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The thick colour of a rainy day in Seoul
The racing cars,
The squirming umbrellas all over the place
It’s cloudy and the air is clear
Rain.
They haven’t had rain like this in years. Storm clouds as dark as the feathers on pigeons that roamed the street during the day, absurdly strong winds that sang a duet with the pattering of raindrops on rooftops, lightning lighting up the sky just like how fireworks would. Except there were no fireworks, no pigeons and no singing. It’s just darkness consuming the streets, a flimsy excuse for a shelter above his head, and a red bar on his phone’s battery display.
Someone needed to fix the streetlights someday, Taehyung thought.
He shrugged as he walked along the pathway, useless umbrella in hand, bag of convenience store food in another. Despite the rain, he felt a wave of calmness instead of panic.
He had a goal, going to the convenience store. He supposed the goal was to get food, head back home and eat said food. Now, he was walking aimlessly around his own neighbourhood even as the storm clouds rolled by threateningly. He pulled his hood up higher and put on the black mask he always wore.
The rain stops and the reflection in the puddle
With a light grey background,
Why am I standing here?
I don’t know if I have a lot of thoughts or no thoughts at all
He came across a playground.
It was rather old, judging by how the grainy ground had a tinge of brown and black, how the slides looked like they were growing moss, how the chains on the swings were mostly reduced to rust. He trudged forwards anyway.
He had never been here before. The only time he was able to walk around Seoul without people noticing him was back in 2011. He hadn’t the time nowadays. He did vaguely remember playing in playgrounds with his friends back in Daegu. He loved them. Loved the adrenaline he got from kicking, pushing himself off the swing which was the closest he got to flying.
Taehyung sat down on one of the rusty swings, set his umbrella and food down under the slide, and hoped they won’t fly away with the wind. He kicked his legs and the swing moved with a protesting creak, deafening in the song of raindrops.
He thought, and thought, and thought. Thought until he couldn’t think anymore.
Seokjin hyung’s birthday is coming up soon, I should get him a gift. He’d like new cooking tools, I bet.
Jiminie wanted a kigurumi for the longest time. I should get him and Jungkookie one each.
I haven’t finished my drama yet, damn.
What time is it?
Is anyone looking for me?
Namjoon hyung needs to sleep more…
He didn’t realise it was almost 12 midnight, didn’t realise the sky become darker than it already had been, didn’t realise the rain lightened up just a little.
He kicked his feet higher and flew a little more. He kicked harder.
I can clearly hear the rain hitting the earth
I smile, it’s the best background music
Like a crazy guy, I start to hum
I wonder what time it is
Eventually, he launched himself off the swing mid-air, and landed himself perfectly without tripping.
He remembered why he came out here in the first place.
Rather than for food, he wanted to avoid Yoongi. They had an argument a week before and for the love for all that was good, Taehyung couldn’t remember every single detail.
Hoseok was present at the time and he had failed to calm either of them down. He remembered that he was complaining and worried about Yoongi locking himself in the studio again, the other day not coming home at all. He was pissed, he remembered, and rightfully so. He also remembered that Yoongi was just tired of practically everything and when he came home, all he heard was Taehyung’s nagging. He also remembered that he had insulted Yoongi in some way. He also remembered Yoongi’s eyes widened almost comically before it narrowed into slits. He remembered Yoongi taking the keys and going back to the studio. He remembered never seeing Yoongi home for the next few days. But he also remembered seeing a ghost of Yoongi whenever he woke up to get a glass of water at 1 AM.
He especially remembered crying himself to sleep every night he doesn’t see Yoongi.
It wasn’t like they were dating, wasn’t like they were soulmates for life. But a constant in his life was gone for a week straight. He could tell it was taking a toll on the others as well, all of them missing their grumpy genius demanding coffee in the morning.
He couldn’t tell if it was affecting Yoongi as badly.
The thick colour of a rainy day in Seoul
I still can’t fall asleep as I fade away
The rain stops and the reflection in the puddle
I see myself looking more miserable today
Sometimes Taehyung would wake up in the middle of the night to loud footsteps. He’d get out of his room sleepily and smelled strong alcohol. Blueberry vodka, Taehyung had noted.
He came out to get fresh air and a clarity of mind. It was working thus far. But he didn’t notice the time.
He vaguely registered the splashing of footsteps until it got too close.
Taehyung looked.
Ah…Yoongi hyung.
The man looked older, skin paler than usual, eye bags more prominent than usual. He wasn’t holding an umbrella but was wearing a cap.
He held out his hand.
Taehyung took it.
With my sore sh oulders, I look at my phone and see a text,
“How are you these days?”
My friend’s text gets my emotions going
As I inhale the scent of the wet rain,
They walked for what seemed like forever, with rain hammering on their bodies, with darkness and fog surrounding their existence, with nothing but the song of raindrops.
Yoongi dragged him along the empty streets, hands fiercely interlocked with Taehyung’s, as though he was worried he’d run away. Again.
No words were spoken, but the hanging purpose was clearer than the sky above them.
They reached their home eventually, though it was probably close to 1 AM.
Yoongi led them to the bathroom and dried off Taehyung’s hair, slightly rough hands ruffling his hair before taking care of his own. Yoongi plodded out the door and came back with new sets of clothes.
They took a shower together, both far too tired to set up a bath. Both far too tired to do anything special, really.
They sat on the couch once they’ve changed and Yoongi brought them hot chocolate, despite disliking it. It was too fake, he said.
No words were spoken between them, just the rain humming a tune as it hit the windows, just thunder rumbling as the clouds flew past, just lightning lighting up the world that needed its light.
But there wasn’t any tension, just calm and peace.
As I look at the raindrops
The tears that were flowing down my heart
With that strange feeling,
I look outside and it looks like my situation
The rain that falls like a melody makes everything seem andante
It was half past 1 when Yoongi had placed both of their mugs in the sink, letting whoever was supposed to do the dishes the next day do it.
Yoongi stood in front of Taehyung, eyes boring straight into his soul. He took a step and straddled him, legs on both sides and eyes never leaving his.
“Hyung.” Came out rough and raspy, as though Taehyung tried speaking as soon as he woke up.
Yoongi didn’t respond verbally, he just wrapped his fingers around Taehyung’s throat, looking as though he was about to strangle the man to death. But Taehyung knew better than that. Yoongi stroked his thumb across his jaw, eyes following his own fingers. Taehyung closed his eyes and placed his fingers gently around the elder’s waist, enjoying the comfort wholeheartedly.
Yoongi tilted his head down and placed plush lips against his. Taehyung’s eyes remained closed, but he pulled him closer and kissed back. There was a paused before Yoongi pulled back, pale face gaining a new shade of light pink. Taehyung opened his eyes and saw nothing but beauty.
A whisper of an apology fell from his lips.
A reply of forgiveness came from the other.
He didn’t know what this meant for them, he doubted the older knew as well. It didn’t matter. They had each other in their arms, sharing the softest of kisses, sharing the silence, sharing the rain they both loved so much. No matter how many times Taehyung kissed the raindrops away, how many times Yoongi had bunched up the younger’s clothes and buried his head into his chest, how many times he had sobbed as though he was whispering. It was just the two of them. They were alright.
The rain would eventually end.
The thick colour of a rainy day in Seoul
I still can’t fall asleep as I fade away
The rain stops and the reflection in the puddle
I see myself looking more miserable today
Even when this rain stops, when the clouds go away
I stand here, just the same
Without saying anything, looking at the world
There, a not so beautiful me is looking at myself