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And so I say I don't love you,
Though it kills me
It's a lie that sets you free.
She's been watching him for about half an hour when he decides it's now or never. Bite the bullet, Gunny. Grow some balls. He still can't quite resist when she climbs up from the couch, stretching like a cat, to wrap herself around him and steal a kiss. He allows himself the luxury of tasting her one last time before he stiffens against her grasp.
"This needs to stop, Kate." He almost expects the indulgent smirk that twitches at her lips. Should have anticipated she'd expect him to be playing some kind of game.
He also should have anticipated the fear and anger when he repeats himself. Lets her rage against him and tries to keep it firm in his mind that this is best.
That this will only lead to them both getting hurt in the long run.
It's really more the fear that catches him, the way after all that anger Kate near crumples in on herself, arms wrapped around her torso and lower lip bitten and agitated ruthlessly.
Gibbs wants to spill his guts at that. Tell her he knows that given a month or so, they'll be at each others' throats. That this would never work long-term and they'd only end up hating each other and he can't, absolutely cannot, deal with her truly growing to hate him.
Instead, he deals the final blow.
"I don't love you, Kate. I can't."
It hurts him almost as much as it hurts her, he's sure of it. It feels like a lie so strong should turn his tongue black and have him on his knees. But her being hurt briefly now is better than her being wounded by him for the rest of her life.
I will wrap my body in other women's arms,
Make love in a hurry.
Kate spends the next couple of months contemplating a career move. Moving her desk so he's not in her immediate eye-line day in, day out. He can't say he blames her.
She'll only talk to him about cases and in clipped, short tones but Tony tells him how bad she's hurting.
Gibbs spends the next couple of months desperately tamping down how just much of a lie that 'I don't love you, Kate' was. Forcing himself to match her level of professionalism when watching her too long reminds him of all the mornings he'd woken up with her tucked safely in his arms.
He does make a few, half-hearted attempts to replace her. But not even the red-heads that would have distracted him before can stop her name tripping off his tongue and make him miss her perfume any less as he tumbles out of their beds before they have a chance to try and coax him into getting comfortable.
Hope you find yourself in someone else's eyes,
Cause I love anybody who's fool enough to believe.
And you're just one of many who broke their heart on me.
He knows, logically that she deserves to move on. That she needs someone who can look at her the way she'd looked at him. With so much hope and slightly naive love.
He knows that after so many women flitting in and out, he's not ready for one to settle down and stay. That kind of domesticity has lost it's place in his life and he doubts he'll ever really make room for it again.
He also hates that it took Kate to teach him that. That it took him breaking her heart to remember he is not meant for that anymore.