern fatherliness was brought to bear on Cor with two piercing blue eyes. "Have fun."
Somehow that was the most terrifying threat Cor could imagine.
He was fidgety all through his afternoon, more so when Iris knocked on his office door and they headed out. With Iris walking barely a foot from him, Cor had a few terrible moments to twitch and wonder if Clarus thought he was looking to court Iris... he wondered if he was looking to court Iris...
"Did dad...?"
Cor flinched. "You didn't mention he was your father. Clarus this, Clarus that... and..."
Iris smiled a little. "Sorry, you seemed to need a shoulder. I figured it would be weird if I dumped that on top of things. I was serious about wanting to go to tea, though."
He nodded, that was good to know at least, and when they cleared the Citadel gates, Iris looped her arm through his and they made a short walk to the nearby tea house. Cor was not an uncivilized brat - no matter what Cid said - so he held Iris's chair for her and then they settled in to a far too long tea with a great deal of talking and giggling from Iris and smiles from him.
A block away from the Citadel on the return he stopped them for a moment and considered his options. "Iris, I... um... do you want to go on a date?"
"Didn't we just do that?" she answered with her own question, sly smile saying that she was more than happy to have called tea a date as well.
"A real date," Cor clarified. "Um..."
"Oh..." Iris frowned. "See, I figured if that was a date... maybe you'd like a kiss?"
He swallowed down the impressive lump of his heart that ended up in his throat, and then he mutely nodded. Iris took a step towards him, and then rolled up on her toes and then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She was so... her lips were soft, and he could smell her citrusy shampoo, and he was terrified of messing it up but after a few moments he relaxed enough to brush his lips against hers in return.
Afterward, Iris leaned back on her feet and then smiled. "We could have a real date, too, though."
They had a real date, too. Altissian food and a walk through the huge park by the Amicitia Manor. A few days later they went to the movies. Burgers and fries at the Lucinia Sound followed. And after a few months it just was sort of natural that one or two evenings a week involved Cor spending time with Iris, and more rarely they had a day in, curled up on one of the couches and watching a recorded movie or just playing video games next to each other. Cor still hadn't quite taken to video games, but Iris was aggressively competitive, and Cor liked to cheat by sneaking a kiss at the corner of her mouth and stealing her controller, which annoyed her, but only a tiny little bit, because she'd kiss him back and use her tongue, and then Cor was even more distracted and she'd win anyway and look smug and happy and he got kisses and that was the best reward.
Clarus walking in on them was... the obvious downside. He never really disapproved, but he definitely never approved either. He just always seemed to have a sad look on his face that Iris either ignored or didn't see.
Clarus even apologized when he sent Cor to the front to break a Niff blockade, but that was his duty and Iris just smiled and gave him a kiss and a bracelet to remember her.
Cor didn't know if he'd ever had a girlfriend like Iris, but he knew that he hadn't in a long time if Clarus's comments were anything to go by. He didn't know if it was love, but he sure did like her.
When he returned, he visited Clarus's office and was a bit sad Iris wasn't there, but he gave his report to Clarus, and after he finished the man waved him to take a seat.
"I need to discuss something with you. It's... of a more personal nature."
Cor nodded, figuring he knew the topic if not the details.
"Our scientists think they've found a way to reverse your... condition."
"Oh..." He hadn't thought about it much, it had been months. What little part of him still thought about it mostly considered himself fifteen. "My mind and... my body?"
"That's their finding," Clarus answered.
He'd be.. him again? Older, presumably wiser... back to his no cookies, no Iris, no fun life... six months of living in the shoes of his older self hadn't convinced him that he was anything but a lonely grump. He had... friends now, more than just Clarus and Regis, he had Iris's gaggle of friends from her old high school who he saw sometimes...
But... "There's really only one right choice, isn't there?"
"Oh?"
"You want back The Immortal," he said. "Not the kid who might be that in three decades. Does Iris know?"
"She does." Clarus said nothing to contradict that he wanted the old Cor back.
"Is..." He didn't know what to ask. Ultimately this wasn't about her, he supposed. "I... can I say no?"
Clarus looked startled. "Of course you can..."
"I just can't help but think... this is how I got so... old."
"One year at a time," Clarus said. "But you've always been like that: eyes on what needed to be done since long before I met you. You were already older than you should have been."
"I don't mean it like that, years go by... you get older, but how many times did I do what needed to be done, not what I wanted?"
Clarus didn't answer, not immediately, but his smile said that Cor had hit a mark. "A lot of times it was the same thing... but there were plenty of times I know you did something you didn't like out of necessity."
Cor nodded. "I... that treatment, it's not going anywhere?"
"... No, I suppose it's not."
"I'll take the demotion if I have to, but... I want this. I know you can't exactly have a fifteen year old Marshal forever, but if the damn Niffs gave me a chance to actually... live, I want to."
When Cor looked up he saw a slightly watery look in Clarus's eyes, and he nodded. "I can't say Regis and I didn't push you hard, especially for such a young man. You grew up too fast, trying to run with the older boys... and beating us more than once. If you want to hold off, do it. I'll have the science team put it on ice."
"Thanks. I... should probably find Iris."
Clarus chuckled. "Just to have a life, was it?"
Cor gave Clarus a bland look. "You can't tell me you'd want her dating a forty five year old man, even if I ended up feeling the same way about her. It's not just about her though, Sir... although I do care about her. It's about... everything, I looked and realized I couldn't have had a girlfriend in ages, my house was... boring, there were no cookies hidden away in some drawer. If it's about anything, it's about cookies."
Clarus chuckled. "Then be young, for cookies. Try not to break my little girl's heart, alright?"
"You..." Cor looked up, startled. "I thought you were... um, I thought you didn't approve."
"I didn't because I knew a cure was being worked on... might eventually happen, and when I told Iris..." He closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Because I'd be gone, this me?"
Clarus nodded. "If you're sticking around... you can keep coming around to see my daughter. Weird as it is to have one of my best friends dating my daughter."
"Alright well I'm going to go find her... I hope I know where she is."
It didn't take long, he found his alcove, and he shimmied up it in record time only to see Iris sitting there, knees hugged to her chest, eyes obviously puffy from crying, and he cleared his throat. Her head darted up and her eyes widened and he could tell she'd been crying quite badly.
"Hi," he said, holding out a hand to touch her shoulder and Iris just shook her head and looked away.
"Saying goodbye?" she asked.
"Nah." He came to sit down next to her and put an arm over her shoulder. "I... I'm gonna stay like this."
"But..." She looked up and shook her head. "Cor, you can't."
"I can, and I'm going to," he answered. "I'll take a demotion if I have to... although Clarus probably won't. I'll fight three times as hard to make up for being three times as young. I'll make it work, and... um... I don't want to miss you. I like you, Iris, a lot, and I like... who I am now. A lot of that's you, but some of it... some of it's because the war's almost won instead of doomed to slow failure. I don't know. I just... Hi?"
She smiled and scooted a little closer and Cor pulled her to him.
"I think I have a hanky." He started to shuffle through his pockets before he finally had to resort to looking through his armory, only for Iris to laugh when he ended up with a teakettle instead.
Iris leaned in and pressed a kiss to his nose and then nuzzled him. "I like you too."
That was it, then: he had a girl he liked and a job he adored and a country that was doing pretty alright without Cor the Immortal for the moment. "We'll make it work," he promised. "Alright?"
"Yeah," she answered with a watery smile. "You and me, we've got this."