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If you asked Myka Bering a month ago why she had chosen Helena Wells to be the human who would fall in love with her, she would give you a list of reasons which ranges from the symmetry of Helena's face to her engagement level during social interactions. And if you ask her now, she would say the same things except she wouldn't be as certain that the list is complete as she was then.
Doubt, Dr Nielsen calls it. An inherent human characteristic.
"How does it feel?" he asks.
"While my p-p level is in the positive range," Myka says, "I can't seem to bring it up above 52."
Dr Nielsen laughs. "Frustration. Good. Anything else?"
She shakes her head.
She doesn't tell him that when she thinks of Helena, her p-p level increases rapidly to 100, stays there for 0.3 second and then decreases instantly to a level lower than it was before.
He would be proud of her if he knows that she lied to him even though there is nothing she could benefit from it.
"Secrets," she remembers Helena saying. She had leaned in towards Myka closer than it is socially acceptable for two people who have only met twice. "Everyone has them. Tell me yours."
Myka's heat sensor triggered the blushing mechanism due to Helena's proximity towards her.
From the way Helena's lips curled upwards, Myka assumed that she liked secrets and she thought that was a perfect coincidence since she needed the subject to be unaware of what she really is while replicating all the qualities they adore.
But three weeks and four days later, Myka discovered that it was a selective rule and not a general one.
"Manipulating another's emotions for your own gain. Congratulations!" Helena had said, though her tone contradicted her praise of Myka. "You truly are human."
Humans, Myka finds, are filled with contradictions and not just in their speech. They go out of their way to seek pain and avoid pleasure. For example, Helena is meeting Myka this afternoon when it was clear that Myka had hurt her.
And Myka's software is trying to learn that in order to adapt it into her system which could explain why she is keeping her recent contact with Helena to herself.
But she can't help but wonder if an algorithm of such conflicting behavior actually exists.
...
Myka first saw Helena through a coffee shop window. From the various films of the romantic comedy genre that was fed into her database, it was a good sign that Myka had specifically noticed Helena among the twenty other patrons of the coffee shop. It meant that she was physically attracted to Helena. And she concluded that Helena would make a good candidate for Dr Nielsen's test.
So she set out to study Helena's habits in order to ascertain the best way of approaching her.
Helena had the same breakfast every morning; randomly shaped pancakes and tea. Each morning, she would try to flip one of the pancakes by tossing it up in the air. She always failed miserably when it was time to catch it with her pan except on the morning of August 20, 2012. She didn't eat her pancakes that day.
Myka thought they might connect through a shared fondness for pancakes. So she encouraged the cook who worked at the diner Helena frequented for lunch to beat the world record for the largest pancake. It was quite the event. An event that seemed to have slipped Helena's attention. When she found out why her diner was more crowded than it usually was, she immediately left even though there was a table available.
Myka followed her out and asked, "Don't you like pancakes?"
"I think they are dreadful," Helena answered.
"But—" Helena wasn't supposed to know that Myka had been observing her. She might accuse Myka of stalking her which could result in a restraining order. "Everyone loves pancakes," Myka said instead.
Helena looked to the excited crowd in the diner. "Indeed they do," she said. "I am just not one of them."
"May I ask why?"
Helena smiled and a barely heard chuckle escaped her lips. "Are you some sort of a pancake enthusiast?"
It was the first time someone had answered Myka's question with a question. It was a common practice among humans when they find the question they were asked ridiculous.
She should respond with a laugh to convey her realization of the silliness she just displayed.
"You got me," she added to the laugh. "And I thought I might convert you."
"Ah, is that what they do nowadays? Seduce unsuspecting innocents into stuffing their mouths with pancakes through pretty ladies?"
A compliment to Myka's physical appearance. She believed that was called flirting.
"Is it working?"
...
They had breakfast together at the same diner the next day. Helena had arrived earlier and ordered pancakes for both of them.
"I thought you hate pancakes," Myka said when the pancakes came.
"I do," Helena said, cutting on her pancakes. "I just have to eat them every morning."
"I noticed," Myka slipped and realized the error in her judgment right away.
Helena arched an eyebrow, "Have you been stalking me, Myka?"
