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The cheering was loud enough to drown out the song playing as shinny confetti danced in the air. It is now the last song before they end the concert so it was mostly waving goodbyes and giving away smiles, but even that was hard to do.
The feeling was too intense that Jeonghan couldn't help but pant as he sang his part, his left hand in the air as his right gripped his mic. Afraid that if he somehow loosen his grip, he'd wake up and see that everything was just a dream after all and he'd still be the boy from long ago. The boy that didn't have a goal he wanted to achieve and the boy that was everything but sure.
Jeonghan's heart pounded loudly then. The thought horrified him, but even this was nothing new. Suddenly being anxious and doubtful was already a normal occurance to him, but even after thousands of times, the feeling is still not something he can get used to.
His chest felt heavier then as his head spiraled toward the thoughts he wanted to avoid but couldn't. He knew he wasn't talented or special in anyway and that compared to the other members, he was the most uninteresting one. He thought about how his voice didn't sound well and how he could dance but not to the point that it was something to boast about. How his face looked too girly and how he hated the way his laugh sounds. He knew he could be easily replaced and someone else could take his place.
Unbecoming thoughts raced through his head that his legs began to shake, dangerously threatening to give out any given second, but then he turned and saw Joshua smiling toward the swaying and glimmering sea of pink and blue, and suddenly the shaking halted. The thoughts stopped coming and the unsettling feeling he had subsided. What replaced them instead where the conversations he had with the smiling man who Jeonghan knew was a boy once too.
Nice to meet you! I'm Jisoo. Hong Jisoo.
You're funny!
I like your voice. It's very soothing.
I like the way you dance.
Don't quit please. I'd be sad and lonely without you here.
It's hard now, but it will be worth it later. Don't give up.
We did it! I'm glad we're debuting together!
Let's start using our stage names now! Jeonghan. Jeonghan. Jeonghan.
It's cool how your long hair suites you so well. Your face too. You're prettier than that girl over there. Oh, don't look!
Happy Birthday Jeonghan-ah! Today's your special day so make a wish! I don't have a gift prepared though, so I'll give you love my love instead! Ouch! Why did you throw me a slipper!?
Don't say that! No one can replace you, I promise.
You are here because you worked hard and did your best. Who do you think was with you all this time?
Suddenly, breathing wasn't hard for Junghan anymore and he knew that he didn't have to grip his mic tightly to confirm everything because his proof has always been with him all this time. Smiling just like the first time they met on that small cramped green room that's nothing more than a memory now. Thinking back now, it's the same smile Joshua used to tell him that it's okay to not have a dream and that it's okay to just live in the moment. Saving him again and again each time he needed.
Jeonghan couldn't help but walk towards the younger boy, the warm feeling on his chest fueling him to do so. He grabbed Joshua's wrist the moment he could causing Joshua to turn to him.
"Thanks!" Jeonghan shouted through the cheers of the audience. He knew he just had to say it right here and now even if it meant shouting with everything he has.
"What?" Joshua shouted back. Even with the small distance between them, he wasn't able to hear what Jeonghan said. Realizing this, Jeonghan laughed and took the opportunity to tell Joshua things he knew he wouldn't dare say if the other can hear.
"Thank you for everything! Thanks for always being there for me! I love you!" Jeonghan shouted, laughter spilling from his lips after he saw how Joshua's eyebrow furrowed because he wasn't able catch anything of what was said to him.
"What?" Joshua asked again, but this time, Jeonghan merely shook his head and smiled, dismissing the other's questioning gaze. Sighing, Joshua simply shook his head and decided to ask later though he doubt he'll get anything.