Chapter Text
He set up about fifteen alarms. He knew he was a heavy sleeper, and tomorrow is his first day at his new job (a job that he’s been wanting since he his junior year of high school; a music director) so he didn’t want to be late.
As soon as he shut his eyes, he felt a bubbly feeling rise in his stomach. This is going to be a new chapter in his life, he’s finally going to have a fresh new start. Nothing will remind him of the past he’s been desperately trying to leave behind. He’s never going to get any sleep, so he opened a book.
**
Youngjae stood outside the record company, walking back and forth. It’s a new chapter of his life, he wanted this to go right so badly. He’s going to do what he always wanted, even though he’s only an intern he’s still experiencing the good things about being in a record company.
He looked at his watch and saw there are about ten minutes left until 9AM, so he figured he has no more time to waste. He took a deep breath and went inside. He checked in at the front desk and the secretary told him to go to the 5th floor where Park JinYoung is expecting him. So he got on the elevator and headed to where he was told, he kept taking deep breaths to settle his fluttering heart.
“Youngjae, I know you will do well!” he smiled at him with such an endearing smile that Youngjae believed he could actually do this. He could go up on stage and sing in front of the whole school. Youngjae took a deep breath and smiled at his best friend. His best friend that had the warmest smile Youngjae has ever seen, his best friend that gave him the most amazing hugs. His best friend that always believed in him. His best friend who was the most handsome man Youngjae has ever set eyes on. He looked at him one more time and his best friend gave him a cheek kiss, soft lips met soft skin, that turned into smiles against soft skin, that turned into warm hugs and hair ruffles. “You’re the most talented person I know,” he sent an encouraging smile towards Youngjae. And Youngjae felt like he could take over the world.
The elevator door opened and Youngjae stepped out. He followed the instructions he was given in an email sent out a few days ago and found the room he was supposed to be at. He opened the door to see a few people working at their desks and found a plaque that read “Park JinYoung”. He looked up at him and smiled, and Youngjae swore he almost went blind!
He looked familiar, but Youngjae couldn’t put his finger on where he knew him from.
Youngjae walked towards him and bowed and introduced himself. “You’re right on time,” he looked through a stack of papers on his desk. “Ah, here we go.” He looked through Youngjae’s resume and Youngjae became a little nervous. “You will learn a lot here! Let’s meet your co-workers, shall we?” They passed by each desk and he introduced himself, being polite and formal. Everyone seemed nice enough, but it’s only the first day.
There was one desk that was empty though, but Jinyoung passed by it without saying anything. Youngjae wondered if that was his desk…
“You’ll be here, get settled in and you’ll meet everyone else in a little bit. We have a meeting before lunch. I want you to take notes and present them to me after.” Youngjae nodded, satisfied with the small task. “Until then, organize these files for me, and grab these ones from the file room next door.”
“This might seem odd, but you look very familiar.”
“We had a seminar together and worked on an in-class assignment,” Youngjae felt his face heat up. It was so easy for Jinyoung to remember him, but Youngjae couldn’t remember anything except the feeling of knowing him.
“We’re the same age?!”
“No, I’m older by two years. The seminar was one of my last classes and I put it off for a long time. So I took if before I graduated.” There goes that smile, and the crinkles that formed around his eyes were very cute!
“I see. Hyung,” he smiled back and hoped he looked as good doing it as Jinyoung did.
He laid his jacket on his desk chair and began organizing the files, and he took his time, there weren’t many and he had hours until lunch. An hour passed by and Youngjae was done with the organizing of the files, so he took the list of files he needed to get with him to the files room. It was an old room and it wreaked of dust, he coughed a few times and felt his lungs on fire.
It must have been 30 minutes when Youngjae had to take a break and breathe into his shirt. A door opened and Youngjae looked back at the poor soul that will share the dustiness of this room with him. But not the dust, or the growling of his stomach crossed his mind when he saw who came in the room.
He stood at the door, looking as perfect as Youngjae remembered with his raven hair styled up and his sharp nose and those cursed earrings. He stood there unmoving, looking at Youngjae like he has 3 heads. If he cracks a smile just about now, Youngjae swears he might leap into his arms.
Yet he stood still, his knuckles turning white at the door handle.
It must have been a few minutes before he moved towards Youngjae. His eyes never leaving the younger boy, he stood in front of him, barely a few inches between them. His breathing was fast and shaky and Youngjae swears he might be the one who cracks a smile first. Because there he stood; the man he has been in love with since the 9th grade. The man who no one could compare to. No one could ever match up to him. Youngjae didn’t know how but he felt his hand reach up and cup the man’s face, his thumb brushed his cheeks.
Soft as ever.
“Youngjae?” he breathed, stressing each syllable as if he were dreaming. His eyebrows furrowed as if he didn’t believe what he was seeing in front of him. “Jae?” At the nickname, Youngjae swore he felt a shock travel throughout his body. And he hugged him. He slammed his body against Youngjae’s and breathed him in, a hand holding on to Youngjae’s head securing him in his hold, the other wrapped tightly around his back. And that’s when reality crashed around Youngjae. He took a step back, looked at his shoes and the memories flooded back. The memories he tried to push at the back of his mind for almost five years. All the suppressed memories came rushing back as soon as he heard his voice.