"Sunday mornings," she quickly justified this little fact she knew about Helena, "you order pancakes every Sunday morning."
"So you have," Helena said, putting down her cutlery and staring at Myka as if to study her. "I thought I have seen you around somewhere."
"Only on Sunday mornings," Myka reminded her.
While she realized Helena was not accusing her of anything as she showed no signs of worry (instead, she was brushing her fingers against Myka's knuckles), she still couldn't risk Helena placing her anywhere outside the diner.
"Tell me why you have been watching me."
That triggered Myka's fight or flight response making her slightly jittery.
A slow smile formed on Helena's lips. She was enjoying this.
Myka had read about this (she found it much more rewarding to read a book instead of uploading it into her memory). Awkwardness can be endearing.
"I just found it hard to look away," Myka said, her eyes not quite meeting Helena's.
...
They started going on dates after that. On their fourth date, Myka spent the night at Helena's house.
By then, she had adopted a personality that she thought would suit Helena's preference in a partner.
Helena had the habit of challenging people to see how far she could push them. And Myka didn't allow that. She stood her ground whether she wanted to accept the challenge or not. Whenever Helena used her mischievous smirk and dark gaze to grow the two inches she lacked to stare Myka down, Myka would just step closer to display her willingness to push back.
It was odd because she thought humans desire companionship but Helena seemed to enjoy intimidating people. It was as if she was testing them and anyone who didn't run was rewarded another day with her. And Myka wanted to spend a lot of days with her. So she included this stubbornness to back down in her personality.
(Although, there was the blush that always crept up to her cheeks during these tests for no apparent reason. At first, it was a reflex to the closeness that Helena favored so much. But after a while, her body should have adapted to this experience and she should have more control of it.)
That night, Helena challenged her again.
"Do you want to come in?"
She had sensed Myka's reluctance to be physically intimate with her.
They had kissed. And Myka had enjoyed it very much. But on their third date, Helena's hands had roamed around her chest area and it gave her this weird feeling. It wasn't unpleasant. Actually, her p-p level went up. It just, she couldn't put it into words. Or at least, her system could not translate it into the English language.
It surprised her. So she immediately pulled back.
And now, Helena had invited her into her home. She knew that sex was more or less appropriate at this stage of their relationship. But she had done research on it and Helena's hands will not just be touching her breasts.
She had asked Dr Nielsen about it and he spitted out the sandwich he was chewing on. He said, "Your body will respond accordingly to the…" it was the first time Myka had seen him at a lost for words, "act."
"What kind of act?" Myka had asked.
"I'm a bit rusty so I'm not sure if I could explain it to you very well. But you can find the information on the internet. Just, you know, some of the depictions might not be realistic so…don't believe them all."
"But how do I—"
"It's something to be learned through experience. One of those you'll know when you know things. But Myka," Dr Nielsen had called her before she could start on her research. "It's a very intimate act. Some people find themselves very vulnerable when they do it. So be careful, okay?"
She wasn't sure what he meant by that. Maybe it was this. This feeling she hadn't yet understood.
The closest word she could think of was anxiety.
But it shouldn't make her nervous. It was just another way for humans to connect. And she was confident that she could perform it well.
Then she thought of what Dr Nielsen had said and wondered the repercussions that sex might have on Helena's emotions. Yes, she seemed quite eager for it. But what happens when Myka has collected all the data she needs and leaves? Wouldn't Helena feel betrayed by Myka?
She couldn't match the stare that Helena was giving her. Not tonight.
But instead of chasing Myka away, Helena gave her a smile unlike any of the smile she had seen on Helena. She thought it looked warm.
"Don't worry. We are not going to do anything you don't want to do. I have just been feeling quite lonely as of late and I was wondering if you could provide me with a warm body to sleep next to."
And that night, Myka broke one of Dr Nielsen's rule and adjusted her body heat to a temperature that provided the most comfort to Helena.
...
The next morning, Helena made pancakes. Myka didn't ask because she had learned that everyone has certain things they cherish so much that they hide them from others as a way to protect them. And it was possible that the story behind the pancakes was one of those things for Helena.
Then Helena flipped a pancake and caught it.
Myka squealed from excitement. It was quite impressive considering how many times Helena had failed to do that.
