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Taehyung would be the first to admit to anyone that he wasn’t exactly normal.
He didn’t do things the same way other people did. Instead of spreading butter on his toast, he covered it in maple syrup. When other kids played in the sandbox or fought for the swings, he was the strange kid playing by himself, acting out scenarios and playing all the characters himself.
His parents had called it endearing and cute, encouraging Taehyung to be himself even as the other children bullied him and called him names because of it. Taehyung learned then that no matter what he did, someone would always find a way to shun him. He became accustomed to being alone, his only companion his dog.
And he was fine with that. He was content.
Until he finally knew what it was like to have friends.
Jimin became his first true friend. A person who saw his idiosyncrasies and accepted them all. No matter what he did, no matter how strange he talked or acted, Jimin stayed by his side.
Their first morning together as roommates was an eventful one. Taehyung wasn’t much of an early bird, preferring to sleep in for as long as he could before he had to get up. Jimin, by contrast, was always awake before seven, even on weekends (which Taehyung never understood) so it came as a shock to Taehyung when the blender whirred to life.
He was so startled he had actually fallen out of bed, his blanket falling on top of him as he rubbed at his back.
“What the-”
Stumbling to his feet and out of his bedroom, he made his way into the small kitchenette in their dorm. Seeing Jimin bustle about the kitchen, bright eyed and chipper, made Taehyung wonder from which universe his new roommate was from.
Because no matter how he looked at it, Jimin was a strange kid if he was functioning before midday.
“What are you doing?” Taehyung asked, stepping cautiously into the kitchen.
Jimin hummed, munching on a stick of carrot as he placed the lid on the blender. “Making a smoothie. Want one?”
Eyeing the ingredients laid out on the bench – all green and healthy looking – Taehyung shook his head, his face taut in disgust. He stuck his tongue out, pretending to gag as Jimin rolled his eyes.
“No thanks. I’ll stick to my own breakfast,” Taehyung said, opening the cupboard and pulling out his froot loops.
Grabbing the milk from the fridge, he made a slight detour to the pantry, where the sprinkles were stored. Satisfied that all his ingredients were ready, he shuffled over to the small table, setting everything down and dumped a generous amount of the brightly coloured rings into a bowl.
When he reached for the sprinkles, Taehyung noticed the odd look Jimin was sending his way. Quirking an eyebrow up in question, he said, “is there something on my face?”
Cocking his head to the side, Jimin shrugged. “No. Just wondering what the sprinkles are for.”
Taehyung looked down at the small shaker, his hand poised over his bowl. “I’m putting them in my cereal.”
“Why?” Jimin asked.
In any other circumstance, Taehyung would have shied away from the question but the way Jimin was staring at him in pure fascination and not disgust made something in him do a happy dance. He knew then, that Jimin would be one of the few people who didn’t condemn him for being who he was.
“Because they’re delicious,” Taehyung said before finishing his creation with the milk.
For a moment, neither of them spoke, the loud whir of the blender the only noise in the room. Jimin was the one to break the silence, a small, breathy giggle falling from his lips.
“Fair enough,” he said then turned to the blender to turn it off.
Jimin joined Taehyung at the table, sipping from his cup as he smiled at Taehyung and for the first time in a long while, Taehyung felt himself relax, his big, boxy grin lighting up his face.
Lifting the shaker again, Taehyung made to sprinkle some of the sugar bits into Jimin’s cup. Gasping in shock, Jimin recoiled, cradling his cup against his chest and covering the top to keep it safe.
“Taehyung!”
“What? I’m just trying to make it more appealing.”
“It’s appealing enough!”
Taehyung laughed. “Green is not an appetizing colour. Come on Jiminie, just a few.”
“Jiminie?”
Taehyung paused, his face heating up when he realised he’d let the nickname slip. He had decided to call Jimin that when the other had agreed to look at his Pokémon card collection with him, recognising a friend.
Now, though, he wasn’t so sure.
“Uh, yeah. If-if that’s okay with you,” Taehyung said, trying to not let his embarrassment show.
Jimin’s face softened then, his lips pulled tight into a smile that made his eyes disappear.
“I’ve never had a nickname before,” Jimin said, “sounds cool.”
Taehyung’s body relaxed, not realising how tightly strung his muscles were until the breath he had been holding was released.
He’d made his first friend.
He then spent the next half hour trying to dump the entire contents of the shaker into Jimin’s cup, the other jumping out of the way every time Taehyung came close.
His second friend came in the form of a shy arts major kid, who liked to doodle on random scraps of paper and had prominent front teeth. Taehyung secretly thought he looked like a bunny every time the boy smiled.
“I’m Jungkook,” the boy had said when Taehyung had first introduced himself.
He was on his way to the dance studios where he was going to meet up with Jimin. They had planned to have lunch together, Jimin promising to treat him to some udon at a nearby Japanese restaurant. He was so excited he had even made up a song dedicated to noodles and he was quietly humming it to himself as he ran through campus.
He was so absorbed in his song, he didn’t notice the young boy looking at a crumpled piece of paper in his hand, his bag sitting by his feet. And when the boy turned, having decided on a direction to start walking, it was already too late for Taehyung to change course.
They collided, Taehyung stumbling back as the kid dropped the piece of paper.
“I’m so sorry!” Taehyung said, practically yelling as he scrambled to pick it up. “I wasn’t paying attention. Are you okay?”
When he didn’t get an immediate response, he looked up to check if the boy was still alive.
“Wow,” he said, “you’re beautiful.”
The boy blushed, his cheeks turning rosy as he stared at Taehyung with wide eyes.
