Work Text:
Caitlin Snow let out a huff of frustration as she locked the door to her office. The lab was quiet, everyone had left for their respective homes in the aftermath of dealing with Grodd. Everyone except for her. The others had family and homes with life and warmth. Caitlin had... Well she had an empty apartment, a bare fridge, and a stack of medical journals next to her bed that she'd probably end up reading until she fell asleep. Alone. Pulling her key from the lock and pocketing it, Caitlin turned and started her slow walk toward the cortex and the elevators beyond them. She'd been stalling all evening. Too keyed up to want to be alone, but too proud to ask any of the others to keep her company. Even Cisco had had a date to get to, or she would have bribed him with takeout and movies.
Being taken by the oversized gorilla had been scary, but Caitlin had never truly been afraid throughout the ordeal. Until the Reverse Flash had come strolling into the room. In that one moment, she'd felt terror. Her heart had dropped into her stomach and she wondered irrationally how he could be back if he'd been erased. But more importantly what was his plan for her. When he'd started talking to Grodd, all but ignoring her, she'd listened to his voice. It sounded so familiar and yet it was so... Dangerous. Especially when he'd said 'We don't need Caitlin, do we buddy?'
That had actually... Stung. Caitlin let out a short laugh at that thought but the pain she felt at the memory couldn't just be laughed away. Hearing the man she thought was Dr. Wells say he didn't need her was worse than any threat from a sentient gorilla. What did that say about her state of mind if that's what scared her more?
Shaking her head, Caitlin stepped into the cortex and saw a light coming from one of Ciscos' workspaces across the room. Biting her lip, she debated briefly about going over to see if Harry was still working but she couldn't make her feet move. If she was honest, she was avoiding him. He'd been kind when she'd stitched him up, and she'd thanked the man for saving her life but all she could think about was the fact that they'd been in near identical circumstances before. How was she supposed to keep the two men separate when they were the very same, physically at least? All she could see was Dr Wells laying on the same bed, legs stretched before him uselessly, shirt up as she stitched his side. He'd thanked her then too. His praise had sparked a fire in her and she'd been warm all over with pride. Harry had inspired the same reaction from her tonight. He'd been doing that a lot lately. It confused her, made her heart clench uncomfortably and made her want to leave the room whenever he entered.
Steeling herself, Caitlin decided to pointedly ignore the light and walked towards the elevators. She'd deal with it tomorrow. She rounded the corner of the hallway and arrived at the elevators. Stepping forward to press the button, she listened for any noise coming from the cortex. Hearing none and satisfied she'd be making a quiet escape, Caitlin turned towards the elevator, willing it to hurry. Nearly bouncing on her heels with nervousness, she knew she was being rediculous but all she could feel was exhaustion creeping into her body. Like escaping the lab was draining all of her energy because she was just running away from her problems.
Finally the elevator dinged and she ducked her head to step into it quickly. In her haste to reach the surface, she wasn't paying attention to what should have been an empty elevator and ended up colliding with a solid form trying to exit it. She nearly fell back, but a hand shot out and wrapped around her forearm, pulling her roughly upright. Startled, she let out a fast 'I'm sorry' just as her victim let out a rather undignified curse. When she looked up, she could feel her cheeks blazing red with embarrassment as she took in the unhappy form of Harry. His free hand was pressed against his side and his other was still around her arm, steadying her. Has face had been twisted into a mix of pain and annoyance and it took her a second to comprehend.
Stitches!
"Harry! I'm so so so sorry!" Caitlin was mortified. He'd probably torn the stitches out of the wound he only had because he'd rescued her and been thrown into a wall for his troubles. She watched as he sucked in a breath and arched an eyebrow.
"Trying to finish the job, Snow?" She could hear irritation in Harry's voice, it was a familiar tone from him, but he seemed to be trying to restrain himself. His hand dropped from her arm, fingers flexing slightly as it did. His other hand remained pressed at his side and Caitlin frowned. Her mind raced, wondering if she could get away with an apology and without having to check his stitches. Then another part of her started berating the idea, reminding herself that she was a doctor, dammit, and that even if the situation was awkward, she still had an obligation to help.
