Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

kimberly is sprawled out on trini’s bed, the sounds of trini’s brothers happily demolishing each other in some first person shooter filtering up from downstairs. here though kimberly is sitting, picking at the loose stitching of trini’s duvet. she’s been staring at the same page of her ap calculus homework for at least five minutes and the sound of a book being closed makes her jump. she blinks quickly, startled out of her own thoughts, looking over at trini.

trini is watching her carefully from the vantage point of her desk chair, feet propped up on the edge of the bed. she’s got some book for lit class face down in her lap “you’ve been looking at that page for forever.” she says, like she's commenting on the weather, it’s not an accusation, it’s an observation.

it’s trini saying what’s wrong without so many words.

kimberly swallows, she finds a loose thread and starts wrapping it around her finger. hard enough to dig into her skin with a pain that relaxes her. trini notices

of course she notices,

and sits up, letting the book fall to the floor with an unnoticed thump. her hand slips into kimberly’s, fingers tugging at the thread until it breaks. until the burst of pain fades and it’s just trini sitting up in her chair, not quite watching kimberly, but not quite not. their hands intertwined, trini leaning forward, connecting them over the chasm between bed and chair. she does not speak, she doesn't have to.

trini is the master of silences.

of letting them rise and fall and work themselves out without pressing kimberly to fill them. although today kim wants to speak of a thousand other things, her tongue is tied by frayed nerves and an anxious pulse.

kimberly knows trini will wait.

kimberly knows this because most of what she’s learned about trini, she’s discovered in the absence of trini’s words.

which is what makes trini’s quiet

“talk to me, kim.”

all the more powerful.

and when kimberly looks up with a question in her eye, trini just rolls hers fondly “have you forgotten,” trini says, standing, stretching for a moment in the evening light, and then nudging kimberly over so they’re sitting side by side on the bed. trini’s fingers tangle with kimberly’s properly and she’s saying “i know you. what’s got you all stressed?”

kim swallows, hard, looks away.

she hasn’t said it outloud, this desire of hers.

saying it to trini now, that would make it real.

it would be voicing a dream,

her dream, and kim isn't sure if she's ready to share. except she is running out of time to keep this private, keep this to herself and every day that she doesn't share is another day that she feels like a liar.

[they are in the time of their lives where

'what colleges are you applying to'

and

'what's your first choice'

are weekly if not daily questions]

it doesn't help that trini is here, that trini is pressed against her side, hands tangled and carrying the weight of their combined silence with a practice ease. there is no pressure to answer, and in that negative space kim finds that she wants to. that she wants to share this dream with trini.

so she does. with shaking hands and,

“i want to be a pilot.” kim says finally, speaking towards the open door - it’s easier this way “like, in the air force.” this way, when the words drop and her stomach is in her throat, she doesn’t have to see trini’s face.

the disappointment.

the confusion.

the ‘why would you want to do that?’

she’ll only have to hear it.

except,

[and kim braces]

except it never comes.

instead of brusque rejection, or worse, trini laughing at her, there’s a soft squeeze of her hand and then trini saying “i think you’d be really good at it.”

which,

kim looks over at her, relief flooding her body because trini means that. it’s written all over her face “really?” kim asks, needing to hear it again.

needing to hear that her girlfriend doesn’t think it’s a terrible idea for her to join the airforce.

“really,” trini says “i mean, i think you’d be really good at it. you already are really good at it.”

and it’s not that kimberly wants to cry in relief, but her eyes are big and bright and she is relieved because trini knows her. they’ve been dating for almost two years now and trini is stroking the back of her hand with a thumb, she’s smiling and it’s soft and trini isn’t soft for anyone but kim.

[and the boys. sometimes. but always, always for kim]

“kim, look at me.” trini says when kimberly finally blinks and looks away with something like tears in her eyes.

her words, the way they curl in the air and seem to hang there - waiting for kimberly to comply, loosens the last of her tension and kimberly lets out a soft sigh settling into trini’s side fully and meeting her gaze “if that what you want, to go and be a kickass pilot in the air force. do it.”

“what about -” kimberly starts

what about the power rangers?

what about her parents?

what about them?

“we’ll figure it out.” trini says, before kimberly can pick a concern to air.

and that? the confidence with which trini says

'we'

without a moments hesitation,

it’s a little scary when you’re eighteen and probably in love. but more than that, it’s comfort and it’s confidence and it’s enough to let kimberly’s racing thoughts settle. it’s enough for her to just slide down and put her head in trini’s lap as trini reaches for her lit book, reading with one hand, the other carding through kimberly’s hair.

it’s enough.

[more than]

*

later that evening, after the boys have gone to bed and the house is quiet save for the tv in the living room - june has apparently discovered the great british bake off on netflix - kim says quietly "i'd still go to college."

their homework and studying long since finished or abandoned, the pair lay tangled in bed, trini's laptop resting on kim's stomach. there's an episode of brooklyn 99 paused "yeah?" trini replies, and kim appreciates the air of levity she keeps in voice.

kim nods, "i-" she pauses, they're laying in the shadows of trini's lamp light and the entire room is a wash of shadows and pockets of light "i've been thinking about this for a while."

trini, with an arm around kim's shoulders, her hand tracing at the curve of kims bicep "i figured." she replies "you've been looking at it on your phone."

"some of it." kim admits, "so you knew?"

she feels trini shrug beside her "i guessed." there's a beat and then "i mean what i said, if that's what you want to do, go do it." she sounds fierce and protective and it makes kim's heart swell.

"we'll figure it out." kim echoes

"yeah," trini agrees "we will. have you told your parents yet?"

kim stiffens because,

no,

no she hasn't. trini's patterns across her shoulder do not stop and kim lets out a long, shaking breath.

"not yet." kim whispers "i can't. i'm scared. more scared to tell them this than i was to come out."

"it's okay to be scared." trini tells her "what scares you about it?"

"that they're going to laugh at me." she swallows hard "i was scared you would laugh at me. tell me it's stupid."

"it's not stupid." trini reaffirms quietly "my dad's whole family is army," she continues "i get the whole joining the military thing."

kim can't quite find anything to say to that, instead she reaches down and shuts the laptop. the deeper dark is calming and she can close her eyes, focus on trini's heartbeat, on the distant sounds of the television.

"what if they ask me why?" she finally gets out "what do i tell them? i can't, i can't be like 'well right now i fly a zord and do that pretty well so i think i could kickass in the air force and really help people.'"

"what about just the second part?" trini offers "i think i can kickass in the airforce and really help people."

"will that be good enough?"

"it doesn't have to be good enough," trini reminds her "it just has to be the truth.

"i want to help people." kim says "more than just when we're the power rangers."

"what if," trini starts "what if you have to drop bombs or something like that? would you be okay with having to do that?"

kim pauses, thinking for a moment "people died because of us when we were fighting rita." kim says after a beat, there were funerals. funerals they all went to. standing together, undeniable guilt in their collective consciousnesses.

"that's different than dropping a bomb though."

"how?"

"flying a plane and pressing a button to drop a bomb is a deliberate act," trini starts "us being thrown into a building, or pushing goldar into a building and people being inside," she pauses again "we're still partially responsible but, the intention was different and intention is important."

"i can do it." kimberly says quietly "i think i could do it."

trini nods "i'm not trying to talk you out of it. i just, something to think about. it's not just flying planes."

"i know." kim replies, her stomach is slowly twisting itself back into knots "you're right." and then "i can submit the scholarship application as of last week."

she has more to say, explanations about the process she wants to give, wants to air, but those knots in her stomach are tight and tense and she can't-

"breathe." trini says quietly, rolling fully onto her side, to look at kim, trailing a hand along her jaw and bringing it to kim's chest "just breathe."

"i'm trying." kim replies, a little strangled, "i just, i want this so much and i can't - what if they say no."

"your parents?"

kim nods, her eyes bright and shining in the dark "i don't want them to say no."

"this is your life." trini says quietly "you can't let them control you."

"i want them to say yes."

"i know babe." trini whispers

kim swallows hard and closes her eyes, trying to remember this moment laying next to trini, where the whole world can just narrow to trini's arms and her steady breathing. in this moment, kim has sort of confidence that she suspects will be conspicuously absent when it comes time to tell her parents.

she feels trini's lips ghost against her forehead and kim asks, quietly, into trini's collarbone

"how are you okay with the air force?"

there's a pause and the silence is steady, and when trini answers there is an honesty in her words that kim didn't think she was prepared for

"when you love someone," trini starts "you want them to be happy. and i love you, so," she pauses "so i'm okay with the air force."

there's something in that,

in hearing trini say the words

'i love you'

that springs something in kim.

not that she hasn't heard the words before, she has. it's that trini believes in showing kim through inviting her to dinner at her house when things are tense at the hart household. by watching the rom coms that kim enjoys but trini thinks are unbearable. after a time, kim was no longer unsure when it came to how trini felt about her.

so she tilts her head up and presses a kiss to trini's cheek. shifting still, trini rolling onto her back, kim kisses trini again, licking into her mouth, trying to say a thousand words with simple gestures. this is, of course, a very different type of silence,

but kim has learned about trini all the same.

how the scars of rita run deep, even two years later.

so kim does not kiss trini's neck, not tonight

[she can sometimes, does sometimes]

instead, she lets a hand skate up the ladder of trini's abs to palm at her breast, drawing a moan from trini's mouth.

