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Skye didn’t really mean to hug Jemma in front of Ward like that. If she’d been thinking clearly she wouldn’t even have considered it. Skye’s not used to being physically affectionate. She doesn’t know why Jemma brings out that side of her, and she sure doesn’t know why when she heard the horrible news about Jemma it felt like her heart had plummeted to the floor.
(That’s a lie. She knows exactly why.)
Jemma’s been pushing Skye away just a little ever since the truth about Miles and the Rising Tide came out. She hasn’t visited Skye’s room for over two weeks, and when they’re required to interact for missions she’s almost too polite, her voice like stones knocking together. Skye’s really not sure which betrayal Jemma considers worse. She admits the thing with Miles was really stupid and if she had it to do again, she probably wouldn’t. She knows that her almost magnetic draw to Miles is left over from when they first met, he seeming so cool and mysterious to a young runaway eager for validation. But that’s not an excuse.
More than anything, she wants to make Jemma understand why she was working with Rising Tide. She knows Jemma’s parents love her dearly and that her childhood is full of warm, good memories; how could she begin to understand Skye’s desperation?
Skye can’t quite make herself go and talk to her though. She gets more and more unhappy the longer she goes without seeing Jemma’s sunshine smile but she’s too afraid of what Jemma will say to make the first move. She’s fully aware this is childish. She’s always handled problems best by dancing around them until the other person addresses them or everything just blows over. Learning healthy conflict resolution wasn’t exactly high on her list of priorities before.
Then she hears that Jemma’s dying and it’s like she’s forgotten how to breathe.
She spends the next several hours pacing the Helicarrier’s halls, wrestling with her desire to go down and see Jemma, talk to her. But Jemma won’t want to see her. She’s busy fighting for her life, finding a cure for this crazy Asgardian virus. But it’ll be okay, right? If anyone can find a cure, it’s Jemma. This is just science, just biology, and Jemma’s one of the best at that…
Skye keeps moving because, like a shark, if she stops she’ll die. Sometimes she starts to pray, but she never gets farther than God, oh my god… She doesn’t even know why, though at one point Sister Francis’ recitation of the Lord’s Prayer starts to play endlessly in her head instead. Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…
She doesn’t even hear about Jemma’s near-sacrifice until it’s all over, and then she’s on her feet running for the infirmary almost before she realizes it. Fuck this stupid emotional distance, Jemma is alive and Skye needs to see that for herself.
So it’s really a culmination of all her feelings over the last few weeks and the last few hours that causes her to throw her arms around Jemma, even with Ward standing right there. She feels Jemma’s solid weight in her arms and, after a moment, the other woman awkwardly returns the embrace, and that’s when she knows they’re going to be okay.
Later, she doesn’t push Jemma for anything because she knows that won’t work. But that night, she hears a soft rapping at her door and her heart leaps.
Jemma’s standing there with an unreadable expression on her face. “We should talk,” she says. These words have always frightened Skye, but right now she’s kind of relieved. If Jemma wants to talk, that means she’s willing to listen.
Jemma glides in, in that ridiculously elegant way she has, and alights on the bed. When Skye follows her lead, Jemma pulls her legs up, crosses them under her, and turns to face Skye. Nervously, Skye mirrors her. They’re quiet for a long moment.
Finally, Skye murmurs, not looking at Jemma’s face, “I’m sorry.”
Jemma makes a little huh noise deep in her throat. “For betraying us or betraying me?”
Skye sighs. “Jem…I really am sorry that I slept with Miles. It was stupid and bad and the wrong choice and I shouldn’t have. When I’m around him, I become the person I used to be when I knew him, and I don’t want to be that anymore. I’m so, so sorry I hurt you, Jemma.” Tears burn behind her eyes and she’s furious at herself for a second, but then she decides to let the tears fall, though it’s probably manipulative. But Jemma won’t be so easily swayed by sentiment anyway.
“You did.” Jemma’s voice is shaking a tiny bit, but she’s not looking at Skye either, like she can’t. “You said, not too long ago, that your feelings for me were similar to mine for you. I took that to mean you felt seriously about me. So imagine my surprise when…well.”