She must have been quiet for too long because Harry lifted his hand and poked her gently in the shoulder. She stared uncomprehending until a surge of irritation rolled through her. "Did you just poke me?"
"You just ran me down in an elevator. I was just minding my own business. What are you even doing here besides looking for more victims?"
She could feel her mouth opening and closing several time but no words would come out. Heat burned through her again and she knew she was blushing. This would not do. Harry was good at making people uncomfortable. Dr. Wells had been too. Caitlin had never allowed either man that advantage. This would be no different. Lifting her chin in what she hoped was dismissal, she stared down the man in front of her. They were close enough that she could see his pupils dilate slightly when their eyes met. His brow quirked down and he had the same look he usually reserved for frustrating equations.
"It was an accident. But I probably should check your stitches before I go." Surprisingly Harry didn't argue. He gestured for her to lead and together they walked away from the elevators. Caitlin chewed her lower lip slightly as they retraced their steps towards her office. Sometimes when she was alone, she could swear that the faint whir of Dr. Wells' electric wheel chair was coming just around the corner. Tonight the hall was empty except for the two of them and the only sound was their footsteps.
They reached her office door and Caitlin pulled her keys out, fumbled them, and glared as they fell to the floor. Pointedly not looking at Harry, she bent down to retrieve them and moved to stand up quickly. Bashing her head against the door handle as she did. Wincing, she felt Harry's hand come to rest on her arm again, and he guided her up gently. When she turned to face him, he was lifting his hand up to her hair, but she brushed it away. His face shifted from concerned amusement into a guarded frown. Caitlin felt heat scorch through her again and wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and die of embarrassment. Trying the lock again, Caitlin avoided looking at Harry and managed to open the door. Without waiting, she yanked the door open and stepped into the office, flipping the light switch angrily. She was startled to feel tears pricking at the corner of her eyes and she took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. She just needed to get this over with and then she could flee.
Without looking over her shoulder she moved around the room, pulling out gloves, sutures, tape, bandages and antibiotics and collecting them all in a tray. Doctor mode was easy, it was autopilot. She didn't have to think about anything. Or anyone. She could feel Harry's eyes on her but he didn't say anything and she let out a relieved sigh when the silence kept growing.
Harry watched her. He was slightly amused at her obvious effort to appear normal, but he was also concerned. She'd been avoiding him all afternoon. To the point that he was pretty sure she was keeping track of him via the security feeds. It had been a rough few days for her and it was understandable that she'd be a little keyed up, especially after the rescue that almost went very badly . But she was fine with everyone else. It was him that she was avoiding. Harry had an inkling as to why but he wanted to hear her say it. So he'd played her game and gone up to the security booth at the lab entrance and watched the feeds until she'd left. Then it was a matter of catching her as she tried to get into the elevator. Of course that had backfired spectacularly and he'd been sure she was going to leave even though he'd probably reinjured himself. She'd surprised him when she seemed to find some of that backbone of hers he'd grown so fond of. Without a word she'd brought him to her office, but then she'd hit her head and he knew something was bothering her. Badly. And it didn't take a genius level IQ to figure out that the problem was him.
Well he'd just have to find out why, wouldn't he?
By the time Caitlin has everything she thinks she's going to need gathered, and no more excuses to avoid looking at Harry, she turns around. And almost drops her tray because Harry is directly behind her, shirtless and smirking. She manages to recover her composure enough to jerk her head in what she hoped indicated she wanted him to lay on the bed. It seemed to work because Harry made his way over and slid up onto it. She watches a brief flash of discomfort cross his face as he swings his long legs up onto the bed and she's stepping forward before she realizes it. Autopilot is on again. He's silent as she works, and she's thankful, although she's sure her face is red again. His stitches need to be redone and she frowns. Looking up, she meets Harry's striking blue eyes and informs him of the bad news.
