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Lance, like the rest of the team, hasn’t been getting enough sleep. He’s tired, plagued nightmares and what ifs, his mind going to places he never would have gone to, and not having enough energy to divert his train of thought.
They’ve been looking for this comet for what feels like forever, and Lance just has too much on his mind. They’ve been through a lot lately, with hearing about the tales of the Paladins of old, looking for the comet and trying to stop Lotor. It’s a heavy weight on all of them, but Lance can’t up but feel like something’s up.
Specifically with Shiro.
Ignoring Lance’s problem with nightmares and the comet, Shiro presents a whole new one. Lance was overjoyed that his hero, his leader was back, but looking back at it, Shiro had been gone a month at most.
Lance knows a lot of facts. He knows that Play-doh was supposed to be a wall cleaner, pteronophobia is the fear of being tickled by feathers, and that a flock of crows is called a murder.
He also knows that, on average, human hair grows about 0.5 inches in one month.
Shiro went missing for a month, maybe more, maybe less.
So why was Shiro’s hair so long when they found him?
“Lance?”
Lance sits up in his seat quickly, not realizing he had spaced out. He glances nervously to where Shiro is, standing behind Keith’s chair.
God, he’s not sure he can get used to that.
“Yeah?” Lance says.
“We lost you for a second. Are you alright?”
Lance nods, though he has to mentally do a double take as he looks over Shiro, who looks nothing like the Shiro he knew, nothing like the Shiro they found-
“I’m just a little tired.” He says, looking back at the blue screen. The letters and words blur together a bit.
“We’re all tired.” Hunk says, words almost slurring together. Looking over, Lance can see that he has one elbow propped on the arm of the chair, head resting on his hand. Lance looks away from him to look at Pidge.
Pidge has her glasses pushed up, resting in her nest of hair, and she’s squinting at the screen. The sleeves of her shirt are rolled up at her elbows, and he can see the dark circles under her eyes from where she shits.
Eyes casting around the room, Allura, Coran and Keith all look exhausted. The only one who looks like they could run a marathon is Shiro.
Which is weird, because he just escaped from Galra capture again, and everyone knows he hasn’t been sleeping either. So why doesn’t he look tired?
“Maybe we should take a break,” Keith says. “We’ve been looking for hours. Nothing has come up.”
“There has to be something.” Shiro insists. Keith rolls his eyes, and Lance raises an eyebrow at him. Keith makes eye contact, and spares him a small flicker of a smile, something that he’s been doing a lot lately. Lance allows a small smile, before he looks back at the blue screen.
“We’ll find something when we’ve all rested. It’s been a rough couple of days for us,” Coran says. Lance rubs at his eyes.
He wants to sleep, more than anything right now, but if he does, he knows that his night terrors and dark thoughts will really get to him, and the only thing he’ll do is stare at the dark ceiling of his room.
“Alright. We can eat, then get some rest. But tomorrow, we look again.” Shiro says. Hunk stands, slow and sluggish while Shiro heads for the door. Coran gently guides Allura away, and Hunk picks Pidge up carefully. Lance slumps in his seat and lets his eyes shut, just for a quick moment. He takes a deep breath, feeling sleep already trying to creep up on him. The thought of eating makes his stomach drop and his throat close up a bit.
“Hey, you okay?”
Lance opens on eye and sees Keith standing there, next to his chair. Lance nods and forces himself to sit up.
“Yeah, I’m just tired.”
“I can tell. Have you been sleeping at all lately?” Keith asks, narrowing his eyes a bit. Lance shrugs.
“Here and there.”
“That’s not healthy.”
Lance stands, slow and stretches his back. It pops, the feeling waking him up enough just to probably walk to his room. He looks at Keith, a tired grin on his face.
“Look who’s talking, Mr. I’m-gonna-go-live-in-the-desert-for-a-year.”
Keith raises both his eyebrows, though he gives Lance a small smile.
“Funny. Come on, we should go get something to eat.” He says. Lance shrugs, stepping past him.
“I think I’m just gonna hit the hay. I’ll eat in the morning.” He says, waving one hand dismissively.
“Are you sure?” Keith asks, falling in step with Lance. It’s weird, but it sends a warm feeling through his bones, and a fuzzy feeling rests in his chest.
“Positive. You go eat if you want to. I’ll see you in the morning.” He says.
Keith bites his lip. “Okay, but just remember that if you need anything, I’m right next door.”
Lance grins as they begin to part ways. “Can’t forget it.”