“Um-”
“I’m Kim Taehyung. What’s your name?” Taehyung asked as he handed back the piece of paper.
“Jeon Jungkook.” The boy paused and smiled. “I’m Jungkook.”
Taehyung wasn’t a shy person. His personality never allowed him to be but looking at Jungkook, the way his silky hair fell over his eyebrows and how his eyes scrunched up when he smiled, Taehyung felt, for the first time, what he assumed to be shyness.
He wanted to get to know Jungkook more, find out what made him tick, the things he liked and didn’t like. He wanted to be friends with the timid first-year which was something he hadn’t felt since meeting Jimin.
But underneath all of that, underneath the yearning to become friends, he felt something else. A desire to be an important person to Jungkook, to share secrets with him and have conversations and jokes that only they knew.
He didn’t know what that feeling was, had never experienced it before then, but he pushed it to the side. Grabbing Jungkook’s wrist, he declared for the whole campus to hear that they should become friends and have lunch.
“Because my stomach has been grumbling for the past half hour,” he said, waiting for Jungkook to grab a hold of his bag before walking, “and food is always a good way to make new friends.”
Taehyung didn’t see the way Jungkook’s blush reached his ears but he did hear when the younger let out a quiet giggle.
“Okay,” Jungkook said, “food sounds good.”
--
“Jiminie!” Taehyung yelled, throwing the door to the dorm open as he dumped his bag by the door. “Jiminie, you here?”
When nothing but silence answered him, he assumed Jimin was at the dance studios again. Or with Yoongi. Taehyung was happy for his friend, he really was, but it still stung a little when Jimin started spending more time with his boyfriend. He understood – they were in a romantic relationship after all – but he was lonely.
He missed Jimin. He missed having someone to be silly with, he missed their late-night Netflix marathons, and he missed spending time with his best friend, even if all they did was laze around on their beds absorbed with their phones.
His phone buzzed as he was rummaging through the cupboards, trying to find something edible. Picking it up off the table that separated the beds, he smiled when he saw the contact number.
Kookie:
Hey Tae
You have any plans this afternoon?
Taehyung:
Nope
Just trying to find some food
Dumping his phone on the counter, Taehyung continued to look through the cupboard.
Come on, he thought, there’s gotta be some ramen or something in here.
Kookie:
Cool
I was gonna play some overwatch and order pizza or something.
You in?
Taehyung had never been happier as his stomach grumbled. He sent a smiley face with a short message in reply, already wrapping his scarf around his neck as he locked the front door.
Taehyung:
OMG! You’re my hero
Be there in five
The walk from his dorm to Jungkook’s didn’t take too long and he was standing in front of the guy’s dorm room in less time than he thought, knocking and bouncing on his feet in excitement.
“Calm down, Tae,” Jungkook said as he opened the door, “you’re gonna break the door down.”
Taehyung smiled up at him, wide and boxy before stumbling into the room, toeing his shoes off at the entrance.
“Don’t worry, Kookie. If it does break, we can just call Yoongi-hyung to fix it.”
Jungkook snorted, turning and heading for his desk. Just like the other dorms on campus, this one was small, with two beds, drawers, and separate tables for each occupant. Getting comfortable on Jungkook’s bed (he had been over enough to know which one it was) he pulled out his laptop from his bag.
“Poor guy. It must suck being best friends with someone who breaks things all the time.”
Taehyung nodded, placing his headphones on. “Yup. Wouldn’t want to be Yoongi-hyung.”
“I already ordered the pizza by the way so it should be here soon,” Jungkook said as he booted up his computer.
Taehyung whipped his head up so fast, his neck creaked in protest.
“Really? Kookie, you’re the best! I could marry you right now.”
Taehyung watched as the tips of Jungkook’s ears flushed before the younger turned away to try and hide it. He smiled to himself and a small part of him wished he really was joking because as hard as he tried to ignore it, the feeling of love he felt for the younger wasn’t the same as the love he felt for Jimin.
His best friend would always have a place in his heart but the spot Jungkook resided was growing steadily bigger since Taehyung first met him. At first, he denied it, tried with all his being to ignore the love blooming in his chest whenever he thought about the artist but as the months went on, as he continued to hang out with Jungkook more, the feeling only increased.
To the point where he lost sleep over it, and only when he talked to Jimin about it did he finally come to terms with the fact that he was in love with Jungkook.
“Shut up, Tae,” Jungkook grumbled. “Get ready to have your ass beat.”
Taehyung laughed. “Oh, kinky.”
Jungkook only blushed harder.
--
“Ah, I’m so screwed,” Taehyung said, throwing himself on his bed.
Jimin looked up from the textbook he was reading through, eyeing Taehyung as the younger sprawled himself across his sheets, his head buried in his pillow.
“What are you screwed about?” he asked.
Taehyung groaned, his response muffled by the pillow. Jimin rolled his eyes and threw his own pillow at him. Lifting his head, Taehyung pouted.
“I said, Jungkook.”
Jimin hummed, understanding dawning on his features. “Ah.”
“What am I gonna do, Jiminie?” Taehyung asked, more to himself than anything else.
“Well,” Jimin started, “you could always just tell him.”
Taehyung stared at Jimin like he was only just seeing him for the first time.
“And ruin what we already have?” He shook his head. “Nope. No thanks.”
“You do know nothing’s gonna happen between you two if you keep quiet,” Jimin said as he turned back to his textbook.
“I know.” Taehyung sighed as he sat up, hugging his pillow to his chest. “But I’m scared.”