"kim," she whispers, "kim, my mom-"

"is downstairs." kim says, but she pauses her hand all the same, props herself up on her other arm "they're only in the technical. we've got time. only if you want."

trini considers, then "if we get caught-"

"better be quiet then." kim smirks, rolling one of trini's nipples between her fingers and feeling trini arch up off the bed "wouldn't want her to get suspicious."

she has to kiss trini again just to capture another moan, and kim can feel trini's body pressing against hers, knows that trini is going to be wet and wanting by the time kim works her way down there. for as much and as little time as they have, kim does not rush.

it doesn't take long to realize that doing anything with her mouth but kiss trini will quickly lead to discovery, so with a dexterity and a confidence kim took time to find and build, she slips a hand under the waistband of trini's shorts and feeling how wet trini is with just one finger.

"fuck." kim mumbles against trini's lips "you're so wet."

"i know." trini hisses and kim kisses her again, nipping at her lower lip until trini pulls back "no penetration tonight." she says,

and there's something in that, something in the comfort with which trini is able to just tell kim what she wants, what she doesn't want, that makes kim feel warm and trusted and loved.

"of course." kim nods, kissing her again, letting the pad of her thumb press against trini's clit, smirking as trini jerks under her touch "like this then?"

"keep going." trini says very fast, and it's the last coherent thing she says for a while.

incoherent mumbles, whines, they all slip from trini's lips, muted and caught. the noises get higher and higher pitched until.

there is a half second where kim thinks that her hand may be better suited for muting trini's growing whimpers - but they didn't talk about it, she didn't check, so for now, -

it does not matter because kim's working her fingers over trini's clit, and trinit's legs are shaking and -

she's coming.

as quiet as kim has ever heard her.

it takes trini long seconds to down from her orgasm, kim helping her there with a hand through her hair and smirking because trini having to be quiet was one the hottest things she seen, felt, in a long time.

trini manages "where are they?"

kim pauses, cocking her head to listen "show stopper? i thi-" kim chokes off her word with a moan because trini is kissing her neck, sucking and nipping in an entirely distracting way.

"better be quiet." trini chastises "on your back for me."

kim flips onto her back, a hand coming to trini's hair, pulling her down to kiss her again. to draw this moment out, even as trini's hand is pushing down kim's shorts and trini is managing moan when she feels how wet kim is. how turned on kim is just from getting trini off.

"fingers?" trini asks and kim nods quickly.

"two," she whispers "please."

trini's eyes sparkle and there's something in that, but only if they had more time, more privacy. instead, trini is pushing two fingers in slowly, curling then experimentally, and kim is longer aware of the english language, or hindi, or anything else besides stifling her own moans and canting her hips up to meet trini's fingers, to let herself get fucked hard and fast and it takes minutes,

just minutes until kim is coming.

hard.

clenching down around trini's fingers, head tipped back, trini's hand over her mouth.

she comes back to her body with trini kissing her collarbone, asking gently "how do you feel?"

the nerves are there, still, but lost in the blaze of orgasmic bliss "better." kim mumbles "for now."

"good." trini replies quietly, reaching across kim and turns off her lamp, sending them into darkness. she lets kim pull her close, rests her head against kim's chest, watching that her breathing evens out "i love you." she says a softness kim hasn't heard from her before.

"i love you too." she replies, but it's long hours before kim finds that she can fall asleep.

*

[6:32pm] kimberly hart: i can’t do this.
[6:33pm] trini: yes, you can.
[6:34pm] kimberly hart: what if they say no?

incoming call from: trini

“breathe kim.”

“i’m talking to you i must be breathing.”

kimberly can practically hear trini’s eye roll in her silence.

“call me after. or text me. or come over.”

there’s a long pause, kimberly trying to find her words and then, spilling out before she can stop them

“i’m scared.”

gentle sigh on the other end of the line “it’s okay to be scared, you just can’t let the fear rule you.”

“rude.” kimberly replies wetly “you can’t use my words against me.”

“yeah, well,” trini grumbles, but it’s soft “it’s going to be okay. okay?”

kimberly can hear her dad calling for dinner and her stomach twists, her voice is barely a whisper

“okay.”

she hangs up, stands there in her room and wonders if she can get back to the

'i don't want to tell them'

mindset she'd so happy inhabited for the week it's been since she told trini of her dream,

her plans.

except it's too late for that, kim knows she’s crossed some point of no return and heading downstairs for dinner is an exercise in self restraint. she concentrates on not breaking her phone, on not warping the silverware, on telling her parents about her day, about work with a force calm she absolutely does not feel.

"is everything okay kimberly?" her father asks, "you seem distracted."

and god, kim can feel the swelling of her nerves, digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands. she tries to find a way to breathe, to shrug him off and say that she's fine, but

"there's something i want to tell you guys." she starts, feeling more than a little like she might throw up.

she pauses, gauging their reaction, the worry that flickers in her mothers eyes. the muted nothing in her fathers.

"go on." he prompts

kim can't breathe.

"kimberly." her mother says.

at least they haven't tried to assume she's pregnant.

"i've been thinking about college and career and," her voice is shaking "i have an idea of what i want to do." she exhales shakily

"that's fantastic." her father is saying and he's smiling, beaming, clueless of what is to come "what do you want to do?"

"aerospace engineering." kim exhales, but her pulse is through the roof and in the half second she takes a breath she can see the delight crossing her parents face, but she's not done yet, "to be a pilot." she says "in the air force."

there's a pause that stretches for a small eternity and then her father laughs "you're kidding kimberly." he says "a pilot? in the air force? that's not for you."

"but why not?" kim forces out with the last of her convictions, his laughter ringing in her ears "why can't i join the airforce?"

"because," her mother is saying "because you are meant for more."

"more like what?" kim presses, her chest is tight and her hands are shaking.

"you could do so much with engineering." her father is saying "you could get a well paying job for one thing, silicon valley, europe. anywhere you wanted."

"i want the air force."

his face darkens "you're being ridiculous kimberly."

"i'm not." kim tries to fight back, tries to look to her mother for any sign of support.

instead she's met with a familiar look of disapproval, and kim feels the last of her resistance fade.

"i'm doing it." she says, as firmly as she can manage "with or without your support. it's not, it's not your call."

"what makes you even think you can be a pilot?" he father asks "when have you ever been in the cockpit of a plane? you don't know what you're talking about, the commitment you're getting yourself into."

"ten years." kim whispers "air force pilots are in for ten years contracts."

"and that's what you want? to be in a war zone? to be told where you have to go, when you have to go there? to see none of your family?" her father is getting angry now "i don't know who put this idea in your head, you're not doing it."

"i am." kim stands, her hands are shaking, her entire body is thrumming "it's not your choice."

"kimberly sit down." her mother says "we are not done talking about this."

"i am." kim bites, turning, beelining for her keys, not bothering to get her phone, slipping into flip flops and leaving the house as her mother tries to call her to sit down again.

she can barely see through the tears blurring her vision and kim tries to wipe her eyes, she tries to find enough control within herself to drive anywhere. she doesn’t find it, but kim drives anyway. she just goes, backs out of the driveway, glancing back to see someone, her father probably, in the drive.

maybe he was trying to stop her.

she doesn’t care.

she can't be there.

so she drives. out of town, to the highway, until she can breathe again. until she can pull to the side of the road surrounded by the setting sun, reaching for a phone that's still at home. that's on her bed.

so she sits and breathes and realizes she's drive an hour and a half outside of town.

it feels good.

a gas station parking lot, anonymous here.

she goes inside and using the emergency money in her glove box buys a gatorade, refills her tank. she sits there, her head back against the headrest. she replays the conversation over and over again

'when have you ever been in the cockpit of a plane?'

'what makes you think you can even be a pilot?'

questions kim has the answers to. questions kim wanted to answer, but -

her power coin is sitting on the passenger seat and kim swipes it onto the floor.

she can't. she's not allowed. she's stuck with fumbling words and danced around half truths.

it makes kim burn. there are tears she can't choke out but more than anything kim wishes she wasn't alone.

phoneless, an hour away, there's only one way to fix that.

by the time kim starts the drive back, the sun has set. she is surrounded by the sky and the distant stars. flicking on the radio and kim has to laugh, one of trini's mix tapes comes on, a collection of nineties songs and early two thousands. they take kims’ mind off what's just happened.

the rejection she feared coming to light.