The voice that, as soon as Youngjae recalled their memories, would calm Youngjae during college nights when he was too stressed during finals week. The voice that would call him in the morning before a big test in high school and tell him how he’s the smartest and cutest sunshine on planet earth. That voice, that got him through four years without his best friend. His best friend who he planned his whole college career with, who he planned on being friends with for the rest of his life. The voice that breathed his name in the most intimate moments, when Youngjae’s house was empty and they were both high on teenage hormones. Fake promises filled his lonely heart and he believed every single one. Every promise that came from those pretty lips of Jaebum, Youngjae believed it all. Because Jaebum was warm and sincere, in those moments, and Youngjae could see galaxies in his eyes. He wanted to live in Jaebum’s eyes, it was the only place he could be himself; he could be exposed and he would feel okay. Jaebum held no judgments, and Youngjae felt like he was the center of Jaebum’s world.
What a joke.
He maneuvered around Jaebum and left the dusty room as fast as his feet would move, the files long forgotten. He looked for the bathroom before his vision became blurry with tears threatening to fall and his breath getting stuck in his lungs.
“Breathe, Youngjae.” A warm hand circled his back. “Slow and steady, baby. One, two, three and breathe. One, two, three and breathe.”
This is the only thing that calms his beating heart.
**
After washing his face, Youngjae returned to get the files from the file room. Thankfully, Jaebum wasn’t there. He didn’t know how to face him, if he even could! Youngjae hasn’t done anything wrong, he isn’t the one who left out of the blue, but he was angry and he didn’t want to break down in front of the guy that left him without a word. Because he loved him, and Jaebum broke his heart.
Youngjae wasn’t supposed to fall head over heels in love with Jaebum. They had an agreement; they both wanted to experiment, so why not experiment with each other and see what they liked? But this experiment went on for four years, all of Youngjae’s high school years and Jaebum’s last two of high school and first two of college.
Youngjae wouldn’t ask Jaebum if he wanted to do something, he always hinted and Jaebum took the hint with a happy heart and a big smile. He was a flirt, always sending Youngjae glances and smirks when no one was looking, teasing Youngjae, acting cute when they were alone. “I’d do anything for you,” he’d say.
Anything except staying.
When he reached the office he gave Jinyoung what he asked for, he went back to his desk and found a list of things to do before the meeting. Youngjae happily did everything on the list to get his mind away from the earlier events.
**
He really couldn’t handle his emotions, he tried all the techniques his therapist taught him over the years but nothing worked. They threatened to rise and he had nowhere to hide them, so he rushed to the only person who knew how to calm him down now. And when he got there he saw the person who made his emotions rise up like this.
He saw the boy he’s been desperately in love with ever since he knew what falling in love meant. The boy that ran away from him a few moments ago like Jaebum was a disease. And it hurt. It fucking hurt to have him not even be a little glad to see him after all these years.
“JB,” he turned to see a concerned Jinyoung. “JB, what’s wrong?”
“Come with me,” he took Jinyoung’s hand and dragged him out of the room and to an empty one.
“JB, breathe!” his hands on Jaebum’s shoulders didn’t really help so much right now.
“He’s here!” he almost yelled and grabbed fistfuls of his hair.
“Who?”
“Youngjae.”
“OK, Jaebum. Breathe, and sit down. Let’s talk about this,” he was calm, and his voice was smooth and low. Jaebum has to admit it helped a bit.
“Youngjae is here and he can’t even stand to look at me, Jinyoung!” Jinyoung’s hand on Jaebum’s thigh helped quit the nerves that made Jaebum jiggle his legs. “He’s here, Jinyoung.” If his whispers might sound like a desperate plea for help, it’s because they were. He felt an enormous amount of guilt for what he did to Youngjae. He thought he wouldn’t see him again after college, so he pushed the guilt away and now it’s all pouring right out of him. All the nightmares he’s had about how much Youngjae cried, how betrayed he must have felt, it all came rushing back and he felt like a complete asshole.
“Jaebum, it’ll be alright.” Jinyoung’s arms wrapped around Jaebum. “I promise.”
“Did you know?” Jinyoung pulled back and gave him a confused look. “Did you know he’d be here today?”
“I had my suspicions that it would be him but I didn’t know for sure. The picture on his resume looked familiar, but I couldn’t remember where I knew him from.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he pushed his hands off of him and got up to pace around the room.
“Because I got his file after he got hired. I’m not in charge of hiring, you know!”
“What am I going to do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want him back!”
“Then get him back!”
**
“Youngjae,” Jinyoung called out to him. “Time to go,” he waited for him by the door, so Youngjae grabbed a notebook and followed his team leader.
