Work Text:
https://68.media.tumblr.com/070d5c6ef34bdb1bf44b107527bd3c6d/tumblr_oqvowkHBzb1w6dkimo1_400.gif
(partially inspired by this <3)
Schedules waited for no one, even feverish nineteen year-olds.
When Seokjin's (incredibly annoying) alarm clock went off at an insultingly early time, Jeongguk's first thought was one of dread.
It felt like a load of bricks was on his chest, his throat had been rubbed raw with sandpaper, and cotton was shoved in his nose and ears. And they were flying to Japan in just a few hours. Fantastic. His body had the best timing.
Reluctantly, Jeongguk rolled himself out of bed, determined not to let his.... sickness, if that's what this was, get in the way of anything. He couldn't worry his hyungs with anything else at the moment.
Ever since the group had found out about his anxiety, they had been extremely attentive and protective over him. They had even sat him down and discussed triggers, coping mechanisms, and agreed to use a scale of one to ten as an alert system to the rest of them to indicate where his anxiety was at should it flare unexpectedly. Then, the next day, he was taken to the doctor and had been prescribed some anxiety meds for days when they would be in the public eye. Just in case.
And he wasn't saying that he didn't appreciate all their efforts; he did, God he really did. But to cause them any more stress seemed like a sin, especially since Hoseok wasn't all too fond of flying.
Hopefully, he could make it smoothly through the airport without drawing their attention to his state. Then he could simply nap on the plane and take the edge off of it.
But, Jeongguk had to admit that there was definitely a reason he hadn't actively pursued an acting career. Even though he was good at adopting a stage persona and modelling... He knew he wore his heart on his sleeve around those he trusted, whether he meant to or not.
And he definitely trusted his hyungs.
But.... If it was for their own sake, surely he would be able to pull it off, right? He'd give it his best shot.
So far, so good. Jeongguk had finished packing and dressed himself without any of his fellow members suspecting a thing. His earbuds were in, some Zion.T playing soothingly as he leaned against the wall in the kitchen, waiting for the rest of the boys to finish getting ready and hoping that the pounding behind his eyes would fade.
They eventually all made their way downstairs and were just waiting on Taehyung to join them when the tickle in the back of his throat couldn't be ignored. One cough turned to two, two turned to three, and then he was choking on the amount of phlegm clogging up his throat.
Vaguely, Jeongguk heard a small cry of alarm, and then there was a hand pounding his back, and two more keeping him from keeling over.
He managed to catch his breath and he leaned back against the wall, finding the thumper to be Seokjin and Hoseok the one to have been holding him steady.
"Gguk-ah, are you alright?" Seokjin peered at him in concern.
Jeongguk forced himself to smile sheepishly. "Yeah, just swallowed funny."
Jimin giggled. "Swallowed what funny? Your own spit?"
Jeongguk looked down and hoped they all mistook his flush for embarrassment instead of the fever raging in his body. Judging by the laughter he was met with, they did.
"Alright crew, let's put our luggage in the car. If Tae takes any longer we'll just have to leave him behind." Namjoon said the second sentence significantly louder, only to be met with an indignant squawk from upstairs.
Hoseok snorted and the rest of the members picked up their bags and headed out to the waiting van.
Jeongguk stayed back for a minute, pretending to be struggling to get all his things together. When he was alone in the room, he once again leaned back against the wall, eyes shut, and screwed his face tight up against the ache that seemed to be everywhere.
After a moment of giving into the pain, he sighed and opened his eyes, only to let out a sharp cry when he found Taehyung's face mere inches from Jeongguk's own, eyes narrowed.
"God, Tae-hyung, you almost gave me a heart attack," he accused, hand on his chest, breath slightly heavier than before.
"Mhmm, now what's up with you? And don't give me any of that 'I choked on spit' bull, I saw your face just now."
Jeongguk lowered his eyes and replied quietly, "nothing hyung, just a little headache. Honestly, I'm fine, and hyungs are outside waiting on us, we should go now before we miss our flight or something."
Taehyung scoffed and Jeongguk shifted uneasily. He quickly leaned down and made to grab his bags, but before he could go to move away, Taehyung's hands had pushed him back up again and against the wall, forcing him to meet his hyung's frustrated gaze.
"Stop. Just stop, okay? I know you always want to be the strong type and not 'burden' us with all your problems, but don't you get it? We want you to, all of us. We, I, love you, we all care about you, and we want to care for you as well. But you have to let us in in order for that to happen, yeah?" His gaze softened. "After all that's happened lately, I'd think you'd be okay coming to at least one of us if something was wrong. We aren't going to turn against you, you know."