Jimin placed his pen in the book before closing it and Taehyung was eternally grateful to have a friend like him. Jimin turned to face him, his legs crossed and arms rested on them as he stared at Taehyung.
“We’ve talked about this before, Tae,” he said, “you told me yourself that you were gonna tell him soon.”
“I know I did.”
Jimin tilted his head. “So what’s wrong?” When Taehyung didn’t answer, Jimin sighed. “Tae, Jungkook likes you. Hell, he probably even loves you.”
Taehyung blushed, hiding his face in his pillow. “Yeah.”
“The kid’s always trying to impress you. Remember when we went bowling that one time and he was so bad at it?”
Taehyung remembered. Jungkook was so embarrassed afterwards, refusing to meet his eye even as Taehyung had tried to console him. When they went again a few months later, Jungkook had scored an almost perfect game, looking smug as Taehyung gushed about how much he had improved.
It wasn’t until later, when Yoongi told them he had seen Jungkook a couple of times at the alley practicing that he realised the younger had spent weeks learning how to play. Just so he wouldn’t embarrass himself again in front of them. In front of him.
Taehyung fell even harder.
“He’s such a dork,” Jimin said, laughing quietly to himself as he remembered the proud look on the younger’s face.
“Yeah, he is,” Taehyung agreed.
“Then what’s really holding you back if you know how he feels about you?” Jimin asked, the genuine concern for his friend bleeding through is voice.
“It’s just,” Taehyung paused, trying to arrange his thoughts, “what if it doesn’t work out?”
“Tae, that’s not gonna happen.”
“You don’t know that,” Taehyung said, and Jimin could see the conflict in his eyes. “If it doesn’t work out, it’ll get awkward between us. We’ll start to drift apart, spend less time together.”
“Tae-”
“Then I’ve lost a friend. And I don’t have many of them.”
Jimin’s heart broke. The sight of his usually bubbly and bright friend hunched in on himself, his arms wrapped around himself, made his heart ache. Getting up from his bed, he made his way over to Taehyung before enveloping the younger in a tight hug, his arms wrapped securely around the taller form.
“Listen to me, Tae. That won’t happen. Do you want to know why I’m so sure of it?” Without waiting for an answer, he continued. “Because you love Jungkook just as much as he loves you. You guys are soulmates. There’s nothing in this world that will ever tear the two of you apart.”
Taehyung wanted to cry. He wanted to bury his head in Jimin’s shoulder and cry until he couldn’t anymore. He was so, so lucky to have a friend like Jimin who knew what to say and when to say it to make Taehyung feel better.
“Thanks, Jiminie. You’re the best.”
Jimin snorted. “Of course I am. Who else will put up with you?”
Taehyung laughed as he felt the first tear fall. The ones that followed didn’t stop until he fell asleep.
--
Taehyung was sitting in the cafeteria, a bowl of noodles in front of him when he got a message from Jungkook.
Kookie:
Hey Tae
Can you come to the art studio?
Slurping at his noodles, Taehyung picked up his phone, careful to not get any sauce on the screen.
Taehyung:
Sure
What’s up?
Kookie:
I’ll let you know when you get here
I’m in studio 1023
Shrugging, Taehyung finished off the rest of the noddles before slinging his bag over his shoulders. The arts building was only a short five-minute walk from the cafeteria so he took his time. It was an unseasonably warm day for autumn and he relished in the sun’s warmth.
He made it to the building, only tripping over his own feet twice (which he considered a win) just as a whole bunch of the arts students were leaving.
Taehyung always liked the art department kids. He could always tell who was in the arts programme and who wasn’t just by looking at their hands. They were covered in either paint, charcoal, clay, or some other medium in different colours and shades.
“Hey, Taehyung,” one of them said as she spotted him standing by the door, “Jungkook’s waiting for you.”
Taehyung waved as she passed. “Thanks, Yeri,” he said as he walked down the hallway.
Several of the studios were still being used and he paused in front of each one to take a look. In one of the rooms stood a large clay sculpture, a young man flitting from one side to the other brandishing his chisels like a weapon. In another, a girl was sitting in front of a large canvas, several smaller ones scattered around her, staring unblinkingly at it.
Taehyung laughed to himself and smiled wide when he saw Jungkook sitting in front of an easel, a large piece of paper pinned to it. His hands, smudged with charcoal, were busy moving across the paper, applying new lines and smudging the ones that were already there.
Jungkook’s head snapped to him when he opened the door and he watched as the younger’s eyes softened.
“Hey, Tae.”
“Hey Kookie,” Taehyung said as he dumped his bag near the door. “So what did you need?”
Jungkook cleared his throat as he shifted in his seat. Taehyung knew him well enough to know when he was being shy and this was one of his tells.
“Well, I’ve got a project coming up and I was wondering, if you weren’t too busy with other things, if you wanted to model for me,” he said, looking away.
There were a multitude of things Taehyung could have said then but what came out was, “I won’t be nude for it, right?”
Why am I so weird?
Jungkook’s eyes widened as his cheeks flushed. “Uh, no. It-it’s not one of those drawings.”
Taehyung smiled, the relief evident in his face. “Oh, good. Well, since I’m not busy with anything, sure. I’ll be your model.”
“You will?” Jungkook asked, shocked.
Taehyung shrugged. “Sure. Why not. I’ve never modelled for anyone before so I don’t know how it’ll turn out.”
He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but the thought of Jungkook staring at him for hours on end made his insides buzz. He wanted the artist’s attention, wanted him to look, to never take his eyes off of him.
“It’s not that bad. All you’ve gotta do is sit still for a bit.”
Taehyung scoffed. “Have you met me, Kookie? Sitting still is something I have no experience with.”