"I've got time Snow. I'm not going anywhere." He sounds smug and she realizes he knows she's been avoiding him. She leans back on her stool and regards him cooly. She wouldn't put it past him to have orchestrated this whole mess tonight, and then a chill runs through her because she thinks of all the things the other Wells orchestrated. He can't miss the shudder that goes through her as she turns towards her tray, and she tenses when his hand fall on her shoulder. Tugging gently, he spins her partway around on her stool and drops his hand back to his lap. "Why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not." She manages to keep the waver out of her voice.
"Snow. Come on." His tone is matter of fact.
"Not everything is about you, Harry. Did you ever think of that?" There, if she's rude maybe he'll leave her alone. Not that she ever leaves him alone when he's rude. She just keeps persisting.
"Uh, I know that. But this," he gestures between the two of them, "this clearly has something to do with me. So what's the problem?
She's biting her lip again and her gaze drops to her tray of medical supplies. She puts the gloves on and turns to Harry fully. He's watching her expectantly and she knows that somehow she's going to end up telling him things she doesn't want to. Both men with his face seem to have that in common. She feels the tears back in her eyes and she ducks her head, wiping furiously at them. When she realizes she's ruined the gloves, she tears them off with a harsh sigh and hurls them behind her. Caitlin turns away from Harry abruptly and rises, stalking across the room, as far as she can get.
"Talk to me Caitlin. Please."
Harry is sitting calmly across the room; he's swung his legs over the bed and he's watching her like she might flee at any moment. She's close to doing just that but Harry is closer to the door than she is and she's not sure she's got enough strength to try and get past him. Caitlin leans back against a cabinet and watches Harry watching her. She sees his face and knows that he's his own man. But his eyes, the quirk of his lips when he's amused and trying to hide it, his quiet presence when there's a problem, and the vehemence with which he'll argue circles around everyone in the room has her seeing another man with his face and sometimes it's impossible to tell the difference in her mind. And seeing him every day is fine ninety nine out of one hundred times. It's just the one time every now and then that transports her back three years and leaves her shaking with anger, sadness, and grief.
Because she's never said it out loud to anyone, but there are times where she misses everything about the man that was Dr. Wells before he was ever Eobard Thawne to her. And there are times, even after she knew, that she misses him even more.
Now, what does that say about her?
"Rough day?" Harry's voice breaks into her thoughts suddenly and she realizes that tears have been tracking down her cheeks and he's suddenly in front of her again. She tries to avoid looking at him, but this only frustrates her because she knows it's obvious that she's avoiding him so she takes a deep breath and finally lifts her eyes to his.
"I guess you could say that." Her voice is bordering on hysterical and she offers him a weak smile. Harry doesn't reply, instead he reaches behind her and pulls a few paper towels from the dispenser above the cabinet. He hands her them without comment and waits for her to dry her eyes.
"Would you like to talk about why I seem to be causing you to break down? Or maybe we could go and knock things off of Ramone's desk! I find that is a very good way to relieve tension." His lips quirk and Caitlin let's out a soft chuckle at the last. Harry frowns again though, and brushes a stray hair behind Caitlin's ear. His cheeks redden suddenly and he drops his hand. Caitlin flushes again.
" I'm sorry. Today had been difficult."
"Understandable. It's not very day that someone I know is kidnapped by a genetically engineered gorilla." He's trying for humor again and it works, Caitlin offers him the first smile he's seen from her since she stitched him up hours ago.
"It's not you Harry..." She trails off because it actually is Harry. He crosses his arms over his chest and fixes her with a look of skepticism.
"Are you sure about that Snow?" He knows. He knows and all of the sudden she can't take those blue eyes staring into her own so she slides away from the cabinet and starts pacing.
"It's not what you're thinking. Or maybe it is. I don't even know anymore." Her words come out in a rush, she's just saying whatever comes to mind because she doesn't want to acknowledge the big glaring issue that's actually the important one. Harry clears his throat behind her and she whirls to face him. He's got his hands in his pockets. The gash on his side is irritated and red, blood had slowly trailed down from it, drying on his skin. She isn't sure if it was from when she ran into him or if it hadn't stopped bleeding fully from the afternoon. She can't tear her eyes from the wound and she doesn't seem to see Harry walking forward. She starts when his hand comes to rest on her arm, and she feels her gaze drawn right back to his. He's looking at her with genuine concern and she feels something tighten in her chest.