*

kim does not go home.

no,

before she even got back to angel grove she knew that home was the last place she wanted to go. so parks in front of the only place she could ever want to be, still on the brink of tears.

climbing to trini's window takes a moment, but trini has it open and waiting by the time kim manages it.

"kim" trini says, half relieved, all worried as she pulls kim inside, pulling her into her arms "come here."

she follows trini easily, barefoot across the hardwood floor, onto the half made bed. trini sitting up against the headboard, pulling kim down on top of her.

"he laughed." kim whispers "i told them and he laughed at me."

there is no question from trini who 'he' is. she knows.

"he said i was kidding myself." her words are shuddering and the tears are coming once again.

“they’re wrong,” trini whispers, her words fierce and her finger traces down kimberly’s jaw “kim, they’re wrong, you’re going to make a great pilot.”

it makes kim cry harder, muffled sobs into trini’s shoulder - straddling trini’s lap with her forehead pressed against trini’s collarbone. there are no words kimberly can say, not any more, not right now, and not that she needs to.

the fact that she showed up at trini’s windowsill when it’s pushing midnight, told trini everything she needed to know. although it was really kimberly’s silence after their phone call that gave her away. and now, now

it is most certainly not okay.

kimbely’s father had laughed, like she was kidding.

like it was some kind of joke.

“they’re wrong.” trini reaffirms, her voice low, gentle fingers tucking a strand of hair behind kims ear, pressing a kiss to the soft skin exposed there “okay?”

kim shakes her head, her tears drying on trini’s shirt.

“if you want,” trini says quietly “if you want to be an airforce pilot, don’t let them stop you. don’t let anyone stop you.” a pause, long and soft and trini guiding kim to lay down with her - and in this moment trini feels like she should say more, yet the words escape her, so she settles for pulling kim closer,

stroking her hair until kim mumbles

“i’m ruining your shirt.”

“don’t care.” trini replies, her voice soft, her body warm and soft.

kim hiccups and squeezes her eyes shut, pressing her forehead into trini’s arm and trying to fend off the oncoming panic attack. the one she thought she out ran, out drove. yet all her thoughts are all of her parents,

on their reactions.

on how chasing her dreams means, as of right now, isolating them.

"hey," trini says gently pulling kim from her thoughts "kim, focus on me, okay? you're okay. i promise you're okay."

kim hiccups and sits back, trini's hands coming to her hips, to slide down kims forearms and tangle with her hands. she squeezes "what do you need?"

it's the one thing kim doesn't know. she just wants to be grounded, she wants to be here and not back where her parents were asking questions kim could answer.

should have been able to answer.

and yet.

she's not allowed.

not allowed to tell her parents what a good pilot she is. how stepping into that zord, getting in the sky, how that was the first time she felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

instead she had to splutter and just tell them that she knew. that she knew what she wanted.

except that wasn't enough.

she's not enough.

not for her parents.

trini's hands are still in hers, trini's still speaking, still soft in the dark, never minding that kim seems to be lost in her head. waiting, patiently, grounding patiently.

"-you have to do is breathe."

is the first thing kim hears, and realizes that she's hyperventilating. the realization kicks the roiling panic a notch higher,

but trini is there,

a hand coming to kims chest "breath into my hand."

kim can do that.

she forces herself to open her eyes, to meet trini's gaze knowing she won't find judgement there.

she sees worry instead, and calm.

[they're both haunted. these moments of panic are nothing new, nothing they haven't helped each other through before]

trini grounds her.

kim leans forward, curling against trini once again. hiccuping and focusing on trini's heartbeat kim falls asleep, exhaustion through tears, with trini's arms around her.

steady.

*

kim stirs and feels warmth across her back, it takes a beat for her to realize it's the sun shining through trini's parted curtains and not trini herself. face buried in a pillow, kim is still groggy in the half-sleep. one hand can feel the warm spot where trini was just moments ago. perhaps it was the gentle padding of footsteps across hardwood that pulled kim from her sleep.

perhaps not.

murmured voices drift in from the hallway,

"-heard voices last night."

that's june, and from any other parent those words would be an accusation laced with anger. except here they're soft.

"kim," and just the way trini says her name, the single syllable rolling off her tongue - it warms kim, pulling her away from the temptation of more sleep "she,” another pause "told her parents something last night and it didn't go over well."

kim feels her heart stop and there's not a moment's hesitation before "she'll need something to eat."

"probably." comes trini's soft reply and then trini is walking back in through her open bedroom door, and there are footsteps down the stairs.

kim turns her head, and sees trini yawning and smiling, "you're staying for breakfast." she says quietly, climbing back into bed and running a hand down kim's back.

she reaches for trini, pulling her down, pulling her closer "m'kay." she mumbles, words are escaping her.

trini presses herself back, their bodies flush. her hand finds kim's under the blankets. she doesn't say anything, closing her eyes as kim kisses the nape of her neck.

"you workin' today?" kim mumbles against trini's scapula.

"yeah," trini grumbles "eleven til seven."

"i'll drop you off." kim offers quietly "on my way home."

trini turns in her head, looking over her shoulder to catch kim's eye "you going to be okay? i can call out."

"i'll be fine." kim says too quickly, and then, quieter "maybe."

"i can call out." trini repeats her offer "i can come over with you."

"you know that won't stop them."

trini rolls over, adjusting and wrapping an arm around kim's shoulders so they're face to face. kim can feel trini's breath washing over her neck, warm, tickling slightly. she feels so,

utterly,

and unbelievably safe. face to face like this, kim knows trini is watching her with gentle eyes. that soft underlying of worry that kim doesn't have to meet her gaze to see.

"i'm going to tell the boys tonight." kim admits quietly, eyes closed, stomach ending up her throat "i can't - they deserve to know."

"i think-" trini starts and kim knows she's thinking about the past few months and the rising tension in the group.

nothing overt, no fighting or anything like that but,

college is coming. and with it the realization that unlike their peers, some of whom are venturing far and wide, they will be tethered to angel grove. well,

sort of.

it's an adjustment for all of them. they've talked about it in fits and starts, as a group, but everyone has different ideas and different dreams and the conversations never last,

never go well.

so they'd stopped talking about it.

and now they're having trouble morphing, tugged so many different directions by the impending future that focusing on the present, on their bond feels nearly impossible.

"i think we should have a bonfire." jason says finally, after they all collectively got demolished by a pair of putties. "it worked last time."

there had been no collective disagreement.

"i think that's good." trini finishes, taking a breath "zack and i were talking, last week. you know his mom wants him to go to college. wants him to get a degree and midvalley university is close by and," trini trails off.

"they have an air force rotc program." kim comments, matching trini's quiet tone "a good one."

"it's what like an hour and a half from angel grove? we could still get here."

kim's stomach twists "my parents are going to hate it." what she does not add, can not add until it's spilling from her lips "i feel like they're going to hate everything."

and it's hard, because as much as they have their differences, kim

wants,

this. she wants the air force, and she wants her parents to approve and be supportive.

except all kim can hear is the echoing of her fathers laughter.

she tucks herself against trini, needing this moment of vulnerability to pass before she can even consider facing the world. trini, of course, knows. can sense it. can feel it in the way kim's entire body is shaking with the weight of what she's about to embark on.

"just breathe." trini murmurs, as she so often does when kim is worked up and panicked.

she has a tendency to forget to breathe in her attempts to hold it all in, hold all of her pieces together.

kim appreciates that trini does not make an attempt at a sentiment telling her it's going to be okay. or that it will all work out. despite that the latter is true, it will, somehow, in some way, all work out. it's not what kim needs right now, and trini knows.

the pair register the distant call from the kitchen, june ortiz calling up and telling them that breakfast is ready.

"come on," trini says gently, rolling onto her back, "you need to eat."

"not hungry." kim replies, feeling frenetic and frayed at the thought of having to sit down and pretend like everything's okay.

"come watch me eat then." trini replies, slipping out of bed, and rooting around for something kim can wear.

something that isn't just her underwear and a loose shirt.

they emerge downstairs in sweatpants both, and kim has a t-shirt on that sits a few inches above her hips. walking into the kitchen, kim trails behind trini, hesitant and on edge, even as the smell of bacon and toast make her mouth water.

perhaps she is hungrier than she thought.

"the boys are at judo." june supplies, more for kim's sake than trini's, kim imagines "they're loving it."

"of course they are." trini says "i'm just not teaching any class that they're in."

the image makes kim grin - trini who last year resumed her martial arts training in an official capacity, not just fighting putties, but fighting real people. along with that comes having to teach classes a few times a month, and trini's brothers, eager to follow in their sisters footsteps, had eagerly signed up.