“You’ll be fine,” Jungkook said as he placed a fresh, blank piece of paper on the easel. “Just sit on that stool over there and don’t move too much.”
Making his way over to the stool Jungkook indicated, Taehyung hummed, his feet shuffling across the floor.
“Are you gonna do the whole thing today?” he asked, once had found a comfortable position.
“No,” Jungkook said, “just a rough sketch. I’ve got a couple of weeks before I hand it in.”
They lapsed into silence as Jungkook worked, his hands running across the page in practiced efficiency as he stared at Taehyung from time to time. Taehyung, for his part, tried to not blush too hard every time Jungkook looked his way.
As one hour became two, then three, Taehyung grew increasingly fidgety – a small twitch of his fingers or his knee bouncing. He tried to suppress it for as long as he could. He didn’t want to break Jungkook’s concentration but eventually, it was too much and he jumped from the stool with a shout.
“Ah, damnit, I was doing so well too,” he said as he pouted, rubbing his hands across his legs to get circulation back into them.
He heard Jungkook laugh and when he looked up, Jungkook was looking at him with a fondness in his eyes he knew was only for him.
“Three and a half hours was pretty good,” he said as he packed away his charcoal. “To be honest, I thought you would crack at the one-hour mark.”
Taehyung huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. “Rude.”
“Come on, I’ll treat you to some food as a thank you,” Jungkook said, already at the door with his backpack.
Taehyung skipped over to him, shouldering his own bag before following the younger out of the building.
“You know me so well, Kookie.”
Jungkook smiled, a little upturn of his lips, “I do.”
Taehyung’s heart skipped a beat.
--
“He’s getting you to model for him?” Yoongi asked.
He, Jimin, and Taehyung were sat around a small table in a barbecue place Yoongi found online. A few days after his first session with Jungkook, Jimin had invited him to have dinner with them. Taehyung, being the food lover he was, couldn’t say no even if it meant being the awkward third wheel.
“Yup,” Taehyung said, shoving a steaming piece of beef in his mouth, “said he needed a model for his project.”
Yoongi raised a brow as Jimin giggled.
“Kookie is so smooth,” Jimin said, laughing into his hand.
Taehyung looked up from his plate. “What do you mean?”
Before Jimin could elaborate further, Namjoon and Hoseok were suddenly standing beside their table, greeting everyone with wide smiles.
“Hey, hyung,” Hoseok said, waving at Yoongi.
Yoongi just grunted, in the process of stuffing his face full of meat. Shaking his head at his hyung, Hoseok then moved his attention on the others.
“Hey Jimin, Tae, mind if we join you?”
“Not at all,” Jimin said as he grabbed an empty chair from a nearby table. “Where’s Jin-hyung?”
“He had something to do for his drama class,” Namjoon replied as he took a seat beside Yoongi. He looked around for a moment before he spoke again. “Kookie isn’t with you guys?”
Taehyung promptly choked on a piece of lettuce.
Hoseok began patting is back as he reached for a glass of water, almost downing the whole thing in one gulp. Jimin laughed and Taehyung shot him a glare.
“You okay there, Tae?” Hoseok asked, the worry evident in his voice.
Taehyung waved him off, slapping his chest a few times to clear his airway. “Yup, fine, just peachy.”
“Tae’s just having love issues,” Jimin said once his laughter had subsided. Taehyung gave him another glare because apparently, his best friend couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“Love issues? What, with Kookie?” Namjoon asked.
Taehyung wanted to disappear from existence. He came out to forget about his non-existent love life, not to have his entire friend group act as his relationship councillors.
Can I ever catch a break?
“Who says it’s with Kookie,” he said, palming at his face tiredly.
Hoseok scoffed, dipping a piece of meat into the sauce before popping it into his mouth. “Who else would it be with?” he asked.
Yoongi gave him a look of disgust as bits of meat came flying out of his mouth.
“For fuck’s sake, Hoseok. Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
Jimin rubbed at his arm to placate him and Taehyung watched as Yoongi’s expression softened, leaning into Jimin’s touch and smiling at the younger in a way that made him gag.
“Gross couples are gross,” he said then dodged the chopstick Jimin threw at him.
“You could be a gross couple with Kookie too if you just got your shit together,” Yoongi said as Jimin asked the waitress for a new set of chopsticks.
“Don’t worry,” Jimin said, “he’s halfway there already.”
Namjoon looked up from the grill then, his brows pulled tight in confusion.
”What do you mean by ‘halfway there’?” he asked.
“Please, can we not talk about this?” Taehyung grumbled even as he knew it was fruitless. His friends weren’t going to drop the subject that easily.
“Kookie asked him to be his model for his art class,” Yoongi said, taking great pleasure in Taehyung’s discomfort.
Hoseok spat out the water he was drinking, spraying Namjoon and getting the front of his shirt wet. Jimin laughed at Namjoon’s affronted face as he gave the elder a couple of napkins to wipe himself off with.
“He did what?!” Hoseok shrieked which drew the attention of the other patrons of the restaurant. “Ah, sorry,” he said when he noticed the stares. He bowed politely before turning back to his group. “But seriously, he did what?”
“It’s nothing major. Kookie sent me a text a few days ago asking me to meet him at the art studios. When I got there, he said he had a project to do and asked if I could model for him.” Taehyung shrugged. “At least it isn’t a nude portrait or anything.”
Namjoon laughed. “Holy shit, I never knew Kookie could be that smooth.”
“Right? That’s what I said too,” Jimin said as he pointed his chopstick at Namjoon.