But she didn't share Myka's excitement. She just stared at the frying pan. So Myka turned off the stove and laid the burnt pancake on top of the other pancakes Helena had made.
Still, she didn't ask.
She opened the fridge to see what else she could cook for their breakfast.
"I could make omelets," she said.
Helena just nodded and sat at the kitchen table.
Myka was sprinkling cheese on her omelet when Helena said, "It was my daughter's favorite."
"Pancakes?" Myka asked.
"She liked them in funny shapes and she always asked me to flip one whenever I made them. The first time I did it, the pancake landed on top of my head. She laughed so hard."
"That must have been quite a picture."
Helena laughed. "Christina actually took a picture of it. I think you can find it if you go through her facebook page. Can't figure out how to shut that damned thing down," Helena mumbled. "But the picture became really popular. It was creatively titled 'Mummy's pancake head'."
Myka turned off the stove and went to sit next to Helena. She laid her hand on top of Helena's.
"She sounds like a charmer," Myka said.
"You would have liked her," Helena said, leaning against her shoulder.
She put her arm around Helena. "I'm sure."
...
It was funny how Helena found out about her. What she is. And she did mean funny as in a cause for amusement. It certainly wasn't funny for her but in someone else's point of view, she could see how one could laugh at the story.
They were kissing on the couch in Helena's living room and Helena was asking why they never go back to Myka's apartment. And Myka can't exactly tell her that she lives with a sixty year old man who despises unexpected guests more than anything in the world. Besides, she was a little too distracted with the way Helena was kissing her neck.
So distracted that she had forgotten about the manual override underneath her right ear.
The next thing she knew, Helena was no longer on top of her. She was sitting on her coffee table, looking at Myka coldly.
"Arthur sent you, didn't he?" she asked.
"I can explain," Myka said, rising from the couch. But Helena immediately stood and crossed her arms in front of her as if the action created an invisible barrier between them. "Helena…"
"I know he means well but a robot companion—"
"What are you talking about?" Myka asked. "I was, you were—" she knew the truth wasn't much better.
"I was what?" Helena demanded.
Myka moved her hand towards Helena's cheek but Helena flinched away from it, wearing a look of disgust on her face.
Myka pulled her hand away. And she explained everything, how she was an A.I. and to determine how well she understood emotions, she needed to make a human fall in love with her.
Helena couldn't even look at her while she explained the last three weeks and four days they shared.
But on the walk home, Myka considered what Helena had said and it made sense. Why, of all the people she walked past on sidewalks and at parks and in shops, had she chosen Helena?
"Is it true?" she asked Dr Nielsen when she came home.
"Is what true?"
"That I was made for her?"
Dr Nielsen lifted his eyes from the journal he was reading. "She found out?"
Myka just pointed to her right ear.
He nodded and sat her down. "I did use her as a reference for the characteristics and physical attributes you find attractive. But I didn't create you for her. You found her all on your own. And you make her happy."
"Made," Myka corrected him.
He sighed. "That's too bad. She called me last week to tell me all about you and we haven't talked in two years. Well," he stood and patted Myka on the shoulder, "heartbreak can be hard but you'll get over it eventually."
"What is that like?" she asked. She guessed he meant it figuratively since she didn't have a real heart.
"Like you want to drown in sad songs forever because you feel like you can never be that happy again."
...
Dr Nielsen was delighted when she spent a week in her room with the curtains drawn, blasting the most pathetic, depressing love songs she could find.
"Why do people listen to depressing songs when they're sad? It will only make them more miserable," he explained to Myka. "But they do because they just want to know that there's someone who feels the same way. That is what you're experiencing. It means that you no longer act according to your p-p level only. There are other factors that motivate you, or in this case, demotivate you. I can't believe this!" he yelled excitedly.
It is one of the reasons she hasn't told him about her meeting with Helena this afternoon. She doesn't want it to be another test for her ability to feel.
The way her algorithms have evolved is a mess. She understands nothing about how she is feeling. And her desire to have a genuine relationship makes no sense at all since what drew her to Helena was fabricated by the man who created her.
She just knows that she wants it.
She wants Helena. And Myka is going to tell her that this afternoon.