"you know," june says, placing full plates down in front of trini and kim "you're welcome to come through the front door. any time."

a flush creeps up kim's neck "i'm-" she starts, "it was late." she settles on "i didn't want to disturb anyone."

trini's hand finds kim's under the table briefly.

"we keep the spare key under the gnome." june supplies.

"thank you." kim nods, neglecting the fact that there are three garden gnomes in the ortiz front yard.

"and," june says, "you're always welcome here kim. anytime, day or night."

june has not been oblivious to the turmoils of the hart household over the past years, and kim is immensely grateful.

"thank you." she mumbles again, glancing over at trini who always,

in these moments with her mother,

seems to wear a look of mild shock. like somehow after all the years of fighting and distance and stilted conversation, she can't really believe that her mother is standing in front of her,

telling her girlfriend she's welcome to come over any time.

it's a lot, kim can imagine.

her own parents are,

carefully north of neutral about trini on the best of days.

it's only later, when they're both dressed and trini is complaining that her work shirts are getting smaller and maybe she should steal one of zacks,

that kim says

"you can tell your mom, if you want."

trini nods, slipping her phone into her back pocket and grabbing her wallet from her desk "maybe." she nods, reaching for kims hand "hey," she says, catching kim's gaze "if it's too much, just text me and i'll tell andres i've got to go. okay?"

kim agrees quietly, even if she knows she wouldn't do that.

"i have to go home sooner or later." kim says "might as well make it sooner. i'll pick you up from work." she says 'we can go get snacks for the bonfire at wal-mart."

"i love you." trini says, in the silence of her bedroom.

the reassurance makes kim's entire body tingle and she focuses on this feeling, hoping it will get her through the day "i love you back." she replies, squeezing trini's hand.

it will be enough.

Chapter Text

they're up in the mines. it's almost too warm for a fire, but this high up and in the dark they can get away with it. even in the dry california hills. with the exception of the fact that they all look a little bit more well built and adapted to their bodies as power rangers, the way they sit around the fire, contained in a rusting metal garbage bin, they could all be fifteen again.

the other, more notable difference between now, and then, is the way kimberly reaches for trini's hand in the flickering shadows of the flames. and the way trini takes it, lacing their fingers together. kim is sure trini can feel the racing of her pulse as they sit, passing snacks and drinks around.

"so," jason says, once the benign conversations have dwindled out "we, we haven't been communicating very well."

trini snorts softly and jason glances her direction, she shrugs, waving him to continue.

"and we all know the only way the morphing grid works is if we're communicating and being open." he swallows "i know with college applications and graduation next year, it's been a lot for all of us to handle. we didn't think we'd have to spend the rest of our lives in angel grove."

kim tenses, and trini, feeling it, squeezes her hand, thumb moving along the curl of her wrist.

jason continues on, with no one else willing to fill the silence "i'm applying to angel grove community college." he says "they've got a good mechanics program."

there's humor there that isn't lost on the group.

"it's not what i thought i would do," he admits "and it's not what my parents want." he adds "but, we're power rangers. this is the sacrifice we make."

"tethered to angel grove for the rest of our lives?" kim asks, and she knows it's aggressive, but she knows what she has to say, wants to say,

needs to say.

the focus of the group comes to her and jason says, carefully "the zeo crystal is here." he says "we have to protect it."

"yeah." kim trails off, but no one dares to speak and with trini's hand in hers, kim blurts it out, heart racing and mouth dry "i'm joining the air force. i mean, through college, an rotc program. but after that," she pauses, feeling like she's going to be sick "i'm going to be a pilot."

trini's thumb is still tracing patterns across the back of her hand.

billy looks to jason. zack looks to trini.

kim looks into the flames for a moment, and the longer the silence drags on, the faster her hopes of a positive reception dwindle "you can't." jason says finally.

it's a punch to the gut.

but these are not her parents, who kimberly has to lie to and keep secrets from. this is her friends, her family "why not?" she says "i'll be good at it, i can make a difference, i can help people. you can't tell me i wouldn't be good at it."

"that's not what i'm saying." jason amends "you're a great pilot, but kim, the airforce, you'd go anywhere. you wouldn't have a choice."

"i know." kim says "but this, it's a chance to do good."

"we do good as the power rangers." jason bites "we saved the world, what more do you need kim?"

"to be able to live in the world that we saved." kim says "to be able to do more than just be a part time super hero and work at costco for the rest of my life."

"we're all making the sacrifice kim." comes jason, angrier now "we're all putting aside what we thought wanted before -"

"i didn't even think about the air force before," kim says, the tension ratcheting up in her voice "before getting into that zord. it never crossed my mind." she continues "but then, flying, i'm good at it, and god," she shakes her head "there's a whole world out there jason. zordon may think the planet is still desert and dinosaurs, but there is so much more out there than just the crystal and angel grove."

"so what are you saying?" zack asks from across the fire, his voice calm.

"i'm saying that every time jason comes in with his 'we must sacrifice our whole lives and all of our happiness' speech anytime we considering doing anything fun, going anywhere, the less staying here and," she gestures around "this, this becomes less and less what i want."

she looks over at jason again "you may be okay with spending the rest of your life in this town, doing nothing and being a power ranger, but," her voice is shaking now "i can make a difference in the air force." she says "i can fly planes like nobody else. and i can save lives." she swallows hard.

"it's selfish." jason says, standing and his tension is rigid, "you can fly planes, you can save lives. but being a power ranger, it's not just about you. it's about all of us, it's about the greater good."

"and who decides what the greater good is?" kim asks, standing now too, her hand slipping from trini's grasp "you? zordon? who gave you the power? if i can go and fly rescue planes and do good that way, how is that wrong? how is that selfish?"

"because then you're not here. you're hundreds or thousands of miles away. and-"

"and i'm saving people and freeing countries and sure, it's not protecting the crystal, and you guys won't be with me but," kim shakes her head "it's a good thing. it's good work and i thought you would understand. it's not breaking any of the rules, it's not using my abilities for personal gain-"

"you sure about that?" jason fires.

"jason," kim splutters, looking across at him and she feels her heart getting ripped out, ripped apart because there's anger in his eyes and betrayal, but kim knows she won't back down "i can fly like no one else. i heal faster , i'm stronger, quicker. i can make a difference to people, to lots of people, even when i'm not the pink ranger. and that, isn't that what we're about - making a difference to people?"

her voice is shaking, her hands are trembling as she curls them into fists and every word takes a monumental effort to say "after everything i have done for this team. everything we've done together, everything we've gone through-" she feels trini's hand on her back and kim realizes trini must be standing too "i thought you, jason, i thought you of all people would get this.'

"being a ranger is the most important thing." jason says "that's how we make a difference. not by running off to the air force." and the way he says it, the same disbelief and anger in his voice as her father,

it makes kim shake.

"jason." she tries, but what else can she say "i want," she starts "this isn't about-"

"don't-" jason says, taking a deep breath and speaking with something like an air of force calm "you want to join the airforce. go do it. we can't morph anyway."

kim's heart is in her throat, jason's never looked at her with so much betrayal so clear in his eyes "jason-" she tries again "it's-"

"you don't want to be here kim, fine." jason says "you should go." he pauses "and leave your coin behind."

silence reigns.

kim feels like she's going to be sick. has this what it's come to? losing her parents, and losing her family too? all in the name of chasing her dream.

is it worth it?

she slips her hand into her pocket, feeling the weight of her coin there.

she pulls it out, feeling trini's hand tighten on her shirt - but kim, she can't, she has to do this. kim looks up and meets jason's gaze "if that's what you want." she says, turning her hand, and dropping the coin, letting it fall into the dirt, into the shadows "okay."

a great hiccuping sob is ripping through kim's throat and she can't let it escape here. not in front of jason, who's looking at her with something like surprise, shock -

billy seems to be trying to find words.

zack is starting across the fire in the space where her coin fell.

and trini,

trini's grip on her shirt has loosened, knowing kim needs to run - perhaps. kim's not sure she's not about to lose trini too.

so she runs.

leaves.

the shadows of the hills swallow her and -

at the fire trini's gaze follows kim, she takes a step to follow and jason says, hostile "so you knew."

it's not a question.

"yes."

