Work Text:
Lily posted a new status: literally nothing is more awful than Sirius Black’s bedroom.
Comments:
Remus: you aren’t wrong
Peter: we’ve been trying to get him to stop living like a trash panda but James just encourages him
Sirius: *raccoon
James posted a new status: super stoked to never pick out courses again
70 likes
Peter created a new event: Sirius Black Picking a New Major (for the 14th time)
210 people attending | 44 people maybe attending
Sirius Black posted in event: Sirius Black Picking a New Major (for the 14th time): so like our landlord is super picky so just climb through the window. Its fine. Just climb up the fire escape.
Comments:
Frank: You’re on the eighth floor.
Sirius: really I thought we were on the tenth
Remus: ?? The eighth floor is the top floor.
Sirius: r u sure
James: wait I thought there were like 7 floors?
Peter: omg I thought there were 12
Remus: Peter-you’re in architecture. James-you’re in business. Learn how to math.
Remus: I have nothing to say to you Black
Lily sent James a new Words With Friends request!
James sent a private message to Felons or Falcons: guys help she’s literally murdering me
James: I said dinosaurs are stupid and now she keeps playing dinosaur names in scrabble AND WHERE IS SHE GETTING THESE LETTERS FROM
Remus: I’m sure you’re fine
James: R U SURE MOONY MCMOON
James sent a picture attachment
Sirius: @$$#@%
Remus: kay
Remus: that’s a lot
Peter: omg but dinosaurs are stupid though
Lily sent Peter a new Words With Friends request!
James posted on Lily Evans’ timeline: roses r red and violets r blue, i hate flowers but love u
1 love reaction, 3 angry reactions
Comments:
Sirius: literally disgusting
Lily: Sirius Black gtfo
Lily: cute james
Sirius sent Remus 18 new Candy Crush requests.
James to group chat the jonas brothers: im putting down money on sirius going back into film
Remus: he’s switched back and forth from film like 3 times already he won’t do it again
James: he wants to graduate with us at the end of the year, he has the most credits in film
Peter: my money is archaeology. he keeps rewatching jurassic park. He and evans just had a three hour conversation just in dino emoji’s
Remus: i’m betting on archaeology as well, peter makes an excellent point
James: u r all idiots
Peter posted in the event: Sirius Black Picking a New Major (for the 14th time): in conclusion to this grand event that our apartment was definitely not big enough to host, sirius picked film. also, whoever took our plates and spoons, please bring them back we miss them dearly
Sirius posted a new status: not to be racist but i think iced tea is better than fruit punch
Comments:
Remus: ???????
Remus: what is racist about this even?
Sirius: nothing i told u it wasn’t racist
Sirius: siriusly
Sirius: god do u even science in your program
James liked this comment
Peter posted a new status: what a shock. all of the milk. gone.
1 sad reaction
Comments:
James: oh no thats awful buddy (:
Peter: i see u
Lily sent a private message to Remus: i still think lord of the rings is better than jane austin
Remus: H O W
Lily: dunno just 10x better man
Remus: okay, first of all jane austin is precious and everything right in the world
Remus: secondly, you have such low standards i see why you date james
Sirius posted a new status: i don’t always talk but when i do i say WA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-KOW
Comments:
Lily: your obsession with this song y won’t it end
Sirius: does anything ever really end?
James: u will if u don’t stop replaying that song
James posted on Sirius’s timeline: stop playing gasolina
Sirius: make me
Sirius posted 55 new photos: u owe me new speakers james
Comments:
James: did u literally just stand there and take 55 photos of the exact same image
Sirius: yes
James: u r so extra high five buddy
Remus sent a private message to James: i can’t believe you dropped his speakers off the balcony i should have thought of that 4 years ago
Sirius sent Remus 28 new Candy Crush requests.
Are you sure you want to unfriend Sirius Black?
Yes | No
New Friend Request from Sirius Black!
Accept | Decline
Lily posted a new photo: all you losers who said i would never get a tattoo
88 likes
Comments:
Sirius: nice dolphin
Lily: its a fucking shark
Sirius: looks like a dolphin
Lily: go get a fucking octopus tattooed
Sirius posted a new 96 photos: me and my bestie got matching tattoos
273 likes, 1 angry reaction
Comments:
Lily: i can’t believe u actually got a octopus
James: Peter you should tattoo milk to your forehead
James: you’re so obsessed with it
Peter posted on James’s timeline: BUY YOUR OWN MILK
Sirius sent a private message to Remus: did we have homework????
Remus: you’re in film
Remus: im in astro physics
Remus: we literally have no classes together
Sirius: yeah but did we have homework?
Lily sent Sirius a private message: is Peter still lecturing James about stealing milk again
Sirius: yes
Sirius: he just dropped the ‘young man’ card
Sirius: he’s getting siriusly serious now
Lily: excellent let me in so I can take the milk
Sirius: wtf can’t u buy your own
Lily: yes
Lily: but why would i?
Sirius: fair point
Lily posted a new status: i think my boyfriend is more into his best friend than me
Comments:
James: maybe
James: but i love u lots
Sirius: i just have better hair
Peter liked this comment
Sirius posted a new status: maybe i should switch my major
three angry reactions
Comments:
Remus: i s2g black
Peter posted a new status: i thought being an adult included being able to buy your own milk
Comments:
James: I think you’re trying to say something here?