Skye’s shocked to see tears running down Jemma’s face. Jemma hates it when people see her cry. Skye knows this, and her heart twists, and she wants nothing more than to take Jemma into her arms and kiss her tears away. But she knows better than to do that, not right now.
She chokes back her own tears as she says, “I don’t have an excuse for Miles, but you should know why I was working with Rising Tide. Jemma, I promise it wasn’t to hurt you guys.”
She hears Jemma sniffle and assumes the biochemist’s silence is permission to continue. “I was working with them because…I need to find my parents.”
They meet eyes and she can see the surprise on Jemma’s face, the uncertainty. Skye continues, “Rising Tide has access to all kinds of intel – SHIELD intel – and I was using that to try and track down information about my parents. That’s why. I won’t blame you if you never come near me again, after Miles, but I need you to understand my reasons for this part of it. I’m not saying what I did was right, but you should know why.”
“Skye.” Jemma’s eyes are the saddest she’s ever seen them. “You should have told me. I could…we could’ve avoided all this nonsense.”
Skye snorts. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the most share-y person.” She immediately regrets being so snarky about it when Jemma’s face falls more than it already has. “I’m just…I’m not used to having people to talk to about stuff like this. No one’s ever really cared about me before.”
Jemma whimpers sympathetically. “I care about you, Skye. I thought you knew that.”
“Yeah,” says Skye, dropping her gaze. “But I forget it. Thus the stupid decisions and secrets.”
“Look,” murmurs Jemma, reaching over to put her hand on Skye’s. “I understand mistakes, God knows I’ve made enough of them. What hurts me is that you didn’t tell me any of this. Well, and that you slept with your ex.” She says this last part lightly, but her voice cracks on the word “ex.”
“He wasn’t as good as you.” Skye probably shouldn’t have said that, but she doesn’t care anymore, she just wants Jemma to stop looking at her so sadly. And she knows stupid sex jokes might help with that.
Sure enough, Jemma bursts into hysterical giggles. It’s probably just due to the heightened emotion in the room, but Skye grins too, and hopes it’s a good sign. Once Jemma’s managed to get herself under control again, she wipes her tears off her face as best she can and says, “I should really be angrier at you than I am. But I can’t when you say such stupid things, while looking at me like that.” She reaches out to gently take Skye’s face in her hand. “Anyhow, I missed you.”
Skye closes her eyes, relishing Jemma’s touch after being without it for so long. “When I heard you were sick, I felt like someone had punched out my heart. I’ve missed you so goddamn much, Jem.”
“I’ve missed you as well,” Jemma murmurs, stroking Skye’s cheek with her thumb for a moment before letting her hand fall back to her side. “And yes, it has been a rather…exciting day. I’m still processing it all. It’s not every day you’re faced with the possibility of death by extraterrestrial virus, or jump out of a plane.”
Skye laughs harshly. It’s not really funny, but she’s not sure what else to do. “Remind me to get Ward a giant fucking gift basket next time we dock. Or a really nice suit or something. I dunno what he’d consider a good ‘thanks for saving my girlfriend’s life’ present.”
Jemma smiles and hums, which tells Skye she caught the “girlfriend” comment. “Perhaps a nice bottle of wine or somesuch? A new holster for his gun? And no, that isn’t an innuendo.” She’s getting more into the joke, starting to act like her normal cheerful self. Skye smiles at her, feeling warmth spread through her chest.
“So…are we okay now?” she asks hopefully.
Jemma’s quiet for a moment, just looking at her. “I understand why you did it,” she says softly. “The Rising Tide business, anyhow. Miles not so much. I admit I’m still rather sore about that.”
“Want me to make you sore another way?” Skye can’t resist the innuendo or the playfully-raised eyebrow, though she knows she might be pushing her luck here.
“You’re incorrigible,” laughs Jemma, shaking her head. “And I really can’t stay angry at you for too long. Come here.”
Skye moves so that she’s nestled in Jemma’s arms with her head on Jemma’s chest. Jemma cuddles her close, then maneuvers them both down so they’re spooning on their sides. For a long time they’re quiet, just breathing softly and enjoying the feel of each other. As Skye drifts off to sleep, she realizes she’s the happiest she’s been in a long time.