"and you're fine with kim leaving."

trini considers her answer "she has the right to make her own choices and it's up to us, as her family, to support her. especially," trini says "when what she's choosing to do is as amazing and brave as join the air force. she wants to help people jason, all the time. not just when the crystal is in danger."

her tone is weary, tight and she takes another step to leave,

"so what, you're giving up too?"

trini's entire body seems to stiffen, she seems to grow in the darkness, the muted anger that comes with seeing kim in tears so apparent in her eyes "it's up to you if you want to push everyone who doesn't think that sacrifice is so appealing," she says calmly, only her voice betraying her true emotions

"that's-"

"but," trini continues like he hadn't said anything "think before you ask me anything right now."

she gives him a moment,

and he says nothing.

so she leaves.

kim is at her car, hands shaking badly enough to fumble the keys and let them fall into the dirt. there are tears streaming down her face and she can't breathe,

she can't breathe,

she can't-

"hey," comes trini's voice gentle in the dark "hey, let me drive."

she's bending down to scoop up kims keys in the dark, she's slipping them into her pocket and she's finding kim's hands in the dark, opening the door with one hand, guiding kim to sit down with the other.

there's a moment where it's only the sounds of kim’s tears filling the car, but then trini is climbing into the driver’s seat, buckling up and taking kim's hand again.

trini drives out of the mine, and instead of turning back towards angel grove, turns left. onto the highway.

in the dark, holding hands over the console kim lets it be her tether. tears rolling down her cheeks as trini drives them clear of angel grove and it's tendency to choke and trap.

she pulls off not ten minutes later, into a lesser known entrance to the national park and finally, parking, trini's able to get back out and walk to the other side of the car. kim already has her door open, letting trini pull her out and into a hug. it's now, that choking sob that kim had been holding back and biting down, finally escapes.

"i've got you." trini whispers.

and kim let’s go, a part of her registering just how many tears she's shed in the past twenty four hours, wondering how she can have so many left.

some time later, trini sitting in the passenger seat and having pulled kim down into her lap, kim finds the words to ask

"is it selfish?"

trini, with a hand curled around kims hips, thinks carefully "there's nothing wrong with putting your own happiness first." she says

"but is it selfish?" kim presses.

"i think that depends on your definition of selfish." she says, "but," she adds firmly "there's nothing wrong with being selfish about this. it's your life, it's your happiness. you should never live a life half happy." she pauses, and then, gently "he feels responsible for the group, being the leader."

"it's not his fault i'm going to join the airforce." kim replies, voice soft and trembling still.

"no, but he feels like it is."

"he can't change me. can't change my mind. i wouldn't have ever considered it if we- if he hadn't- you know?"

trini nods, her hand still loose on kim's hips. they're cramped in the car sitting like this, but the closeness it affords them is worth it.

there's more silence, their breathing and then,

"he didn't make you give back your coin did he?" kim asks, fear wavering in her voice "when you came after me?"

she isn't sure what she would do if trini had to make that sacrifice too. kim knows that the permanence that comes with being a ranger, the tether to angel grove -

it means something to trini. trini who's moved her whole life against her will, been bounced around bases and cities and kim knows part of trini wants to stay in angel grove, stay near, stay close.

and yet she's telling kim to go. to chase her dreams.

'we'll figure it out.' trini had promised to all of kim's unasked questions.

everyone else has told her no, kim realizes, everyone who matters, whose opinions she values, have told her she's out of her mind.

everyone except trini.

who is sitting her, with her, holding her closer and reaffirming

"if it's what you want to do, don't let anybody stop you. not your parents, not jason, not," she hesitates "not me. not anyone."

"you're the only one who thinks it's a good idea."

"i'm-" trini starts "i think i'm the only one putting you first. instead of thinking about what they want for you."

"oh." kim says quietly, and she looks down at trini "what do you want for me?"

"it doesn't matter." trini says quietly.

"it does." kim replies "trini, it does."

"i want you to be happy."

"that's a cliche."

"it's not any less true."

"trini."

trini leans her head back, looking up at kim and says "the military will send you where it wants, for as long as it wants. it-" she swallows hard "it's not aliens, and protecting the crystal but," she pauses again "i can't protect you if you're shipped out in the middle east. or wherever we're fighting wars. and you could die."

"i could die being a power ranger."

"i know," trini says, and she's not quite looking at kim, looking past her, gaze fixed on a spot in the dark "and me saying that i don't think you should go, because you could die - that's selfish. and it's wrong. so you should go and do rotc and kick ass and join the airforce. because you're going to kick ass at it. but also," and trini glances at kim again "you're gonna look so hot in that uniform. but i swear," and she's smirking now "if you go all officer and a gentleman on me, i'm gonna have to fight you."

kim laughs, actually laughs and trini grins "i promise not to go all officer and a gentleman on you." she leans down and kisses trini gently "thank you." she adds, when they pull back to breathe.

"for?"

"i know coming after me- it means a lot." kim says "i know you're in the middle of this."

"you're my girlfriend first." trini says "not the pink ranger. i'm not, if you never take your coin back, i'm not going to break up with you."

"i don't know if it's mine to take back anymore."

"of course it is." trini says "you're the pink ranger."

"i don't know if i want it back. not if - not if i can't live out in the world we fight, and nearly died to protect. and not if jason is going to be like that."

"you're still my girlfriend." trini says "as long as me being a power ranger, that won't-"

"i don't want you to give being a power ranger up just because of me." kim says "me wanting you to do that, that would be selfish." she's exhausted and it shows in the shadows in her eyes.

"come on," trini says, pushing at her gently "let's go home, there's the next season of stranger things waiting for us."

*

it's almost one am by the time zack texts trini

[12:40am] dipshit: is she okay?

kim is asleep, pressed against trini's side, head on her chest. trini, not quite able to sleep, not used to the solitary glow of her power coin on the beside table, replies

[12:41am] trini: not really

[12:41am] trini: what did jason say after i left?

[12:42am] dipshit: something like, no wonder we can't fucking morph. he's pretty upset.

[12:44am] trini: so is kim.

[12:44am] dipshit: i know. this is so messed up

[12:45am] trini: her parents flipped out over this. she wasn't expecting jason to do the same.

[12:46am] dipshit: he was surprised i think, we all were. cept you.

[12:47am] dipshit: when did she tell you?

[12:49am] trini: two weeks ago.

[12:50am] dipshit: how do you feel about it?

[12:51am] trini: it's what she wants, she really really wants it.

[12:52am] dipshit: nice sidestep.

[12:53am] trini: what do you want me to say?

[12:55am] dipshit: what you feel. your girlfriend wants to join the military and fly planes, that's got to make you feel something.

[1:00am] trini: scared out of my mind.

[1:01am] trini: but what am i supposed to say. she wants this so much and no one else is supporting her. i have to

[1:02am] dipshit: i think she should do it.

[1:03am] trini: tell her that. she needs to hear it from more than just me.

[1:04am] trini: what happened to her power coin?

[1:06am] dipshit: billy has it. he wouldn't let jason take it back to zordon. told him it's kims coin.

[1:10am] trini: damn straight it is.

she mutes her phone, putting it back on the bedside table, next to her lone power coin. kim has an arm thrown across trini's stomach and her head is buried in a pillow. trini shifts and rolls onto her side, feeling kim reflexively pull trini closer.

it won't last long, kim will overheat and roll away, but for now, with the army of butterflies in her stomach, trini soaks up the closeness.

*

in lieu of training kim decides her first free monday evening in years, will be spent hiking. she doesn't feel like having to explain to her parents why she's no longer

'at boxing club'

which was the most recent excuse.

she leaves in the early evening, driving past where she took trini on one of their first dates, to a stretch of national park marked for experience hikers only.

kim can kind of care less right now. she locks her car and rucks her pack over her shoulders, finding her headphones and plugging them into her ipod as she heads onto the wooded, overgrown track. the podcast she chooses is a recommendation of billy's and people talking about the littany of space related ways the world could end is soothing.

at some point kim is sure she's ditched the path entirely, she just keeps gong up. and up, until she's scrabbling up rock faces and and bending thin trees to get purchase. it's a challenge,

kind of.

but two hours out, kim finds a ledge, higher than even the cliff she pulled trini off of. pulling out her headphones, kim takes long, long drinks of water not realizing how thirsty she was until half her bottle is gone in two gulps.

leaning back on her hands, kim looks out across the view, a mix of forest and mountains and the occasional road cutting through it all. this high up kim can just barely see the ocean to her left, running up and up towards the horizon.

it's lonely she decides, looking at her phone and realizing that right about now she and trini and zack would be rolling up to the mine. they'd banter with alpha-5, maybe see if zordon had anything new to say. but,

not today.

not for kim. it feels weird and it makes her chest tighten and ache, so kim puts her waterbottle back and keeps going up. and when she can't go up, she goes sideways, or backtracks to find a better, harder path. she just keeps going.

and going.

she thinks about jason, someone who was supposed to be on her side, who was supposed to be her friend. she thinks about the anger in his eyes, how he essentially kicked her out of the power rangers. it makes kim ache, and burn because after all they've been through...

when her hands ache and burn and her entire body feels a little like jello, she sits down again. the sky is on fire and her phone, she realizes, has been going off.

it's trini, of course

"where are you?"