How many times had she seen that look before? How many times had it actually been genuine?
She feels tears in the corners of her eyes and gives an angry huff. Suddenly Harry is reaching for her and she's being pulled into his arms. Her own go up and settle across his back and she presses her forehead into his shoulder. Taking several deep breaths to calm herself, Caitlin steels herself. Closing her eyes, she pictures Dr. Wells in her mind and the image shifts, Harry taking his place.
"I'm sorry. It's not you. I just... I can usually keep you two separate. I know that you're not... That he's not... It's not you Harry. It's me."
"Ah. I was wondering." He doesn't sound surprised and Caitlin pulls her head back to stare at him. "You've been on edge since I walked into that room in the suit. Even Barry attacked me."
She sniffles, a look of shock crossing her face at the last. "He did?"
"Oh yes. The suit seems to inspire some very strong emotions from your team. And I imagine seeing the man with his face wearing it is going to inspire something even more." He drops his hands to her waist and gives her an appraising look. His lips quirk again and he gives her a smile. " Negative memories aside, I think I pull off yellow leather pretty well for a man my age. "
Caitlin whacks him gently on the chest and tries not to laugh. She shakes her head and wipes at her eyes. Harry gives a steadying squeeze against her hips and releases her. "You haven't talked to the others about whatever is bothering you. So talk to me."
"I can't do that Harry."
"Look, Snow, I understand if you don't trust me but..."
"No!" She cuts him off, startling him, "It's not that Harry. It's.. It's because it's not you. You're not the problem. You just remind me of... Him. And I can deal with it almost every single day, but there are days when it's all so fresh. And it feels so raw."
Harry is silent but she can see his mind racing. Finally, " What you need is to vent. To get it all out. "
" That would be immensely unfair to you Harry. "
" Would it help? " Caitlin so badly wants to say no, even opens her mouth to do it, but the words won't come. He's right. Of course he is. But is she brave enough?
" I don't know. "
" Yes you do."
" I can't do that to you Harry. You don't deserve any of what he did."
"Were a team Snow. And you need help. I'm offering."
She doesn't answer. His eyes pin her with something she can't name and before she realizes it she's saying yes.
"Would you be willing to trust me?" He asks cautiously, several minutes later when she's stitching his wound up again. Her hands are steady and they don't even slow as she answers.
"I do trust you Harry." She feels Harry take a deep breath and chances a look up at him. He's chewing his lower lip, head cocked in thought. As she finishes up, he slides his legs off the bed and stands. When Caitlin moves to stand too, he lays a hand on her shoulder and shakes his head. He wants her to stay.
"Give me ten minutes. I'll be back."
"Harry, what?
" You have to trust me, Snow. "
Xxxxxxxxxx
" Hello Caitlin. "
His voice startles her and she whirls, eyes widening as she takes him in. His voice is wrong, it's lower and dangerous. He's wearing the suit. It fits him perfectly. He's the mirror of his doppelganger and Caitlin feels a thrill of fear go through her. Her heart pounds and she leans back against her desk.
Harry had gambled. He knew that Caitlin was avoiding him and he knew it had to do with the other Wells. The catalyst had been his appearance as the Reverse Flash. He needed her back to normal if he had any hope of saving his daughter, and truth be told, it made him unhappy that she was afraid of him. Out of the entire team, she'd been his one constant defender and companion. If he was being honest with himself completely, he was more than a little bit taken with the young doctor. Her kindness and compassion seemed limitless, and she was steadfastly loyal. Something that seemed be keeping her firmly in the past at the moment.
He'd have to push her.
"This might be a little overboard, Harry." He can hear the fear in her voice, but shes doing a good job controlling it. Her knuckles are white where they're gripping the cabinet but she doesn't move to flee.
"On the contrary Caitlin, I think this is exactly what you need."
"What exactly are you trying to do?"