Taehyung groaned. “Stop making him out to be some sort of pervert. He just needed a model for his drawing.”
“Uh-huh. And what’s the premise of the piece?” Hoseok asked.
“I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell me,” Taehyung said as he shrugged. He had asked Jungkook before he left the studios after their first session but the younger had been quite tight-lipped about the whole thing. The only thing he had said was that it was for the end-of-year exhibition that the college held annually.
“So you don’t even know the concept and still agreed to model for the guy,” Yoongi said.
Taehyung shrugged. “Yeah, basically. But it’s Kookie so I couldn’t just say no.”
“You’re such a softie,” Jimin mumbled around a piece of lettuce. Yoongi reached over then to wipe off a bit of sauce at the corner of his mouth and Jimin thanked him by kissing him on the cheek.
“Yoongi-hyung, are you blushing?” Namjoon asked as he eyed the elder, watching as Yoongi pulled his beanie down lower.
“Shut the fuck up, Namjoon.”
The whole table laughed as they finished off the rest of the food. Taehyung was so glad that they had decided to stop probing for now and simply enjoyed the rest of the night surrounded by people who accepted him and made him feel welcome.
Coming to college was the best decision he had ever made.
(He later apologised to Jimin for ruining his date with Yoongi. Jimin just ruffled his hair in response, the fond smile on his face remaining for the rest of the night.)
--
Taehyung knew he should have said no the minute Jungkook asked him to be his model.
He wasn’t the type of person to sit still for long periods of time, finding it difficult to concentrate on one thing before moving quickly on to the next once he was bored. He was just easily distracted, different things calling for his attention – he often ended up having to spend all-nighters on essays because he couldn’t sit still long enough to finish them.
So being told to sit still for hours at a time, without moving a muscle, was a form of torture he hadn’t anticipated.
His back was stiff and his backside ached the longer he sat on the stool. There was a dull ache at the base of his spine that he so desperately wanted to alleviate, to stretch out, but he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t allowed to. Not yet anyways.
His fingers itched to do something, anything, and the muscles in his arms and legs were beginning to twitch from disuse.
“Kookie,” he whined, trying to slouch as discreetly as possible, “Kookie, it hurts.”
Jungkook hummed, raising his eyes to Taehyung briefly before returning them to his sketch.
“Just sit still for a little longer, Tae. I’m almost done.”
Taehyung shifted in his seat slightly and Jungkook sent him a small glare.
“But Kookie, my butt hurts. Can’t we take a break?” Taehyung asked, his eyes twice their size as he tried to charm the younger into giving in.
Jungkook sighed and Taehyung knew he had won. “Fine, just a quick break.” He said, placing his charcoals down on the easel ledge.
Taehyung sagged in his seat immediately, rubbing at his sore back before stretching it out. He felt the bones creak in protest before popping back into place and he let out a satisfied sigh at the feeling. Rubbing the feeling back into his legs, he stood and made his way over to Jungkook.
“Can I see? Since, you know, I am the subject of these drawings,” Taehyung asked.
Jungkook shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck with a smudged hand. How cute, Taehyung thought, he’s shy.
“Sure, if you want.” He scooted aside slightly to allow Taehyung room to stand beside him, pale pink splotches appearing on his face as the elder appraised his work.
As often as Taehyung saw his work, Jungkook always felt a little shy every time he showed his pieces. He didn’t consider himself to be the best artist in the world, hell, there were students in his programme that were a thousand times better than he was, but the awe on Taehyung’s face always made him think otherwise.
“Kookie,” Taehyung said, his voice coming out breathy, “you made me look ethereal.”
Taehyung missed the way Jungkook’s eyes softened as he stared at the elder, too focused on the drawing.
“No, I didn’t,” he said, “I just drew you the way I see you.”
Taehyung blushed, the compliment not lost on in. Jungkook wasn’t the type to give out compliments easily unless something had really captured his attention and to be on the receiving end was something he would never get used to.
No matter how many times he heard it.
“You flatter me too much, Kookie,” Taehyung said as he placed his arms on Jungkook’s upper back before resting his weight on it. Jungkook huffed out a breath before straightening.
“Tae,” Jungkook said, “you’re heavy. Get off.”
Taehyung shook his head and rested his chin on top of Jungkook’s fluffy hair. “Nope. It’s too comfortable here. Don’t wanna move.”
Jungkook sighed, though he didn’t try to remove the elder. “You’re such a baby,” he said and Taehyung could hear the fondness in his voice.
He smiled softly to himself, content to spend the remainder of the afternoon just where he was. They spent the next several minutes in silence, listening to the world around them. The quiet spell was only broken when Jungkook shifted, gently removing Taehyung’s arms from his head before gently pushing the elder towards the stool.
“Come on, Tae, I’ve gotta finish this,” he said, ignoring the pout Taehyung was sending him.
“Alright, fine,” Taehyung said when Jungkook pointedly ignored his puppy dog face. “But are you ever gonna tell me the premise behind the pieces?”
Taehyung took his seat on the stool once again and tried to find a comfortable position.
“No. It’s a surprise,” Jungkook replied.
“Aw, but why?”
“No reason.”
“Boo.”
“Taehyung.”
Taehyung shut his mouth then, knowing he wasn’t going to get any answers soon.
Sitting still wasn’t his only problem about being a model. They way Jungkook stared at him was another.
Taehyung loved the attention, he really did, but the way Jungkook was staring at him, like he wanted to see into his soul, to see what made him tick, made him nervous. It made his skin tingle in the most pleasant way and he would have shivered if the heater wasn’t on full blast.