He wanted to ask about Jaebum, he wanted to know what got him to paranoid earlier. To be completely honest, Youngjae was worried. Jaebum looked like he was having a breakdown, but what for? He didn’t know if he could ask Jinyoung, considering that they might very well be very close friends. Jaebum doesn’t ask anyone for help when he’s having an emotional breakdown, so Jinyoung must be very special.
But he let that go, it’s none of his business anymore. “So what things should I look out for?”
“When someone repeats something but they say it in a different way, write it down. If someone asks a question write it down with the answer, make note of figures and sales, trends, that sort of thing.”
When they reached the meeting room, Youngjae and Jinyoung took their seats closer to the speaker.
Youngjae kept himself busy while he waited until the presentation started by writing down the date and the reason for the meeting. He felt eyes on him, but he didn’t look up. It was probably because he’s new and people were curious as to who he is. But with a few minutes passing and the feeling of being watched still itched his skin, he dared to look up. And when he did he felt a pang of electricity travel through his whole body.
Jaebum.
Jaebum was staring at him from across the table, and making it obvious, with those dangerous eyes of his. But once Youngjae caught Jaebum’s eyes, he couldn’t look away. The way Jaebum was lazily sitting in his chair, curious eyes on Youngjae sent bubbly thoughts throughout Youngjae’s body. All the happy moments when they were in bed and Jaebum was straddling him and giving him the same hungry and curious look came rushing back. Youngjae couldn’t help the heat that rushed to his face when that memory was followed by one where Jaebum would leave trails of kisses down Youngjae’s cheek all the way down to his collarbones. The memory of those lips on his skin, the gentle contact that would leave Youngjae in frustration and need every time, it all came rushing back.
“Stop staring at my intern,” Jinyoung next to him popped the memory bubble that was growing inside Youngjae’s mind. Jinyoung spoke to Jaebum informally, which could either mean that Jinyoung is older than Jaebum or that they are friends.
“Maybe you should pick ugly interns then,” Jaebum’s eyes didn’t leave Youngjae’s. And Youngjae felt his whole body go cold. He’s never done well under Jaebum’s stare.
“God damn, Youngjae!” Jaebum’s breath tickled Youngjae’s inner thigh while his fingers dug into his upper thighs. “You’re so beautiful,” they locked eyes and Youngjae felt a hotness pool in his stomach, the sight of Jaebum’s head peeking between Youngjae’s thighs was something out of this world. He placed a hungry kiss on Youngjae’s inner thigh. “So fucking soft,” another kiss. “So fucking perfect,” another kiss. Jaebum’s soft and raspy voice alone sent Youngjae on a thrill.
“Maybe you should be less of a creep.” Jaebum scoffed and broke his gaze from Youngjae’s.
Youngjae tried to focus on getting his notes ready, but it was hard when you have someone like Jaebum watching every movement you make.
When the presentation was over, Jinyoung and Youngjae made their way back to the office. “Youngjae,” there it is. Saying his name again. So Youngjae turned around and faced him, heart thumping in his ear.
“Bummie?” the boy gave Youngjae a lazy smile at his favorite nickname. “Will we be friends forever?”
“I will never leave you,” he pushed Youngjae closer to himself and placed a small kiss in his hair. “You’ll be the death of me, Youngjae!” Jaebum tightened his arms around the younger boy’s shoulders.
“Can we talk?” Youngjae knew the look on Jaebum’s face, he was nervous.
Youngjae scoffed, of course they couldn’t talk. After nearly five years Jaebum thinks he could just get Youngjae aside and make him do whatever he wants? Those days are long over. And he isn’t going to listen to whatever he says. “What do you think?”
“Youngjae please,” he almost got a hold of Youngjae’s hand, but Youngjae was faster and swatted it away. Sure, he misses him like hell, having him close right now made Youngjae’s heart beat faster than it ever did in all those five years he and Jaebum were apart. With just a single look, Jaebum had him weaker than any man ever had that he’s ever met in that period of time. Jaebum had some sort of godly power over him. With one look, he could make him do anything he wanted.
He wanted to say no, wanted to leave him hanging like he did him. But his body betrayed him and he nodded, giving in.
Jinyoung turned to Jaebum, “Behave,” and Jaebum rolled his eyes. And then Jinyoung turned to Youngjae, “We can go over the notes when you get back from lunch,” Jinyoung said, Youngjae forgot he was even still there, and headed back to the office alone but not before giving Jaebum a long look.
“Do you still like chicken feet?” Jaebum asked, hands now in his pockets. Youngjae nodded. He wanted to speak, to say something, anything. But his mouth wouldn’t follow the command. “I know a nice place.”
They walked together, with Youngjae’s thoughts all over the place. He wanted to be angry at Jaebum for leaving him. He promised he wouldn’t, but then he left and didn’t even call him. He wanted to punch him for hurting him; they were best friends. They promised they’d be best friends forever and there wasn’t a reason why they wouldn’t be. They planned on going to the same college, working at the same company even if they had different jobs they both wanted to do something with music. Why did Jaebum change in the blink of an eye?