Keith smiles at him, and it sends his heart into overdrive. Lance allows his grin to melt into a soft smile, gentle and welcoming, just like when he had talked to Keith in his room.
It takes a moment for him to realize that they’re staring at each other, not walking in the directions they need to go. Just staring at each other, like they’re the only thing that matters now.
Lance clears his throat, quickly turning his head away.
“See you in the morning?” He offers, looking at Keith through his lashes. He nods, not meeting Lance’s gaze.
“Y-yeah. In the morning.”
Lance nods, curt and fast, then turns and walks down the hallway to his room, trying not to break out into a sprint out of nervousness.
When he gets to his room, Lance screams into his pillow.
-
He’s not sure when he fell asleep, but he wakes up in a cold sweat, eyes wide and trying to stifle a yell. It comes out broken, but still loud. He lets a hand fall to his chest, where he was-
Where he could have-
If Sven-
Lance takes a shaky breath, then holds it for seven seconds. He lets it go for eight.
He repeats as necessary, breathing in for four, hold for seven, out for eight.
It takes a while, but soon he feels his heart beat even out, as does his breathing. He relaxes and shrugs his jacket off, still feeling too hot from the nightmare. He leans against the metal headboard of his bed, letting his eyes flutter shut.
Someone knocks at his door. Lance opens his eyes, then moves off of the bed. He kicks his shoes off quickly, realizing that he slept with them on (who does that?) and goes to open the door.
Keith is standing there, looking concerned. He’s not wearing his jacket or his belt.
“Are you okay? I thought I heard yelling in here.” He asks. Lance blinks in surprise.
“I’m fine, no one was yelling. You probably just heard something with the castle.” He tries, crossing his arms. Keith tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed.
“And that’s supposed to reassure me how?”
Lance shrugs. “I don’t know, but I’m fine. You woke me up.”
Keith’s stiff stance drops, instead looking unimpressed.
“You’re in your clothes.”
“And?”
“You don’t sleep with your clothes on.”
Lance’s eyes widen in surprise, until he drops it for a smug facade. “Oh what, you been paying attention to me now?”
Keith doesn’t waver. “I’m living in a giant castle with only six other people, of course I’m going to pay attention to people!” He retorts.
Lance shrugs. “Ah well, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
Keith presses his lips together. “Did you have a nightmare?”
Lance’s eyes widen, his smirk dropping. “Uh, n-no. Nightmares? Psh, I-I haven’t had one of those since I was a-”
“Lance.”
Keith voice, both concerned and annoyed, cut through Lance’s words and make him stop. He hands his head and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
“Fine, I had a stupid nightmare. You happy now?”
“Nightmares aren’t stupid Lance. What was it about?”
Lance bites his lip, then sighs. He steps aside, and gestures for Keith to come in. He does so hesitantly, eyeing Lance warily. Lance just sits on his bed, and pats the spot next to him. Keith pauses, then does so.
“It just… Remember the whole alternate reality thing?”
“Well yeah, that’s how we lost the comet.” Lance nods. He scoots back a little on the bed, and brings his legs up to his chest.
“I keep thinking- what if Sven hadn’t taken that hit for me? What if I had gotten hit?” He blurts. “What if- what if I had gotten hit and didn’t make it? I could have died, Keith, and now we don’t know if Sven’s okay because he’s from an alternate reality-”
Keith places a hand on Lance’s shoulder, and Lance takes a deep, shuddering breath.
“Believe me, I honestly thought you were going to get hit. When Sven took that hit for you, I felt beyond relieved, then worried for him. But the Slav in that reality said that he’ll be fine, so we can only hope.”
Keith pauses, almost as if to collect his thoughts. Lance watches, nervous. Keith moves back a bit, to be sitting even with Lance.
“I was so, so worried for you, before Sven took the hit. I… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The words make Lance’s heart jump to his throat, and he breathes in sharply.
“You’ve become extremely important to me, and sometimes I have the same thoughts, the same what ifs, but you’re here, and you’re alive, and you’re still my right hand man, so that’s gotta count for something, right?”
Keith looks at Lance, his right eye crunched a little with a small, dopey smile on his face that makes Lance’s stomach drop and swoop, rinse and repeat. He smiles back at him, feeling his face flush a bit.
They stay like that, just the two of them, in that moment, as if nothing else matters.
Because really, Lance thinks, as he moves forward to pull Keith into a hug, surprising him before he responds, nothing does. The comet, Lotor, Shiro-
All that matter to him right now, is that he’s alive, and the boy wrapped in his arms.