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Everything inside the institute becomes too claustrophobic. The pressure and weight of the night drowning out everything. So Jace goes to the roof before whatever Alec’s feeling even hits him. He nearly doubles over at the pain that shoots through him when it does. He knows it, it’s the same sort of loss he felt when he’d seen that text. But he also knows Alec needs time.
He sits and he waits.
It’s an hour later when Alec steps onto the roof, wiping at his eyes as he slumps down next to his brother. It’s another hour before he speaks, his voice hoarse from the tears.
“He left…he just…left…” Jace leans against him a bit, trying to be a comforting presence as Alec continues to speak. “He’s..he’s afraid of me. Of us. Of getting in the way…I don’t…I don’t..what do I do?” Alec’s never been this lost before, like someone cut his anchor and now he’s adrift at sea. Jace supposes that’s exactly what happened. So now they’re adrift together and no one gave them a fucking paddle.
“You love him.” Alec nods numbly. “And he loves you.” Another nod, more hesitant this time. “I may not be the authority on all things relationships…I’m not even close…but I do know you and I know firsthand the shit you would go through, you would do for someone you love. Sometimes you have to wade through the shit and then the other side is okay. You’re both just still in the shit…if I’m being honest, all of us are. This whole situation is fucked, Alec, and we’re all stuck in it. And when the smoke clears, you’ll find each other again.”
Alec kinda sits in stunned silence for a moment. Had he really not noticed how much Jace had grown through all of this? Or more to the point, how much more Jace was willing to show emotion now? If anything, it helps for them to talk. Magnus…/Magnus/…had told him once of a mundane expression, “up shit creek without a paddle.” That’s what everything feels like. Except Magnus wasn’t even the paddle, he was the boat, and without him Alec’s drowning in the dirty water. “This.” Jace raises an eyebrow. “He was scared of this. Of the choices. The heart break…and so he left. And it’s my fault he even has to make those choices.”
“…you’re not the one that killed several of his people…” Jace whispers so softly Alec can barely hear from his spot next to him. “I’d say he’ll come around but I don’t think that’s what’s needed….you both…everything has been so intense and so quick with the fear and all else…It was bound to get overwhelming.” Alec stiffens and swallows. Jace places a hand on his shoulder. “Not like that. You’ll find your way back…just give it time. What you have, the kind of love I feel surge through the bond whenever you’re together, that doesn’t go away. Take some time, get some sleep, talk to mom, Izzy…sit with Max. It’ll help. And when you’re both ready, you’ll know.”
“…when did you get so wise?” Alec cracks a shaky smile that falls seconds later.
Jace shrugs, “I think…I think when some stupid 11-year-old punk decided to hug me the first time we met…have I ever told you that was the first time I’d ever been hugged? I almost drop kicked you.” Alec’s taken aback by the admission. Maybe that really is it though, they’ve all started to be more open lately. “Point is, when one has waded through the shit most of their lives, they kind of learn to navigate it.”
That’s it. The rest has all been said. Alec doesn’t feel any better but he does feel more determined to fight to get Magnus back, to not be adrift anymore. Jace feels like he can breathe easier but the deep fear and guilt that sits with him constantly stays, if only glowing faintly for a bit.
Yeah, they’re wading through shit creek but that doesn’t mean they’re fighting the current alone.