Jungkook’s eyes had always been piercing, had always stared at things with such concentration that it felt like the kid was trying to dissect things with his eyes. To have all that focus on him made a heady feeling erupt in his stomach. It made him gulp, his mouth suddenly going dry.
Taehyung wasn’t the sort to get nervous easily but Jungkook staring at him like he only saw him, made him nervous as hell.
His palms were sweaty and he had to resist the urge to wipe them on his jeans. His skin broke out in goose bumps, the hairs standing on end every time Jungkook raised his eyes from the easel.
But as much as the feeling of being watched made him uncomfortable, knowing it was Jungkook made his insides swim with happiness. The butterflies in his stomach grew with each passing second and threatened to explode the longer Jungkook’s eyes stared at him.
He revelled in the feeling, welcomed it with open arms because being Jungkook’s whole world was something he wanted more than anything else.
He didn’t know how long he could hide these feelings and the longer he spent in the studio with the younger, the more he wanted to scream to the world that he was in love with Jungkook.
From the moment they met.
(“You’re so whipped for him.”
“I know, Jiminie!”)
--
It all came crashing down a few weeks later.
Since their first session together, Jungkook had asked to meet up with him a couple of times a week. Sometimes Taehyung was forced to sit on the stool without moving a muscle, other times he could move around freely and it was these sessions that he enjoyed the most.
Today, it was one of the more serious sessions.
“Kookie, I’m bored.”
Jungkook laughed, his eyes never straying too far from the easel. “Don’t be so whiny Tae. You’ve only been here an hour.”
Taehyung sat on one of the high stool, seated in front of the window with his elbow on the ledge. He rested his chin on his open palm as he watched the world – a few small birds flying overhead, the breeze rustling the leaves of the nearby trees, and the sound of traffic acting as background noise to everything.
“In Taehyung world, that’s a long time to be doing nothing.”
Jungkook laughed again, the sound making him shiver. He’d always loved when Jungkook laughed, the sound soft and melodious to his ears. He would never get tired of hearing it.
“Alright, fine. You can have a break,” Jungkook said as he placed his charcoal down. “But not too long, I need to finish these before the exhibit.”
Taehyung jumped from the stool, stretching his back as he cheered. He missed the way Jungkook’s cheeks turned red when his shirt rode up slightly, exposing his stomach. Jungkook coughed into his fist, turning away before Taehyung could notice anything.
“Ah, that’s better.” Taehyung smacked his lips together. “I think I’ll go get a drink from the vending machine. Do you want anything?” he asked as he made his way to the door.
Jungkook shook his head, rifling through his sketchbooks. “Nah, I’m fine.”
Taehyung shrugged as he walked out of the room. Making his way to the vending machine at the end of the hallway, he was dismayed to find the ‘out of service’ sign stuck to the front of it. Huffing, he decided his only option was to go to the one on the floor above.
Steeling himself for the long climb ahead (he knew he was being dramatic but he just really hated stairs), he made his way to the stairwell only to realise he left his wallet in his bag. The bag he left in the studio.
Smacking himself on the forehead, he turned back. As he drew closer to the door, he heard voices inside which didn’t make sense to him. Jungkook should have been the only one in there.
When he peered through the small window, he felt the air rush out of his throat. Jungkook wasn’t alone.
A small girl with curly brown hair stood in front of him. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, their voices muffled by the door. But when the girl leaned forward and kissed Jungkook, his mind went blank.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to barge in and cause a scene, demand that the girl get away from Jungkook because he knew, somewhere in his conscious that he had no right to. Jungkook didn’t belong to him. He was free to kiss whoever he wanted.
Even if that person wasn’t Taehyung.
Clutching a hand to his chest and feeling his heart speed up, he turned and ran. He didn’t want to see any more. He didn’t want to see the way Jungkook looked, the way he would smile at the girl. Taehyung felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.
Finding an empty studio, he ran inside and locked the door.
His chest hurt, it hurt so much as he clutched at it, sinking to the floor and burying his head in his arms. He cried. He cried so much he wasn’t sure if he had any water left. His tears left a giant wet spot on his sleeves but he didn’t even notice.
All his frustration, all his sadness emptied themselves on his sleeves. He didn’t know how long he sat on the floor for, he didn’t really care at this point. Vaguely, he wondered if anyone had heard him.
Wiping his face on is sweater, he stood on shaky legs before walking back to Jungkook. He didn’t know what he was going to say, how he was going to face the younger. He just hoped that it wasn’t obvious that he had been crying.
The girl was gone, which he was grateful for. Jungkook looked up at him as he entered but Taehyung couldn’t meet his eyes. Shuffling over to his bag, he picked it up from the floor before turning back to the door.
“Sorry, Kookie,” he said, silently congratulating himself when his voice didn’t waver, “but I can’t be your model anymore.”
He had to leave. To get away before he said something stupid.
“Tae, what? Why not?”
Taehyung heaved a sigh, his voice coming out ragged when he spoke. “You should find someone else. I can’t do this anymore.”
He wasn’t sure if he was talking about the modelling or Jungkook.
“Tae, what are you talking about?” Jungkook asked and he sounded so lost, so confused.
“Please, Kookie, just-” Taehyung cut himself off as he raked a hand through his hair. “Sorry.”
He didn’t say anything else after that. He just ran from the room, Jungkook’s confused shout asking him to stay, to tell him what was wrong. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he dialled the only number he knew could help.
“Jiminie? I-I need to talk.”
--
“That asshole! I’ll kill him.”
Taehyung was lying on his bed, covered by his blankets as Jimin hugged him, running a soothing hand across his back. He ran from the art studio and only stopped when he reached his dorm. Jimin had barged in a few minutes later, out of breath and calling out his name.