"uh," kim says looking around her current setting "i'm not sure. in the woods."

"in the woods?" trini asks, and kim can hear the worry trini tries hard to hide "where are you?"

"i told you, i'm not sure." pause, kim realizing how dark it's getting "how was training?"

"weird." trini admits quietly "really weird. are you-" she pauses "are you coming back tonight?

kim's heart pangs and "yeah, yeah i will. just, give me a couple hours? i can swing by and pick you up?"

"text me when you're close."and there's a delicateness with which the way trini speaks that tugs a curl of guilt, of something, into kim’s stomach 'and be safe."

"i will." kim promises, hanging up and tucking her phone back into her bag.

the forest is a lot less welcoming in the growing dim and kim wonders how she let it get this dark before heading back.

nonetheless, getting back to her car takes less time, although there maybe be a tree or splintered in her wake and a rockslide that kim could be blamed for.

maybe.

she shows up three hours later outside trini's house.

trini climbs into the passenger seat and takes stock of kim sweaty and quiet. she's carrying a duffle over one shoulder and a tupperware container of food in her hands "from my mom." she says "she thinks you're not eating enough."

trini is unusually soft spoken tonight, quiet in a way that kim rarely sees from her.

"did something happen at training?" kim asks and trini just shrugs quietly, fiddling with her seatbelt.

the worry curling in kims gut grows and she drives home, more than a little relieved when both of her parents cars are absent in the drive. the house is silent, save oscars needing whining from her parents room.

kim ignores him for the moment, instead, heading directly to her bedroom, trini following. dropping her bag on the floor, she turns and looks at trini, who's quiet and could all but melt into the shadows if she wanted "you're scaring me." kim says finally "did something happen? did jason make you give your coin?"

"no," trini shakes her head "nothing like that. you should eat."

"i will." kim nods, having no intention of doing so right now "please talk to me."

"you just, disappeared." trini says finally

"when?" kim asks gently, confused.

"this afternoon. you usually pick zack and i up from the theater and today you just, weren't there. you weren't answering your phone." trini pauses and kim is coming to understand where trini's emotions are coming from "i know," she says "i know you're going through a lot right now, but don't, don't just disappear like that. please."

kim swallows hard reaching for trini's hand "i'm sorry. i didn't think, i just, i didn't want to be around here. i didn't want to have to sit and do nothing while you guys were training."

trini takes her hand "i know, i get that. but just disappearing? into the wilderness? it - i'm worried about you."

"i'm fine." kim says on reflex and trini stiffens

"kim," she says quietly,

and that sounds like the beginning of 'don't hide from me' and 'i know you're not fine.'

kim looks away but trini's grip on her hand tightens "kim," she says again "you're, i know this is a lot, what's happening for you."

"what about you?"

"what about me?"

"this is a lot for you too." kim says quietly "you're in the middle."

"i didn't disappear into the woods for five hours." trini counters "i," she sighs, her hand dropping from kims "will you at least eat?"

"yeah." kim says quietly, then "i just, i need to be okay trini." she says "because right now it feels like you're all i've got left. my parents think i'm kidding, the power rangers -" she pauses, not able to say it yet "if i think about that, i'm going to lose it. i -" she takes a deep breath "i have to be fine."

"you don't have to be fine around me." trini reminds her

"i've cried into three of your shirts in the past three weeks." kim says, self deprecating "i don't, you've got enough going on."

"hey," trini says, looking over at kim "what did i say in the car?"

kim thinks back, trying to remember,

"you're my girlfriend first." trini says, waiting until kim meets her gaze "everything with the rangers, with your parents, i'm on your side. you don't have to hold it all inside."

kim swallows hard and trini's reaching out for her hand again, running a thumb of kim's bruised knuckles "you don't have to go on five hour hikes to hurt yourself." she says oh so gently.

scraped knees and bruised thighs, slightly aching ribs and bruised knuckles -

kim swallows guilty. she's not used to healing at a slower rate. a side effect of her coin not being around she supposes.

"let me look at your knees?" trini asks quietly.

kim nods, moving to sit back on her bed. she shimmies out of her jeans easily, rough fabric over broken skin making her hiss. trini pulls a first aid kit from her duffle, setting it down on the floor next to where she kneels.

kim tries to find some comment about trini on her knees,

but in this headspace she can't. she just wants a shower and food and to wake up from this nightmare. wake up into a world where what she wants isn't costing her nearly everything.

that is not what happens.

instead, trini is gentle.

and kim is eternally grateful.

*

it's a week until kim and jason are in the same room again, until of the rangers are together. trini telling kim that they're all still friends and she's coming to movie night whether she wants to or not

"because they want to watch james bond movies and i need someone to vote against them with me."

kim swallows her comment about how she's pretty sure jason is going to tell her her vote doesn't count. except it's worse than that. that sort of outright exclusion would have been better than the stilted silence that comes from jason.

billy and zack fill the silence with movie suggestions and they end up with fast and furious six. not kim’s favourite, but she hasn't been kicked out yet, and with the exception of jason seemingly unsure of how to act around kim.

until she gets up to get some drinks from the fridge,

and jason follows.

"you here to give me back my coin?" kim asks, perhaps more aggressively than she should.

"no." jason says, and from his face it looks like he wanted to say something, but faced with kim, can't quite figure out how to make the words work "just need a coke." he says, forcing normalcy into his voice.

the strangled feeling that kim's been fending off since she arrived, tightens around her ribs and it feels like she can't breathe. she holds the fridge open for jason, watching speechless as he grabs a coke and walks back out.

she stands there with the fridge door open, her ribs squeezing tighter and tighter around her heart, her lungs. she doesn't realize it's been a full three minutes until the fridge is beeping at her and trini is standing before her.

"did he say something?" she asks cautiously, and kim shakes her head.

'i'm just not feeling very well." kim says, which isn't technically a lie "think i'm just going to head home."

"i'll come -"

"no," kim says "stay, please."

"kim-"

"come over after," kim says "but don't, please don't leave because of me."

"are you sure?"

"yes," kim nods, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out her car keys "you can take my car to my place. i'll keep my window unlocked."

"you always leave your window unlocked."

"have fun, please."

"if we watch bond after this it's your fault." trini grumbles, but her hand is on kim's hip "and if you want-"

"i will." kim nods "i promise, i won't even go hiking."

"good." trini says, rocking up onto her toes and pulling kim into a kiss "i love you." she whispers.

kim wonders if trini's ever said it so much as she has in the past weeks. she lets those three words loosen her ribs, and she returns them, kissing trini again because god,

she'll never get bored of it.

its cool, for july, when kim steps outside. it's dark and there's a rare breeze rippling down the street. kim had promised no hiking, but with the prospect of at least a movie and a half between now and trini's arrival, kim wanders.

she wanders through neighborhoods that are unrecognizable from two years ago. houses that were decimated have been rebuilt, the families are back. it wasn't easy, a summer spent in what looked like a war zone. many a detention spent clearing up and putting away and even, as much as they could get away with,

helping in their free time.

it's something else, soaking up the mostly repaired main street of angel grove as she approaches. but there's something catches her attention, the smell of smoke.

at first she waves it off as a bonfire, well contained and managed. but the second wave of smoke smells acrid and it sets off alarm bells in kim’s head. she has to push down her first thoughts of being trapped and burning as goldar threatened to destroy them all.

she looks around, trying to see where it's coming from,

and spots it.

the last stretch of the main road. that not quite repaired - something about funding running out - there are a pair of buildings side by side still in ruins. and next to it,

a family home.

and it's from there that the smoke is coming. dark, acrid clouds streaming and rising out from a side window. she pushes open the gate and knocks on the door.

no answer.

there's a car in the drive.

kim walks to the edge of the porch and peers around the side. she sees the ruins to her left, and smoke coming from the house. a lot of smoke.

kim bangs again on the door, hears a dog with a deep booming bark. she swallows hard and makes her choice.

better to ask forgiveness she decides, and uses her elbow to break the glass and reach inside to unlock the door.

some part of her registers that it hurt, that there might be glass in her elbow, but stepping inside,

it's akin to stepping inside to a nightmare.

the house is filled with smoke and kim can feel the heat of flames coming from somewhere. she has to steel herself to walk forward, to call out, even though she's got her shirt pulled over her face and every inhalation makes her gag.

she gets low, following the sound of the barking dog, and fuck-

she's gagging and retching, resorting to crawling along the floor where at least there's fresher air.

finally she gets to a door, pressing her hand against the handle and feeling that it's hot, god it's hot. kim knows what that means,

but she stands - holding her breath, her eyes are watering and kim twists the door handle, pushing the door open.

it hurts.

it hurts.

she opens the door and there's a wall of fire to her right, burning and burning where there must have been an air conditioning unit. blown out and ablaze. her gaze swings and there are two kids curled on the bed.

young kids, terrified.

kim doesn't even think, she grabs them both. scooping them into her arms and she's running, staggering, gagging,

carrying them out, onto the porch. it takes everything in kims body to make it this far. to not stumble down the stairs on shaking legs.

outside the air is smoky, but she can breath. they're all coughing and keeling over and it's now that kim recognizes the twin little girls,

"becky," she says gently, crouching down and coughing "becky is your mom home?"

it's holly who replies "grandma!"

oh fuck.