Jeongguk stared, wide-eyed, at his hyung. Even though Taehyung tended to be pegged as a spacey, airheaded type of guy, he often proved himself to be anything but. His perception of others' emotions, especially those of his members, was absolutely uncanny.
Well, he couldn't exactly lie to his face after that whole spiel.
Sighing, he tilted his head forward to rest on Taehyung's shoulder and whispered, "I think I'm sick hyung. Like... Really sick. Everything hurts, but these schedules can't be undone and I don't want to bother the hyungs because they're already doing so much for me because you all know about the whole anxiety thing and I just don't want to be a bother and Hobi-hyung hates flying so I don't want to be selfish and I don't want anyone -"
Taehyung cut him off when his voice began to take on a panicky edge. "Shh, it's gonna be okay Gukkie. I promise. We don't have to tell the rest of them, yeah? When something's wrong, you don't have to alert all of us if you're uncomfortable. But you do need to tell one of us when something's wrong, just so we can make sure we can make sure you're doing okay." He gently lifted Jeongguk's head off of his shoulder and gave him a soft smile. "Maybe even intervene if you're in a particularly self-destructive mood. None of us will judge you either."
He swiftly planted a quick peck on Jeongguk's forehead and took a step back. "Now, I have ibuprofen in my bag, so we should be good there, you can nap in the car and on the plane. But onto more pressing matters, what do you think of this outfit? Is it too much? I felt like the Gucci belt might be a bit much, but I also felt like going out in public without some Gucci would be false representation of my impeccable sense of style. What do you think?" He turned dramatically back and forth, arms spread wide.
Jeongguk choked on a laugh and shot his youngest hyung a brilliant smile. This was why he loved Taehyung so much. He could read any situation, be serious and caring, then turn back to his bright and bubbly personality on a dime.
Before he could offer up a response to reassure the older that no, the belt wasn't too much, the door snapped open with a bang. "Jeongguk! Taehyung! You two better get out here now. Namjoon is seriously about to leave you both here and make you walk to the airport," Seokjin ran in, grabbing a couple of their bags and herding them both out the door.
The car ride was relatively uneventful. Taehyung squeezed next to him in the back and snuck him some ibuprofen and a water bottle, then let him sleep the remainder of the ride on his shoulder.
The trip through the airport, however, was significantly more eventful.
When they arrived, none of the other members said anything, but Jeongguk could feel their slightly concerned looks trained on him as he continued to cling to Taehyung. The painkillers had kicked in, and his body no longer felt like it had been hit by a bus, but his throat still felt much too raw for comfort and his head felt like a balloon.
Then the fans spotted them.
This, of course, was a normal experience, and usually quite an enjoyable one. It was nice to hear words of encouragement from their supporters, and sometimes they were given little gifts and snacks. But other times, it got a bit out of control.
Of course, Jeongguk thought, of course this would be one of those times.
A large, very loud, crowd of fans had formed, and as the members formed a single-file line through the security, he found himself pushed and pulled a small distance away from Taehyung.
As the fans grew more and more excited, the mob got more and more violent, and Jeongguk felt a familiar tug in his gut. It was too tight, there were too many people, and too much pushing touching shoving grabbing -
This was very much not good.
When curious hands managed to reach past security and grab at his back, at the warm hoodie he had on, at the strap of his backpack, it was the final straw.
A dull prickling picked up under his skin, and he crossed his arms tightly, scratching at the insides of his upper arms with his thumbnails, partly out of his agitation, partly to ground him self with the small, sharp pain.
One hand, more daring than the rest, grabbed the handle of his backpack and yanked backwards, hard. And even though he was strong enough to stay grounded, the fact that he knew that these people could destroy him if they really wanted to caused his chest to tighten and the prickling and agitation to increase tenfold. He couldn't even see his hyungs at this point, just a seemingly endless mass of bodies in front of him.
Jeongguk shoved himself forwards a bit and pulled out his phone with shaking hands. Taehyung always had his ringer on, and he had been listening to music through the airport, so Jeongguk knew that he, at least, would see his message right now. Opening up the group chat they had made for just such situations, he typed the number six and sent, then considered for a moment and sent the number seven instead.
Within moments, there was a parting in the crowd in front of him. Even though he could clearly see Taehyung trying to appear calm for the sake of the crowd, there was definitely panic in his eyes. As soon as his searching gaze landed on Jeongguk's shrinking form, he shoved his way towards him, and eventually behind him.