“Don’t do that, Jiminie. You’ll end up in jail,” Taehyung said, his voice muffled by his blanket.
Jimin scoffed. “He hurt you, Tae. I don’t mind doing it if it makes you feel better.”
Sometimes, Taehyung didn’t know what he did to deserve a friend like Jimin.
“I don’t think even that will make the pain go away,” he said as Jimin held him tighter.
“Seriously though, that was such a shit thing to do.” Jimin paused. “I’m sorry, Tae.”
Taehyung shrugged and buried his head further in his pillow. They lapsed into silence, neither one not knowing what to say to make the situation better. And as much as Taehyung wanted to hate Jungkook, he couldn’t.
Because Jungkook was still his friend. Taehyung was the one that had to ruin it and develop feelings for the younger. He was just so sure that Jungkook liked him back, that he didn’t need to be insecure. Even their friends agreed that the artist had a fondness for Taehyung that went beyond friendship.
“Have you talked to Jungkook yet?” Jimin asked, his voice quiet.
Taehyung shook his head. “I don’t think I can, Jiminie. I can’t look at him without wanting to cry again.”
Jimin sighed, resting his head against Taehyung’s back. “So what are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know.”
Taehyung’s phone buzzed then, breaking the peaceful silence that had descended on the room. Reaching for his phone beside him, he almost threw it away.
Kookie:
Tae?
What’s wrong?
Why did you leave?
Please talk to me
Please
Closing his eyes, he turned his phone off. He couldn’t face Jungkook. Not yet. He shoved his phone under his pillow as he felt a fresh wave of tears fall down his cheeks.
--
Taehyung spent the next few weeks in a daze. He only left his room to go to his literature classes and avoided the art department building like the plague. His subdued state drew the attention of his friends and they sent him questioning looks. Thankfully, no one said anything but they continued to support him in silence, offering their shoulder for him to lean on if he wanted.
Jimin warned him whenever Jungkook was with them and he avoided the cafeteria on those days. Jimin began bringing him home-made food from Jin, forcing it down his throat when Taehyung refused to eat.
“Tae, I know you’re hurting but you can’t starve yourself.”
Jungkook continued to message him. At first, he was worried he’d done something wrong, asking Taehyung to talk to him. He even apologised multiple times. Then they became status updates on his piece for the exhibition. Despite telling Jungkook to find a new model, the younger had continued his drawings with Taehyung as the main subject.
Kookie:
I made a promise Tae
I only wanted you to model for me
He knew he was being stupid, that he was pushing Jungkook away. He was putting a strain on their relationship but he couldn’t help it. It still hurt whenever he thought about what he’d seen and he was ashamed about how he reacted to it.
He shouldn’t have ran. He should have stayed, congratulated Jungkook on finding a girlfriend, joked with him and teased him about it.
“I’m such an idiot,” Taehyung said to himself as he walked out of his Literature History lecture. He ignored the pointed looks he was receiving, too focused on his inner turmoil to pay them any attention.
He was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t notice the figure that was leaning against the wall and he would have walked straight into him if the other hadn’t grabbed his arms. Looking up ready to apologise, his voice caught in his throat when he saw who it was.
“Finally found you,” Jungkook said, his grip on Taehyung’s arms tight as if he was afraid the other would run.
“Jungkook! What are you doing here?”
Taehyung tried to free himself from Jungkook’s death grip but the younger only held on tighter, pulling Taehyung closer to himself.
“You’ve been ignoring me,” Jungkook said.
Taehyung gulped, averting his eyes from Jungkook. “No, I haven’t”
“Yes, you have!” Jungkook yelled drawing the attention of the other students in the hallway. Huffing out a sigh, Jungkook removed his hands from Taehyung’s arms and grabbed his wrist instead.
He pulled Taehyung through the crowd, walking through the doors of the building and into the bright afternoon sun. Taehyung stumbled along after him, confused and a little scared at the way Jungkook was acting. He seemed almost angry, if the clenched jaw was anything to go by.
Jungkook didn’t stop walking until he found a secluded spot behind the drama building, pulling Taehyung roughly against the wall and caging him in with his arms.
“Talk to me, Taehyung.”
In any other situation, Taehyung would have relished the feeling of Jungkook’s arms around him. But now wasn’t the time.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“How about telling me what happened that day,” Jungkook said, “why you suddenly ran away.”
“Nothing happened,” Taehyung lied, “I just didn’t feel like being your model anymore.”
Jungkook eyed him, studying his face. Then he clicked his tongue before bringing his face closer to Taehyung’s.
“Bullshit.”
Jungkook wasn’t the type to swear. Taehyung knew this, so when he did, he knew something had really set the younger off. He just hoped that the thing wouldn’t be him.
“Wha-”
“Tell me the truth, Taehyung.” When Taehyung remained silent, Jungkook let out such a sad sigh that it tore at Taehyung’s heart. He looked away from the elder before he spoke again, his voice soft, vulnerable. “Please, just tell me what I did wrong.”
Taehyung opened his mouth, his lips shaking. He didn’t want to cry now, not when Jungkook was standing in front of him, looking so, so lost.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He waited until Jungkook met his eyes before continuing. “It wasn’t you, Jungkook. It was me.”
Confusion swept over Jungkook’s features, his brows pulled tight and his mouth set into a frown.
“Tae, what do you mean?”
Taehyung sighed. “I saw you, Jungkook. I saw you kiss that girl.”