"i need you to," kim has to pause to cough, during which holly adds

"and pud!"

"pud?"

"her dog!" becky says, and there's a small explosion and kim can see flames reflected in becky's shining eyes and

she can't breathe. it's too warm, too hot. it's too much. she's trapped in her zord and goldar is standing in front of her -

sirens.

the sounds of sirens cut through and drag kim back to the present.

a present where she is still choking. where she is still gasping for breath, but "okay, okay," she starts, knowing this fire isn't going to wait for the fire department to get here "i need you to go stand on the sidewalk okay? and whatever happens, you can't come near the house." she pulls out her phone, unlocking it,

the background a photo of her and trini. trini on her back, as they stand a top some overlook at a group hiking trip. a photo jason took of them, kim remembers.

she swallows hard "can you call 911?" she asks

just to be sure.

just to be sure help is coming here. to them.

holly nods.

and kimberly isn't sure if she can or not,

but she doesn't have time to wait.

she's taking a deep a breath as is possible and pulls her shirt up, covering her nose and mouth. entering the house a second time is not nearly as scary as kim thinks it should be.

there seems to be more flames than smoke this time around. kim isn't sure what that means, but she assumes it can’t be good.

dropping again to a crawl, she heads towards the back of the house, past the twins room already engulfed in flames and deeper still she has to keep going, staggering and stumbling, her hands and scraped and bleeding.

kim is fighting for breath,

and she hears the

"help!"

another call, just as weak as the first

"help please!"

and kim can't really see, can't really breath, but she pushes open the bedroom door without checking the handle, she doesn't have time.

the grandmother,

and a great dane, pressed against a wall.

she's got an oxygen tank next to her and it seems that as soon as pud registers kim's presence, that she's here to help, he starts walking, the grandma leaning onto him heavily.

kim feels like her body is about to give in, give up,

she's light headed,

choking, hauling herself back to her feet.

she's back in her zord.

"i can't breathe. i'm burning."

she's back in the room.

she's staggering and dragging the grandma out with a strength she didn't know she had. she feels flames close, so close,

kim doesn't want to die.

she doesn't,

but -

her hand curls around pud's collar and her other arm is supporting the grandma.

kim lets the dog guide them out of the house.

she starts blacking out somewhere before the front door.

doesn't realize it until she's gasping and heaving moments later, letting go of the dogs collar, pushing the grandma forward.

she sags against a wall.

the grandma is out,

is that flashing lights she sees?

kim isn't sure.

she sees the open door. forces herself towards it. step by stumbling, staggering step.

when she gets to the porch steps,

kim falls.

her legs give way and she's tumbling down into the grass, but there's air,

fresh air.

fresh, cool air.

kim's coughing and struggling to breath, rolling onto her stomach so she can be sick. her entire body is tingling, her right forearm hurts -

there are sirens, deafeningly loud sirens. sirens that mean people are close, help is close.

kim manages to open her eyes and sees half the house engulfed in flames, but she can't get up, can't move really,

still trying to breathe, tears streaming down her face.

firefighters are here,

the volunteer department.

someone kim recognizes vaguely as a firefighter named brent is helping her to her feet, guiding her to a nearby ambulance. there are a cluster of them and the world is hazy, kim trying to breathe,

they set her up with an oxygen mask and slowly,

slowly the world comes back into focus.

"we need to take you to the hospital." the paramedic is saying, even as they're already loading her into the ambulance.

kim looks down at her arm for the first time,

the burns there,

they're a surprise.

six inches long, an inch and a half wide.

she thinks it should hurt more, and the more she looks at it,

the more it does.

so she nods.

but not before pulling off her mask and asking, voice hoarse "the kids," she says "the twins, are they okay?"

the paramedic nods "they're coming to the hospital as well. just to be checked over."

kim nods,

closing her eyes.

*

the next thing she really knows,

she's in the hospital.

but it's a blur of giving a phone number for her parents, being told not to speak, just to write it down. she feels like shit, being told to just breathe and wait and there's a nurse sitting with her, taking her blood.

kim can't even bring herself to watch the needle slipping into her vein.

time must pass because then there's three doctors, or one doctor and two students, or a combination,

and they're looking at her arm,

there's the gathering of supplies and then the warning that

"this might hurt"

and god if that isn't a fucking understatement.

kim screams. she's wearing the oxygen mask, but fuck those are burns and fuck that hurts and

fuck fuck fuck,

it all boils down to,

more waiting. she wonders why her parents aren't here yet. wonders if they were out and knows they are of the

'phone on silent while eating'

club.

kim realizing next that, she doesn't have her phone.

realizing that trini's going to get to her house and she won't be there. she's worried trini once already. she doesn't want to do it again.

she looks around for a nurse, and catches ones eye "phone, please?" she asks, her voice weak.

the nurse looks skeptical

"i'll be short." kim promises and the nurse relents and procuring a landline.

kim dials trini's number by heart and listens as it rings and rings and

"hello?"

"it's me."

"kim?"

"yeah." it's all she can do to say one word at a time.

"are you okay? you sound terrible."

"you can't freak out."

"kim." trini says, who absolutely sounds like she is going to freak out.

"i'm at the hospital." kim says, all in one go.

"i'm on my way."trini says at once.

"you don't-"

"i'm coming." and there is not arguing this, that much kim can tell.

"okay." she says, the relief is clear in her voice, she wants trini here.

her parents show up three minutes after that. kim hears the nurse talking to them before they actually walk the curtain divider. she can hear their questions filled with worry and relief and confusion. her mother sees her,

assumedly covered in ash and smoke and with her arm burned, and there's a gasp, tears springing to her mothers eyes. kim lets her parents pull her into a hug, her father asking

"what happened?"

but kim's voice is shot. she's still being given oxygen, her arm throbs, her throat aches.

she doesn't want to answer their questions,

can't physically do it.

let's the phone wielding nurse answer the questions - telling this story once was hard enough. just lays and breathes and recovers, listening as their is no talk of discharge, only being watched and more blood tests, mention of

"we don't see needing to admit her but,"

and then, from somewhere outside this space,

"i swear if you don't let me back there i'm-"

and kim watches as her mother, seemingly recognizing trini's voice at the same time kim does, frowns.

kim swallows hard.

"but we would like to keep her under observation for at least the next two hours."

and great.

"please." and that's trini's voice wavering "i need-”

kim's father seems to be ignoring this, but her mother, well,

disappears from the bedside. kim half expecting her mother to push trini away but instead,

reappears minutes later, with trini by her side. trini who seems mostly composed except for the frantic look in her eyes. one that blossoms into worry when she takes a look at kim

"what happened?" she asks, tears in her eyes, mindful of kim's parents right there, but finding kim's hand all the same, bandaged as well.

she looks vaguely like she might cry, so gentle with kims hand. it makes kim feel a thousand things, trini's confidence like this, trini coming even though she knew the harts would be here. holding kims hand.

"i must go speak with the doctor." her father is saying,

and whether that's true or not, kim doesn't care, doesn't mind. her mother excusing herself as well.

it feels something like a miracle. now it's just the two of them, trini rocking onto her toes, hand moving to kim's hair, kissing her cheek "you fucking scared me." she whispers, landing back on her heels "just saying that you were at the hospital. i was, all i could think was 'how did she mess up walking home?'"

kim's throat hurts to much to laugh, but she does so anyway, curling her hand around trini's. she gestures for trini's phone, needing to say more and trini pulls it out of her pocket, handing it to kim, her other hand still in tangled and,

kim types out, slowly,

fire at the bronze house.

trini looks up at her "and you had to go in." trini whispers

kim nods the twins were inside, plus grandma and dog.

trini looks up at her, sees trini glancing around before she says,

"you didn't have your coin, you could have been killed."

i had to kim types with one hand, she's still got the oxygen mask on and trini's hand comes to her hair, threading through it gently,

gently.

"i know." trini replies, "but you could have died, you're-" looking up at kim, meeting kim's gaze, there are tears in trini's eyes.

i'm okay.

trini nods "you still scared the shit out of me." she breathes

kim can't think of anything to say to that, doesn't want to say anything to that,

so she doesn't.

so she wiggles over in her bed, getting as close to the edge as she can, as close to trini as she can. in the sterile hospital environment, with her parents undoubtedly uncomfortable by trini's presence, the fact that trini came anyway.

is here anyway,

it calms kim in a way her parents have never been able to. her parents who are walking back in, and trini is taking half a step back. there's a beat and then kim's father is saying,

voice stiff "i think it's time trini went home."

kim does not want trini to go home and she grips trini's hand tighter, as if that could make her stay.