"I want you to tell me everything that you wish you could have said to him. To your Wells. I want you to get it all out. I'm here. I look like him. I sound like him. I'm dressed like him. Let it out Snow." His voice is lower than normal, closer to Wells and it makes something in her stomach clench, not unpleasantly. She hadn't heard that voice in so long. If she closes her eyes she can almost imagine...
" I don't see how that fair to you Harry. You're not him."
"You say that, but you're still afraid of me." Harry stabs a finger at her and starts pacing. The leather is tight across his frame and he seems bigger somehow. His blue eyes are surrounded by yellow, she can't look away from them. Her heart rate increases and she feels her cheeks grow warm. She can't deny she's afraid of him, not when he's dressed like this. Not when his voice slips so easily into something she remembers. Not when she reacts to him the way she did to Wells. She shivers, despite the warmth in the lab.
"I have never been able to hate you." Her words make him stop, but Harry quickly realizes she's not actually speaking to him. He takes a few steps towards her and crosses his arms over the lighting on his chest. He watches her eyes as they take him in. Notes her increased inhalation, the ways her pupils dilate slightly. He catalogues it, committing it to memory. "I know the others do. Especially Barry. But I defended you until the end. Did you know that?"
"I watched you all Caitlin, but I watched you the most." She visibly shudders but he's not sure if it's disgust or relief. Whatever it is, she continues.
"I was the first to visit you in the hospital. You held me when I told you about Ronnie. You pulled me into your hospital bed and told me everything would be okay. That you'd make it right. And I believed you." This information shocks Harry, but it does explain her reaction more and more. He'd always wondered if something had been going on between Caitlin and the other Wells. He'd been envious even, thinking about the possibility even though it had never come up.
" I was the person who helped you settle in at home while you pretended you needed that damned wheel chair. I pitied you! You! I threw myself into taking care of you so I could forget about my life being in shambles. Were you laughing at me then? Was I some sort of pathetic joke? " Harry shakes his head, closing the distance between himself and her. He's barely an arm length away from her now.
" It wasn't a joke Caitlin. It meant something. " She seems startled by his admission, and Harry mentally kicks himself. He doesn't want to give her false hope. He just wants her to have closure.
"later, when we were watching over Barry, you told me I should leave you. That I shouldn't tie my name to yours and that I should get out while I still could. Do you know why I refused?"
Harry doesn't trust himself to speak so he just shakes his head. Caitlin isn't really looking at him anymore, her eyes have settled into middle distance, she's seeing the ghosts of the past.
" Because I thought you needed me. And because I needed you. I got up every day for you. I went to bed at night thinking of you. Not my fiance. You. I was utterly devoted to you. And you were a liar." Her breath catches and Harry wants to reach out for her so badly, but he knows it will ruin the moment. If she's going to cry, she needs to get it all out.
" You have to know Caitlin, even though my motivations were beyond anything I could tell you, I couldn't have done any of this without you. S.T.A.R. Labs wouldn't be here without you and Cisco."
"We were a means to an end for you!" She's angry now and she's stunning in the emotion. Her eyes darken and her expression hardens. She pointedly brushes past him, their shoulders touching briefly as she does. Harry turns and follows her with his eyes. She's pacing again.
"As angry as I was after I found out, I still couldn't bring myself to hate you. You put yourself between us and Faqood. You brought Ronnie back to me. And you kept Barry Allen alive on so many occasions. I can't have been as important as Barry, but you still risked your life for me. How can I hate you for that? "
"You mattered to me Caitlin." Something inside of Harry snaps and he can't seem to keep his mouth shut. He knows he's playing a dangerous game now, but hearing this bright, intelligent woman begging for approval from someone who was a liar and a murderer makes him angry. He so badly wants to give her the satisfaction she'd been seeking. He would gladly travel back in time and beat the other Wells bloody for what he'd done, to her especially.
"I ached for every scrap of praise you ever gave me. It was pathetic, all I wanted was to impress you."
"You've never stopped." Caitlin is growing weaker in front of him. Exhaustion is taking its toll on her and he sees her visibly deflate. She comes to a halt by her desk and he steps quietly up behind her again. Her shoulders sag as she attempts to take calming breaths. Harry lifts his hands again, placing them on either shoulder and gently tugging her backwards. She collides gently with his chest and when she doesn't move, he slides his arms around her stomach to keep her in place. He focuses on her breathing and times his breaths to sync with hers. "Caitlin?"