The confusion left the younger’s face instantly only to be replaced by shock. Before he could say anything, Taehyung opened his mouth. “I know I have no right to be upset. You’re your own person, I don’t own you or anything. But it still hurt.” He paused as he felt his eyes water again. “I’ve done something stupid. I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help it. I fell in love with you and seeing you with that girl really affected me.”
Taehyung pushed Jungkook away then, the younger too stunned to do anything else. He rubbed his arm across his eyes, biting back the sob that threatened to leave his lips.
“I’m sorry, Kookie. I-I can’t see you anymore without thinking about her. I can’t be your model anymore but I’ll try my hardest to forget about these feelings and be your friend again. I just need time.”
Without waiting for a response, Taehyung pushed away from the wall and walked away. He didn’t look back, not even when Jungkook called out his name.
--
The art exhibit was fast approaching. Posters were pasted on every available surface and Taehyung had to resist the urge to rip each and every single one off the walls. They only served as a reminder of what he had lost.
A few days before opening night, he received a message from Jungkook. There wasn’t an apology or a status update on his works this time. It was short, to the point and Taehyung would have ignored it if it wasn’t so uncharacteristically Jungkook.
Kookie:
Thursday night 7pm.
“You should go,” Jimin said when Taehyung mentioned the message to him over dinner.
“But what if Kookie’s there? I can’t face him after all that.”
Jimin sighed as he reached over the table for Taehyung’s hand. He clutched at the smaller hand like a lifeline, Jimin’s presence comforting.
“You have to face him some time, Tae. You can’t keep running forever.”
Taehyung gulped, holding Jimin’s hand tighter. “I know.”
Jimin smiled and ran his thumb across Taehyung’s skin. “Go, Tae. You need to do this.”
As much as Taehyung didn’t want to admit it, Jimin was right. He needed closure, needed to set things right and the only way he could was to go to the exhibit. If he saw Jungkook there, he would just have to suck it up.
So with a heavy heart, he walked to the campus hall, where all the art students’ projects were. He joined the queue to enter the building, his heart thudding in his chest with each step that brought him closer.
He thanked the girl who gave him a pamphlet with all the artwork on display and when he came upon Jungkook’s entry, his heart stopped. He stood still in the entryway, the other guests manoeuvring around him. He couldn’t breathe but he made his way further into the building, bypassing all the other artworks until he found Jungkook’s art hanging on the walls.
They were all charcoal drawings of him. One was of him sitting on the stool, staring straight ahead at the audience. Another was of him lounging on the small sofa in the studio, his headphones on as he read from a book. There was him, sitting at the window, looking out into the world with such a faraway look.
The drawings continued, covering an entire wall and when he read the small description at the bottom of each drawing, his tears returned. He made no move to wipe them off his face this time.
‘The Most Beautiful Moment in Life’
Jungkook had dedicated a whole series of drawings to him, and had described them as beautiful. For the whole world to see.
“You made it.”
He didn’t turn around. He didn’t need to. He would have been able to pick out that voice anywhere.
“I did.”
Neither of them spoke for a moment, content to let the world continue on without them.
“Jungkook-”
“Before you say anything, let me speak first.” Taehyung nodded and Jungkook took that as a signal to keep going. “That day in the studio, it’s not what you think.” Taehyung clenched his teeth but he didn’t say anything. “I didn’t kiss her. She walked into the room after you left and confessed to me. She kissed me out of nowhere and I wasn’t prepared for it. I wanted to push her away but she surprised me. I pulled away as soon as I could and told her I couldn’t accept her feelings. I couldn’t be the one for her.”
Stepping closer to Taehyung, Jungkook rested his hand against his arm. “Do you know why, Taehyung? Why I couldn’t say yes to her?” Taehyung shook his head and Jungkook smiled. “Because I want to be that special someone for you.”
Taehyung cried. He hated how emotional he was, how just a few simple words from the boy he loved could turn him into a blubbering mess but he didn’t mind this time. Because now they were happy tears and as he turned to bury his face in Jungkook’s chest, he wouldn’t have wanted them to stop for anything.
“You idiot. I hate you so much,” Taehyung said, crying harder when Jungkook wrapped his arms around his shaking shoulders.
“I love you too, Tae.”
--
“So I don’t need to kill him?” Jimin asked as he eyed Taehyung’s and Jungkook’s joined hands.
They had slipped away from the exhibit, hand in hand, smiles so wide Taehyung was sure he was about to split his face open. After spending some time cuddling on one of the benches spread around campus, Taehyung had called Jimin to tell him the good news.
The other had squealed so hard it left his ears ringing. He could hear Yoongi in the background, complaining about all the noise Jimin was making.
When they made it back to Taehyung’s dorm, Jimin was already waiting, an expectant look on his face. Yoongi sat beside him on the couch and even he couldn’t hold back the smile when he noticed their joined hands.
“Nope,” Taehyung said, pulling Jungkook closer to himself. “You don’t need to go to jail.”
“About time. I swear I was about to beat the both of you when you stopped talking to each other,” Yoongi said as he draped an arm across Jimin’s shoulder.
Jungkook laughed. “Sorry we were being so stupid. But you can relax now.” He shared a look with Taehyung, who smiled back at him with his large, boxy grin. “We won’t be stupid like that ever again.”
Taehyung leaned over then, pressing his lips gently against Jungkook’s as he heard Jimin complain in the background. Everything else melted away, every fibre of his being focused on the boy standing in front of him, who was cradling his face so gently and reverently, he felt tears prick at his eyes again.
--
“I love you, Kookie.”
“I love you too, Tae. Sorry for being so slow.”
“It’s okay, bunny-boy.”