"it's getting late." her father continues "you need rest and surely trini's parents are wondering where she is."

the look kim shares with trini tells her that, in fact, june does not know that trini has driven out to the hospital. as far as june is aware, trini is still at billy's house watching movies.

"it's okay." trini all but whispers to kim, taking her phone from kims lap and dialing her home number single handedly, there's a beat of silence and then trini is speaking in soft spanish, which kim can only assume is something along the lines of informative and trini assuring her mother that she's fine because then trini is saying in english,

"kim's going to be okay." before dropping back into spanish, and then the conversation is over and trini is looking at kimberly's parents "she'll be here in twenty minutes."

"perhaps you'd like to wait outside." her father suggests.

"dad." kim protests, and trini has gone stiff beside her.

"you need rest." her father is saying, as if that's his true motivations.

"please." kim asks, straining herself.

there's a beat and then,

"okay." he seems resigned to the fact that trini is going to be here anyway, she may as well wait with them.

and kim is relieved, her hand loosens around trini's, but she doesn't let go.

*
eighteen minutes later, trini's is glancing at her phone and she's murmuring to kim "my mom will be outside soon."

kim nods, and she looks at trini, gesturing for her phone

thank you she types for comingand then she's adding my window is open

because kim does not want to sleep and she doesn't want to be alone.

"i'll see you tomorrow." trini says, for appearances, but she's squeezing kims hand ever so gently, putting her car keys on the bed, and kim knows that she'll see trini tonight.

her parents say nothing as trini leaves, and kim closes her eyes. the uncomfortable silence that has taken hold of the hart household since kim's admission has returned.

errantly kim realizes a five year old may have her phone. she wonders how she's going to get that back, if it can be done without fuss and a deal being made of the fact that she pulled them from a burning building.

the attention is the last thing kim wants.

she just wants to go home.

which does happen,

after long hours of waiting and breathing and testing and breathing and stilted silence with her parents who can't seem to find the words to say to her. which is just fine by kim,

she doesn't want them talking at her.

by the time she's discharged its past midnight. there are instructions to come immediately back if things get worse, and there's a follow up appointment in a few days time.

it's a lot of fuss kim decides as she's wheeled out of the hospital, and her father is opting to drive kim's car home,

leaving kim and her mother to take the other.

"you did a very good thing." her mother says, finally, as they're turning out of the hospital parking lot "i am very proud of you."

kim nods, reaching out and squeezing her mother’s arm. she does appreciate it, her mother at least recognizing that what kim did was equal parts stupid and brave.

it's enough to get her home, to get her upstairs and into her room. her parents seem to accept that she just wants to sleep. that she's breathing normally, not coughing any black bits up,

that she just wants rest.

well, that and -

she closes her bedroom door and breaks into a soft smile because trini is sitting in her desk chair, scrolling on her phone. she looks up as the door is pushed closed and is crossing the room to pull kim into a kiss.

kim knows she won't dare speak, not with kim's parents moving about just down the hall. really though, trini doesn't need to speak, her hands are on the small of kim's back and she's rocked onto her toes to kiss kim,

and it's perfect, it's gentle and trini is looking up at her and nodding to the bed. kim nods but looks down at her clothes, feels her aching hands and arms,

"let me." trini murmurs, so quietly kim almost doesn't hear her.

trini eases kim's shirt off, eases her jeans and underwear off. kim wiggles her eyebrows at trini and trini rolls her eyes, throwing kim’s sleep shirt in her face. kim grins and gingerly puts it on, pulling trini close once they're both changed and comfortable.

kim runs her hand over the bandages, looking down at her arm and then over at trini. trini is standing close, watching carefully, and kim reaches for trini's hand again.

netflix? kim types out on trini's phone.

trini nods, eyeing where kim's laptop is on her desk. she reaches and grabs it, *stranger things?

kim shakes her head

imagine me and you

is that on netflix?

kim shrugs.

trini wraps an arm around kims shoulders and pulls her close we'll find it.

trini does find it.

somewhere.

they share headphones and hold hands softly under the blankets and it's when the meaning of lillie's is being told that kim reaches for trini's phone again

you working tomorrow?

i'll call out.

you dont-

trini stops her typing with a hand over kim's "i'm calling out tomorrow." she whispers, needing apparently to say this, "you," she swallows hard "you climbed into a fire and pulled out two kids, a grandma and their dog. your forearm got burned and you got taken to the hospital. i'm taking tomorrow off."

good

and then

i don't want to sleep

trini pauses the movie, because that is a feeling she understands entirely.

we don't have to she pauses we can watch terrible rom coms all night.

imagine me and you is not terrible kim looks over at trini with a raised eyebrow.

sure. trini concedes it's not terrible.

i hear your sarcasm.

trini smirks "sure you did babe." she murmurs, kissing kim's temple.

kim leans into the kiss, pressing play and finds trini's hand.

there is not much sleep, and that's just fine by kim.

*

word spreads through angel grove and by the next afternoon everyone and their mother seems to be at the harts door. kim doesn't have to try hard to feign not feeling up to dealing with people. she's exhausted, she's in pain and trini had snuck out the window at six am so she wouldn't be discovered. she had promised to come back around noon, no doubt bearing good from june.

which leaves kim here,

alone in her bed, dozing on and off in the summer sun, watching netflix and messaging trini, who's at home, assuring her mother that kim is alright and will heal.

so when there's a knock on kim's window, she expects billy or zack.

not jason.

she swallows hard and then nods, watching as he pulls open the window, slipping into her room. his gaze catches on her arm and he says, voice low

"trini told us what happened."

kim nods, still stiff, unsure of what he wants. is he here to chastise her for going into the building? or -

"and i," he pauses "i realized something."

kim's heart is racing.

"you're going to do amazing things in the air force." he says "and, you're going to go whether you're a power ranger or not. you're going to keep doing good things whether you're a power ranger or not, and," he fiddles with something in his pocket "you're my best friend."

he pulls her power coin from his pocket and puts it on the bed "it's yours, if you want it."

"you mean it?" kim asks, her voice raspy and harsh.

"yeah." jason says "yeah. i - i shouldn't have told you to give it back. i just, i feel like we're fraying, or something. like, with college applications and decisions and we're," he trails off "i don't know what we are. but, i feel like it's pulling us apart. and then you said about the airforce and i just, flipped."

kim understands, she reaches for his hand and squeezes it, her power coin clutched in the other

"thank you." she says.

jason smiles "i'm glad you're okay." he heads towards the window as footsteps sound up the stairs.

kim just smiles, feeling a knot loosen in her chest as her power coin warms against her hand.

*

the next time the power rangers are all together, they're at kim's. it's under the pretense of movie night, but with the house empty, save for the five of them piled into the living room with boxes of pizza strewn on the coffee table, billy and trini picking up their ongoing argument over plutos status as a demoted planet.

"just because it's little doesn't mean it's-"

"i have a feeling what you're saying isn't only about pluto-"

jason stands up abruptly, "uh," he starts "guys, i," he glances at kim "i owe you guys an apology. the choices we're all making, they're hard. we're all making sacrifices, because we want to do good in the world. but i forgot that the sacrifices will be different for everyone. so i," he swallows again "i'm sorry kim, for kicking you out of the power rangers. it wasn't right."

really, the public apology like this isn't necessary, but kim appreciates the honesty and the sincerity and the fact that jason seems to have woken up to the fact that not everyone can just,

decide to stay in angel grove.

that they will all stay close for college, that much seems likely but,

kim looks around the room, jason's empty spot at the end of the couch, zack stuck between billy and trini who seem intent to pick up their discussion as soon as jason sits down,

and kim smiles, wrapping an arm around trini's shoulders and saying to trini "you know, nasa isn't on your side."

"fuck nasa." trini growls.

"that's not possible." billy says "and the scientific principles about what makes a planet are changing,"

"so pluto could be a planet again."

"i don't think so."

"stupid."

"there you go babe," kim says with a smile "great argument."

"shut up." trini replies "you're not on my side."

"i totally think pluto should be a planet." jason pitches in, and kim half thinks he's only doing it to get back into trini's good books.

"thank you." trini says "at least someone here isn't stupid."

"ouch." zack says "i haven't even picked a side yet."

"yes you have." trini tells him "you have that 'when i was your age pluto was a planet' shirt. you wore it to work when andreas wasn't there."

this, kim has a feeling, could go on all night. and with trini lacing their hands together, whilst still talking,

kim doesn't think she would mind at all.