Lily sent James a private message: i want a cat
James: gimmie a sec
Lily posted a new status: his name rob, short for robbery
48 likes
Comments:
Sirius: dogs r better stfu with that kitten propaganda
Peter: are you telling me that james can't buy his own milk but will get his girlfriend a cat? omg
Remus posted a new status: maybe if sirius stopped sitting on top of the fridge i’d have less heart attacks
Peter messaged felons or falcons: what happened to my milk
James: not me
Peter: u r such trash wtf jimothy
James sent Sirius a private message: u took the milk didn’t u
Sirius: hellz yeahz
James: ily
Sirus: ily2
Sirius posted a new status: STFU actually mean sneaky tricky Finnish unicorns FYI
Comments:
Lily: STFU
James, Remus and Peter like this comment.
Peter messaged the support group 4 friends of sirius black: sirius has defiled the roommate group chat with fox gifs
James: he’s been playing the song on loop
James: im trying to seduce lily into putting down her book and he’s killing vibes
Remus: try flowers
James: YES I CAN GET HER LILIES
James Potter signed off
Remus: WAIT NO
Peter: chillllllllll
Remus: SHE’S ALLERGIC TO LILIES
Peter: WAIT NO
James posted a photo: just killing time in hospital waiting rooms
Comments:
Sirius: or killing your gf?
Sirius sent Peter a private message: did we have homework??
Peter: wtf
Peter: we have no classes together
Peter: y don’t u ever do to your own classes?????
Sirius: dunno
Sirius: reckon james’s knows what we had for homework?
Peter: he’s in business and has 0 film classes since his first year elective
Sirius: rats
Peter posted 7 new photos: the aftermath of a sirius black christmas party
Comments:
James: oh god
Remus: wtf is sirius doing
Lily: ah yes
Lily: this is y i woke up to the feeling of regret
Sirius created a new group: a siriusly black christmas party take 2
0 people attending | 444 people invited
Remus posted a new status: playing cards against humanity has made me question everything about sirius and james
Lily posted on Remus’s timeline: ever wanna play cards against humanity for her?
Severus Snape sent Lily a friends request!
Accept | Decline
James messaged felons or falcons: that creep snape is trying to crawl back into lily’s good graces again
Remus: remind me of this blood feud please
Sirius: HE’S SUCH A CREEP
Peter: omg no
James: they were like besties in high school and stuff
James: but he got like racist and even more stupid, shockingly
James: and first year he called her a slut? It was weird
James: and he’s like a distant cousin on my mom’s side and we’ve hated each other for years.
Remus: is he the guy you spilled water on
James: I was 5
James: and honestly if you saw his hair you’d thank me
Sirius posted a new status: FYI means: for your information
88 likes
Comments:
Remus: this was true character development, I’m proud of you.
Lily added 24 new photos to the album senior year
Comments:
Sirius: y is every photo u take of me blurry
Lily: weird
James messaged felons or falcons: i can’t believe this
James: the love of my life has a diary hidden beneath her pillow
Sirius: break up with her
Peter: agreed
Remus: you guys stfu james, some people like to journal their feelings
James: but its a diary
Remus: yeah i know thats pretty awful you should consider breaking up with her
Sirius: yo read it
James: OMG
James sent 6 photos
Peter: is that a murder plan?
James: WITH A MURDER LIST
Sirius: is it good that im at the top
Remus sent a private message to Lily: you made that diary as a joke didn’t you?
Lily: james fell for it didn’t he?
Remus 100%
Lily: sucker
Sirius sent Remus 3 new Candy Crush requests!
Remus posted a new status: all friendships end when they find your emergency stash of chocolate
Comments:
Peter: omg you’re basically willy wonka
Lily: i’ve never seen that much chocolate in one place ever
Peter posted a new status: Sirius “im not drunk im just drunkish” Black is probably a lot drunk right now
58 likes
Comments:
Remus: ITS 10AM MONDAY WHY IS HE DRUNK
James: *without me
Remus: why james
Lily posted a new status: looking for new dress for grad but nothing has pockets
Sirius messaged felons and falcons: u guys suck for graduating
James: ur graduating as well??
Sirius: BUT YOU’RE LEAVING ME
Remus: i don’t think we could ever escape you tbh
Peter: he does have a stash of zipties
James: we also renewed the lease? all 4 of us?
Sirius: oh
Sirius: right
Remus sent Sirius a private message: i can see u playing candy crush
Remus: stop
Remus: this is graduation
Remus: stop sending me candy crush notifications
Sirius sent Remus 78 new candy crush invites
James posted 3 new photos: when you’re bored af because some people can’t stop talking
Comments:
Remus: thats the dean of the university you idiot
Lily: yeah but like what a bore
Remus: u r both the worst
Peter posted a new status: after 4 years of university James Potter still doesn’t know how to buy his own milk
Lily posted a new status: greetings, school debt
Peter posted a new life event:
homelessness and joblessness and a shiny new diploma!
88 likes
Remus posted one new photo: we look like wizards in robes but at least one and a half of us are fully mature adults
3 love reactions