Jeongguk knew that they had to keep up appearances because of the publicity they always got from their trips through airports, so he forced a smile onto his face as Taehyung wrapped himself around Jeongguk's body, backpack and all, leaned forwards and whispered in his ear, "I'm a shield. I'm a bubble of safety. None of these people will get past me, you're safe. We're almost there, Kook."
He could feel Taehyung's familiar boxy grin being shot towards all the people around them as he propelled them through the crowd. And he knew that what Taehyung said was the truth.
He knew it was the truth because even though he had hated touch during the first panic attack they had all witnessed, Taehyung remembered that he told them that too many people around him made him claustrophobic and panicky, and that was the one of the only times that he wanted, no, needed, physical contact during the worst of it. When this kind of anxiety and agitation hit him, he needed that security, that reassurance. He needed to feel the warmth of someone trusted amongst all those uncaring (at least in his mind) faces.
And so, despite how he had freaked out the last time Taehyung touched him while in the throes of panic, his youngest hyung had wrapped himself into a bubble of warmth and security. He had logged that small detail of their whole discussion of his anxiety away in his mind. Because he cared about him. Because he loved him.
The strong pressure on his chest lightened just a bit at the thought.
When the two of them emerged from the crowd and into the waiting area, Taehyung still wrapped around Jeongguk, giggling while the other pretended to groan in annoyance (though anyone who looked too closely would notice how Jeongguk's hands clutched at the ones currently wrapped around his waist), they were greeted by the sight of five panicky hyungs. Five sets of eyes frantically searched before finally latching onto them, slightly relaxing when they saw how Taehyung's body was practically molded to their youngest member's back. Yoongi was the first to reach them.
"Gguk-ah, we just saw your text, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Where are you at now? What do you need?" Quick assessment from the rapper.
He sent a slightly shaky smile to all of the concerned faces looking at him and quietly replied, "I'm okay, maybe five, and I think I'd like to go to the restroom for a moment."
Before anyone could say anything, Jimin stepped forward. "I'll go with you Kookie," and offered his arm, along with a warm smile.
Reluctantly, he peeled himself away from Taehyung's warm embrace, placed his bags on the ground and headed towards the bathroom, immediately feeling a bit better when Jimin pressed into him from thigh to shoulder, one arm wrapped around him, seemingly casually to any passers-by.
As soon as they arrived, he went to a stall and locked the door, turning around and slid his back down it, covering his mouth as more panic overwhelmed him.
The meds were wearing off, and every ache and pain was beginning to overwhelm him. That, coupled with the anxiety coursing through his veins, formed a deadly cocktail of panic. He felt his breathing become shakier and more unstable and wow he sure was loud just like everything he does, so attention seeking can't even walk through a damn airport without having a meltdown what kind of idol -
Sharp, quick knocks sounded on the door behind him.
"Kook," Jimin sounded panicked himself. "I need you to open the door."
A whimper forced itself passed his hand, still clamped over his lips.
"Please, sweetheart, open the door, okay?"
And maybe the endearment that always slipped out when Jimin was sad for or worried about him made him less stubborn, because he reached up and unlocked the door, scooting back just enough for his small hyung to open it and slide himself in before shutting the door behind him and squeezing against the wall opposite Jeongguk.
The dancer tentatively reached out his arms. "Gguk, are you.... Is it okay if...?" He let his question trail off, and in lieu of an answer, Jeongguk launched himself across the small space into his hyung's waiting arms, burying his face into Jimin's neck and shuddering with the force of his repressed sobs. See see see they care it doesn't matter if I'm perfect (yes it does) they love me it's okay he cares (no he doesn't) you're wrong you're wrong
Jimin rubbed one hand up and down Jeongguk's back, the other soothingly on the back of his neck. "Hey, sweetheart, it's okay. We love you, and you're gonna be okay. And it's fine that you're not fine. What do you need, sweetheart? What can I do to help you?" He doesn't actually care, you can't say what you're actually thinking right now it's rude, but that's right you're selfish so you're gonna ask anyways aren't you but he asked you a question why aren't you answering you're wasting his time but what else is new
But there was one person Jeongguk wanted right then, and maybe he really was selfish, but he did. His shaky breaths made him stutter, but he forced out, "Tae, need Tae," before breathing became a little bit too hard. Jimin, bless his soul, wasn't offended at all. He understood. They listened they listened they know they understand it's okay to feel this way (no it isn't)
He watched through tear-caked lashes as Jimin fired off a quick text and went back to rubbing his back and whispering sweet reassurances in his ear. Within moments the door to the bathroom swung open and footsteps raced into the room. Panicked whispers of their names echoed off the tiled walls, and Jimin reached one arm up to unlock the stall and open it, revealing a very distressed Taehyung, who calmed down the moment he spotted them.
