Archive of Our Own ^beta

         .fuck marry kill

.Excuse me.

         .yknow! fuck marry kill

         .i give you three people and you tell me which youd fuck which youd marry and which youd kill

.That sounds morbid.

         .haha its only morbid once you start using real people instead of fictional characters and stuff

         .fmk me ten hubble

.

.

.

.Wait, are you being serious?

         .lmao nah im totally fucking with you

         .fmk dave strider spiderman david bowie

.Oh my God.

         .cmoooon

.Uh

.Okay

.Well

.Fuck Spiderman because I don’t think I could handle being romantically attached to someone with such a risky job

         .youre such a dweeb

.Marry David Bowie for his money

         .of course

         .so that means

         .

         .

         .

         .dude youre gonna KILL dave strider???

.I

.Don’t know who they are

.I’m sorry??

         .BABE

         .YOUVE NEVER

         .oh cmon you HAVE to have homestuck in your databases somewhere

         .what kind of john egbert ripoff do you think you ARE if you dont even know what homestuck is

         .like

         .look not to be rawr ex dee random or anything but if im not a 13yo dave strider cosplayer trying to act “in character” then i dont think i know who i am anymore

         .also hi this is me talking directly to the audience - yes you reading this right now im talking to YOU, motherfucker - i get that nine and i’s story may resemble homestuck in some way shape or form but for fucks sake yall we are our own independent people with our own feelings and thoughts etc etc

         .and my comedic and charming comparisons to ourselves as homestuck characters are entirely sarcastic

         .they dont dictate my actual interpretation of neither myself nor nine

         .please dont take any of it seriously

         .anyways im rambling but the point is, nine, im calling you the fuck out for your fake fan-ness

         .you come into my home and dont even get stuck?? fuck you

         .nine are you even listening to me

.

.

.

.

.You called me babe.

         .i

         .what??

.You said babe. You called me babe.

         .oh

         .so what??

         .i do that

         .sometimes

.You do?

.I think I would’ve noticed by now.

         .im sorry i didnt mean to like weird you out or anything

         .im not trying to take your metaphorical hand in metaphorical marriage or anything

.No, no! You didn’t upset me.

.It was kinda cute

         .

         .

         .

         .cute?

.Yeah

.Cute

         .oh

         .

         .

         .

         .so you didnt hear anything about the homestuck thing then

.The what?

         .nice

         .i oughta call you babe more often

.Jeez.

.You’re the worst.

         .but you didnt protest

.

.

.Huh

.I guess I didn’t.

.

.

.

.

         .

         .

         .

         .

.Fuck, marry, kill:

.Me

.Ten

.Hubble

         .oh you are the WORST kind of person

.You know it, babe.

         .sdfghfjdngfkjdnhfjxnhjf???