"Yes?"
"Were you in love with him?" She tenses when he asks and she fights to pull away. He presses his hands firmly against her and traps her between his chest and her desk. He hisses softly when she bumps his stitches and his hips jerk involuntarily at the sudden pain. She practically melts against him and he jerks his hips again, not able to stop himself. He can hear the soft moan that escapes her and he finds himself with his lips against the skin beneath her ear. "Tell me Caitlin. Were you in love with the Reverse Flash?" His whisper is harsh, strained. Harry knows he's crossed the line but he can't stop himself. His head is hazey and all he can feel is the leather suit against him and her body pressed tight against it. He wonders if they ever slept together and feels a flood of arousal slide south, helpless to do anything about it. He can see her in his mind. He can't stop it. And suddenly he hates the other Wells even more, simply because if the man hadn't fucked up, he could have had this beautiful, intelligent woman on his side until the end of time. Harry suddenly realizes he'd do anything to avoid any other outcome.
"Yes." Her whisper is strained in the quiet room and Harry feels her press back into him. He shakes his head to clear it and turns her in his arms. She leans back against the desk and he follows her. Her hands find his hips and pull him flush against her. He drops his for head to her neck and exhales forcefully, trying to get himself under control. He's getting hard and knows she can probably feel it, even with the armored suit. Gathering all of his strength, he draws back slightly and pins her with his eyes. Her pupils are blown and she looks like she's either going to bolt or collapse. Harry knows he needs to chose his next words carefully.
"He's gone Caitlin. He's gone and he didn't deserve your love." Anger flashes across her face and he's reaching up to pull the mask off his head. As he does, he feels her body tense suddenly and then she relaxes against him. With the mask off he can see her and she can see him. She recognizes him as Harry. Embarrassment colors her cheeks and she drops her eyes. Their still pressed together and Harry steps back slightly, trying to spare his own embarrassment. "He didn't deserve you Caitlin."
The slap is unexpected but in hindsight he should have seen it coming. Harry had committed a number of sins tonight, least of all being donning the speed suit and cornering her when she was vulnerable. He's probably getting off lucky when he catches her hand the second time and returns her glare with his own.
"The first one was for me, but what about this one? Was that for him?"
"I don't... I don't know Harry."
"You're going to have to figure that out Snow. For better or worse, that Harrison Wells is gone." He links her fingers with his when it's clear she isn't going to slap him again. She looks down at their joined hands, debating something he isn't privy to. Suddenly she's bringing her free hand up to the collar of the suit and tugging him down roughly. Their lips meet awkwardly at first, teeth clicking together painfully, until she angles her head and he weaves a hand through her hair to keep her in place. Then he's flooded by warmth and a pang of arousal shoots through him again. Caitlin is persistent, nipping his lower lip until he opens his mouth and let's her tongue in. He feels her hand wander across the lightning symbol on his chest; shudders slightly as her fingers follow the zipper of the jacket down to where it meets the pants.
All of the sudden she's pulling away and he's panting, feeling undignified and smug at the same time. She regards him silently. Her cheeks are flushed and her tongue darts out to lick her lips.
"Was that for me or for him, Snow?" Harry's voice is strained, his chest tight because he's dreading the wrong answer. Her lips curve into another smile, and his heart feels like it stops. He watches silently as she reaches out and tugs him forward, backing up to the desk and then moving to sit on it. She pulls him forward to settle between her thighs and tilts her head up. She's grinning now. Harry can't resist and drops his mouth roughly onto hers. Speaking against his lips, Caitlin manages to erase all of the tension in his body.
"There's only one Harry Wells. That's all I need"
Harry lifts her then, ignoring the ache in his side and carries her out of the med bay, down the hall towards his room. The yellow mask lays discarded on the floor of the med bay, empty and meaningless now.
Xxxxxxxz
The end. As always comments and kudos are appreciated.