Jimin shifted, gently giving Taehyung his place on the floor holding Jeongguk against his chest, and knelt beside them, running his fingers through Jeongguk's sweaty bangs, pushing them off his face.
Taehyung looked down at him and frowned. "Gguk-ah... I'm assuming you didn't take your anxiety medicine this morning?"
Jeongguk shook his head, "'M out."
"Well why didn't you tell us, sweetheart?" Jimin sounded confused.
"Forgot. 'M sorry." Though breathing was much easier and the shaking had subsided, speaking was becoming difficult as exhaustion, pure and thick, washed over him.
The voices of the two other boys registered vaguely in his consciousness, but he was fighting to stay awake, and honestly couldn't make out what they were saying. Suddenly Taehyung's large hand slid up his back and gripped the back of his neck to grab his attention.
"Jimin, could you please make sure I still have ibuprofen in my bag? If I don't see if the hyungs can get more. And if you could get some menthol and... Cough drops?" Taehyung's voice rose up in question and he glanced down at Jeongguk, who nodded. "Yes, cough drops, as well, that would be amazing. We'll be out in a minute to board."
Jimin looked confused for a moment before understanding dawned on his face. He nodded and ran his fingers through Jeongguk's hair once more before walking quickly out to fetch said items.
Taehyung looked down at the drooping boy in his arms. "Poor baby... Anxiety attacks take the same amount of energy out of you as running a marathon does. That, coupled with how sick you are... I can't even begin to imagine how exhausted you are." He pressed a kiss to Jeongguk's temple. "You can sleep on the plane, after we get some medicine in you, okay?"
Jeongguk nodded, too tired to feel any residual anxiety and just relieved that the worst was over.
Jeongguk remained limp and pliant in Taehyung's arms as he stood up with his dongsaeng carefully held bridal style. They had already been placed in the first-class lounge, and no one else would be there, so being spotted in this somewhat.... compromising position shouldn't be a problem. And if it was... Well, they'd deal with that if it happened.
Namjoon was the first to greet them when he walked out into the lounge. "Why didn't you tell us he was sick?" He gestured to the barely-awake puddle of limbs in Taehyung's arms, an upset tone to his question.
Taehyung just gave him a sad smile, gently swaying Jeongguk side to side like you would with a child, and replied, "He asked me not to. You know how he is, he didn't want to cause any more trouble than he 'already has'," Taehyung rolled his eyes at that. "especially with Hobi-hyung's fear of flying." He tilted his head to where Hoseok sat, slightly paler than normal, with Yoongi's arm around his shoulders, both of them trained on their conversation. Hoseok's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth, but Taehyung cut him off before he could begin. "Like I said, you know how stubborn he is. I gave him some ibuprofen, said he could nap on the plane and he was okay, but his panic attack made it worse."
Namjoon nodded, seemingly satisfied with the explanation, and Seokjin walked closer to rub Jeongguk's back. "Come on love, we need to give you some medicine before we board the plane, then you can sleep all you want, okay?"
That was another thing. Ever since they had all found out about his anxiety disorder, he had noticed that each had adopted little terms of endearment that slipped out when he was in a bad headspace. Not that he was complaining, not by any means. Just hearing them made him feel a little better.
Still in Taehyung's arms, he managed to swallow down some ibuprofen, and was sucking on a cough drop while Seokjin rubbed menthol on his chest, when they were finally called to board.
Between the five of them, the other members managed to carry their luggage, along with Taehyung and Jeongguk's, storing them in the respective containers/under chairs while the two youngest got settled.
Once they were all loaded aboard (Yoongi and Namjoon placed with Hoseok in the middle of them), Jimin asked for a bottle of water from a kind stewardess before they took off and once they began their ascent, turned and passed it from where he and Seokjin were sitting back to Taehyung with a small smile. He gestured with his head for Taehyung to look over at Jeongguk, who was sitting next to him and looking out the window at the land rapidly shrinking below, eyes barely open.
"Gguk-ah, you can sleep now," he whispered quietly, leaning over to press another reassuring kiss to Jeongguk's forehead. "I'll wake you up when we arrive, and everything's taken care of. Just rest, baby. We're all here." Jeongguk smiled tiredly at him, reaching over and closing the window before making himself a little more comfortable with a blanket he had shoved into his bag.
He shifted over and laid his head on Taehyung's shoulder and allowed sleep to take him, secure in the knowledge that he was safe.
He was with his family, and he was safe.